Spoiler Alert… The answer is just Nothing.
I’m an all or nothin kind of girl. You know, I don’t have it in me to do things “half-ass.” I just don’t. Sometimes I wish I could, you know. Just do a thing and get as far as I get and say “good enough.” Believe me, I’ve tried.
That’s why this work-life balance puzzle has been so rough. I’m sure my company knows that. I’m positive that they know that if they ask for my involvement, I’ll be in it to win it through to the end. We can all look back and agree that what they asked for was “as much as I wanted to offer.” But the reality is that if I’m given a job to do, I’m never gonna say “I’ve worked my quota this week so the rest of this pile will just have to wait.”
I’ll keep putting in the hours until it’s done and done right. And then my husband will come home from work and ask what I did that day. And it includes just work and more work and nothing he’s asked me to do. I know it’s bad when I hear the garage door go up and I rush downstairs to take the trash out or unload the dishwasher or fold the towels so it appears I’ve done an ounce of something supportive of our household.
In truth, I’m just not very domestic. I’d rather work than do house chores. I might complain at times but I almost always enjoy my job. That’s why quitting was such a tough decision to make. But I did it.
If it has to be too much or nothing, I’m gonna try nothing on for size for a while. I’ve told a few folks. People ask “what are you gonna do now?” The truth is, I don’t know. Be a better wife and mother. Try to be a writer for real. Or something else? 🤷♀️
Will I be busy or bored? I know when I took time off in 2017, it was fantastic. I worked on myself and my health like a boss and it was great. I was happy and took my kids on some seriously wicked good vacations. And I re-discovered how much satisfaction I get from making art.
I started dating again and enrolled in an MFA program. Toward the end of that 6 months I re-engaged with society and figured out what I wanted from a job. Figured out that what I wanted was a job and not a career. And I was picky about it. It was going to be the right job accepted on my terms. That’s exactly what I found.
That was at the end of 2017 and the company I was hired on at was the same one I quit from this week (though I of course Agreed to stay on through soft-launch at the end of September).
In the past 2.5 years with them, I’ve learned a lot about myself and probably also more about how corporate culture works no matter how small the company is. In the past 2 years my life has also been altered in some pretty significant ways.
When I took that “part time, 25 hour a week gig”, I could not have imagined I would be meeting my future husband. Or moving or getting married or having step-children. Nope. There’s no crystal ball folks and life is so very unpredictable.
Now it’s almost 3 years later and I’m almost done with that MFA program and looking forward to the future.
Perhaps I’m still trying to convince myself that my decision to quit is still solid, and that’s the reason for this post. I mean, the horse has been beat dead for a while now where this blog is concerned. Why am I still writing about it? There has to be a reason.
It’s Wednesday and I’m taking the day off. Cuz, like I said it’s all or nothing and today I’m choosing nothing.
Which is, of course, not really nothing.
Instead I’m going to a doctors appointment and lunch with my mom and drive my son to and from school. I’m gonna catch up on some correspondence and have a friend over for a backyard happy hour this afternoon. And then hopefully roll into the evening with a bit more vim and vigor than I usually have. Sounds pretty great right?!
Anyway. My hour is up. Time to get on doing all that nothing. 😜
Cheers to Hump-Day!