2020-03-26 Climbing the Pyramid is a Struggle

My basic needs are being met, and I’m grateful for that. By Maslow’s standards, I’m probably at Safety and while that’s ok, I’m desperate to go higher. But I’m stuck.

So many of my writer friends and acquaintances are writing their hearts out right now. Amid this crisis people are inspired to create. In times when you have more time because you’re isolated you can explore and let your brain wander and maybe, definitely that’s a good thing.

I’m not. And I haven’t been. I’ve got less time now, and feel less isolated, because my sanctuary has been invaded. My time has been raided and from before sun-up to after sun-down I’ve nothing left to give back to myself.

It’s work, which I’ve praised but it has transformed before my very eyes from saving grace to marauder. It’s got to level out soon. I think (I hope) today will be the start of that.

It’s not knowing how to, at the same time, homeschool. Sure, if I was twiddling my thumbs all day I would sit with my children and play task-master, checking in on their “enrichment plans”.

I’m not there, though, you know. I’m still adjusting.. fighting with my ex about where the kids are and why and all my anger and frustration that’s built up over the years comes pouring out. I just hate my ex. After all this time I’m still angry about so many things. Does one ever get over being treated so rotten by someone they love and trust with their life.

How is that possible? How can we have hurt each other so much? And when the bullshit just continues for years and years and you have to continue to take it and try to be amiable for the kids sake, it just doesn’t go away.

Yesterday I ripped him a new one on the phone and he acted like he had no idea where it was all coming from. Like an ignorant ass, he said my yelling was unfounded and something in me has changed. “You’re different now.” He said.

No shit genius. People change and perhaps I’ve grown a spine. Perhaps I’ve also been perfecting my throat-punch and he should be grateful that there’s a pandemic because if there wasn’t I might just go to his place and demonstrate my skills. I just hate him. And that’s a world I rarely use.

My son is here with me and my daughter is at his house. She’s not being very communicative and I’m just hoping she isn’t being persuaded to stay there. Gawd. It’s an awful feeling to know that the kids are stuck in this conflict with us, probably taking shrapnel from our verbal confrontations. It’s got to stop.

So, yeah, I’m just trying to figure out how to shelter in place and not lose my mind. I’ve not yet arrived at master of the art of homeschooling.

Oh, did I mention I’m behind on the whole writing a thesis bit? Or the lit-mag startup. Or, I dunno, supporting my husband and nurturing my marriage which is still less than 2 months old.

I logged onto Facebook today and that was a big mistake. So many people posting about every freaking thing and I just don’t have a positive note to contribute. Just because I say I’m grateful, doesn’t mean I’m bathing in gratitude and finding all the beauty in every little nook and corner. Facebook just makes me feel like shit. And those things I’m seeing are being posted by friends and family who I love. Why can’t I just find joy in their accomplishments and words of encouragement? What the hell is wrong with me?

Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical.

I’ve got a meeting today with the other “co-founder” of this not-yet-a-real-thing on-line lit mag. It’s been a struggle for both of us to find the time. This is a guy I just happened to be sitting across a lunch table from when approached by one of the mentors of the MFA program about this little idea. He’s a teacher and has kids so he’s in the same boat as me trying to juggle life.

We both bring unique and needed skills to the table, but we do operate differently. I like things to be organized and well planned out and he just seems to like to roll with whatever. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just an adjustment for me. We need to get shit done and were still at step 1, which is assembling a team.

Hopefully I’ll get more insight into what that looks like from his communications (which he has not copied me on). I’m a little miffed about that. If you were starting a new project together, it’s good to have Everyone have as much information as possible. So I feel a little bit in the dark on where things stand and can’t make progress forward myself until I’ve got the full picture. I’m sure I’m overthinking and overdramatizing this as usual. Hopeful today’s meeting will actually happen this time and that all will be revealed.

I mean, if our launch date is still June 1. We gotta get in gear and go. So that’s where the “go for it” attitude is such a positive.. we just really need to engage the whole team soon. Again, just hopeful we have a complete list today on who that is. we’ll see.

For now, I have to put that out of my mind so I can get to work. No place to hide.

Stuck at Safety,

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-03-03 A Monumental Day in SugarCookie History 💗

I have a myriad of topics I’d like to write about today. Which one will emerge as the winner is anybody’s guess. Perhaps I can dabble here and there and satisfy my want to think through a few things and not linger with too many words on just one.

Today is the two year anniversary of the day I swiped right on that picture of the man who would make me so happy and make feel like the luckiest girl in the world. It also happens to be the day we also started chatting on the bumble app, and had our first phone conversation, and oh yeah, met in person for the first time. Yes, all in the same day.

If there was one thing we both knew for ourselves and came to appreciate in the other person, was that we had spent enough time sorting out what we wanted and did not want in a partner. And though things moved fast, we were on the same wavelength every step of the way.

From saying “I love you”, to introducing each other to our parents and kids, to my spending all my parental kitchen passes living at his place, the timing was spot on. The first thing we did not agree on as far as timing goes was when to get married. If he had his way we would be celebrating our first wedding anniversary today. It’s true. This is the date he originally threw at me and at the time I was like “whoa there love, that’s like not even possible (it was October and we had not even officially moved in together). I put the brakes on and serendipitously discovered that palindrome date which was perfect.

We’re not really doing anything to celebrate. I actually think he might have forgotten but we’ll see.

My day today will be largely comprised of what I’m now calling household engineering. A fancy way to say that I’m cleaning litter boxes, taking trash out, going grocery shopping, among other random tasks. Our cat Doug has recently decided that he’s fascinated with water sloshing in the water dishes and pushes them all over the floor, spilling water everywhere.

This means that not only is the floor a mess (think water soaked cat food pieces floating in puddles) but also the dishes become empty and they don’t have anything to drink (except Emma who will drink from the toilets). It’s funny but also gross.

I bought this boot tray thing you set your wet boots on in winter to dry out and put the dishes on that. Now instead of the floor being a mess, the tray fills up with water and the stray food pieces disintegrate completely in a quarter inch of water. Also gross.

We’ve watched him do it. He’s completely mesmerized by it and does not seem satisfied until the dish is almost empty. He’s almost able to flip the dish over.

OMG… how I got from my anniversary to bad cat behavior is incredible!! In my defense, cats and their strange ways have become iconic. We started watching a documentary of how cats have taken over the internet. Memes, videos, Instagram accounts, hash tags. They are everywhere. We only watched about 10/15 minutes of the show because it wasn’t very well put together. And I don’t have any time for bad TV except of course The Bachelor.

Which I have to watch soon so that I’m not accidentally served a news story from Google spoiling the outcome of this latest season. The finale was last night.

The question now is, what’s more important: watching the show or getting my weekly submission in or editing the final 10 poems for my thesis or working on the new lit mag project or driving to Benson for burger wars today?

Those are my options when I finish with my household engineering. I will be editing tonight with my weekly writing group so I can probably use that as an excuse to cross that one off the list.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what emerges as the winner. My life is so exciting. 😜

I’ve got to cut here get after this taco Tuesday extravaganza.

Peace and Love,

~Miss SugarCookie

PS. Today’s featured image is a picture of some landscaping on the path outside our hotel room in Kauai. 

2020-02-24 On Being Cinderella

Do you suppose that once Cinderella married the prince her life changed at all? Do you think that she was released from those chores of hers, scrubbing floors and doing dishes and also the thing that was too unmentionable even Disney didn’t even go there (toilets 😱)? I suppose the general assumption is that once married, dear Cinderella and her ball gowns hire someone else to do all the dirty work. But imagine if you will, that it wasn’t how the story went.

Four and a half hours into my day and I’m just now sitting down to do something for myself. I’ve been on my feet that long, tending to all the needs of Monday. The cats don’t rest much either when this is going on because they are too curious about what all the fuss is (or anxiously waiting for me to get to their litter boxes). They are clearly relieved that I’ve now plopped myself down on the couch with my laptop and have both found a nice cozy spot for their mid-morning nap.

Yesterday I was all lit up with motivation to make some commitment or resolution—something that was going to bring me a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. And now? Now I just want a nap. Something inside of me with about 38% authority wants me to at the very least go down to the gym with my tennis shoes and walk while I type this. But 38% is far from the majority and so here I sit. At the very least I should find another place to sit, to get a different perspective. But I really like being with the cats. It’s just the way it is. Plus finding a different spot would mean I have to get up and move again and I just don’t want to do that.

Briefly when I had that thought about Cinderella (which is not the first time I have gravitated toward that analogy), I thought about the Bachelor. The TV show I get sucked into from time to time and happen to be thoroughly enjoying this season. During that process all these beautiful girls jockey for position as they simultaneously date the same guy. It’s truly absurd but for some reason, I find it highly entertaining.

Anyway, they start the show off in this grand house where they all live and converse and have cocktail parties and pool parties and then gather in a dramatic ceremony where some girls get to stay and continue dating the guy while others are sent home, heartbroken. I probably don’t need to explain all that since the show is in like its 25th season or something outrageous like that.

At some point, they all travel to exotic places and get filmed doing fun activities that would make any globe-traveller jealous. All these cool dates and romantic dinners, concerts, etc, etc. They always interview these women and on the show, info about them pops up at the bottom of the screen to remind us who they are. Here is “Victoria F., from Virginia Beach, 26, Medical Rep. That’s all we know. Their name, age, hometown, and reported occupation. Hmmmm… kinda like how Bumble is, come to think of it.

Rarely do we see the couple de jour discussing what life will be like when they are off the show, if they end up together or engaged or whatever. You never see him saying “Well I have a house in Florida and that’s where I want to stay so if you don’t want to move away from Kansas City or Des Moines Iowa or wherever, then that’s a deal breaker”.

You also rarely hear her say “I really want my partner to be home helping me raise the children more than 50% of the time, so you would have to find some career besides being a pilot to earn a living”. Nope. Either they don’t talk about that stuff, or they have found that it is too boring to include in the drama of the show. I personally would love to see those conversations, especially over all the inebriated crying. Good Grief!

I can tell you that from where I sit (on the couch in my castle), those conversations are extremely important. But who I am I to say? Yes, the connection between two people is really important. Romantically, intellectually, sexually, spiritually, etc… But I think part of the secret to success is understanding where your partner is at in their life and what their goals are so you can support them, and also having that be a two way street. That includes logistics about career, how many kids you want (if any), and where you are going to live and what your lifestyle is. Obvi you can’t spend the rest of your life jet-setting off to exotic places.

I just don’t see how this Bachelor thing ever works because it seems everyone involved is just so concerned with the “connection” and also “winning” Heh! Plus, it’s so ridiculous that all these girls have to live together and witness the guy they are dating going out and making out with other women. If I had to endure that, I would be all like— no thanks. I want my man to have eyes for only me. It’s just so cray-cray. But I love it anyway. Perhaps some part of me craves that kind of drama and is better off getting a fix from some stupid reality television show than looking for it in my own life. For sure.

The stats for the final “couple” in most seasons is not great. Only a handful have stayed together and an even smaller number have actually gotten married. Yes, I did spend a little time just now researching the stats cuz I’m a big nerd like that, but it doesn’t matter really.

I think I’ve not exhausted my couch break now and really, really want to figure out what those new goals are going to be now that my own season of the bachelorette has now ended. So happy to have met my match AND gotten that final rose so that my Cinderella story can return to it’s regularly scheduled programming.

Happy Cat Napping,

~Miss SugarCookie

 

2020-02-06 A Serious Reality Check

Spoiler Alert… It’s not all rainbows and butterflies (though I’ve had a lot of both very recently).

There is a story that most of us are taught, about life. A story that starts with beautiful beginnings and continues to wind its way through a path of happiness and wonderful moments. We are told that if we do everything right, life will be full and satisfying. It’s true, but as we also learn, through the act of living out that life, that it comes with ups and downs and bumps and bruises. I’ve spent a fair bit of time these last few days trying to balance out the way I am feeling. I’ve got mixed emotions and I’m trying to reconcile my grumpy mood and the empty/lost feeling that I’ve been having. I should still be riding on high from the celebrations this past weekend. But I’’m not.. It is quite the opposite. Though I’m still getting so much love and well wishes from people (mostly social media because I posted pictures of our day), it feels fabricated. Like, only one side of things is visible.

I need to take a little time and step through the days – not the Wedding, or parties, or all the things leading up to that (which I should also do), but what has happened after. Rewind to last Sunday at 3PM. Picture this…

The bride, standing at the bar with a drink in her hand having a conversation with a friend. There’s a small plate with a half eaten piece of cake and two macaroon cookies positioned on the bar next to her and several family members close by. She glances around and notices that people, most notably the man that she has just married, are scrambling around the room collecting decorations. Him and his children and a few others are dumping water from vases and putting flowers back into the bin she so carefully filled and carried and used the day before to decorate the space. What’s she thinking?

“What the hell is going on? Why are they doing that?” She looks at the plate with the cake and around the room again and then lifts her left wrist to look at her watch. Only she’s not wearing it because it’s her wedding day and she wore a bracelet instead. “What time is it?” She asks her friend.

“About 3PM” is the reply.

“Already?” Yes, already. A horrible feeling washes over her. It’s all over and what now? She had not thought much about this moment, other than wondering how she would feel. She looks at the cake again.

This is what I remember. Of all the things to remember from the last time, this is the same. I didn’t get to enjoy my own cake and I didn’t get to really talk to the people who came to support me because it all goes too fast. And then people rush around to clean up, and I’m all like “hey, but I’m just getting started”. Of course, I kicked into gear and started helping clean up too, because that’s what I do (and I wanted to make sure certain details were not missed).

An hour later all the stuff has been dumped in a room off of the garage in the house and we’ve changed out of our Wedding best and are sitting in the living room. We realize one of the cats is missing. We start to look for her. She’s nowhere to be found.

We spent what was left of the afternoon searching and even thinking she got out of the house somehow. Jim and Z and I walked the neighborhood calling to her and I carried food in a food dish, clanking it as I walked (as that is how I used to get her to come to the door when she went outside at my old house). This is not how this afternoon was supposed to go.. we were nervous and worried and thinking if she did get out, she could be long gone. She’s not used to this neighborhood, she has never been outside the house here. It was a terrible sinking feeling.

Several hours later the sun is down and we are back in the living room on the couch. The kids have retreated to their rooms and the mood is low. Jim has childhood trauma from a lost pet, and I’ve had several scares in my life to reflect upon. How do we even proceed with our day/evening. We should be happy and celebrating and falling into each others arms. We sit with anxiety and share our stories.

Jim goes to do a few chores as we had not yet had time to address the aftermath of the party at our house the night before. In the midst of doing that, he spots the cat slinking down the hallway. We have no earthly idea where she could have been sleeping that we did not find her but all of a sudden, there she was. We were elated and relieved. It was all so overwhelming it was like I had not exhaled for hours. All of a sudden, there we were in the kitchen and I was just sobbing uncontrollably. How could it all be over? How could this be happening? What now?

We continued to clean like it was a regular day after a party and I was already checking social media for pictures of events. That is when I started to feel a bigger let-down. I wanted to share the news of our day with the world, yet, I didn’t have any pictures. I wanted to keep the party going, but that’s not how it works. We had a few good snaps from friends and I posted the “life event” on FB.

1 day after (Monday), Jim goes back to work and the kids go back to school and it’s like nothing ever happened. Except that I have more cleaning up to do. I spend the morning sorting through the pile of decorations and vases and boxes to put some stuff away. I solicited for more pictures and kept my eye on FB for comments and other people’s posts. I had coffee and a chat with my friend Sarah who was still in town and that was really great, and felt like the best conversation I had all weekend. I guess I’m just better at one on one interaction (or at least that is what I prefer).

2 days after (Tuesday), Jim is at work and the kids are at school again. I space off my 10AM work meeting and spend the morning sorting through the party trash cans and separate the recycling from the trash, rinsing out glass and plastic. The kitchen smells like alcohol and I notice it is getting cold. By 4PM, I realize the furnace is not working. I’m exhausted and have not slept well for several nights.

3 days after (Wednesday), the living room and kitchen are cold and none of my troubleshooting efforts have paid off. I take one of the cars in for its regularly scheduled maintenance checks. I continue to obsess over pictures and frantically put together a scrap book of all the paper artifacts from the weekend, as if my life depended on it. I troll social media for more comments and post some of the pictures I’ve received of our big event. When Jim comes home from work, he looks at the furnace and we decide to call a service tech. I finally get my period (I had been spotting for about 7 days straight), and begin having bad stomach pains, which is not normal.

It is now Thursday, 4 days after, and the service tech has been and gone and the house is slowly warming up. Jim is at work of course and the kids are at school and I’m finally getting to sit down and really write what is on my mind. I’ve got a lunch meet-up today with a friend who was not at the wedding and plans later to grab a drink with my other friend who was. It feels very much like back to business as usual. But again, it’s strange because I’m not ready for it to be over.

You know, you work for weeks and months to plan something and when it is over and done, there is an emptiness that happens. I know I’m happy because I feel happy, and I am looking forward to lots of future stuff, but it’s like I’m so sad it’s gone. I thought I would feel relief. I thought I would be happy to get back to “normal life,” but I’m just not. I’m just sad.

Some of the flowers are in vases in the kitchen and they are starting to droop and wither. Soon, they will be too far gone and I’ll have to pitch them into the trash. That’s depressing.

For all the wonderful things and for all the happy moments, there is a balancing act that takes place. An equal and opposite feeling, a yin to the yang, a low to match the high. I’m definitely experiencing that. I don’t want to dwell on the negative, but I can’t ignore it either. It’s just a part of the big picture.

I have more to say, of course, but I’ve already gone on too long today. If you are still with me, thanks for reading. I’m going to try and break away from this funk today and just start enjoying married life. Married life??!!! I wonder what that’s like?!

Cheers through all the laughter and tears,

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-02-02 At Long Last! It’s Here!! 🥂💍💕

We’ll folks, this is it! It’s finally here!!!

No, I’m not talking about Groundhog Day, though that’s today too and Im happy to report Phil did not see his shadow so we are having an early spring!! 🌷🌷🌷

No, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl either, though that is also today and I’m sure the Chiefs and 49ers are going to put on a good show. 🏈🏈🏈 It won’t be as good as what I have going on today.

I’m talking about my wedding!! The countdown hit zero at midnight and just a few short hours I’ll be walking down the aisle arm in arm with my children. I’ll be greeted by the man of my dreams and a whole room full of people will be there to witness as we pledge our lives to one another. 💍

I have so many emotions, where does one even begin? As you might guess, I don’t have a lot of time to write today. I’m just taking a few minutes alone, while the house is still sleeping to reflect on the last 24 hours and think about everything that’s happening today.

The most overwhelming feeling I’m having right now is love. Last night we had a house full of guests and there was so much joy and energy. To think that all these people came here to celebrate with us and support us, is quite incredible. I’m just so grateful, and can’t even find the words right now.

Time and it’s fluid relativity is a constant factor in all things. When life is tough, it serms like it slows down and you feel every ache as it creeps by. When things are good, it speeds by and you wonder what happens to all those days and nights. At this point I’m on the highest of highs and I know I’m my heart this day will be gone in a blink. It’s going to move so fast that I will have to remind myself to stop and breathe and just be present, in the moment.

That’s it for now. I’ve gotta start getting ready to get me that new last name! 💃❤️💃

With Peace and Love, Gratitude and Mindfulness.. Always,

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-01-29 Ahhh!! The Final Countdown… 💍💕🥂

The past few days have been all about gettin’ shit done. We’re kicking ass at this point and hopefully by Friday no detail will have escaped out attention.

The numbers keep getting smaller and today it’s now 4 days until I throw the biggest party of my life! I mean, we’re gonna start partying on Saturday night and keep the good vibes going straight through to Sunday when Jim and I promise to love each other for the rest of our lives. Whoa!!

I would say I’ve had my fair share of anxiety this past few days which has been exacerbated by some work stuff. Some sales pitch one of my bosses wanted me to run. They basically wanted me to demo a new software system I had not even logged into before. I had to spend several hours working with it and putting together a script of how best to navigate through the app and talk about all the features and functions. The whole time I was doing that, I kept thinking, I still have to review and tweak the script for my wedding. Not to mention write my vows!

The work stuff?? Ain’t nobody got time for that!! 😂 But you do what you gotta sometimes and I put in the work and did the demo yesterday. I mean, the actual demo was only 30 minutes but the prep time was like 5 hours total. I think it went well so I’m already anticipating getting to do it again. 🤷‍♀️ That’s fine as long it’s not until after I’m back from the second part of our big adventure (yeah, shortly after getting hitched it’s honeymoon time!!).

In related news.. when I picked the wedding date 02022020 the one and only thing on my mind was the date itself and the numbers. I mean, it’s a rare palindrome for an 8 digit date and works in North America AND Europe (where they typically do ddmmccyy instead of mmddccyy). What I was not thinking of is the fact that it’s Groundhog Day AND the Super Bowl!! Jim and I didn’t even realize it was the super bowl until a couple months ago. That goes to show what kind of football fans we are. Which is to say, not at all. 🏈 We are so meant for each other! 😂

Anyway.. one of the things on my to-do list today is to run through and time the script and tweak it and oh yeah, write those vows. We want to keep the actual ceremony brief. Neither of us like to be the center of attention. One of our questions for the event space coordinator was “where can we hide while the guests are arriving?” Yeah that.

In related news, the wedding video is not done yet and it’s tough for me to press on the person I hired to do it because it’s my darling daughter. She’s been complaining a lot in the last week how stressed she is with applying for scholarships and filling out applications, not to mention another 5 hours on Monday going to the senior picture session her grandmother set up and paid for. That’s 5 hours of our lives we will never get back. At least the pics turned out well. I’ve asked several times what the eta is on the video and she’s going to go ballistic if I ask again. I just hate things being out of my control. Ugh!

In other related news, I think by this Saturday this house will be in better shape and cleaner than it has been in a long time. Jim and I have both been working on our respective projects. Not to mention the person he hired to fix some stuff that’s needed attention for a long time. It’s funny to me the things he thinks are important and how different that is than my list. I want things to be picked up, clean, and of course have been freaking out about the actual wedding details. He’s more concerned with fixing stuff wrong with the house.

In my head, nobody is going to notice some of what he’s focused on. But.. I’m not complaining because those things are finally getting done and the house will be in better shape. I mean, the faucet in the master bathroom leaking on the counter a little would not be noticeable to a guest, but I’m happy to have it taken care of.

And yeah.. I also don’t think running a broom and mop on the b-ball court in the basement is necessary, but it’s important to him. I’ll probably be doing that today (among other cleaning tasks). 🏀

Originally I was planning to go to Jazzercise every morning this week and eat right so I feel great this weekend, but that has not happened. I’ve been preoccupied with other things and have not even had time to hit the treadmill much. And every meal seems to be just grabbing whatever from the refrigerator and cupboards (which is a lot of snacks that aren’t so healthy). Oh well.. it all is what it is. I’m sure that come Saturday, what exercise I have gotten or not gotten and what I have eaten this week will not matter. That is what I have to keep telling myself…. whatever I’m freaking out about in the current moment will not matter.

Wow – that’s lots of related news. I guess it’s just where my head is at right now. My hour is up and I’m gonna get crackin’ on some more cleaning. 🧹🧽🧼

XOXO, ❤️

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-01-24 One Way to Start a Friday

I woke up shortly after 3am and was immediately consumed by thoughts about everything going on. A veritable Rolodex of current events.

1. 8 days until the wedding. 😱

2. Cleaning the house for the party.

3. Being so scattered I missed my sisters birthday lunch and wondering if she’s going to hold it against me somehow and not forgive me (were supposed to go to a comedy show this Saturday and she’s not being very responsive over text).

4. The school work I’ve pretty much been ignoring for like 2 weeks.

5. My daughter’s senior picture dilemmas.

6. The endless to-do list I chip away at everyday and continue to feel like I’m not getting enough done each day.

7. Details about the ceremony, decorations, and clothing that’s not been ironed out yet.

8. The ice covering our driveway and sidewalks that needs to get taken care of before next Saturday and the weather is not cooperating.

9. My darling daughter finding a new program she wants to apply for for college in the fall which is a big change from what’s been her plan for just about this entire senior year.

10. My work wanting me to run a demo of some new software for a sales pitch next week and I haven’t seen anything but screenshots of it until this point. The main UX person is on vacation and they are like, we’ll get Shyla to do it. Sure, no problem guys.

11. And for the love of all the cheese in the universe, how I’m going to do my hair on the day of the wedding. Yeah.. that struggle is sadly a real thing.

Needless to say, I could not fall back asleep. When it got to 4am I opted to take half a Xanax. Incredibly, I still had trouble falling back asleep after that but eventually I did.

Then when I had to wake up at 6:30 to roll with the morning routine, I was super groggy. I prepared breakfast in the dark, fed the fishes, loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, and trudged around the house making sure the grumpy teenagers were awake and getting ready to go. Thing 1 is not a morning person and her eyes and voice (when she elects to speak in the morning which normally she doesn’t) are daggers stabbing anyone who speaks to her or crosses her path. Thing 2 is generally in an ok mood in the mornings but has a serious problem getting out of bed and getting ready to go. He takes his meds, puts shoes on, and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me before following her out the door.

Everyday that nobody gets murdered is a good day. 😂

Jim comes in to eat “can I turn the lights on?”

Me.. /shrug “sure.”

By 7:30 everyone is gone and I turned all the lights back off and went back to bed. I still laid there a bit, awake and thinking about everything but again, I eventuality fell back asleep. I really need it. I thought.. I’ll wake up at 9 and go to Jazzercise.

I woke up at 9:30 and was like “whelp, so much for that master plan”. I was still super groggy and probably laid there for another half an hour trying to really wake up.

I mean, I’m not super excited to get up when cleaning bathrooms, sweeping, and dusting is the itinerary for the morning.

Despite how I’m always feeling that I’m not productive enough, I do feel like I’ve gotten a lot done this week. I promised myself I would take a little time Friday for doing something sort of pamper-y. Hey!! Today is Friday!!

I’m done with my morning chores and the bathrooms and basement are behind me now. I had a bite to eat and now I’m walking the treadmill and looking forward to treating myself to a pedicure this afternoon before I pick my son up from school. I haven’t had a pedi at a nail salon in like forever. 💅

***

Eight days from now I’ll be getting ready to walk down the aisle and take a vow.

Sixteen days from now that will all be in the rear view and I’ll be headed to Hawaii.

Twenty four days from now I’ll be coming down off of the high of all of it, facing reality and my new life as a married woman, wife, and looking toward the future and all the possibilities. I have no delusions that life is going to calm down. You always think it will, and then it doesn’t. That’s just the nature of things.

On that note, it’s time for me to roll out.

Cheers to Pedicures, Pampering, and the Weekend,

~Miss SugarCookie