2020-10-28 Tell Me

What there is to complain about?

That’s a line from a song I don’t remember.

I was planning a road trip to Austin, so I could be with my peeps for the election. Really.. just so I can hang out with them like old times. You know, their house has been my sanctuary through a lot of shit. Kind of sucks it’s so far away. Really sucks I can’t fly.

I’ve been very flaky lately with making plans and cancelling. I’ve been on the fence about going to Austin and now that it’s time to put up or shut up, I’m thinking I’m going to have to cancel. Which is depressing.

I’m really on the edge today. I don’t want to effffing be here this weekend. I’m mad about residency. I’m mad about graduation and all the hypocrisy in the world. I’m grinding my teeth about the upcoming election. So sick of it all.

I’m also tired of being tired. Last night I tried to go to bed at 10. But it was like 9:30 before Jim was done with work and I needed to talk to someone. At the end of the day, I needed that more than sleep, just to feel connected to another adult. My person. Tuesday’s are his long days and therefore stressful for him too.

The reality of my new reality is that he does not have enough free time and I now probably have too much. And I hate feeling like I’m just sitting around waiting for another person. But that’s what I did last night. I reorganized some of the books in the library instead of working on writing or my lecture or any other sort of thing.

When I went to bed at 10:30 I was there for like an hour Or two and then when I woke, he was snoring and I was just so over it. I went to my daughters room to sleep. But never really got good sleep.

So I wake today only to repeat yesterday. Madness.

I don’t want to be here this weekend. I need to get away from this place. I don’t want to be here for Halloween or a house full of spoiled teenagers (one of whom is like almost 21 and is the one who is the worst at cleaning up after himself). I’m not a freaking maid. People need to pick up after themselves. Good grief!

And what about Halloween?! I’m wondering why, if things are so bad out there, would they not cancel trick or treating??!!

Think about that. Kids going door to door getting candy from strangers, knocking on doors, putting their grubby hands on the candy and then putting it in their mouth. Talk about a super-spreader event. The only thing worse is a presidential election.

I was at the election commission in Omaha a few weeks ago and can verify that social distancing measures were not being followed. Yes, everyone was wearing masks but no 6 feet rule in line or at the voting kiosks. Pretty sure the voting sites will not be much better on Election Day.

And can I just soap box for one hot minute how sick I am about the choices. The last four years have been a circus and I think that it does not matter what the outcome is, the next four will not be better. It’s just a matter of what kind of circus it’s gonna be. I personally don’t feel like either candidate is qualified to be the president. It’s disturbing to have to choose, once again, between the lesser of two evils.

I’ll hold my tongue today about the impact to me personally. But that could be another rant coming soon if I don’t find some other outlet. Flame off.

I ask again.. What is there to complain about?

Don’t ask me. I guess. Unless you want a page of irritated words.

It’s sad that’s all I have today. But that’s it.

Taking deep breaths,
~Miss SugarCookie

Ps. I looked up the song. Good Life by One Republic. That fits.

2020-10-23 Just Another Friday Soapbox about the End Times

The biggest news of the day is the cold temps. 35 now and headed straight for a hard freeze over night tonight. On one hand that’s rotten as all the annuals including the veggies will be done done. But, I’m not too terribly upset, you know, having neglected that garden for so long this growing season already.

The hard freeze also means I’ll get some relief from my seasonal allergies which had a real hex on me this year. The “Jumanji” year, according to my daughter. On December 31st when the ball drops we’ll all say Jumanji 3 times and be released from this hazardous game. If only.

When she said that I had to admit I’ve never seen any of those movies. Neither the original nor the reboots. Might be something to add to my list. Yeah, that list of movies that people say “wow, you have to see that” and I just shrug. Who has time for that?! 🤷‍♀️

I guess all the variations of terrible occurrences that have been prevalent in 2020 are reminiscent of some twisted game people are stuck in. She didn’t go into a ton of detail explaining, but I get it. The world is in ruin. It’s every person for themselves.

What I did make time for to watch this week was the Netflix documentary “Social Dilemma” that’s a cross between explanation of what goes on behind the scenes at the big tech companies, interviews with people in the know, and a dramatization of a family torn by their addictions to their devices.

The whole thing was disturbing. It makes me want to delete all the apps off my phone. And I’m not even a big user of the social media apps. Neither are my kids thank goodness. C hates that crap and refuses to create accounts. Z has insta, and Snapchat and FB but does not use them much. She uses Discord mostly which is kind of a gamer platform. But all platforms are subject to the same issues.

The sick part of the underbelly of the internet is that it’s not just social media. Data is out there on everyone. Just googling something builds a profile on a person and the information you are “served” is tailored based on that and your geographic location among other things.

We can’t seem to get our act together on healthcare reform in this country enough to make small improvements yet we can feed people information enough to sway elections. That’s disturbing.

And it’s not just the US, it’s global. The real pandemic. More of a threat than any virus that threatens to decimate our population. The internet is destroying the fabric of our societies. Using our humanity against us. We’re reduced to being “users.” Pawns to be played to some agenda that’s not visible to us.

It’s bigger than serving up adds or click bait to get consumers to purchase goods. It’s feeding information that is tailored to keep you clicking. Like a mindless lemming.

I think back to a few months ago when I watched the Ted Kazinski documentary and can’t help but glean a connection. I can’t help but think that Ted’s not wrong. He may have been mad, and amoral but some of his ideas are spot on.

Then I think about that day in May when I was so beat down with bad news of the pandemic and heard a news story that with all the shut-downs and shelter in place orders, the emissions recorded had dropped to the lowest they had been in a long time. And that felt like a silver lining.

Humans can’t get their act together to turn things around with climate change so Mother Nature is doing it for us. Unleashing a pandemic on us.

Where’s Thanos when you need him?

Too far??!! Yeah. Probably.

In any case my brain can’t help but see these connections everywhere. And want to make some changes in my life. Starting with my electronic device. And my kids’ and also having more conversations with them about what the merits are of being a good human, and citizen, and understanding that moderation is key in a lot of indulgences.

Screen time and Participating in social media are just two things. There’s also a need to fact check and not blindly believe what you read.

Anyway. Enough of that soap box. I’m out of time and need to get on with my day and doing what needs doing before that hard freeze.

Good riddance seasonal allergies!

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-10-20 I Just Can’t Today

I stare down at the glow of the screen of my SE, Evernote open with the date typed into the title. Just the date. I’ve been told I’m a good titler. Yeah, lots of years of practice. But today I’m at a loss. How on earth does one sum up the aching heart that comes from a child that’s hurting who you can’t help.

My Z called me late last night. Late like 1am. She’s crying and needs to talk. Again. She’s depressed, and feeling lost and alone. She’s burdened by the isolation she’s been in, for a lot longer than this pandemic and it’s getting worse. One by one her lifelines have been cut.

Her HS friends broke her heart by abandoning her. Throwing away her friendship like it meant nothing. And she does not have many friends and is so shy she doesn’t make new friends easily. She literally has no one her age to talk to, to laugh with, to love.

With the lack of school friends, she turned to the internet and found a few kindred spirits there. Believe me, as a parent I’m leery of this, but I’ve been watching and know for a fact these girls are legit. I also know she needed these people. People need people.

Her best friend is Alex who lives in California. The other two are in North Carolina and Australia. Yeah, that’s the power of the internet. But the two edges of that sword are that it is easy to communicate but also easy to stop. Alex was her lifeline when her best friend in real life dumped her. Z was devastated and Alex was there, all night long and in the weeks to follow, keeping her company. Day and night.

Now Alex is starting to become unavailable. Being unresponsive on discord and there’s no explanation.

We moved Z into the dorm at UNL in August and found pretty quickly that she was better off here. She’s been coming home every Friday and staying through Tuesday or Wednesday the following week. She does all her coursework online and has a rare in-person interaction for her classes.

The isolation there is worse. There are no clubs or activities (far as I’m aware) and no meetups in the dorms. It’s all shut down because of the pandemic, There are literally no opportunities there to meet people. And not a lot here at home either.

It’s heartbreaking to hear her cry at 1am (she spent the night at her dads house) and know I can’t comfort her outside of being there to listen. I told her she can come home today. We can spend some more time together, and then I pulled up a blanket in the recliner I had snuck off to to take her call, and we talked for an hour.

I let her know I was here for her and listening. And lamented with her about how this pandemic has just fucked everything up. All our plans. Our vacations and graduations and her freshman year.

And as if that was not enough, she also drops a bomb.. her dads parents, her grandparents have the virus. This is devastating news. They are already high risk because of their age (in their 70s) but it’s worse because they are also both diabetic and her grandpa has a long history with heart disease.

She said her dad told them at dinner and that they were not doing well. They are apparently still at home, resisting going to get help. Not sure why that would be. If it’s true (which is a terrible thing for me to say) this could be the event that breaks both of my children.

Hell, it just might break me too. They were my mom and dad for 18 years of my life. That whole family was a sacrifice I had to make to get out of a bad situation. But now is not the time for that. Now is a time I need to be strong for my children. At the very least be there for them if bad turns into worse.

I just texted my ex. And I’m just walking and crying. How on earth can we get through this? The Universe help me. I’m feeling pretty lost too.

I’m just tired, you know, of trying to smooth everything over and keep on being reliable and responsible. Thank goodness that I am done working or I might just go seriously off the rails. But I gotta keep it together for Z and C and Jim. Just put all my energy into them and myself. You know, secure your own oxygen mask first.

I took Z to vote yesterday and to renew her drivers license. My main motivation for voting early, besides avoiding the crowds on November 2nd, was so I could maybe drive to Austin for Election Day. Another getaway for my sanity I suppose. And because I miss my people. Now Z and I are conspiring to go together. Which I believe she needs as much as I do.

But we’ll be in a holding pattern until we know her grandparents are going to be ok. Which they might not be and I would not want us to be 1000 miles away when bad news falls.

It’s like 2 hours later. I had to take a call from my ex which turned into a long conversation. About Z and C and his parents. It was an ok chat, which is the best I can hope for with that one. He thinks Z needs to see a counselor and or be on meds for depression. Maybe.

What she needs first is a job and some activities and people to keep her busy. I mean, what she really needs is for the pandemic to end but it’s a waste to wish for that kind of change in the world.

Her grandma is doing ok. She’s a tough woman and a fighter. And her grandpa is a fighter too, but he’s been fighting diabetes for 60 years and CHF for over ten. And that’s not good.

My ex tells me they were told not to come to the hospital unless they could not breathe. There are no ICU beds. Beds and vents are in short supply. They are in Iowa, across the river. But I hear that’s happening here in Omaha too.

They think they picked up the virus at a funeral. For someone who died from Covid. And someone at the funeral was positive. Now a bunch of the family has it. Aunts, uncles. My ex did not go because he was feeling ill himself that day and felt it would be irresponsible to go. The most reasonable thing I’ve heard him say in a long time.

He thought about not telling the kids. But decided that if the outcome is not good, they would be really mad if he had not told them sooner. That was another good call. People need time to process information.

I need time too.

Anyway. I’m just worn thin and wonder how today will play out and tomorrow.
And the day after that.

Maybe I need a counselor too.

I guess that’s enough doom and gloom for one day.

Taking it one damn minute at a time,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-10-15 Fat Stacks and Train Tracks

Back in my day, children wandered out of their bedroom on Saturday mornings while their parents hid under the covers, behind closed bedroom doors in attempts to get a few more minutes of precious sleep.

We shuffled in our PJs to the living room to sit in front of the TV to watch a thing called “Saturday Morning Cartoons.” Bugs Bunny, Wylie Coyote, and the occasional Justice League are the ones I remember the most. There were not very many episodes or they were all so similar that it felt like watching the same thing over and over. But what details can I recall? Not a lot. To be fair, it was all pretty mindless; not unlike watching YouTube videos of people playing Minecraft, which is where the children of America now wander to.

There is one bit that sticks out in my mind, all these years later. An episode of looney tunes where some character was sniffing out and following tracks. The type of tracks changed from one clip to the next. There were rabbit tracks, fox tracks, and then.. train tracks.

I can’t remember what happened when the character found the source of the train tracks. Did he have a fatal run-in with the train? That would be brutal. But no more brutal that good ole Wylie falling off a cliff over and over and over, sometimes involving an anvil falling too. No wonder we’re all so disturbed.

No wonder we’re all so fascinated by dystopian fiction and so easily desensitized when it comes to a life threatening virus. We should be terrified, but we’re not. Instead we risk our lives daily by getting takeout and sending our kids off to school and having meetups with friends.

In March everything started to shut down. And we held our breath listening to the news as reports of rising death tolls across the globe were reported daily. Each day brought some new horrific tale of hospitals out of equipment and rooms and beds and dead bodies piled into vehicles en route to places they could be taken care of.

It’s someone’s job to take care of the dead. That’s got to be a horrible life. Gruesome. One would have to be desensitized beyond repair in order to handle that.

By May I was crying daily listening to the things Alexa was relaying in my daily flash briefing. I stopped listening for a while.

People were mad scrambling for supplies and the country literally ran out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer. I will admit, while I didn’t try to stockpile these things, we did our fair share of gathering food enough for several months in isolation. We still have the majority of that fat-stacked in the high cabinets of our laundry room. None of it expires for over a year, so it will not go to waste.

I think modern programming has romanticized the end of the world. Stockpile your food, and guns and ammo, and medicine and you’ll be winning in the end. Never mind your neighbor, who can’t see so good anymore and sits most nice days, in his garage, dozing off.

Never mind your mother’s husband with Parkinson’s who was moved to a home this week because your mom can’t physically take care of him anymore.

Never mind that guy standing in the median with a “please help, god bless” sign as you wait for the light to turn green, nervous and avoiding eye contact.

Just never mind.

And what about this winding track of thought? It will all be ok as long as you don’t follow me into the dark tunnel ahead like that one hound.

By the way, I looked up that episode of bugs bunny. It’s 6 minutes 44 seconds long, called “Foxy by Proxy”, and not quite how I remembered it (big surprise). The dumb hound does get convinced by Bugs that he’s actually supposed to be catching a train. He does run into the tunnel and does not get injured when he “catches” the train, the rest of the pack of hounds falls off a cliff, and Bugs Bunny get’s his tail cut off in the end. Amazing that a person can find almost anything online. Saturday morning cartoons for all to sustain us through these end times.

I suppose it’s time for me to get to work (whatever that means now).

Peace and Love,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-10-07 What Will It Become When Too Much Thought is Involved?

I’m dipping my toe into figuring out what my days look like now that I’m not working. I’m excited to have more time and my first order of business has been to increase my step goal. I changed the goal on my Fitbit from 12K steps a day to 15K. And I’m not limited walking in the AM anymore so it should be a snap.

I’m missing Jazzercise more already, which is a great cardio workout and also motivates me to do strength training. I haven’t been to a class since February because of the pandemic. I asked Jim yesterday about the possibility of going to a class or two. The answer was a resounding “hell no.”

He said that by the time the class is over you’ve basically breathed air from every other person there, no matter how small the class is, and it’s too risky. He’s right, but .. how different is that from my son going to public school five days a week? I know, it’s the masks. If I tried to do a workout with a mask on, I’d probably die. 😷

So no Jazzercise for me.. yet.

I’m also holding my breath about winter residency for my MFA. Which is to say that I’m hoping that they have figured out how to host an in person / part virtual experience. Live in person at the Lied lodge in Nebraska City for those who can make it, and virtual for those who can’t travel.

I mean, schools across the globe have had about 6 months now to figure this out. Get some good WiFi, put some computers and screens in the rooms, coordinate some zooms. It’s possible.

Though technology is not a strong suit of the Lodge. Seems like there’s always some difficulties. Even with something like a microphone setup. And I suppose all the extra hardware costs money and the university probably does not have the funds in the budget despite an MFA costing like 45 grand. 🤷‍♀️

So I guess we’ll see. It doesn’t really matter though. Yesterday’s inquiry about my lecture topic leads me to believe that I’ll not get another offer to defer like the last semester. I’d decided that even if they did, I’d still suck it up and just finish out virtually. It’s disappointing, for sure. But that’s life. Even without a pandemic, things often don’t meet our expectations. Or perhaps my expectations are always too high. 😉

In any case, one thing on my set list today is to revisit the notes I took with JP about my lecture topic to see if I can get over my fear of commitment and pick something to talk about.

One of the people whose lecture from summer just knocked it out of the park was Erin. She sent a group of us notes about the formula for a successful lecture (summarized from her convo with the program coordinator). I’m planning to revisit this today too.

One thing I recall is to be the expert and present as such.. so the trouble with that is that I don’t feel like an expert and might not ever. But.. despite the fact I’m already overthinking this.. I’ve technically already graduated so I need to use that to my advantage. Which is to say.. not worry about it so much. Still, how can I not?! Good grief! 🙄

I’m going to cut it there today cuz I need a shower and to get on with my day. Yeah, regular showers are another change I’m looking forward to now that I have more time. How sad is that??!!

Peace and love until next time,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-09-24 Could it Really Be?…

The End of Days. Have we finally tipped-toed (or trampled) too far into territory we can’t escape from?

Humans and their appetite for self destruction. Their inherent self-centered nature. Their insatiable need for more. We’re they destined for this end from the start of their days?

I say “they” and “their” when what I really mean is “we” and “our”. There is no escaping the fact that we are all in this together. But what is “this?”

As far as I’m aware no one alive predicted the vortex of doom that 2020 has become but humans have been spinning prophecy about the end times for a very long time.

These stories, rooted in religious beliefs and more recently dystopian fiction, have some strange appeal that makes them interesting commentaries on the state of our world in the present day. Why are we fascinated by revelations (maybe it’s just me)?

I did not have a religious upbringing but I still went through a period in my life that I thought reading and understanding the Bible was a good idea. I didn’t get very far. Despite all the juicy drama that I heard about, I just could not stick with it. And ultimately skipped to the last chapters to see how the story ends. (Which is what I always did with books that were too verbose when I was a teenager.)

This morning I’m pondering the possibility that we… the human species… have finally arrived at the last chapter. Hold tight with me now.

The Bible talks about plagues and cataclysmic global events. There’s fantastical things that occur to clear the place out. And how different is that from this life threatening virus showing up on scene this year?

It does not matter if it came into existence with some flick of mother nature’s wrist or engineered by some mad biological scientist in a lab somewhere. The ominous characteristic of affecting humans and not other species is curious. Yes, rooted and explained by science.. but damning none the less.

And if that was it.. we might consider ourselves lucky that we’ve just been decimated instead of becoming extinct. But that’s not it folks. Its compounded by fire raging because of the perfect combination of drought and the spark from a gender reveal party. It’s exacerbated by relentless extreme weather caused by global warming and melting polar ice-caps. These storms pummel coastlines around the globe with no sign of letting up.. and get worse each year. How much can be endured before people abandon their posts and migrate inland? It’s too late for that.. we’re too dependent.

And let us not forget the rage that rises within the individual human soul that incites violence at every turn. “No place to rest. No peace in war”. Check the daily news. Every day there’s something more.

So I ask again.. is this it? Have we arrived at the end of days?

Perhaps.. But wow. Aren’t the sunrises just incredible here.

Sipping Slowly,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-08-23 The Saturday AM Update

I woke up at about 6:30AM and for the first time in a while, I’m looking forward to the day.

Something about a long string of days that involve stuff you’re not looking forward to that really messes with a persons groove. I’ve obviously been in a funk. I’ve obviously been a broken record, stuck on repeat and really.. ain’t nobody got time for that! 😜

But I can feel a change in the air this morning. It’s still August and hot out but the leaves are starting to turn and fall. I’m counting down the days left working for the MAN (23 💃💃💃) and feeling great about my decision. I’m waking up thinking about my family and what were gonna be able to do together this weekend instead of all the work crap that’s always looming over me.

I’m thinking about really catching up on lit mag business and taking my time reading through all the selections our editors are passing on through to publishing. I’m excited to get to be that person who tells someone else “yes, we love this! We want to showcase your work.. let’s do it!” And I’m excited about the first issue coming out and the updated design for the site and all the opportunities that will open up to generate interest. We’ve got podcast action in play and I really feel like that will boost us to next level.

That’s a lot to be excited about but it doesn’t stop there. I’m looking forward to re-engaging with my own personal writing endeavors. From the submission spree I went through in July, I’ve gotten a few accepts and a few rejects and though I know most will come back as rejects.. I’m still energized to follow through with more revision and submission and maybe putting together a chapbook or full length book.

I’d like to say I’m looking forward to reading and writing more but I’m not gonna try and force that. I think my mo-jo will return soon. I think it will happen naturally as the work garbage winds down and I have more time. I hope anyway.

What else?

Well as far as status goes I feel as if I’m going to be a good citizen and not contribute to any community spread of the deadly virus that’s all the rage this year that I’m gonna have to self-quarantine for the duration. Both my kids went back to school recently and so far this week we’ve gotten a total of 4 emails from the HS principal about known cases with students.

The students are not identified in these emails of course and the communication assures is that if there was known contact with our child, we would have been notified separately. We haven’t, but that does not mean it wasn’t possible. I’ve seen what the scene looks like dropping my son off and picking him up. Lots of teenagers standing or walking in clusters. Some with masks and some without.

Not sure what to make of all that and nothing I can do really except watch my kids for symptoms and keep having open dialogue about what to watch out for and to keep up on the regular hand washing and mask wearing and not touching their faces.

What else?

Yesterday marked the end of the first full week where I took zero lorazepam. I’m still struggling with the annoying withdrawal symptoms but it’s no where close to what I had when I tried to cut it out cold turkey,

I had my annual visit to the gyn this week and the PA I saw suggested I try magnesium for my continued struggles with sleep. I don’t listen to hip-hop but I’ll give it a shot I guess. Oh.. and she found a lump in my left breast so I’m going for a deeper diagnostic on that Monday. Not too concerned about that and no reason to dwell on it until the diagnostic is done.

What else?

Nothing. That’s enough really, don’t you think?

My step counts look abominable lately and I’m gonna end my walk today with a quick jog and that means I’m done writing.

Cheers to the Weekend,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-08-11 This!!

Life is good.

I mean I know it’s a pandemic and the world is going to shit but how bad can it be if I can get a sudden rush crave for Rusty Taco fried fish tacos and order online and have those tacos in front of my mouth in a matter of minutes?

Makes me sound like a spoiled princess but I was given the advice once to never apologize for my life. So… not sorry.

I’ve struggled to embrace the semi-charmed kind of life I’m living but those days are coming to a close. I’m all the way charmed now. And pretty soon now I’ll be ordering tacos from a tropical beach somewhere. I’m throwing my hands in the air like I just don’t care.

Cuz.. how long can this pandemic last? And there will always be drama. World drama. Drama on foreign soil. Suffering somewhere and suffering right here. Local uprisings and injustice. Life, as they say, is suffering. Stand up for what you can, when you can. Most importantly teach your children how to teach their children. That’s the only Way things will get better.

Wow. That went all really preach-y. Sorry guys. It happens. 🤷‍♀️

As one might guess I’m hopped up on coffee and high on the idea of quitting my job, so I feel like I have all the answers and can take on the world. I’ll admit, it’s a great feeling.

Gotta go put in some work hours. Counting down the days and hours!!

Peace, Love, and Tacos,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-08-10 It’s Definitely Time

I happen to have pulled some long days lately covering for my PM who was out with a serious emergency.

I happen to bust my ass and sacrifice quality time with my kids in these waning days of summer before school is back in session.

I happen to decide that enough is enough and begin planning for my exit from that scene.

I happen to rock that demo of the latest release of our software today despite technical difficulties. But still I shrug.

And finally.. I happen to be on a call with my bosses. A project review with the PM who is now back to work. And heard first hand when the news of the latest contract hit their in-boxes. And heard the sparkle in their eyes and quickening of their heart beats.

But my heart doesn’t keep that kind of time anymore. My heart was wandering the garden with the dahlias in full bloom and the pumpkins growing wild across a stockpile of firewood we’re saving for winter.

From where I was, so many paces away from the house. Wifi weakening with every step, I could barely make out the words that were ushered through. I could barely care.

It’s Monday and I think I’ve had enough (it’s only Monday and I’ve logged 11 hours already). This week the focus has to shift to other things. It has to. My son goes back to school (he’s a junior) and that could be crazy chaos with the covid still raging across the country. On Thursday I move my daughter into the dorm. Same story there with the uncertainty.

Not sure how these schools think they can successfully socially distance thousands of teenagers, but the economy and the country is demanding status quo so there you go. The almighty dollar really is a powerful beast that makes people do crazy things.

If I had my way, I’d just shut it all down for a year until there is a vaccine available for gen pop. Put Wall Street on hold. Hold all bill collecting from banks and crusty landlords alike. Use “stimulus” funds for essential services and to provide food and shelter for people in need. How hard would that be?

I dunno. I still want my baby to have a normal college dorm experience. I want her to be able to walk across campus in the bright sunshine of a crisp autumn day. I want my son to get his drivers permit and to give him some good lessons as the leaves begin to turn.

I’m torn about a lot of things, you know? But not feeling very torn about quitting anymore. It’s definitely time.

Time is all we have and time is always running out.

Good gravy, that’s enough.
Peace and Love,
Miss SugarCookie

2020-08-07 Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

If there is 1 thing that I know as truth this minute, it is that 2020 will go down in the history books as a year the world was sucked into a swirling vortex of doom.

As humans, we’ve had some bad years. Who is to say that what is happening this year is worse than Spanish Flu, or WW II, or any year of the plague. I mean, Black Death sounds pretty ominous. I’m sure the days of Genghis Khan were also quite horrific. Not that it helps a ton dealing with the grief of every single day of 2020, but it does put things in perspective.

My family is healthy and no merciless ruler is invading my village and massacring us. I may be struggling but no one I love has had Covid and I have the future to look forward to.

I still wake every day in a comfortable bed in a house with people who love each other. I’m still looking forward to the weekend, where I will get better rest and next week getting my daughter moved into her dorm room. And my son back to school. We’re still scheming about times ahead where we can travel again and have social gatherings again.

There will be a vaccine soon and, for the love of all the cheese in the Universe we may also be rid of the Plague that America has suffered through for the past four years come November.

As we settle into August like Sugar into melted butter, I’ll be embracing hope for the future. I’ll be trying my best to hold on tight to positive vibes. For some reason, Today I’ve got a feeling that everything is going to be ok.

I’m sure I had other things to say. But I lost it in a dream. I need to get to work and get through Friday so I can get to the weekend.

Peace and Love from the in-skirts of Contemporary Doom,
~Miss SugarCookie