2020-05-19 Today Miss SugarCookie asks, “What does the Universe Want?” 🤔

Last week was ballz-out crazy and I have high hopes that this week is going to slow down. Is it too high or wishful to believe that it can actually slow down sometime?

What I need, is like a week without obligations or responsibilities. What’s that called again? Oh yeah, a vacation.

I’m missing my spring trip to Austin. I’m missing planning a trip to Colorado. I’m missing day-dreaming with my besties about our next girls trip off the grid. I’m missing musing about where in the world my love and I should go next. In the grand scheme of “what’s different now” because of the pandemic, my daily life hasn’t changed much.

Less trips to the grocery. Wearing masks. No coffee or lunch or HH meetups. That’s all changed and I feel like we are slowly coming out of that haze. Cautiously dipping a toe into the uncertainty of more trips out, getting take-out, and a few visits with friends.

But I have a feeling it’s going to be a while before I can travel. Well, big travel anyway. I tried logging in to Ticketmaster on my phone a few days ago (which I had been procrastinating) to check to see if Fall Out Boy in July was on or cancelled or postponed. That’s in California. If it’s cancelled, I guess I need to cancel those plane tickets. I could not get logged in and I took that as a sign from the Universe that I should wait.

Then there’s Elton John in Des Moines in June. That’s getting close now and it’s most assuredly cancelled but I’ve been remiss in looking into that too. I just don’t want those negative feels, you know?

Oh hey… and did I mention my daughters graduation. Probably once or twice before, yeah. My poor pudding pie. She’s sort of over it.. or at least not lamenting outwardly anymore. As a parent, to raise a child and be so freaking proud of the person they have become and then have that “moment” and celebration ripped away, it just sucks big time.

Her unused prom dress is hanging in her room. She dwells mostly in her bedroom and so I’m sure she’s reminded of that missed event everyone she looks at it. That’s part of why I haven’t been looking for the status of my concert tickets. Blissful ignorance I guess.

Her live graduation and party are still pending. The new date for graduation is August 2nd. Any later and she’ll have gone off to college. Well… there’s hope in that too.

I’m officially asking the Universe to help the Humans get this virus under control, figure it out and stop fighting about it, and give us back normal, even if it’s a new normal. What kind of prayers or gifts or sacrifices do I have to offer?

Not going to gamble my heart or soul or life on it (never again).

…Back to this week… It should be more chill. I’ve got flower planting and work and chores stacked up but nothing is on fire. Nothing is burning out of control. it is only Tuesday though. Ha!

I think that’s it today. It’s time for me to stop thinking about doing and to actually start doing. 😉

Cheers to Taco Tuesday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-16 Every Little Thing Gonna Be Alright

Bob Marley got it right.

Three Little Birds is just one of those iconic songs from my past that returns to my mind again again in new situations and brings with it the history that my brain has attached to it. And despite all the hurt I’ve ever experienced, and negative nostalgia attached with some of those times, the song still makes me smile.

It’s like those words are untouchable. untarnishable, and timeless. That’s when you know something is truly golden. The return and remembrance and power to evoke thoughts and, bigger still.. feelings.

The first time I heard that song was in high school at a house party that my friend Danielle threw while her parents were out of town. Danielle was the youngest of 7 children and she was born on Christmas Day. Her parents were strict and very religious. But I suppose having 7 kids would wear anyone down to turning a blind eye to unwanted teenage antics. Like throwing parties when you are out of town.

I was a goodie-two-shoes and didn’t drink, save for a wine cooler or two. And the “getting drunk” was something I didn’t understand. I remember sitting with people I didn’t know and that song came on and I just sat and listened to the words as the conversation swirled around me. It was a beautiful moment.

That’s all I remember but I still have a picture someone took (probably me) of my friend standing next to the open refrigerator like Vanna White proudly displaying all the adult beverages. I can count on one hand the number of house parties I went to in high school. Yup.. that’s just how it was for me.

I also remember hearing the song when I was dating my first boyfriend and I knew the song and he knew it too so it was a connection for us. It reminds me of falling in love. And like I said, despite all the hurt he’s caused me over the years what I feel when I hear that song is our falling in love. That’s incredible.

I sang the song to my babies when they were babies and remember the overstuffed rocking recliner I bought to nurse them in their room. Quiet moments in the early morning filled with love for them and also hope that they would go back to sleep for a little while longer. I don’t connect it with the colic or crying.. just peace and quiet.

Now, as this pandemic wrecks havoc on our lives, I have had the occasion to think about that song and find peace in it.

More info than anyone needs to know, but Jim and I have a chalkboard in our master bathroom and right now I’ve got that iconic line “every little thing gonna be alright” written out with a pic of a tiny bird sitting on a branch.

Every time I see it, it makes me smile. It also makes me think.. I should draw two more little birds to round out the trio. But then I don’t.

This morning I woke with the rising sun. The sunrise was absolutely amazing, from what I could see from our east facing windows (not a great view because of the trees and the position of our house in the neighborhood). The house was quiet and the only other life awake in that moment were the birds outside and the cats.

I tried to get a picture and then retreated back to the living room for a little quiet time alone with my thoughts. Besides that song, the other words that are repeating in my head right now are “this too shall pass”.

The pandemic will end. Life will go back to normal. We will all be affected by what has happened in big and small ways and probably normal life will be a little different too. But in the end, every little thing IS going to be all right.

Peace and Love,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-12 No Rest for the Wicked Part 2

Yesterday came and went and it was a freaking blur. The deadline at work was met and the team pulled it off. Alpha version 0.0.1 was demonstrated and released to the customer. If that name doesn’t scream “early, early release” then I don’t know what does. In the end, I was left to sweep up the confetti that was left on the floor and make sure the gift bags were passed out. I was so blurry eyed at that point, I was afraid I was going to screw that up.

Half an hour later, we did an impromptu team huddle and our leaders gave praise for all the hard work and basically gave us a day off. One day this week of our choosing. It was intended to be today but a few people lobbied for Friday. Me? I think I’ll take both days and maybe Thursday too. 😜

Every day I steal from Peter to pay Paul. By now, Paul is a very rich man and I think he’s had enough. And Peter is pretty much lying in a gutter with his arm stretched out to me. It’s time for some rebalance in the force. Last night when I was finally released, the first thought I had was that I’ve been a shitty neglectful parent and I have to make that right.

This involves two things.. reconciling the grade book with my son who now has 28 missing assignments across his 7 classes. Plus a D In AP world history. We have a plan in place to get to work but the second I turn my back, he’s gaming again. That’s a work in progress. Always.

The second thing is some serious QT with my pudding pie. We talked and have a plan for that too. We’re going to Don our masks and make a trip to target today to restock makeup, shop for bras and underwear, and buy box hair dye to do something fun with our hair. She wants a haircut and that’s one of the mom things I know I can do well (with her). Her hair is just like mine so it’s easy.

We’ll probably grab some food while we are out today too. If you’re gonna bust out.. better make it a good one!!

I laid out the plan to Jim last night and he was leery of the target run and asked me about masks. That’s his way of trying to urge us to do the right thing. Such an interesting pickle we’re in right now. And when I say “we” I mean all of us here in Nebraska.

What are the rules is anybody’s guess and mostly it’s “on your honor”. So some times it seems like a free for all and some places you go there are signs that say masks are required. Not sure what will actually go down today. Z doesn’t want to wear a mask. And she said “if I have to, I’m going to make my own so it can at least be cute”. Haha!

All of that doesn’t necessarily make things “Wicked” as the title of this post might suggest. I guess that comes in with the 10 other things I’m putting off while I try to have a successful day parenting.

Lit mag meeting today with my co-eic and I’m no where near ready for that. I had to-dos to do and they are not done. We pushed the website launch from May 1 to May 15 and with the issues we’ve had (and a lack of time) it’s just not going to be ready. Thats 3 days from now.

Even if I busted my ass all day today and tomorrow. I think some things are not baked yet for content. And we kinda need one more team meeting to get actual feedback which was supposed to be live feedback, but that kinda got derailed. Long story. It’s just tough to navigate all the personalities. 🤷‍♀️

What else? I’ve been lacking specificity lately so here’s a very fucking specific list of other things I’m procrastinating:

  1. Dropping off or mailing my thesis. 📬
  2. Sending invites/announcements for Z’s graduation. 📩🎉
  3. Finishing getting my garden in.🌸🌱🌺
  4. Keeping in touch with people. 📞💗
  5. Getting the official paperwork done for the kids’ trusts. Nest accounts, and getting my direct deposit redirected to our new joint account. 📃🖊💰
  6. Follow up on the UNL stuff for Z. ✅✅✅
  7. Cleaning the toilets. 🚽 🧽
  8. Following up on my writing/submissions/rejections.📃❌👎🏻 And updating my own personal website.
  9. Opening and Filing my snail mail. 🐌 📭
  10. Fixing my poor eating behaviors. 😂😂🤣

Well friends. If you’re still reading, I’ll be sending you an official certificate verifying your sainthood. By the way, sending that out will be #34 on my actual list so don’t hold your breath. 😉

That’s my hour. Feels good to get a whole hour!

Peace and love,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-08 Looking Forward and Daydreaming about the Return of Normal

I’m feeling good today. Things “feel” like they are going my way again. It’s the end of the workweek and I’ve accomplished a lot and have a good plan for how the next month or two are going to play out. There’s a lot to do but my contribution is important and that means a lot to me.

The birthday of my son came and went but the family celebration will be this weekend. It’s nice to have that to look forward to. In general, it’s nice to have things to look forward to.

Today (fingers crossed) I’ll be getting to see a friend of mine in person. You know, it’s been exactly two months since I’ve seen a friend in person. March 8th I met Jackson at Elmwood park by his house. At that time I was already on a level of lockdown that required we meet outside. Two months seems like a long time.

I mean, we’ve done what we can, you know. Going for drives and walks and of course necessary trips to the grocery. And yes, I’ve seen people virtually over zoom, but there’s no substitute for the real thing. I’m talkin bout seeing people you love in person. Even for an introvert such as myself, it’s an important part of what is missing from my life right now.

I miss my happy hours with Sam and Lunches with Ryan and Vis and Barbie, and Jazzercise with Leah. I miss seeing my friend Amy on the regular and coffee and walking with Joshua. I miss planning my spring trip to Austin and conspiring to visit my people in Colorado, which is a growing crew.

So for me, getting to maybe see Michelle today is super special! I mean, Jim is having his work partner over maybe too and I’m all like “what is good for the goose is good for the gander.” Right?!

They pushed my daughters actual graduation out to August and that doesn’t leave me with a lot of confidence in planning anything this summer. Still.. I’ve got my eyes and ears open for the official rules and the minute things ease up to the point we can have a party, I’m totally planning that. And traveling. And lunch meetups and happy hours. Real stuff. Not virtual.

We have much to celebrate and the fact that it’s all on pause is eating away at me. I just have to remind myself that it could be way worse and to just be grateful that these are my only worries during this crisis.

I think that’s gonna be it today and that’s a good sentiment to finish on. Gratitude! So much to look forward to, and I’ll take all I can get!!

Happy Friday.
XOXOXO,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-05 What a Girl Really Wants 🍷

Yesterday was a long day. Just a blur. And I’m tired. I had that thing happen again, where I was inspired to write something but I was in the middle of something else and couldn’t just drop everything to get that down.

I thought, foolishly, for the hundredth time that it would linger around long enough for me to remember later when I had a break. But I never got that break and it slipped away you know. Out the back door like a clandestine lover. Now she’s gone and didn’t leave her number. No way for me to find her again.

Not that what I had to eat yesterday is interesting to anyone, but it’s revealing:

  • 8 oz cup of coffee with an excess of vanilla creamer
  • 2 pieces of peanut butter toast
  • 1 small apple
  • 1 pre-packaged rice crispy bar
  • 2 Pagoda Egg Rolls (frozen snacks heated in the toaster oven)
  • 4 Pagoda Crab Rangoon with sauce
  • 1.5 glasses of red wine (actual amount is subjective 😜)

Sadly, those last 3 things were at like 8:30 pm and I was so out of focus by then I couldn’t think straight or enjoy it (or remember any conversation I had with Jim).

I probably vented about my irritations from the day or lamented about how every month my period is so unpredictable and how annoying that is or how I need to figure out how to consistently refer to a person as “they” when I’ve never had to do that. I’m trying, you know. I’m trying with regard to everything but at the end of the day I’m pouring that glass of red wine and throwing my hands in the air like I just don’t care.

And that red wine goes down sooooo easy.

Funny tangent.. I have my favorite brand of red wine. People who know me – who REALLY know me, know this about me. I found it years ago. It’s called Jam Jar and it’s a sweet Shiraz. It’s not a wine
connoisseurs wine. It’s more like a wine-cooler connoisseurs wine. It’s sweet and best served cold yet it has the same %alcohol content by volume as a regular bottle of red wine. It’s my Jam. And as an added bonus, it has a screw off top. Yeah, super classy.

They stock this at two places in town I’ve found. Whole Foods and cost plus world market. It’s cheaper at cost plus, when you buy like 4 or 6 at a time (which I refused to be shamed for doing). I’m not going to cost plus cuz of the pandemic right now but can get away with a random trip to Whole Foods because Of other grocery needs.

It’s still a crap shoot though. Sometimes they have it and sometimes they don’t. Two trips ago they were out (and my supply is desperately low), and I’m so loyal I just didn’t buy any wine. Whatever.

Last time I went was last week and they had 4 bottles left. But.. to get the 10% discount there, you gotta buy six bottles. So I picked up 2 other random bottles. I suppose it’s good to try new things because you never know when you’ll find a new favorite thing!

So the new selection was chilling in the fridge when I poured the last ounce of my original stash of Jam Jar last night and I was like… now seems like a good time to try the new thing. But I was so tired.

I pull the bottle out and what does it say about me that my heart sank in disappointment at realizing it was a corked bottle. Oh my goodness. So much extra work.

This, people, is how you know that the pandemic has not affected my life at all. That my emotions are being dictated by woe at having to find a corkscrew and exasperation at not getting dinner until 8:30 pm and with irritation about my period being unpredictable.

Such hard problems. 🙄

And how about the fact that what I end up writing about for an hour, when I have it, is my favorite red wine, instead of something way more interesting like that sweet secret that slipped into and out of my mind yesterday, never to be seem again. That’s the real tragedy.

I suppose that’s enough nonsense for one day. I guess, anyone who reads this will really, REALLY know me. More than other people who should but don’t. But that’s life I guess.

Cheers to Tuesday, 🍷
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-01 This Day Calls for Big Hugs

Today is the last day of High School for my darling pudding pie. It’s easy to be in denial when nothing is happening as planned. We haven’t even sent out graduation announcements yet. The box was shoved up onto the top shelf in a cupboard in the kitchen and we basically forgot about it. Oops.

So today not only are we getting that box back out, but we’re also designing inserts with the alternate dates for graduation and parties (we picked two possible dates for a party, just in case).

We’re also making a trip around lunch time to the school to pick up her senior care package. It includes anything that was left at the school as well as her cap and gown, and thinking about it just makes me want to cry. It makes it real. And I can no longer be in denial.

I want to do something special with her today. I want to make this last day something she will remember other than a non-event because some pandemic has shut down all our favorite haunts. What would be the best thing ever is if she could get to see her friends.

It’s been so long since any of us has seen our friends in person. Sure, we have zoom and FaceTime and that’s something, but to touch another human and get hugs and give hugs. It’s just part of who we are, you know. And we’re not the huggy-est people, but over the years I’ve gotten more and more huggy and I just miss that so much.

We hug each other daily. That’s something. I think when we get to the other side of this chaos, I’ll be even more hugg with other people. You don’t know what’s important till it’s gone, you know?

I just want to hug the whole world. You know?

I read a social media post yesterday from a guy I barely know and it busted me down to tears. I just wanna hug that guy.

People will probably see me walk in a room and high-tail it out a back door to avoid my hugs. 😜

Anyway, that’s gonna be all I got today. Though it’s Friday, there’s no rest for the wicked and I have all kinds of stuff to do while Jim is at work.

Peace, love, and hugs! 🥰
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-04-24 A New Setlist to Help Me Cope with Un-Planning

Yesterday I had this poem knocking on my door and I was like “just a second, I gotta check my messages”. I got distracted by the day.

The same poem knocked again later in the day but when I opened the door I found only echo and silence. And that’s when I know I’m still doing this wrong.

When the poem knocks I should go running and beg it to come inside. I should drop everything and pay attention. Yes, it’s not always possible, because .. life. But what happened yesterday was avoidable. I should have made a different choice.

Especially since I’ve barely written a thing in months. You know, except for these words. I wrote what I thought was a poem on 4/20 and looked at it again last night and was like. Nope. That’s not anything but some abstractions on a page.

That’s all I have to say about that right now.

I sometimes listen to the same music/artist/playlist over and over for weeks and this morning I thought it was time for a change. I created a new playlist called “Girls Only Club”. It’s comprised of all my favorite female artists (the ones already in my music library anyway). So that’s what I’m jamming to this morning on my treadmill.

The selections range from high-school fav the Bangles to my 20’s favorites, Alannis and Avril (and I didn’t really like Avril all that much but she’s in my library). All the way to my most recent crush, T. Swift (who I’ve liked since she switched from country to pop and I’ve got 3 full albums plus a single). There is representation by Sara Barellies and Lady Gaga of course. Truth is, I don’t have a lot of female artists in my library. It’s like 5 or 6 to 1. 🤔

I should have been waking up in Minnesota this morning but our travel plans were thwarted by the Covid. It’s the first of several plans that have been crushed. My daughters prom has come and gone and her graduation is the next cancelled event. It’s not exactly canceled of course. Just rescheduled.

The virtual event will be happening May 10th and the real thing is tentatively July 10th. I hope beyond hope that things are better by then.

In June we had tickets to see Elton John in Des Moines, Iowa. That may or may not happen. My summer residency has been moved to an all-online/remote format and I’m electing not to be official at that, which defers my graduation until December.

In July my daughter and I also had a trip planned which has not been cancelled yet. I just need some good news, you know. There’s just so much upset, and it’s all political, and I can’t stand that. I can’t stand that decisions are being made because it’s what’s best for the economy. And that the health and safety of the people is a secondary consideration.

I don’t know if that’s true, and I’m sure it’s circumstantial, but that’s the way it seems.

I guess I’m just so personally torn, but it’s because there’s no actual “plan”. The people in charge are just making shit up as they go along based on the info they are given and this event is unprecedented so it’s hard to know right now what’s a mistake and what’s not.

But people getting so riled up and protesting and making it a political decision and not one based on science feels wrong.

And if President Trump would just finish out his term without talking, that would be good. That idiot says so many really stupid things. He will go down in history as the most you-tubed president of all time because of his inability to speak like a coherent human, his demeanor, and just the sheer number of dumb things that he has said on camera.

I would say “what an embarrassment for America”, but that ship sailed long ago.

That’s it for today, folks. Time to get cracking.

XOXO,
~Miss SugarCookie