2020-05-24 Sushi Sunday Anyone? 🍣

We had a glorious thunderstorm last night (apparently) and I woke at the end of that, happy to hear the rain as I’ve done some planting of annuals in pots the last week or so and every day it rains is a day I don’t have to. Thanks Universe!

I also went back to sleep after both my 3am and 5am wake ups.. with no meds. That’s pretty glorious too. I was able to get a collective 8 hours which is rare and also really necessary to get that restoration I was talking about yesterday.

It’s apparently going to be a pretty rainy day out today too. Perfect for getting stuff done inside. This includes work work, work on the lit mag website (which is supposed to go live today), and probably getting in another episode of Picard before our one month trial of whatever the streaming service that show is on runs out. I think that ends on the 26th so if watch 1 episode a day, we’ll get to the end (we don’t watch a lot of TV).

Truth is, I have a hard time watching TV anymore because I always start to feel like I’m wasting time. It has to be a really good show. Picard has been good, but not quite great, even for Trek fans, so we’ll see.

I woke up this AM and one of the first thoughts in my head was that Sushi sounds good. Sunday’s used to be my day to treat myself to that. It also used to be my day to check on my stats. I haven’t had/done either in a while. The stats thing is just kind of depressing and I gave myself a big ole pass on it because of the pandemic but that’s just a sorry excuse.

There is, however, no excuse for skipping out on the Sushi Sunday experience. I might just have to right that wrong today.

Of course, we had been on serious lockdown because of the pandemic for a while and that included take out. Those restrictions have eased up a bit lately and we’ve treated ourselves. (I’ve probably treated myself a little more than we agreed upon, bending that “minimalistic” approach we agreed upon). 🤷‍♀️

After yesterday I think my veg garden is all in. I finally found that Anaheim pepper plant I’ve been looking for and the pumpkin seeds are in, which is probably too late to have actual pumpkins ready in October. Some varieties take 120 days. I’ll have to look at the seed packets.

My grape iris are in full bloom now which is late for them because they typically pop in early May and are amazing by Mother’s Day. I would cut some and put them in a vase in the kitchen but Doug, the resident plant destroyer, would probably just munch them. Maybe I’ll do that anyway.

We’ll see.

Peace and love and sushi, 🍱
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-19 Today Miss SugarCookie asks, “What does the Universe Want?” 🤔

Last week was ballz-out crazy and I have high hopes that this week is going to slow down. Is it too high or wishful to believe that it can actually slow down sometime?

What I need, is like a week without obligations or responsibilities. What’s that called again? Oh yeah, a vacation.

I’m missing my spring trip to Austin. I’m missing planning a trip to Colorado. I’m missing day-dreaming with my besties about our next girls trip off the grid. I’m missing musing about where in the world my love and I should go next. In the grand scheme of “what’s different now” because of the pandemic, my daily life hasn’t changed much.

Less trips to the grocery. Wearing masks. No coffee or lunch or HH meetups. That’s all changed and I feel like we are slowly coming out of that haze. Cautiously dipping a toe into the uncertainty of more trips out, getting take-out, and a few visits with friends.

But I have a feeling it’s going to be a while before I can travel. Well, big travel anyway. I tried logging in to Ticketmaster on my phone a few days ago (which I had been procrastinating) to check to see if Fall Out Boy in July was on or cancelled or postponed. That’s in California. If it’s cancelled, I guess I need to cancel those plane tickets. I could not get logged in and I took that as a sign from the Universe that I should wait.

Then there’s Elton John in Des Moines in June. That’s getting close now and it’s most assuredly cancelled but I’ve been remiss in looking into that too. I just don’t want those negative feels, you know?

Oh hey… and did I mention my daughters graduation. Probably once or twice before, yeah. My poor pudding pie. She’s sort of over it.. or at least not lamenting outwardly anymore. As a parent, to raise a child and be so freaking proud of the person they have become and then have that “moment” and celebration ripped away, it just sucks big time.

Her unused prom dress is hanging in her room. She dwells mostly in her bedroom and so I’m sure she’s reminded of that missed event everyone she looks at it. That’s part of why I haven’t been looking for the status of my concert tickets. Blissful ignorance I guess.

Her live graduation and party are still pending. The new date for graduation is August 2nd. Any later and she’ll have gone off to college. Well… there’s hope in that too.

I’m officially asking the Universe to help the Humans get this virus under control, figure it out and stop fighting about it, and give us back normal, even if it’s a new normal. What kind of prayers or gifts or sacrifices do I have to offer?

Not going to gamble my heart or soul or life on it (never again).

…Back to this week… It should be more chill. I’ve got flower planting and work and chores stacked up but nothing is on fire. Nothing is burning out of control. it is only Tuesday though. Ha!

I think that’s it today. It’s time for me to stop thinking about doing and to actually start doing. 😉

Cheers to Taco Tuesday,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-08 Looking Forward and Daydreaming about the Return of Normal

I’m feeling good today. Things “feel” like they are going my way again. It’s the end of the workweek and I’ve accomplished a lot and have a good plan for how the next month or two are going to play out. There’s a lot to do but my contribution is important and that means a lot to me.

The birthday of my son came and went but the family celebration will be this weekend. It’s nice to have that to look forward to. In general, it’s nice to have things to look forward to.

Today (fingers crossed) I’ll be getting to see a friend of mine in person. You know, it’s been exactly two months since I’ve seen a friend in person. March 8th I met Jackson at Elmwood park by his house. At that time I was already on a level of lockdown that required we meet outside. Two months seems like a long time.

I mean, we’ve done what we can, you know. Going for drives and walks and of course necessary trips to the grocery. And yes, I’ve seen people virtually over zoom, but there’s no substitute for the real thing. I’m talkin bout seeing people you love in person. Even for an introvert such as myself, it’s an important part of what is missing from my life right now.

I miss my happy hours with Sam and Lunches with Ryan and Vis and Barbie, and Jazzercise with Leah. I miss seeing my friend Amy on the regular and coffee and walking with Joshua. I miss planning my spring trip to Austin and conspiring to visit my people in Colorado, which is a growing crew.

So for me, getting to maybe see Michelle today is super special! I mean, Jim is having his work partner over maybe too and I’m all like “what is good for the goose is good for the gander.” Right?!

They pushed my daughters actual graduation out to August and that doesn’t leave me with a lot of confidence in planning anything this summer. Still.. I’ve got my eyes and ears open for the official rules and the minute things ease up to the point we can have a party, I’m totally planning that. And traveling. And lunch meetups and happy hours. Real stuff. Not virtual.

We have much to celebrate and the fact that it’s all on pause is eating away at me. I just have to remind myself that it could be way worse and to just be grateful that these are my only worries during this crisis.

I think that’s gonna be it today and that’s a good sentiment to finish on. Gratitude! So much to look forward to, and I’ll take all I can get!!

Happy Friday.
XOXOXO,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-05-01 This Day Calls for Big Hugs

Today is the last day of High School for my darling pudding pie. It’s easy to be in denial when nothing is happening as planned. We haven’t even sent out graduation announcements yet. The box was shoved up onto the top shelf in a cupboard in the kitchen and we basically forgot about it. Oops.

So today not only are we getting that box back out, but we’re also designing inserts with the alternate dates for graduation and parties (we picked two possible dates for a party, just in case).

We’re also making a trip around lunch time to the school to pick up her senior care package. It includes anything that was left at the school as well as her cap and gown, and thinking about it just makes me want to cry. It makes it real. And I can no longer be in denial.

I want to do something special with her today. I want to make this last day something she will remember other than a non-event because some pandemic has shut down all our favorite haunts. What would be the best thing ever is if she could get to see her friends.

It’s been so long since any of us has seen our friends in person. Sure, we have zoom and FaceTime and that’s something, but to touch another human and get hugs and give hugs. It’s just part of who we are, you know. And we’re not the huggy-est people, but over the years I’ve gotten more and more huggy and I just miss that so much.

We hug each other daily. That’s something. I think when we get to the other side of this chaos, I’ll be even more hugg with other people. You don’t know what’s important till it’s gone, you know?

I just want to hug the whole world. You know?

I read a social media post yesterday from a guy I barely know and it busted me down to tears. I just wanna hug that guy.

People will probably see me walk in a room and high-tail it out a back door to avoid my hugs. 😜

Anyway, that’s gonna be all I got today. Though it’s Friday, there’s no rest for the wicked and I have all kinds of stuff to do while Jim is at work.

Peace, love, and hugs! 🥰
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-04-24 A New Setlist to Help Me Cope with Un-Planning

Yesterday I had this poem knocking on my door and I was like “just a second, I gotta check my messages”. I got distracted by the day.

The same poem knocked again later in the day but when I opened the door I found only echo and silence. And that’s when I know I’m still doing this wrong.

When the poem knocks I should go running and beg it to come inside. I should drop everything and pay attention. Yes, it’s not always possible, because .. life. But what happened yesterday was avoidable. I should have made a different choice.

Especially since I’ve barely written a thing in months. You know, except for these words. I wrote what I thought was a poem on 4/20 and looked at it again last night and was like. Nope. That’s not anything but some abstractions on a page.

That’s all I have to say about that right now.

I sometimes listen to the same music/artist/playlist over and over for weeks and this morning I thought it was time for a change. I created a new playlist called “Girls Only Club”. It’s comprised of all my favorite female artists (the ones already in my music library anyway). So that’s what I’m jamming to this morning on my treadmill.

The selections range from high-school fav the Bangles to my 20’s favorites, Alannis and Avril (and I didn’t really like Avril all that much but she’s in my library). All the way to my most recent crush, T. Swift (who I’ve liked since she switched from country to pop and I’ve got 3 full albums plus a single). There is representation by Sara Barellies and Lady Gaga of course. Truth is, I don’t have a lot of female artists in my library. It’s like 5 or 6 to 1. 🤔

I should have been waking up in Minnesota this morning but our travel plans were thwarted by the Covid. It’s the first of several plans that have been crushed. My daughters prom has come and gone and her graduation is the next cancelled event. It’s not exactly canceled of course. Just rescheduled.

The virtual event will be happening May 10th and the real thing is tentatively July 10th. I hope beyond hope that things are better by then.

In June we had tickets to see Elton John in Des Moines, Iowa. That may or may not happen. My summer residency has been moved to an all-online/remote format and I’m electing not to be official at that, which defers my graduation until December.

In July my daughter and I also had a trip planned which has not been cancelled yet. I just need some good news, you know. There’s just so much upset, and it’s all political, and I can’t stand that. I can’t stand that decisions are being made because it’s what’s best for the economy. And that the health and safety of the people is a secondary consideration.

I don’t know if that’s true, and I’m sure it’s circumstantial, but that’s the way it seems.

I guess I’m just so personally torn, but it’s because there’s no actual “plan”. The people in charge are just making shit up as they go along based on the info they are given and this event is unprecedented so it’s hard to know right now what’s a mistake and what’s not.

But people getting so riled up and protesting and making it a political decision and not one based on science feels wrong.

And if President Trump would just finish out his term without talking, that would be good. That idiot says so many really stupid things. He will go down in history as the most you-tubed president of all time because of his inability to speak like a coherent human, his demeanor, and just the sheer number of dumb things that he has said on camera.

I would say “what an embarrassment for America”, but that ship sailed long ago.

That’s it for today, folks. Time to get cracking.

XOXO,
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-04-23 Dance of the Mid Life Crisis

This has been a long week and I’m happy to be nearing the end. I gave myself a goal to finish my Thesis before Friday so I could just let go for the weekend. The format check by the program coordinator and thumbs up from the second reader are the only other hurdles before it’s a done deal.

Deadline for getting those electronic copies out is Sunday. I sent mine yesterday (the format check anyway). My second reader has had the preface and creative portion for a week+ now and I’m just going to guess that if I hear nothing back, it’s a pass from him.

I spoke to my thesis mentor yesterday who gave me the all clear on it and also some lovely words of praise on the work I’ve done this semesters. After that conversation and just hitting send on that email, a weight was lifted off. I’ve done it. I’ve really done it! Feels so good! 💃

The reality hasn’t really sunk in yet. There’s more boxes to check in order to officially graduate, but I’m a huge jump closer. Even if I have to wait until the global crisis is over, I’ll be getting my masters. A journey that began about 3 years ago as a result of a mid-life crisis is finally going to come to a close.

I’ve never once, until today, referred to what I went through as a mid life crisis. I mean, I was in the middle of my life (which we kind of all are, right) and it was a crisis. I guess instead of buying a sports car or doing wild and crazy stuff, I opted to get a masters in fine arts.

Not like anyone’s counting, but it’s probably the second mid-life crisis I’ve had. The first one ended with the divorce from my first husband (of 19 years) and that was in 2009/2010. Part of pulling myself through that Involved my claiming my independence. I built my kids and I a house and, yes, I also bought myself a fun little sporty car. I went to Europe and did some stupid stuff (but not too stupid). I guess since I did all that already, this go-round was bound to be different.

And now look what I’ve gone and done. Gotten myself married again. I’m following that same ole recipe for success. I suppose the difference is that now I have better ingredients to work with now. 😉 #truth

So the thesis is done-done and today I’m turning my attention back to work which I’ve been neglecting for about 3 days. I’ve gotta play catch up and that’s ok. I realize after my brief departure that the team really needs me. Yesterday I opted to skip morning call for that conversation with my mentor. Nobody took notes. Not that the notes are that important, but if action items and decisions need to captured, there’s value in that. (It is good to have the notes for searching later).

I was about to get on my notes soapbox and then I’m like.. FULL STOP. Nobody cares. Haha!

If there was no pandemic, Jim and I would be jumping in the car after work to go to Minnesota. I little weekend road trip planned around an appointment in Minneapolis to do our Global Entry interviews. I’m sad about not getting to go, but happy that I get him all to myself for a long weekend.

It’s just as well that the appointments have all been cancelled as I attempted to do the name change thing with my passport and that’s now somewhere lost in the Covid void. I started to change my name at a bunch of agencies shortly after getting married and just about the time I got to doing my passport, the risk was on the rise.

The US passport office is pretty slow anyhow, but I’m pretty sure with the pandemic, I’ll still be waiting for a while. 🤷‍♀️
Who knows how long it will be before international travel opens again. Could be months. Could also be years.

I told my mentor yesterday that I was opting for December residency so I could have that “in-person” experience. He cautioned that things could die down and then flair back up again and December could be worse. I shouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket (my words not his). I get it. But I just wanna have some hope, you know.

I’m really missing planning for the future and everything in limbo is getting to me. I swear that whatever happens, I’m gonna drive out to Kearney to hang with my friend Tre as she graduates. I also want to pin down a date for my daughters graduation party. When is it going to be ok to do that?

Soon I hope.

I’ve gotta get to work before I lose motivation for it.

Cheers to a three day weekend! 🍸
~Miss SugarCookie

2020-04-13 Accepting a New Way

For the first time ever I got a sleep score above 90. According to my FitBit the score for my sleep last night was 91 which equates to excellent. Wowza!

Last night I didn’t have much to think about in the way of what “has” to get done this week. My work hours have been reduced AND my thesis is essentially done and handed off to other folks for review. I’ve also been given the option to wait for the next in-person residency which is in December (instead of remotely in July) so that greatly reduces the stress of getting my lecture put together. If I put something together soon-ish, I can have my mentor help on it, which would be the only reason to want to do it before May gets here. Otherwise, I can just coast, you know, and put my focus elsewhere for now.

Today it’s back to work for Jim and the kids will not be home until this evening. So I have all day to work on anything I want. I told Jim at breakfast that it’s gonna be party time today. Just the cats and I free-wheeling. Of course I’ll get my steps and do the laundry and dishes but beyond that, all bets are off.

I might even hunt through some resources looking for lit mags to submit to. I had big goals in this area defined a few months back and all that just fell flat as work and school and Covid took over. Now, as I said yesterday, I have no excuses.

I’ve also made slow and steady progress with regard to the lit-mag Start-Up. With each conversation more needs to be done and if we’re gonna publish the site by May1st, those things need to get done sooner rather than later. What I’d like to do is put together a list of questions to survey folks for their opinions.

On one hand I’m in control of what content is there at the start and on the other hand, I want people to feel like their opinion matters and I don’t just want to be the “one” to decide things. If it were me doing this on my own, I’d certainly include more of my own weird ideas, but this is supposed to be collaborative. I also have a little friction with the person whose supposed to be my partner I’m this. He’s all talk, you know, and wants to be the top-cheese.

Our styles are very different and I’m like “well we need to have a mission statement because it’s in the membership form for CLMP and will be displayed on their site” and he’s all like “this is something we don’t need right away and it will evolve organically over time”.

I’m all for it developing organically over time, which it will. But to start a website you have to say something about what you are trying to do. Your about page has to say what you are about and if you want people to submit, you have to have a page that has specific guidelines and, ummmmm, a platform for them to submit.

I think this we’ll be the week for me to get those ducks in a row. I hope. I’m probably overthinking it cuz that’s my Way.

If this whole thing goes off the rails, I’m thinking I’ll just start my own thing. In some ways, that’s a comforting thought. I guess my angst comes from wanting to be at the forefront of the effort and at the same time having no clue what I’m doing. We want to appear legit, but it all just feels nebulous.

That’s enough of that. I think it will all work out and I just need to go with the flow. Do what I can and at the end of the day focus on me and what I need. Sounds selfish, but I have to stop worrying over stuff that out of my control.

If there’s a lesson to be learned from Covid, it’s that Mother Nature IS a force to be reckoned with and none of us have as much control as we’d like. It’s perhaps a little nudge toward a life where a person learns to just exist and be ok with whatever happens. And be grateful for what they have instead of always wanting more. You know?

Anyway, it’s time to get on with the day.
Thanks for reading.
~Miss SugarCookie