2022-09-28 Destined to Fail… 🩸


I’m not worried about my health because I’m in great shape for my age. I’ll probably be saying that for the next 30 years. As I age, all the parts of my body that fail will likely be very appropriate for whatever age I might be when that happens. It’s been true for my eyes (reading glasses at 46), my slowing metabolism (stubborn fat collecting in all the typical female places), and the spots once considered freckles that are growing into familiar telltale signs of a long life under our brilliant sun. 

These are all things people can see on the outside, and therefore what I’m most concerned with as a self-centered human. But what’s on the inside? A mind that’s not as sharp as it used to be. A resting heart rate that climbs as I can’t get the cardio like I once could. And now, as of my last yearly general check up, slightly elevated blood pressure and blood sugar and low hemoglobin which means I’m slightly anemic. 

That last one is no surprise though. I’ve had ups and downs with that my whole life and I know for a fact because of my blood donation journey. I used to fail to pass the health screening about 70% of the time because of low iron and subsequently pump myself full of red meat and iron supplements until I passed. 

As of late it seems I’ve gotten the routine down to enough of a science I only fail about 30% of the time. When my donation date approaches, I begin adding in the supplements so by the time the day arrives, my system has been saturated with iron. 

This is relevant today both because my MD visit late last week showed I was, yet again, anemic and also because today is my appointment to donate. In about an hour actually. So I’m very likely going to fail. It’s comforting in a way, though just to know it and get that extra knowledge about how much I’ve been able to impact my reading since last Friday with the iron and vitamin C I’ve been pounding. 

Fingers crossed anyhow. Would be nice to get this one done before I skip town again. Yes, I’m on the verge of another vacation. It’s kinda like my new therapy. Instead of seeing a therapist, I just go on vacation again and that revives me from whatever my latest angst or slump is. 

As for the other physical health updates… not sure what’s up with the blood pressure reading as I’ve always had low blood pressure before and so that makes no sense. Also the elevated blood sugar coupled with the fact I gained like 10 pounds since I’ve seen my doctor last (two years ago in 2020) led him to suggest I lose five pounds. 

First of all, doc, IF I could lose 5 pounds I would have done it already but no matter how much I do or try to modify my eating behaviors I always fail and the weight will not come off. Believe me. 

And secondly, when I told my husband, he basically said that it made him want to stab my doctor in the eyeball. After all the work Jim has put in to ensure I feel ok with the weight gain, knowing my history of eating disorders, he was livid hearing this. He said to ignore Joe. He told me I’m perfect just the way I am. Very sweet. 

Funny story… they are brothers so he might very well be inclined to reach out to Joe and give him “what for” about the whole thing. Such a small world. 

Still, Joe’s point is not lost on me. He said my weight was actually fine, but he just doesn’t want to see me develop diabetes like my dad and his parents. That shit is more likely with the genes I was given so I just have to be more mindful. And I really would feel better if I could lose 5 pounds. If I could only do it the natural way and without resorting to extreme measures. 

What’s more likely at this point, as I usually gain weight on vacation, is that I let it all go for the sake of enjoying myself in Maine and then really try and formulate a healthy plan when I return home. That’s the story today anyway. 

As for my mental health… I’m still on the “wait a day and it will change” train. It really does depend on the day if I’m sad or anxious or feeling pretty good. It’s hard to predict. But the vacation is a good thing regardless. So excited to finally go leaf peeping in the Northeast US in autumn. We might just take a few days and drive into Canada. Wouldn’t that be cool??!! 

I’m not promising a full day by day, play by play, but I’m sure there will be some good photo ops that could show up in this blog. 

I suppose that’s it for now… It’s time to go fail.

Peace and love, 

~Miss SugarCookie


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