2019-11-01 Friday Toy Boxes, Writers Blocks, and Botox

I’ve been kinda going through a dry spell with regard to my writing. Some would say that’s just a cop out. Some would say you just have to write everyday and the words will come. Some others might say that it’s ok and when it comes again be ready. I’m not sure what camp I’m in. I guess I’ve always had commitment issues.

I guess it’s a good thing I got married when I was too young and stupid to realize how daunting commitment can be. I guess it’s lovely to be young and not so broken by life that doubts dance all around and pop out from behind corners and couches when you least expect them.

I swear I was once a hopeless romantic but reality has a way of twisting that princess dream, folding it into a childhood treasure box and closing a lid on it. I suppose it’s good fortune if it’s still in the closet somewhere and didn’t get hauled down the driveway for some random garage sale like the rest of my childhood treasure. Yeah, at lest some peace from my past remains. Safe and Tucked away for another rainy day.

Where is this going? The Universe only knows. What other secrets have yet to be revealed? I sure as hell don’t know. I don’t think anyone does.

Another week is coming to a close and another month begins. It’s really easier to be a the beginning or ending of anything than somewhere lost in the middle. Perhaps that’s why I’m feeling good today despite my so-called writers block.

Im reading Terrance Hayes’s book, “American Sonnets for My Past and Future Assassin”. The latest assignment is to attempt my own set of sonnets which I have so far failed miserably at. It’s a block I’ve had with other assignments this semester and it always seems to work out OK so I’m hoping this is no exception. I guess time will tell.

What about Botox? Yeah.. I’ve tried it. It’s like holding ones forehead facial expressions hostage. People always tell me I wear my emotions on my face. I never mastered hiding my surprise, disgust, or joy. Perhaps botox will make me appear mysterious in some way. And level the playing field somewhat; I’m not great at reading people.

That’s it for todays alliterative drivel.

Happy November!

~Miss SugarCookie

2019-10-01 Yo.. It’s October! 🧡🧡🧡

Wowza.. how the hand-baskets did we get HERE?!!

Hold up yo. Rewind. Yesterday was such a transition funk. I literally just sat there not knowing what to do with myself all day until people started arriving home and I had their needs to attend to.

First I did this mad dash to get all the Monday things done and when that was over, I just sat down and sulked. Then I got mad at myself for wasting time I could have been exercising (kinda slipping off that wagon lately). But did I make a move to change it? No. Then I had this internal argument with myself about it being ok to be lazy sometimes. Seriously! Why is it I can’t just be lazy?

I checked my bank account and paid my credit card bill online. I resisted the other bookmarks, a depressing set of rabbit-holes. I downloaded a meditation app on my phone and did “lesson 1”. Even when trying to meditate my mind wanders to the question of productivity.

He said in a calm and pleasant voice “your mind has wandered away and that’s ok. When you notice this, bring it back and focus on your breathing”. THAT is easier said than done.

I’m like whoa! How did he know that? I know it’s because the human brain can be really predictable in this scenario. Especially an untrained one. Fast forward back to now.

October 1st and it sort of feels great to be out of September. It’s the stupid month everyone holds on a pedestal, toasting pumpkin spice lattes to autumn and fire pits and relief from the heat of summer. The reality is that September is just a poser. It’s tricks don’t fool me. It’s still summer, hot as balls outside and nothing has really changed.

But October.. is the real deal. Take a look at the extended forecast. Look at the natural shriveling of garden vines. The air outside smells of change and the winds are shifting. Notice the birds flying like nature’s arrows to a place they can call home while winter blankets the Midwest. Nature knows.

Today it’s going to be rainy and dark and I’m just gonna snuggle down. I’m going to let myself feel October sinking in my skin. And make a promise to not be too hard on myself when tomorrow comes and October 1st didn’t amount to anything. All I can do is try. Right?

On that note.. it’s time to lean into that thought and make it happen.

Cheers to the Real Deal, ☕️

~Miss PumpkinSpiceLatte