2021-10-02 A Fresh Start for Fall 🍁

A new month has been born and with it we enjoy the most ironic season of all; when juxtaposition reigns supreme. 

The weather gets cooler yet we become cozy and warm as we gather around fires, sip hot drinks, and swap our summer wardrobes with sweaters, boots, and hats.

It’s the season where the nights become longer than the days and creepy, spooky things emerge from the darkness. We get caught up in scary stories, delight in the jump-scare, and celebrate by knocking on doors for candy. How strange and wonderful!

The farmers markets start to thin and we have to mentally prepare for what we all know is coming. We curse those who speak of the next season, especially those who say that four letter dirty word that starts with “S.”

“A pox on your house!” I say!

Even the spiders know what’s coming and scurry to find ways to get inside.

Yeah. That’s how I know. I’ve seen so many spiders in my house in the past few weeks and I know they are looking for good nooks to bed down for the winter. And believe me, this damn castle I live in has plenty of hiding spaces. Too many. 

The last few days I’ve been stepping on my own last nerve and it culminated in my husband and I getting into a fight on what was supposed to be a fun Friday night trip to Walmart. 

Well, we don’t really fight. It’s kind of like I get into a mood and start acting like a grump, criticizing his behaviors. I know when I’m being that way but I’m really just acting out so he’ll let me open up and tell him what’s wrong. After that, I apologize and he says he’s sorry too and we continue on. They are the most boring “fights” ever.

I know myself. I know I need certain things and if I don’t get them, it’s tough for me to pull myself out of a mood. Sometimes there’s nothing that can be said or done. Sometimes it’s just circumstance and I have to get over it, get to bedtime, and treat the next day as a new day and fresh start.

This week was a challenge. The primary things I need are alone time and exercise and I wasn’t getting either. I just like to be alone long enough to think through how I’m feeling. Yes, it also helps to talk with other people, but I maybe take more time than other people to process.

Jim bought me a workout tee for my birthday that says “hold on while I overthink this.” Spot on! 

Anyway, my mom was discharged from the hospital on Thursday and neither my sister nor I were prepared. Someone needs to be with her 24/7 for a little bit and we had to scramble to figure out coverage. I ended up spending the night on Thursday and by the time I left on Friday I was spent. That’s probably when my bad mood really took hold. 

I didn’t hit my step quota this week and I’ve barely had time to watch any trash Tv. 😜 No wonder I’m a grump! 

But… It’s a new day AND a new month and I’m ready to embrace sweaters, early sunsets, and being amused by the cats toying with the newest residents of our castle. 🐱🕷🐱🕷🐱🕷🐱

Today I’m going to get my steps AND have some quality “me” time before diving into being the good daughter, wife, sister, mother, and friend again.

That includes writing this blog and maybe going for a bit of a jog while I watch master chef. 

With that, I bid thee adieu, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-09-29 An Epic Rant from a Terrible Daughter…

You know that saying?.. How does it go?..  “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

It’s something like that. 

Well… fuck that saying. There is absolutely nothing good I have to say about this situation with my mother but I’m done being the good daughter. At least here in my own private Universe that’s completely open for the entire Universe to read/translate/interpret and judge. I don’t care. 

She’s stepping on my last nerve and what can I do because she’s the cancer patient who just had major surgery. Anything I say and do that’s not good-daughterly will be perceived poorly. I’ll be marked as a horrible human being for life. 

The truth is I’m just tired because I didn’t sleep well and had bad dreams. She’s called me and texted and texted and called. I know I threw myself into work today and tried to ignore my own irritation. Eventually I made my way to the hospital, timing it so that I’d only be able to stay an hour. 

I know. I need examples to back me up. Ok. 

She literally called me because she was done with her breakfast and the nurse call button had fallen out of her reach and she wanted the number to call the unit to get someone to come to her aid. 

To do what? Take her tray away? To fluff her pillow? To move her chapstick a little closer? Put the water jug out of view because she hates drinking water and seeing it is making her upset? 

Not kidding. 

It must be tough being seriously OCD and having everything outside your control. Let me tell you it’s also difficult being on the receiving end of all that neediness. 

Ok. Maybe she really needed something. Pain meds maybe. But yesterday she complained they were pushing too many meds into her and she was confident that all that was keeping her from feeling better. 

She’s called a second time because the hospital kitchen doesn’t have the “pink” packets of sweetener. She absolutely can’t drink tea without that. And nothing else tastes right and she doesn’t want to put my sister out of her way to run by the house or go to the grocery. 

So why is she calling ME? It’s ok to put me out? 

All I wanted to do this afternoon was take a nap so I could be fresh for a little quality time with my husband tonight. But that didn’t happen. Because she called again, just as I was drifting off. This time it was to let me know she was being discharged tomorrow. Way ahead of schedule, might I add. 

It’s great news she’s doing well enough to go home so soon but at that moment all I could think was “there goes my Thursday.” I’m a terrible person. 

I made sure she knew I was trying to nap. 

I followed that by texting minutes later that she should think about a grocery list so we could have the things at the house she wanted when she gets home.

In the weeks and days leading up to the surgery she knew she would not be home for a while so she used up or threw out anything that would go bad. In her own words there is nothing left she would want when she gets home. So I’m just trying to be proactive. 

She texts she needs a bag of ice, milk, and New York style vanilla ice cream specifically from Family Fare. That’s it. 

That’s it?? 

No.. that’s not it. I remember this rodeo. Every time someone shows up at her house she’ll act like she’ll die if she doesn’t get what she’s craving. This results in another trip to the grocery every day (or Panera or Taco John’s, or Qdoba, or McCallister’s deli). 

She’ll remember the rodeo too and the bar has already been set. I swear I’m not going to the grocery store unless I get a full list to stock her refrigerator and pantry. 🙄

***

My sister just texted me about the artificial sugar drama and said she’s also “not ready for this.” 

I know it’s expensive in the hospital but couldn’t they keep her for a few more days like they promised. 🤣

Aaaaannnnyway…

That’s probably enough of a rant for one day.

Peace, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-09-25 Happy FIVE-OHHH Bro! 🎉🚀🌕

Today I’m walking to try and rid myself of a headache that was probably induced by too much to drink at dinner last night. Some cocktail with a clever name I can’t recall. I suppose if it was really clever I’d remember it. 🤷‍♀️

After two of those I switched to amaretto sours which have considerably less alcohol I’m sure. Still, the headache is definitely from that because after dinner we went straight home and I didn’t have another drop. It doesn’t take much these days. Probably because I’m getting older. 

Older. 🤔

My older brother turns 50 today and it’s a numerical impossibility because there’s only two years between us but I just turned 34 last month. 

50. Five-ohhh. Half a century. That’s a long time to be hanging about. 

He’s as fit as anyone I know. Lives in Colorado near the mountains and hikes all the time. He’s got a wife and two smarty-pants kids in college. He’s got a solid gig as a rocket scientist. It’s a tired family joke… his career in working on “stuff” for NASA, etc. The Universe forbid asking him about it unless you want a long conversation that’s mostly over your head. 

I kid. I understand most of what he talks about, but he likes to talk about it so the “long” part of that description is accurate. But like I wrote, he lives in Colorado so I don’t get to chat with him very often. 

Once, when I went to Boulder I got to have a tour inside one of the Ball Aerospace buildings where they actually assemble some of the crafts they launch into space. That was beyond cool.. walking the halls and peeking inside clean rooms and windows where 3D printers were printing who knows what for who knows why. I even got to go into a huge room that had a rocket that was being assembled. It was neat-O. 

I digress. 

He’ll be coming back “home” in a few weeks to help out with our mom for a few days. I’m sure by then she will be out of the hospital and it will be a welcome break. He only has been one long four day weekend to spare, so that’s kind of a bummer. But I’ll take all I can get. 

My mom is doing fine. She’s still in ICU and yesterday she was really grumpy and nothing seemed to help. She feels trapped and uncomfortable and I get that. 

She complains about the staff as soon as they leave the room and is not satisfied when I say “they are just doing their jobs.” So I’ve stopped saying it. 

Mostly I just listen and roll my eyes when she’s not looking. Does that make me a horrible person? Rolling my eyes because I’m irritated by her? 

🤷‍♀️

When I’m done walking I’m going to head to the hospital to check on her. Soon… my time is almost up here. 

I still have a headache. I probably need to eat a piece of peanut butter toast or something. What I really want is a coffee. Maybe I will have that too. Maybe. 

Until next time, 

~Miss SugarCookie