2020-09-28 Staring Down the Barrel of a Loaded…

… Dishwasher. 🤣

I didn’t hear the alarm go off this morning and when I heard the shower turn on I seriously thought about pretending to still be asleep through the morning routine. Allergies are kicking me in the ass this year and the 2am flair up that causes me to wake up with severe congestion and watering eyes has got to take a hike. I didn’t want to get out of bed.

But I did.

It’s my last Monday at my day job. That’s worth doing a happy dance over right? I suppose, if I could only get into that groove. I think I need caffeine.

This past weekend was pretty good. But I’m not in any mood to look back. Yesterday is yesterday’s news. The better plan would be to look forward… to the good, good life that’s unfurling before me.

3 more days of work and I’m piecing out on that gig. ☮️

There are also 3 more days left before the first issue of The Good Life Review lit mag goes live (if we can make it on time). I’m going to be a busy bee today loading content into pages. I’ll celebrate when that’s done. I’ve also been (in classic Miss SugarCookie form) procrastinating writing our “letter from the editor,” so that’s gotta make its way onto my daily to-do list pretty soon now.

Looking past this week, we wasted no time planning a bit of a post-employment getaway. We’re still in a pandemic, of course, so we can’t fly anywhere and Jim doesn’t have any more time off scheduled anytime soon, so we’re just going on a mini road-trip over a weekend in October.

He had a “staycation” not that long ago, but for me a staycation does not cut it because the house is really my job and if I can’t get away from that, I’m not going to get any real R & R. Plus, his son also decided to stay over all week and my daughter was here most of the week too. Which leads to messes and sinks full of dishes. Nope. I need to get away from the house to truly get away.

What else? October!! 🍁 The temps are dropping and the mums and pumpkins have made their ways to all the front porches. The trees are turning and leaves have started to fall. Though Autumn can be beautiful, it’s my second to last favorite season. Probably mostly because the beauty is so short lived and there’s always some random freeze reminding me that winter is just around the corner. Winter being, of course, my least favorite season. ❄️

Good gravy.. I’m feeling so brain mushy today. I think I just really need coffee.

Slow Playing the Day Away,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-27 It’s All Just So Rhetorical

It’s overcast and there’s a soft rain falling on the patio. I can hear low rumbles in the distance letting me know the sky is threatening somewhere, out there. But not here. Here there is a calm that only Sunday morning can bring.

The demons of Saturday Night have all stumbled to their beds and will not be seen or heard from for a while. It’s a welcome quiet. Still, I can’t just lay in my bed and listen to the rain. I still can’t close my eyes and let the overcast lull me back to sleep. How many times have I dreamed a life where that was possible? And of all the wishes I’ve been granted, why is that one so elusive?

That’s rhetorical. Because the answer is inconsequential. Like a lot of things, come to think of it.

Yesterday I had a lovely day. From start to finish. In the morning we loaded up our bikes and drove the short distance to Flannigan Lake for a ride on the paved path that circles it. 30 glorious minutes peddling and feeling the cool breeze against my face. I could have done a second lap but it was not in the cards for us.

We saw loads of geese and some ducks and a blue heron. At one point we got off our bikes and walked down close to the lake to spy on the roads and split open milkweed pods to set the seeds free.

There were not too many other humans, but enough. As I was speeding by I saw a guy pull a big fish that was hooked on the end of his fishing line out of the lake. I saw a family with scooters posing for pictures with the lake in the background. I saw a woman running with her dog that was tethered to her by a leash. That made me wonder who was running who since the dog was in the lead.

I saw a few women with double strollers. I had one of those for my babies once. I rarely used it. I truly regret all the time I wasted when they were that age on things that I thought were important. But spending a life lamenting regret is also a waste, so I’ve got to let that go.

I may look back years from now and regret all these hours on the treadmill when I could have been laying in bed listening to the rain with my love sleeping next to me. But can I ever change?

Again, rhetorical.

The rest of the day yesterday brought errands and planning a bit of a getaway for Jim and I and then a photo shoot out in the yard. I see you days ago I told Jim I really need some new pictures because the ones I’ve used in the past are either too old or not right for what I want them for. I mean, hopefully I will never need that professional business headshot I had done at JC Penny Portrait Studio in 2017 for my job hunt.

He got a ton of pictures and was very sweet trying to get a lot of diverse snaps at various places in our backyard. The fall colors are really starting to come in and it’s a perfect time for it. With a little cropping there are a few that could definitely work. I need to look again today with a fresh eye. And without my margarita colored glasses. Ha!

Today it would be good if it’s overcast and rainy all day as I’ve got a full set of stuff I need to get done. We’re finally ready to start creating the posts for the first issue of The Good Life Review” and that will keep me busy for much of the day. I’ve also got to write a letter from the Editor. The first of what I hope is many.

We’re also going to be rearranging the plants in our solarium as we brought inside all the ones we want to save from harsh Nebraska weather. The temps are about to take a dip and October can be so unpredictable. We could have a day like yesterday that feels like summer followed by a day that threatens frost. And the random October snowstorm is not out of the question. And although those hibiscus are beautiful.. they won’t save themselves.

I’d also love to dig up the gladiolus and dahlias and keep them safe over winter. Plant them again in spring. Yeah.. lots to do. That’s why I can’t stay in bed on a quiet Sunday morning. Too much to do. Isn’t that just ridiculous?

Don’t answer. It’s rhetorical. 😜

With Love and Hot Coffee with Too Much Sugar,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-25 Tides Don’t Turn

They’re relentless rolling towards the shore where waves crash like an unforgiving Kublai Kan. Or the resulting opiate inspired vision in dream. Just a fragment. A sliver of the largest moon that ever pulled the tide up with such reliable gravity. Such a tragedy that the only words to linger after the last line are ones about broken hearts.

Today is a strange day. Yesterday at about this same time, when I was thinking about today all I could think about was the fact that it’s my brothers birthday and also the 25 year anniversary of the day I started my first job as professional adult. I actually thought about that for a while and considered writing about it but the end of the world seemed more important.

Plus, the anniversary is today so I figured it would make for a better fit for today anyhow. But now it’s not.

Get this. I have (had) 4 days left working at my current job (Same professional line of work— different gig) and my boss tells me yesterday late in the day to take Friday off. What?!? That’s does not happen.

So instead of pontificating over the fact that my career is ending neatly at almost exactly 25 years to the day it started, I’m waking up to thoughts of writing poetry and beginning my journey catching up on stacks of books and lit magazines. With the day off, I also got a pass at getting up to make breakfast and ended up laying in bed with my laptop until like 9:30.

I revisited my spreadsheet of submissions and my Submittable account. I went through and marked all the recent rejections (I highlight them in light orange because it’s so much more pleasing than the red color that is oft associated with rejection). As I look through this spreadsheet I’m delighted by the few stripes of blue that have started to appear.

I colored in another row last week with that cornflower blue. I’ve got a poem that will be appearing in December in a journal that, like my beloved Good Life Review, is on its maiden voyage. The poems I had submitted there were one’s I had not submitted anywhere else and really, the whole process feels like a twisted crap shoot. The fact they picked up the one they did amazes me. Who knows what might appeal to someone or fit with what they are looking for? 🤷‍♀️

Oh to get into the heads of those editors!! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Still.. it gives rise to a warm fuzzy inside. Cozy like a cat stretched out by a crackling fireplace in the middle of winter.

So I had to send them a new bio and headshot. My headshot is not really a headshot, but it’s the best I’ve got right now. The new bio took me a bit as they wanted more words than I typically offer and just wasn’t sure how to beef it up.

Once that was done, I hunted for new places to submit. I took my time (still gloriously laying in bed) revising a few things for three different new places. That’s what delayed me by like 2 hours getting down to my treadmill. But I’ve got the day off so who cares!! 💃💃💃

And with that.. I’m now checking the weather and contemplating a bike ride and perhaps sitting out on the patio sipping an iced latte. Time to get down to figuring out what this jobless life is going to be like .. right!??!

Feels like it’s the perfect time to resurrect “First Draft Friday.” Again., it’s been so long since I’ve written anything new or worthy of sharing and I very much want to do that. The best place to start, of course, is by reading. That stack of books will be the perfect jumping off point. Yes??

My bro, the rocket scientist, is 49 today. He’s a brilliant person who is a good role model for what it looks like to live your best life. He’s nearly two years my senior but has never had much time for me. When we were kids he avoided me like the plague at school.

Now he makes stacks of cash working for Ball Aerospace on contracts for NASA and spends his free time hiking and climbing mountains near Boulder Colorado.

He’s never given me as much attention as he did that time I climbed a fourteener. I remember arriving back to the apartment I was staying at in CO after that climb and being exhausted out of my mind but not able to rest until I called him to tell him. We talked and talked and I was so pleased he was impressed with me. Guess I’d been waiting for a long time for that. Admiration from someone I’ve looked up to my whole life. Life is strange.

That saying.. “The tide is turning”.. where did that come from? Tides don’t turn do they. I mean they get larger and smaller but they don’t turn. Rivers never flow the opposite way. The toilet may flush down in the opposite direction, but only when you are in the opposite hemisphere. What gives?

Anyway. That’s it.. my hour is up.
Happy Birthday Bro,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-24 Could it Really Be?…

The End of Days. Have we finally tipped-toed (or trampled) too far into territory we can’t escape from?

Humans and their appetite for self destruction. Their inherent self-centered nature. Their insatiable need for more. We’re they destined for this end from the start of their days?

I say “they” and “their” when what I really mean is “we” and “our”. There is no escaping the fact that we are all in this together. But what is “this?”

As far as I’m aware no one alive predicted the vortex of doom that 2020 has become but humans have been spinning prophecy about the end times for a very long time.

These stories, rooted in religious beliefs and more recently dystopian fiction, have some strange appeal that makes them interesting commentaries on the state of our world in the present day. Why are we fascinated by revelations (maybe it’s just me)?

I did not have a religious upbringing but I still went through a period in my life that I thought reading and understanding the Bible was a good idea. I didn’t get very far. Despite all the juicy drama that I heard about, I just could not stick with it. And ultimately skipped to the last chapters to see how the story ends. (Which is what I always did with books that were too verbose when I was a teenager.)

This morning I’m pondering the possibility that we… the human species… have finally arrived at the last chapter. Hold tight with me now.

The Bible talks about plagues and cataclysmic global events. There’s fantastical things that occur to clear the place out. And how different is that from this life threatening virus showing up on scene this year?

It does not matter if it came into existence with some flick of mother nature’s wrist or engineered by some mad biological scientist in a lab somewhere. The ominous characteristic of affecting humans and not other species is curious. Yes, rooted and explained by science.. but damning none the less.

And if that was it.. we might consider ourselves lucky that we’ve just been decimated instead of becoming extinct. But that’s not it folks. Its compounded by fire raging because of the perfect combination of drought and the spark from a gender reveal party. It’s exacerbated by relentless extreme weather caused by global warming and melting polar ice-caps. These storms pummel coastlines around the globe with no sign of letting up.. and get worse each year. How much can be endured before people abandon their posts and migrate inland? It’s too late for that.. we’re too dependent.

And let us not forget the rage that rises within the individual human soul that incites violence at every turn. “No place to rest. No peace in war”. Check the daily news. Every day there’s something more.

So I ask again.. is this it? Have we arrived at the end of days?

Perhaps.. But wow. Aren’t the sunrises just incredible here.

Sipping Slowly,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-23 Random Facts About Having 4 Cats (Among Other Things)

  • Having four cats means you have to scoop litter boxes everyday.
  • This morning I started crying in my kitchen. I was loading the dishwasher when Alexa started telling me about memorial plans for Ruth B.G. as a part of my daily news briefing. I had not really grieved the loss yet. It just happened.
  • I have 6 days left at my job. And I’ve already logged like 24 hours this week. 🙄
  • Having four cats means there are cats everywhere you go in the house (mostly because they follow me around though).
  • Today I put on dirty clothes to carry out my morning routine cuz I wanted to wear my favorite sweatshirt and have been procrastinating doing laundry.
  • I had tickets to see Elton John in June of 2020. This was cancelled, of course, because of the arrival of the end times. Today I learn from the almighty in-box that the concert has been rescheduled for March 2022. Yeah. Not a typo. 2022. Hope he lives that long.
  • Having four cats means you don’t get a good night sleep unless you kick them ALL out of the bedroom. And sometimes you don’t get good sleep even then.
  • I’ve got some poetry that’s going to be published starting this week. A publisher that accepted ALL of the six poems I submitted to them. I keep thinking I should do more self-promo on social media. But that feels too much like having bronchitis.
  • I’m back to using my tiny SE first gen. Yesterday my daughter showed me how to increase the font so I can read without my glasses. That’s when you know you’ve officially arrived at old age.
  • Yesterday my daughter was tested for a thyroid condition. Her brother has Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and since that’s hereditary, we thought it would be good to rule that out for her. The results were swift and good. She doesn’t have it!
  • When you have four cats you spend a fair bit of your day loving them up. And as a consequence you don’t get other stuff done. I mean, like laundry and dishes and making the bed. And whatever else you can think of to blame on the cats.

That’s a wrap. Or a sub sandwich. Or.. better yet.. a Cheeseburger!

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-22 The Benzo Trap

How do I feel about benzodiazepines? The title says it but doesn’t do justice for calling it out as the devils candy that it is. It’s evil.

It’s a quick fix. An over prescribed band-aid which might have valid clinical use in a limited capacity for something, but not sleep. I’ll skip most of the backstory cuz that’s old news. All you really need to know is that I was taking it (started taking it) for sleep issues. And kept taking more and more “as needed.” Which is a dangerous way to give direction with a drug that has physical addiction properties.

I weened off of it really slowly, because the side effects of not taking it were terrible. I’ve heard people say that the withdrawal experienced is different for everyone. For me, it was this fucked up feeling in my head and an inability to focus. Oh, and I also my teeth hurt. Which was so bizarre but now that I know that it’s connected, It’s a classic tell. Which is to say, that I’m still experiencing these things to some degree now and again. Seems to be exacerbated by stress.

Yesterday was rotten. Which is why I’m writing this today. It’s been 27 days since the last dose (which was a tiny sliver of the prescribed amount) and I’m still feeling the side effects. It’s such a trap.

I started taking it for sleep issues and then kept taking it just to feel normal. When your brain is tricked into thinking “just a little dose and you can feel better” .. that’s when you know you are caught in a trap.

I mean, I’ve never been addicted to any drug before so I had no idea. And I’m sure it’s small potatoes compared to the heavy hitters, but it doesn’t mean that what I’m experiencing isn’t that bad.

My internist tells me it takes up to 6 weeks for that shit to clear the systems of the body. So I’m over half way there but good-freaking-gravy!! Just evil.

I was originally thinking I’d be right as rain by September. Then the step down was so slow that I wasn’t able to cut it completely until the end of August. So the new done-done looks like it’s going to be October.

Like I said, yesterday I was stressed. I felt my classic teeth hurting by 8:30 am, before I even started working. Then I had to endure all day through trying to get things done. Then, as if to add insult to injury, I could not sleep.

I had a flair up of allergies and was very congested. I ended up taking a Doxylamine succinate which did the trick eventually. But wow.. I did seriously consider the Xanax. Incredible!

Today is a new day and I’m glad I did not cave. And so far so good on the symptoms. My teeth don’t hurt and my head feels ok. My hormones are still bonkers but that’s a whole different story. 😜

The countdown is still on.. 7 more work days (if I don’t end up working the weekend again). Hopefully there will be no lingering side effects of quitting THAT! And when it’s done, it’s truly done done!

That’s it for today’s benzo/sleep/mental health update. Time to get to work.

Happy Taco Tuesday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-21 What’s the Truth Behind All the Drama

Last night I had a dream I could not shake. I mean.. I dreamt the dream and woke up multiple times and then fell back to sleep into the same scenario twice.

I’ve got a big assignment due for school. Something that’s going to take months of work and I’ve shown up to the scene empty-handed. I’ve procrastinated past the point of no return and have to ask for an extension. I ask for a day, when what I have to do can still not ever be done in a day.

I get a finger wag and stern talking to from my advisor. Her ass is on the line with this too somehow. I lie to her.

I tell her it’s almost done. That it just needs some polish. That I want it to be awesome and don’t want to wing it.

That last bit is true. I want the outcome to be a success. I really don’t want to wing it. It’s just not who I am. Or at least not who I want to be. Maybe that’s the issue my brain is struggling with. That I feel like I’m faking everything I’m at right now and not doing anything well. Ugh!

Anyway, then my advisor and I part ways and what do I do? I head straight to where the social action is instead of getting to work on my project. Why did I do that??! I was so anxious and nervous and still opted to procrastinate further.

Then I wake up and fall back asleep and it’s a day later and the stakes are higher. I’ve already asked for an extension and I can’t do that again. I’m so terrified of meeting with my advisor again who is basically one of the sweetest women I know. I’m banking on her using that sweetness to hold it together when I tell her I’m still not ready. It’s progressed past my having any control and I’m at the mercy of the Universe.

I’m crossing fingers that I’ve stacked up enough karma points to get me through this moment. My reputation is at stake and I’m positive I’m about to be called out as a fake.

After all, if you fake it till you make it, that’s what you are right??!! Just a fake?

Waking up to real life brought me some relief. I was released from any obligation to continue playing out that scene. Still, it left me laying there haunted. Why brain??… WTH??!!!

Today is my second to last Monday at my job. 8 days to go.

This morning as I was driving my son to school, which is about 50 minutes round trip. I was thinking about leaving my job and team and started to tear up. What is wrong with me? I should be happy, yet was overcome by sadness and fear of regret. This is what I want right?

I look over at my son, asleep in the passenger seat. Is he the project I’m failing at? Have I been Faking parenting him for 16 years and coming up hot at the end of his days at home and not ready.

Isn’t he the reason I’m quitting my job? And Jim and Z and our family life. Or is it so I can selfishly spend my days working on my fitness and my art. What will I choose to do with those extra hours in my day?

Will I check the Gradebook for Coop and be on his case when he starts to slip? We’re a month into school and I’ve only checked once. Epic fail.

Will I get down to work cleaning the toilets and scrubbing floors like a good Cinderella or will I just binge on Jazzercise and Electric Literature?

Time will tell.

As he got out of the car to go into the school, I felt another wave of sadness wash over me. He felt so distant as he said goodbye. I felt like I’d neglected him this weekend because we barely spoke and I was focused on work and prepping for a social gathering.

I pulled out of the parking lot and started to tear up again. Again, WTH?

Then I looked at my phone .. and tapped on my Fitbit app, swiped my finger down to refresh. Swiped my thumb up to scroll down. And there was the answer. It’s exactly 7 days till I get my period. That means prime time for the emotional swells. Mystery solved.

I continued my drive home thinking about poetry. How people won’t want my words because who wants to hear anything about spoiled white Cinderella in her broken castle? Made me think about my ex-husband, oddly enough. And the fact that he inadvertently gifted me books of material during our life together. If only I had a desire to visit that time in my life again.

But no. Like bronchitis.. ain’t nobody got time for that!

As my time today on the treadmill nears it’s end.. I toggle to my work app and see people wishing someone a happy birthday and I start to tear up again.

Yeah.. this ones gonna be a doozie!

On that note… my time is up.
Happy PMS Monday Ya’ll,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-16 Kittens of the Castle 🐱🏰

Starting late again today and short on time. I had Better sleep last night as Jim forced me to keep the cats out of the bedroom, for my own good. The two bigger cats, Doug and Kayla are both visibly upset by the newest member of our household.. Gus 🐱

Doug is clearly stress eating and has gained some weight. He seems sad.. if it’s possible to tell that a cat is sad. He’s lost the spring in his step and won’t chase treats like he was before.

Kayla has this look of disgust in her eyes and every time we let Gus into the living room she stalks him and tries to swat at him. The living room is her domain. She’s not being as maternal and mother-kittenly as we had hoped.

Emma is a different story altogether. She never comes out of the bedroom she lives in upstairs. We have that door set so she can get in and out but the other cats can’t get in (she is about half their size). That room is her sanctuary. They can’t use her litter box or eat her food.

Still, she’s decided to also be upset and let’s us know by peeing on the carpet. That’s a big problem that we have not figured out how to solve. One damn thing at a time I suppose.

The priority in the last week or two was to try and get shit fixed around the house. I mean.. the list had gotten ridiculous and enough is enough.

Included in the repairs: A broken refrigerator and freezer in our kitchen, a broken range top where none of the burners would fire, an AC that went out and accompanying furnace that also needed replaced, plumbing that needed snaked out all the way out to the main, broken toilet, leaking sink, a second sink which doesn’t get cold water unless you run it solid for 10 minutes. There’s more. But that’s enough. Don’t you think?

It’s amazing what people are willing to live with and for how long. I’ve been showering in my daughters bathroom upstairs for about 9 months now because the water in our master has one temp that is too hot for me. Some plumbing issue that won’t be fixed without tearing out the shower wall and that’s another thing that just has to wait.

How is it I started writing about the cats and ended up lamenting about all the broken things in this beautiful castle? I mean, it is beautiful. It’s just big and kind of a maintenance nightmare. I don’t want to come across as “poor me”, because seriously.. how many people get to live like this? It’s really amazing. When shit ain’t broke. 😜

That’s all I have time for today. I think I’ve decided to let Doug back into the office for my workday today. Hopefully he will perk up if he has his spot at the end of the bed behind me back. See.. I totally had to quit my job so I could be a better cat mama!!

11 more efffing days to go. Today I’m planning on a minimal work day. But I’ve said that before and always seem to get roped into more and more. We’ll see.

Peace Ya’ll,

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-15 Monday Colored Glasses

I could do without insomnia for a while. I could do without my mind spinning endlessly on things I can’t do anything about. I could use a day all by myself, no responsibilities, no work, no chores. What’s that called? A vacation? Perhaps soon.

I could also do without rejection greeting me first thing in the morning when I check my email in-box. Yes, it’s true, I shrug. But what other choice do I have? Yes, it’s their loss I suppose. But after a while there’s just a wearing down that happens. A loss of confidence. Thoughts of throwing in the towel creep in. That’s depressing.

Especially considering I didn’t even think about trying to publish before my MFA. That was never the point so why hang my hat on it now? How did that become a goal.. because someone else said so? Words echo in my mind “welcome to the rejection business.” Yeah. I suppose.

My Monday didn’t start or end well. And Tuesday has not seen any improvement yet. Not sure what it will take. I want to crawl under a rock, but don’t have time for that. And now I’m just being overly dramatic and that’s useless too. Good grief.

Peeking in at social media in the last week and I see several instances of fellow MFAers posting about their degrees showing up in the mail. Seeing that, all I could think was that that should be me right now too, but I was selfish and didn’t want to graduate with a virtual residency. I wanted the in-person experience as before and as it has been in my mind for 2.5 years since I started. Was that selfish? Should I have just sucked it up and recorded myself giving a lecture and reading and called it good?

I lamented a little internally about that. Thought about the fact that deferring until winter res was just delaying the inevitable. The pandemic won’t be under control in December. Nothing really will have changed and I’ll end up finishing out online anyhow. I’ll feel cheated and there’s nothing I can do about that.

Then.. two days ago a package came for me from the university. Upon opening I was shocked to pull out my diploma. Wait?! Hold up!!?? What the???!!! Hmmmmm….

So apparently I graduated already. I kind of thought that final residency was a requirement of graduation. It is. But it’s apparently not. I mean, the book on my thesis was closed last May and I know I’ve crossed all the “T”s and dotted all the “I”s Up to this point. So leaving this final requirement unfinished feels so wrong.

That’s what Jenna meant when she said they trust me. I didn’t get that until I opened that envelope. So what about this next res— the one I’m supposed to lecture at? It certainly does not leave me with a lot of motivation.

If I already have my degree, then who gives a fuck about doing well? I’ve got my 4.0 and that’s not going to change. I could get up and talk for 40 minutes about nonsense and nobody can say boo to me about it. And the pomp and circumstance of the reading and the graduation ceremony is minimized too. Again, who cares? (Of course I do, of course).

Probably I’m looking at all this with Monday colored glasses. I just need to snap out of this shiz. But how.

I need to snag a play from my friend Tre’s playbook and enjoy the small things that are aligned with my true north goals. I might start, as she said in her latest blog post, with a dose of gratitude.

I started walking/writing late this morning because of the rough night sleep and need to wrap now, but I think I may cut here and continue writing— in my mind—a list of things I’m grateful for.

I hope I can turn the shade of Monday I’m living today into something rosier.

Deep breaths,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-14 Monday Blues

It’s Monday. That’s not news. I’ve got 3 weeks left at my stupid job. That’s not news either, but it does make me feel like.. like.. it’s about good goddamned time.

Today I’ve been scheduled for back to back meetings for 4 hours. That’s not living. That’s having your life drained away. There’s so much more that needs doing.

Today I got up at 6:30 to cook breakfast for Jim before he went to work. Then I went back to bed. More because I was just not in the mood to chat or sit at the table staring at the monster pile of crap thats growing on our kitchen counter. I wasn’t ready to face this day with all of its demands. Like an unruly teenager whose never satisfied.

Our refrigerator is on its deathbed and I’ve slowly been migrating cheese and milk and eggs to an alternate location. There’s a fair bit that needs to be thrown out too. Then as the bins and shelves are emptied, it becomes apparent that it’s just sticky and crumby all over in there. How does that happen? Years of neglect in bachelor city I suppose. Spills and sloppy extraction evident all over. I can’t in good conscience let that go. So I take to it with a rag and the lavender scented multi-surface cleaner.

Somebody’s got to do it and I guess that somebody is now me.

I don’t have time for that. And the pile grows larger.

I tried to be smart about the start of my week, you know, going to the grocery on Sunday night. One less thing to do this morning. Until I go to cook breakfast and realize that I’ve forgotten something. Good gravy.

And the dishes need doing. And the recycling is taking over the garage. And the cleaning of the Solarium was left half finished. And the litter boxes need scooped. And did I mention that I was booked solid with work garbage starting at 11?

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I literally stood still in my kitchen for like 10 minutes, just paralyzed with uncertainty about what to do. I looked up at the temperature gauge which read 56 degrees and decided it was too cold out to drive to the store (The only vehicle here I can drive is a jeep which has no doors and no top right now).

I looked at my phone. And was reminded how much I miss my BAE with its small size that fits my hand and aggressive Bluetooth pairing. I checked my email and a little time was sliced off my day as I got sidetracked with a flash fiction story i found in my in-box. After reading that, I kinda wanted to just go back to bed with a book and just keep reading. But I can’t.

Not yet.

Three more weeks. Yup, about good goddamned time alright.

That’s it for this Monday folks.
Until next time.
~Miss SugarCookie