Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, the sudden and drastic health issues my mom has suffered from and will continue to suffer from for an unforeseeable number of months to come. Somehow I need to find balance. I can’t let it take over my life.
The last three weeks were a rolling set of circumstances which required more of my time than the average contract. It was a good reminder how difficult it is to manage work and home and kids and how, too often, the “self” gets neglected.
I equate the time I’ve spent in the hospital and now at my moms beck and call at her house to a work contract because that’s exactly what it feels like. An obligation to “do” for someone else without a lot of reward or satisfaction. I do it cuz what choice do I have. Just like most jobs.
Last night I got my first mental break. I mean it’s not like I was required to be at the hospital all day but mentally my focus was on my mom and her situation constantly. So it’s sort of like it took over my life. When my sister showed up at the house yesterday, and I got in my car and drove away, I released my mind from thinking about it.
It was easy, actually. I drove home and promptly showered because I needed time for my hair to dry before my double date last night. I checked in with both my kids and made sure they were doing good (they have been wonderfully independent and understanding in all this thus far) and I then scrambled to finish getting ready before our early meet-up time of 5:00.
What are we like 70? Who meets to go to dinner at 5? Haha!
Going out was fun. Having drinks and appetizers and a meal at a restaurant seemed like a damn vacation after the isolation of the pandemic and the designated daughter status I’ve endured these last few weeks.
The double date itself was a test. We were meeting this new girl for the first time and it felt like too much was riding on our opinion to enjoy that part of it. I also didn’t get to spend too many moments talking to her alone to really get a sense of her or the dynamic of this potential relationship.
Jim’s partner in practice is coming back over to the house today so the three of us can discuss. That’s what happens when you get three left brain analytical nerds on the case. Feels like a post date eval session. That poor girl! 🤣
She’s a physician too so really I’m the odd one out. Part of dinner last night (a large part) was shop talk and I was like 🙄 …. boooooorrrring! At times it felt a little like swinging dicks, if you know what I mean. And I’m done with trying to impress people with my accomplishments. But at least with all that I could just sink into the booth and not worry about what to talk about.
Poetry never came up. My former career never came up. I brought up my kids at dinner, but that line of conversation lasted about a hot 30 seconds before it switched again back to something else.
After dinner they came over to our house and we gave her a partial tour and had another drink. We were done pretty early as both Jim and his partner had to work at 8am this morning. I was thankful for the early night because I was quite exhausted. All I really wanted was to lay in my own bed and let sleep take the wheel. And that’s exactly what I did.
Waking up today, I feel pretty good. I’m not looking forward to going back to my moms and going to put that off for as long as possible. I’ve got a few things to get done this weekend but really want to find that balance and give myself some “me” time too. (Part of that is the walk I’m on right now).
On that note.. my times up.
Cheers to the weekend and the Quest for balance,