2021-04-17 On the Eve of the Next Big Adventure

If I had to pick a theme for my life lately it would be “Practicing the Art of Letting Go.” So many things have slid off my radar and the biggest thing I feel like I’ve let go of is worrying about all of it. In that sense, it’s been quite positive. 

It’s definitely not like me. I typically check my steps several time a day and tend to scramble at 8pm if I’m close to my goal and check my sleep first thing when I wake up and check my cardio duration at the end of a workout. But not lately. Lately I’m not checking like I normally would.

I also typically spend a lot of time focusing on my eating and drinking habits and general productivity. It’s just how I move about the world, with the goal of living a healthier life. It’s part of what this blog is about—the daily musings of a girl who is just trying to figure it all out.

But even this blog has been neglected lately. Neglected is such a negative word and that’s the wrong way to frame this post. I’m actually reflecting on the phenomenon of my “letting go” lately and thinking very positively about it. 

It’s one thing to check in on ones self to make sure good choices are being made. It’s another altogether to take it to a level akin to obsession. Now I’m not saying I’m necessarily obsessed with my “stats” but I have been known to run around the house at 9pm to hit my step goal.

I’m not sure what has changed lately to cause me to care a little less about stats and productivity and meeting certain expectations, but whatever it is, it’s been a breath of fresh air. 

Perhaps it’s the arrival of spring or maybe that I’ve been getting better sleep and don’t feel as exhausted all the time. Perhaps it’s the choke hold of Covid being loosened or finally accepting my new role as full time household engineer. Perhaps it’s pondering my moms new diagnosis (stage 3C ovarian cancer) and realizing that life is too short to worry all damn day about what you are doing or not doing or eating or not eating.

Maybe it’s the combination of all of this, but whatever it is, I’ll take it. New Burdens have been placed upon me this year and others have been lifted. Lately I’m just rolling with the punches and not worried about “success” so much. It’s a great feeling. 

I’m being kind to myself, and forgiving. And I’m not putting guilt on myself like I normally would when I have not met my own expectations. It’s glorious. 

And today?? Today my focus is shifting into vacation mode. Today I’m packing and gathering all the plans I’ve compiled for the coming week into an organized document to share with my love as we skip town. 

Tomorrow I’m getting on an airplane for the first time since my honeymoon which was just before Covid lockdowns began in early 2020. Tomorrow I’m taking “letting go” to the next level and that, too, is glorious.

So the next post, if there’s time, will be posted from a yet undisclosed location somewhere in the United States. It could be anywhere folks… and you’ll have to check back to find out where. 😉

On that note, my time is up today and I’ve got to get packing. 

Cheers to letting go, loving yourself, and embracing the next adventure one moment at a time,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-04-07 Dirt Therapy and Other Vaccination Day Musings…

I haven’t written much for a few days. But there’s not much to write about. 🤷‍♀️

Spring is in the air and I’m slowly getting into the groove of garden work. This is going to be my year for enjoying one of my favorite activities. This year I don’t have to balance a job with parenting and household responsibilities. This year I’m done with school and can prioritize myself and my health.

A big part of that is mental health. And one of the activities that has done wonders for my mood and outlook on life is digging in the dirt. Literally.

There’s something extremely satisfying about digging deep and turning the soil in the garden. Something soothing about putting a root-ball into the ground and pressing the dirt around it with my fingers and palms. 

Sure it’s wonderful to watch the plants flower and grow veg, but nothing beats the labor of love it takes to get to that point. I even enjoy pulling weeds (within reason). It is for this reason that Spring is my favorite season. 

I mean, something about the air in Spring even smells better than the rest of the year. The temps start to climb but are not unbearable yet and it’s either just rained or it’s about to. 

This week we bought a new hammock and have already enjoyed laying out two evenings. Last night was a little chilly but it was still wonderful to snuggle together and chat about everything and nothing. 

Today I have quite a bit of non-outside work to do around the house and that will keep me busy as the rain showers come and go. I’ve also got lit mag stuff to do, which is never ending, but I’m gonna try not to stress about that. 

And ohhhh…. I almost forgot!! Big news this week with our country opening vaccines for 16 and older, so today is the day we have appointments for everyone in our household that has not yet been vaccinated. I suppose subconsciously that’s another reason I’m in a pretty good mood today. 

Hopefully I can just keep riding this wave and nothing happens to bring me down.

No.. Universe.. that’s not an invitation. Be good! 👀 

That’s it. Time for me to get my cardio on. 

Cheers to Spring and Beginning Again, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-05 Prepping for a Celebratory Weekend 🎁🎉🎂🎉❤️

It was a good run.. a 33 day streak of posting to this blog. And the day before yesterday I was gonna lose my step streak and declared “no way in hell I’m losing my blogging streak.” Guess I forgot to knock on some wood and the Universe said “that’s ehat you think.”

What DID I do all day yesterday? I really don’t know. And it really doesn’t matter. Whatever. I guess all I can do is say “today is a good day to start again.” So here I am. 

I booked myself for two exercise classes today and then one of my new aquatintences from class is coming over for tea. I’m also scrambling to prepare for my darling daughters bday which is Sunday. She’ll be 19. 😱 No way!! 

Yes way. 

Tonight is the night we’re going out to dinner and then Sunday on her actual birthday we’ve booked an escape room. It’s kind of a birthday tradition for her to gather her closest friends to do these puzzle rooms. Last year we could not because the COVID was emerging as a real problem (and not just some ailment affecting “other” countries) and Jim said it was not a good idea. 

That would be the first of a long string of events my daughter would sacrifice to the pandemic. It took her senior “lock in,” senior prom, graduation, graduation celebration, the trip and concert we had planned in the summer, and many experiences she should have had as a freshman in college. 

Needless to say.. the pandemic has been a greedy bastard and she deserves some fun and happiness. 50% of our planned escapee party has been vaccinated and the other half are teenagers. I might be trying hard to justify this little excursion and make myself feel better about it but truly my son goes to school every damn day with hundreds of other teenagers wearing masks and has been since last August so as long as we mask up, I think it’s going to be ok. 

Despite all the disappointment this past year, my darling daughter is doing good. She’s working part time and going to school remotely/virtually this semester, living at home. She made the deans list in her first term and has now been officially accepted into her chosen program/major which is a BFA in Emerging Media Arts. I’m extremely proud of her and know that because of her passion and dedication (and stubbornness) she’ll be successful whatever she decides to do with her life. 

If I sound like a proud mama, it’s because I am! And I just want to celebrate her and so I’m going to make this weekend as special as I can. It starts with dinner out tonight. 

As for the rest of my day today.. lots to do. Never an end to the things that need doing. No rest for the wicked. It starts now. 

Hopefully this post will be the first of many in a row, but there’s really no way to predict what kind of wrench the Universe will throw next.

Happy Friday Ya’ll,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-01-09 True Introvert

I’m pretty sure I mentioned yesterday my mood is volatile. You know yesterday was well rounded and satisfying and things were good but the day before that was kinda rotten and I found myself grumpy and exhausted. It’s not like anything big changed and this switch is pretty typical so I ask myself.. what gives? 

I think these swings might have something to do with demands on my time and my ability to get some quality “me” time. Sound selfish? Yes. But I’ve got my reasons. Mostly I think it’s because of the way that I was built. The part of human design that people talk about as personality traits like introvert and extrovert has everything to do with it.

The other day I was on a drive with my daughter and we were talking about her personality traits. She’s in the midst of evaluating profiles for roommates for her sophomore year at college. This, of course, requires self evaluation to fill out your own profile. She put down that she’s an introvert. I agree she is. But she talked about a conversation she had with her dad where he told her she was an extrovert.

I disagreed. She said he described her as being an extrovert around people she was comfortable with. I’m like, well duh. I countered that comfort level and the phenomenon of being talkative around your best peeps does not equate to being an extrovert. I think everyone can be outgoing when they feel a certain security. 

Being an introvert or extrovert isn’t dependent on how you are with other people, that’s just the easiest way to kind of tell, the behavior provides insight but isn’t really the defining factor. 

As I understand it (and I’m by no means an expert, but have been interested in the topic and have done research) the categorization is more based on where the individual derived their energy. Simply put, the extrovert gets energized by interaction with others and the introvert builds up their energy stores by being alone.

Flip the script and it stands to reason that the introvert would be depleted of energy after long sessions of interaction or not having the right quality time alone to recharge. 

In this way, I feel like my daughter is an introvert. And so am I. I also think Jim might be one of those self-professed introverts that’s actually an extrovert. He seems to thrive on interaction and gets more energized having lots of folks around. My son is definitely an introvert and my kids’ dad is definitely an extrovert. I digress.

The dynamic with my kids and I, when we lived alone, just the three of us was very much a situation where we were happy to be together for family time, to chat, play games, and watch shows, but then we’re glad to retreat to our own separate spaces to recharge. It worked.

It’s a bit different here. More people, always more going on, and less opportunity to retreat and recharge. And let me tell you that the pandemic does not help. It means all the other opportunities for those extroverts to get out into the world and get their fix are minimized and they end up needing more interaction at home. 

I also think the Covid just fucks everything up. Everyone is stressed and sort of depressed and just trying to figure out how to feel ok. I miss meeting people in person too, and that has nothing to do with my personality type. I just miss human interaction and conversation with different people. I think we’re all suffering from being just a little bit extra broken. Or a lot bit. 

Anyway so back to the being an introvert. I think some days this may be my problem. I mean, it’s not a problem but definitely plays into the mood I’m in and the puzzle I’ve now resolved to figure out. I think if I had more dedicated “me” time, it would improve my daytime fatigue and perhaps even improve my energy going into the evening of each day, instead of being “done done” and checked out by 9pm.

Of course it’s one thing to come to a conclusion and want to make a change and actually take steps toward improving, 

I said yesterday I think meditation might be part of the answer. I’ve since had advice from my friend Vis on a few apps to try and a Headspace series on Netflix to check out. I’m excited to get started. I’m hopeful. 

I also think that this is no different than anything else in life, that balance is key. And that change can be slow. I need to figure out where the “me” time fits into the routine and then form a good habit. It won’t work if it’s an afterthought that gets skipped everyday because something else is demanding attention.

This is part of the reason I’m backing off in my other goals. I’m not abandoning exercise, but instead will be devoting less time to it. Same with worrying about it (or healthy eating or productivity in general). I swear I spend more time and energy thinking about these things than actually doing anything about them. So why not let it go mentally and focus on the “here and now?” Good thought right??!! 

So that’s it today. Time to quit writing about it and just do it. 

It’s Saturday and I estimate I have about an hour before people start needing stuff. Gotta take advantage of that while I can. 

Cheers to the weekend! 

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-12-26 Soooo Ready

Having recently run out of episodes of my favorite, albeit old news, comedy series on Hulu, The Mindy Project, I had stopped watching anything altogether. 

It was the one show I watched alone. You know, folding laundry or eating lunch by myself on weekdays. All the other shows we watch, we watch as a couple in the evenings. The Crown, Lost in Space, Mandelorian, Umbrella Academy, and we just started Breaking Bad which is a show that I’m apparently the last person on the planet to watch. 

Anyway so I ran out of episodes on my one show. So I’ve been eating at my desk working on other stuff and folding laundry just standing there with the solo sound of gears turning up in my own head. Until this past week. When I rediscovered the Bachelor. 

Normally part of the appeal of this show is just being a part of the buzz while the show is unfolding on live TV. All those rose ceremony addicts and the girls fueled by drama and tears of some complete strangers’ crazy lives. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m one of those. 

I also love seeing alll the pretty dresses and cute outfits and hot bodies. I mean, they don’t pick ugly people to be on the show. The bomb first dates and glimpses into some primo vacation destinations is not bad either. So I started watching another season despite the fact that I’m pretty sure it’s all old news. 

This elaborate explanation reveals a piece of me, Miss SugarCookie, and my character and habits. But it’s also the setup for what I really want to write about today which is kicking 2020 out the proverbial door. So ready to be done with the nonsense that this year brought to the world. And mine. 

It was supposed to be the BEST year of my life. I was to get married to the man of my dreams, whichI still did, followed by the most badasss honeymoon ever, which we also did. It all went to shit shortly after that with the onset of the pandemic. 

No prom for my daughter, no graduation, no big grad party here at the house. She was robbed of lots of experiences she was supposed to have in that last semester of her senior year. Instead she retreated deeper into the shell of her bedroom. And frankly was seriosly affected by the isolation. Physically and mentally. 

Our “graduation gift,” that was a trip to San Fran to go to a Fall Out Boy concert was cancelled. Well, postponed, so they are holding our money hostage. As is the airline as those tickets were turned into virtual cash to be used on a future flight. No summer trip. 

No trips requiring flight anyway. No Austin, no San Francisco or San Diego. No fall trip to the northeast or anyplace tropical. We did drive to Colorado twice though. Once with my darling daughter, as a mother daughter make-up trip to sub for the Cali trip and to cheer her up. The second was just Jim and I when we really needed a couples only weekend. 

What else? Oh, I was supposed to graduate too. A summer residency at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City with some of my newest favorite peeps. Sitting out on the back deck and sipping a drink and listening to stories. Followed by wearing cute dresses to present my lecture and give my graduation reading. Not to mention actual graduation. 

I elected to defer graduation until Winter, holding onto hope that the Covid would have run its course and we would have “flattened the curve” enough to get back in person. 

You guys remember that? When flattening the curve was all the rage. Where we listened to the news every day to see what havoc was happening in every state and when toilet paper and hand sanitizer suddenly became the hot commodities? Feels so long ago. 

No graduation for me and the changes in everyday routine things started to take a toll too. No Jazzercise. No coffee or lunch meetups. I mean, I still did some of those things (except the Jazzercise), but to a much lesser extent. The isolation kind of got to me too. 

Having my kids do virtual school was rough too. Ramping up to near full time at work also pushed me to an edge. It doesn’t matter how much I like to work.. it was a  painful project. They made quitting fairly easy.

Did I mention the habitual use of benzodiazepines to help with sleep that wrecked me for several months. I realized I had to change that the day I realized that my substance abuse was sort of out of control. Too much drinking, caffeine, and said sleep aids. I tried to cut cold turkey in May or June and totally wrecked myself. 

I subsequently came down slow, on doctors orders, and that took like 5 months. No joke. 

By the end of August I was off the meds but still feeling the withdrawal for about 6 mire weeks. By the end of September I was done done with my day job too. By the end of October I was finally feeling better. But the emotional mood swings and situational depression persisted. 

I wanted to drive to Austin for the election but was so down (and was sick that week) so it didn’t happen. I let go of it ok, but also had to let go of hope that I could graduate in person. Things are going to be virtual next week and it’s not fine but what can I do? 

I’ve known a few people who had Covid but everyone came out ok, albeit rather worse for wear in some cases. My immediate family has not been affected, miraculously, though my son had quarantine at his dads house for two weeks. My kids grandparents on their dads side  both had it but recovered. 

They (my kids) lost a grandparent anyway to Cancer. A speedy decline that was invisible to us until like the last two weeks of her life. They were not close to that grandparent (nor was I)  which is actually a blessing at this time. 

All of this is pretty character revealing too, right, but it’s just another setup. Because what I really want to write about today is all the things I was able to let go of in 2020. Things I would call successful little revelations. 

Like not caring about my hair and letting it grow really long. And also not seeing my esthetician since like January has led to the conclusion that I don’t need to wax my female bits anymore. After doing that for 10 years, there’s not much left. And what is there is completely personally manageable. No more $$$ going out the door for that or nail care. I can do that myself too. 

My skin is great thanks to my man bringing home great products and also not needing a shower every day. Usually winter brings seriously dry skin but so far this year has been great. 

What else? There has to be more but with all the meandering I’ve run out of time. 

Normally I would wait till January to reminisce and recap but I’m just so over 2020. 

Hey 2021!… The bar is really low, let’s GO!!’ 

Peace, 

~Miss SugarCookie

PS. The featured image is a glass ornament my darling daughter made for me. It says “2020 In Case of Emergency Break Glass” and is full of tiny little toilet paper rolls. So clever!

2020-12-25 Merry Efffin Christmas

It’s a mood. It’s not necessarily a bad mood or a good mood. It’s just a mood. Christmas. Whatever.

Yesterday I kinda said efff it to stuff and did what I wanted. I had said previously that what would be good was a repeat of thanksgiving. Just us here at the house having fun. No obligations. And as the day rolled along yesterday I feel like we (or at least I) embraced that spirit. 

I opted to not drive to CB to visit with my dad. Bad daughter. Whatever. 

Instead I had too much coffee and junk food and drove my darling daughter to Qdoba for lunch and my son to target to buy his sister a gift (separate trips). Then in the late afternoon we came together and played a few games, and were successful keeping the losing rants to a minimum. My people are notorious for salty rage when losing at games. How do you teach children to be good sports at losing? Mysteries of the universe. 

Z won at Tsuro, which is a quick game that usually lasts less than 15 minutes. 

Then I kicked their butts at Qwirkle. It really came down to the last play. Z could have won but C put down a move that not only prevented her from running out of tiles first but also set me up for like an 11 point play on my last turn. That’s my boy!! 🤣

Anyway, sad to say that late in the day my brain sort of goes AWOL and I didn’t have a third brain game in me. I would have played UNO or something but C dipped too, wanting to get back to the video games. Z was grumpy about that and bored but what could I do? Another parenting conundrum. 

After that I hung about with Jim for the rest of a relaxing evening. We watched some YouTube and started a movie on Netflix, which we opted to put on pause to go to bed early and read. And yes, I really mean read. My mind goes AWOL about 7PM but my body also goes about 9pm. All I can do is lay in bed. And once I’m there I fall asleep in about 30 seconds. No lie. 

Last night I actually had to take care of Santa duty first. Yes my peeps still get stockings stuffed. And when I say my peeps I mean, the 4 kids (my two and Jim’s boys), 4 kittens (Doug, Kayla, Emma, and Gus), and Jim. That’s a mantle full!! 

At 10:30pm it’s a good thing that doesn’t take much effort. 

I had a pretty good sleep and feel refreshed and ready to take on this day. The days of excited children getting up at 6am to see what Santa brought are long gone. My people have been told that we’re converging in the living room again at 10am. That will be for opening gifts which will be followed by breakfast of cinnamon rolls and bacon and hash browns. Mmmmmm. And coffee for me. 

We have to be done with all that by the time my mom comes over at 1:30. Nice for her to drive here instead of expecting us to drive to CB. That should be a quick and socially distanced visit cuz my mom is not the most Covid-ly conscious person. She went to a steak house for dinner yesterday and I’m pretty sure she also has regular meetups with her pals. 

Yesterday on our way back from Qdoba I asked my daughter if it felt like Christmas. Of course she said no. Of course it doesn’t. But what I wanted to know from her perspective is why. 

She basically said that this has been such a strange year nothing has felt normal. She mentioned something she saw on Tiktok. A person posting a video from Easter with a caption “Anybody remember Easter?” All the comments were “no.” Yeah, that. 

It’s like the whole year got sucked into a swirling vortex of doom and nothing and our memories have all been wiped, like in Men In Black. 

Maybe it wasn’t Corona at all. Maybe aliens have finally descended on the planet and their big takeover move is to cause chaos enough that the human race self-implodes. Maybe Trump is playing for their team. He certainly doesn’t seem human to me.

Oooops. Did that political opinion slip out? Sorry not sorry. 

Anyway, so my goal today is to just have fun with my peeps and see where the day goes. It would be great if I can convince them to game some more. Maybe something more physical like ping-pong or I’ve hockey or shooting baskets. We’ll see. 

Time to get after it. 

Side note before calling it: My hair is getting really long, I’ve been noticing. It makes me want to write a post about all the things that were impacted by the new normal. Perhaps All the things that the pandemic made better. Yeah, that might be a good pre-NYE post. Thoughts? 

Peace, Love, and Peppermint Schnapps, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-11-30 Bow for November

My second full month in my new job is coming to a close. This morning I’m tasked with making breakfasts and lunches for my people and will of course get doing dishes and scooping litter boxes. And I’ll be working on the lit mag some. And hopefully finding time to read and write outside of this routine treadmill time.

It’s Monday and the last day of the month and I’m not missing my old job one bit. I had the best weekend and now get to start a new week full of promise and poetry.

I’ve got a fair bit to get done today as it’s the last day of the month—tasks I’ve been procrastinating that are due today. Mostly stuff for the GLR and I need to try and stay focused on that and not log into my personal Submittable account because that will inevitably lead to hours of research, revision, letter writing and I just don’t have time for that today. I need to stay focussed.

I should be satisfied with November. I mean, I am satisfied. I managed to bump myself up to 75 open subs despite the rejections and as I said yesterday, can cruise through December holding that line.

Amidst those rejections are a few more acceptances. Gyroscope Review, Local Honey, and Vital Sparks to name a few. Plus, my poem “Covid Sunset” was in the top 10 for a contest put on by Wingless Dreamer for their “Fruits of our Quarantine” collection. That’s awesome sauce. That’s an actual printed book which I somehow appreciate more than the bits and bytes that are online only. Even though Kate says online is where it’s at now, I like having a physical book I can hold, thumb through, dog-ear, and see on my shelf.

So far my experience with these publications leads me to believe that the GLR is doing a good job with communication. To be fair, most places that are accepting my work are just as new. Gyroscope Review might be the exception to that rule, but a few seem so new that there’s not a lot to see on their websites. Vital Sparks appears to be a basic placeholder for future content. With no info and no aesthetic, it makes me wonder what I was thinking sending my baby there.

And not just any baby but one of my favorites. Perhaps it’s for the best. As it is one of my favorites, I have no idea if it’s a good poem or not. More than a year, and 10 revisions old now and I still can’t tell. I’ve offered this baby to lots of places and this brand new lit mag was the one that snatched it up. How will they present my baby to the world? It remains to be seen.

I wonder if I should Pay more attention to social media. Maybe this is where the action is happening—the promo, the big-news. I might need to spend some time researching that. But not today.

Not today. Not today. Not today.

I have to keep telling myself this so I don’t get distracted. I have other work to do.

Yes, I seem to be taking nicely to my new role. I enjoy tending to my healthy household and look forward to my son returning this week from his quarantine. I’ll have all the Christmas decorations out of storage by then and we’ll be set for a bit of a traditional tree-trimming party next weekend. This would normally be the weekend after thanksgiving but the Covid kind of effffed that up too.

Pretty soon now we’ll have a vaccine but I’m still not making any plans. Not booking airline tickets or entertaining ideas about field trips or road trips or one-year anniversary vacations. Other people are doing this for me as I refuse to hope for one more damn thing.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Nope. I’m setting my expectations dangerously low and that way I can’t be disappointed. I’ll just keep trucking with all these semi-isolated days, enjoying all the good things that I have right here in the comfort of my own home.

Like walking on my treadmill, cooking for my crew, and scheming about how to protect our outside guests from the brutality a Nebraska winter, which appears to have arrived overnight.

We woke today to a bitter 18 degrees and both black cats were creeping the back yard. Puffy was clearly hungry and though he/she ran away when I went to fill the food dish, she/he came right back and had a really healthy snack. That’s when the topic of constructing some sort of shelter came up again. Nothing store bought mind you as we’ve spend enough money on the inside cats. 

No, we’re talking cardboard, leftover insulation and plastic. Jim even mentioned tubing that could be constructed to funnel vent heat into whatever shelter we decide upon. All with no guarantee that these strays will be interested in such a home. Heck, they probably already have several homes. But it does get really cold and if there is something we can do to help protect them, we want to do that. But not today. 

Not today. Not today. Not today. 

Oh boy, I’m headed for trouble. 

Cheers to Taking Bows and Tying Bows,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-11-22 Flip to B Square

It’s been a good couple of days. I feel satisfied. I’m adding up my stats today, to report out to my accountability buddy how I did this week and it looks like a pretty “meh.” But still I feel ok. Ok is pretty good, you know, all things considered. 🤷‍♀️

I have to be kind to myself even when I haven’t made much progress on several fronts— healthy eating and sleep. And I have gone backwards on productivity, procrastinating things I should be doing. 🤷‍♀️

I thought I was making progress on sleep having three nights in a row with good numbers. Then I had three in a row that were rotten so I’m all like, whatever. 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, whatever.

Yesterday we moved my darling daughter out of the dorm at UNL. She has not been there for like 3 weeks anyhow. All her classes are online and are officially over this week. One semester done. I’m really hoping for her sake that next year will be more normal. I already know next semester will be all online too and she’s not going to live on campus. It’s better this way, to just live here at home and keep making progress as this Pandemic plays out.

The one stat that seems to get better as the others waiver is my exercise. Lots of steps. 16553 average per day last week and that’s counting yesterday when I only had like 6K. And I enjoy walking but really seriously running out of things to write about. Somehow I cant just walk. I’ve gotta feel like I’m making more of the time somehow, because just walking and thinking makes me crazy after a while. I get so irritated being alone with my brain. If I’m writing, my thoughts slow down enough for me to type them.

I’ve never had that thought before. That I like writing and walking at the same time cuz it forces my brain to slow down. 🤔

Anyway, I’m laying in bed this morning and contemplating getting up and starting my day and getting down to the treadmill, but dreading this. Yes, THIS, what I’m doing right now. Going around like the same broken record about stats and life and the stupid pandemic for the gazillionth time.

Then I think about the fact that new poetry books and lit mags are now showing up at my door quite regularly. And with all this new content, there are endless things to read. It occurs to me that I could read instead of write. So that’s it. That’s the flip that’s happening this week.

When I thought about this “flip” I wrote the title “flip to be square,” because it seemed so familiar. Where have I heard that? So I googled it. One slight tweak and you have “hip to be square” that is a song by Hewey Lewis and the News. Yeah, I’m old enough to remember that song.

I clicked on the video and watched for like 60 seconds, which is all I could take. So terrible. There is very little I find redeemable about the 80’s. This song (and video) are no exception.

I digress.

Today I’m going to dive into the latest book I received in the mail. A book published by “High Shelf Press.” They rejected my poetry but I got a copy of one of their issues out of the deal. That’s how some of these presses operate.

Part of you submission fee includes a subscription or book selection. I’ve spent a ridiculous amount on submissions this year and it’s nice to get something out of the deal. Hopefully it’s good stuff.

In any case, I’m really hoping this “flip” leads to more interesting posts. Or better yet, inspiration to write which has sadly been in short supply lately. We shall see.

That’s it for now. Time to flip!

Cheers to Being Square,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-11-19 And Just Like Snap…

Nothing like getting news that wrecks the day. That was 1pm yesterday. I ignored a call from my ex-husband in the AM. One call gets dismissed automatically, because of conditioned behavior. I’ve learned that whatever that first call is, wait, and it could resolve itself, or simmer down, or be a possible a mistake/butt dial or something. A text that follows means it’s more urgent, but still don’t dial back.

I’m not playing games. I’m just hip to the way he operates. I forgot about the text and call, finished my errands, and made it back home. The phone rings again. A second ring, so soon after the first? This could be something important. I answer.

He makes quick work telling me his fiancé has tested positive. Within about two seconds I connect the dots and realize that means my son, who went to their house Monday (And is still there) has been exposed. Two more seconds and I arrived at the fact that he now can’t come home, or go to school. In less than five seconds flat I’ve processed the primary implications.

Still, I only talked with Brian a few more minutes and then told him I needed to process and that I’d call him back. Adding that I Hope Jessie feels better soon and isn’t hit to hard.

My ex thinks I’m immune to Covid because I have O+ blood. His fiancé’s daughter who tested negative is also O+. He is A- and therefore the most susceptible blood type. Naturally he assumes he will get it next. He claims to have read medical journals that validate his statements. But he’s also been known to spin yarn before so I just have to get off the phone any way I can.

I called the school and they excused my son to leave right away and calked back after they talked to the “infected household” to let me know the duration. A standard 14 days unless he shows symptoms and also ends up testing positive. Then they reevaluate.

The good news is that there is no school next week anyhow so the missed coursework will be minimal. The bad news is that he’s already behind and catching up from home is a challenge. It’s why last semester of last year was such a disaster.

I sure hope they have the common sense to keep distanced at that house. They should be doing every thing they can to keep him from getting exposed. But alas, this is all out of my control.

And like I said, while in quarantine I don’t get to see him either so that’s a serous bummer. I can try to face time everyday or something. That’s what I will do.

Deep breaths. Not the worst news, but it does kind of derail me and my trains of thought and break the streak I was having with regard to good sleep.

Yeah. The maker of dreams served up doozie after doozie last night and when I woke up just after 5, it was clear that my subconscious had had enough. I was wide awake.

I don’t remember much but I was at a wedding with a bunch of my original crew and sat the entire reception, which was at a Mexican restaurant, looking at the menu without being able to decide what I wanted. As everyone around me ate and drank and talked and laughed, I combed the menu trying to decide. I remember I had a drink and when the bill came, Amy and Mike told me they put my drink on their bill since that was all I had. How nice.

There were slivers if other moments that seem familiar or were connected somehow: me in a wedding dress, people helping me with getting the other dress I was wearing clean, which I laughed at saying that they should not go to any trouble as the dress only cost me like 3 dollars in the first place.

But all of that slipped away as real life took control of my brain. Funny the way that is.

Right now it’s early. 6am and today promises to be an odd duck.

It’s going to be above 70 degrees and I’ve got big plans to put up more lights outside if I can get my act together. I’m also going to be oddly tethered to my cell service after 8am as we’re supposed to have folks coming to measure to replace some carpet. There are certain places in my house I don’t get cell service and I don’t want to miss their “We’re on our way” call.

I also have a GLR meeting at 10:30. Not really looking forward to that. Whatever. Meh.

As long as I can keep scooting my way to Friday which promises a meetup, with Coffee and maybe a muffin and a walk. It’s the Sam all things yo.

With that, it is our early day and so it’s time to cook breakfast. The day unfolds whether we like it or not.

Doing it,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-11-17 It’s a Trap

Four points of data begin to form a jagged curve that appears to be going up. The first two nights with my new sleep trial were inconclusive as the results were not great but potentially skewed by external factors. The last two night, I hope, are the start of a trend.

When testing a theory it’s important to only change one variable at a time, but when it comes to real life that is not as easy to do. Some factors are within my control and some are not. I’m trying to get the “time” factor on my side. The past two nights I’ve gone to bed at 9:30ish. That helps with the duration.

But the real test is being able to stay asleep. The CBD appears to be working. But again, it’s only four points of data. Ask me again in a month if I’m willing to hand over 60 bucks to the American Shaman folks for another bottle of that truly horrific tasting stuff.

I’m definitely feeling better today than the past two or three. The evidence is that I have a meetup outside the house today and I’m not dreading it or searching my brain for reasons to cancel. And the Universe knows I need to get out of this house.

I had an offer yesterday to do another meetup which might include a walk outside on Friday, and at the present moment that sounds amazing. Can we just skip to Friday? 😉

In other news I’ve already done the dishes today which means I’ve already listened to the news Alexa has to offer. I listen from two different sources so I can get two different media perspectives on what is important enough for a 5 minute briefing.

According to my sources you know who is not getting a briefing? Our new president. What the Fuck!! I’m so angry. I just can’t believe that the loser, as a last ditch Effort to hijack and embarrass our country further, is refusing to concede. I mean, of course I believe it. That’s what’s so incredibly frustrating.

Important briefings about intelligence matters and health matters are not being done and that is putting our country in a tricky pickle. You remember that tricky pickle post from a few weeks back. America is caught between first and second base with no way to get to either without being tagged out. Let’s just hope there’s no country out there conspiring to take advantage and really slam into us as we try to slide to safety.

Also Corona is out of control. Yes, I know, thanks Captain Obvious. But, things are bad, worse than anything experienced in America in the spring as states were locking down, but in the name of freedom, capitalism, and the economy my City and state are still not taking Necessary action.

It’s a clear message. The economy is more important than peoples lives. You’re freedom is more important than the healthcare worker or teacher who is completely wrecked with stress and will be scarred for life by daily trauma they are being asked to endure.

Shut it down people. Lock down and issue executive orders to shut down the economy too. Make everyone stay home for two months. And instead of arguing over stimulus packages just write up an executive plan to halt the economy as well. Mandate a halt to rent and mortgage and healthcare and insurance payments for two months.

Call it trickle-up theory. If the people at the bottom don’t have to pay, it affects the landlords, but if the landlords and shop owners don’t have to pay either, then they can survive too, then whatever moneys normally being paid into the “system” are static. Funds can be used for essential services, medical supplies, food, and The Universe willing, a vaccine and vaccine distribution.

The ultimate cost trickles all the way up to big business and let’s face it, big business can afford to take a hit.. for two months. Two months of total lock down. Give up your freedom to save your neighbor. Or your parents, or yourself.

A strangely unpopular opinion. How many people have to suffer?

But we can’t get executive orders if there are no executives to give them. There’s just children throwing temper tantrums and, dare I say it, figure heads too afraid to step in and make demands.

It’s all too political. And politics are preventing people from making rational decisions. There’s nothing I can do but be a good citizen and stay home.

Does that mean I should not conspire to meet up with people at their houses? Ahhhhh, nooooo. Now I’m the one in the tricky pickle.

Please click away, close the laptop lid, or whatever it takes to quit reading. Forget everything you’ve read here. This is not the post you are looking for.

Time to slide,
~Miss SugarCookie