2021-12-05 Oh.. hello December. When did you get here? 🗓

Five whole days ago?! Damn!!

I think I’m in denial that winter is knocking on the door and Christmas is only 3 weeks away! 😱

I’ve also been hiding away because I’ve been feeling physically unwell for days and I was overcompensating by trying to take things easy on myself. I kind of suspected it was my period that was late when I woke up this AM after having a rough night with cramps I actually felt a huge weight lifted, mentally and physically too. I literally felt lighter. It’s not that I was worried I might be pregnant, because that’s not possible. It’s just that every day that went by I felt worse and worse. 

I had a constant headache and was bloated and lethargic. Today all that is just gone. Like magic. That’s how I know. 

Now I’m treating myself to a truly relaxing Sunday. I’ve done some decorating, chatted with Jim’s family that came over for a visit, and I even took a nap. I didn’t open my laptop and did not change out of my pajamas, even to drive to Runza for a comfort Cheeseburger and fries. It’s been nice. 

I’m still trying to get my steps of course, but after treadmill time I’m going to make dinner for Jim and I and then we’re gonna to watch some Lost In Space. A nice way to finish out the weekend I think. 

At this moment I’m actually looking forward to the week ahead. I’ve got a lot to get done in the next few weeks and kinda have to kick things into high gear starting tomorrow. It’s all things Christmas, and some GLR work, and also some things I’ve been procrastinating for too long that just need to get done. 

I can’t think about all that too much right now, because I promised myself that I’m order to really let go and enjoy a relaxing day, I could not let my mind get bogged downed in thinking about the never ending to-do list. 

And with that, it’s about time for me to wrap this up and get cooking. 

Short and sweet, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-11-25 Happy Turkey Day Y’all!! 🧡🍗🥓🥧🥔🥐🥦🌽🧡

Yes.. it’s THAT day again and I’m feeling pretty good.

Let’s agree to set aside the sketchy origin of this holiday and instead focus on gratitude, spending quality time with people (hopefully), and…. FOOD!! 

One meager year ago we were in isolation. No meetups or visits with friends and family and for sure no big gathering with a hearty meal. 

Instead, it was five of us at the house and I cooked a small Turkey with all the fixings. I don’t have to go back and read my blog post about it. I remember it well. It was a nice time and I was grateful to have the kids here. 

This year I don’t have my kids. It’s the nature of the beast known as divorce. I would say I’m used to it but I don’t think I’ll ever really be used to it. It’s always hard. The holidays are tough for a lot of people for different reasons. Going to family events without my kids is just one of my reasons. Still, I’m grateful we’re all healthy and have board game day tomorrow to look forward to. 

I’m also grateful for the fact that my small circle of friends and family is also helpful. Especially my parents who have both had a really tough year—mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

I think they are through the worst of the physical stuff 🤞 but the emotional challenges often linger and take longer to mend. I’ll be seeing both of them today at my sister’s house. Plus a handful of other related and not related people, mostly her boyfriend’s family.

Pretty soon now I’m going to turn my attention to the FOOD part of this day. I’ll be making brunch for Jim and I at 11 and at the same time practice cooking my appetizer for the feast today. Practicing has literally been on my list all week and I have not gotten to it. If I procrastinate anymore, I won’t get practice at all because it will be the real thing.😜

My plan was to make bacon wrapped dates stuffed with cheese or almonds or both. There are lots of popular recipes on the internet and I just made sure I had all the ingredients for a few of them, and then planned to practice and decide what to go with. As the day ticks by, we’ll see how it plays out. 

Other than that, I don’t have a lot of plans for the day. Perhaps I’ll give myself a break from my daily grind like Everyone else?? I probably should. 

With that I must be moving along. But before I go, I think you should know, I’m grateful for you too. For spending your precious time reading. Time is one of the only things we really have in life, until we don’t. So don’t waste it. 🧡💕🧡💕

With peace and love, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-11-24 Which Way is Up + 10 Reasons Why Tuesday was Tops Compared to Monday

I swear the Universe is conspiring to mix me around something fierce in a way that leaves me not knowing which direction is up.

Two days ago I was the hot mess I often complain about being here in this semi-anonymous space. Yesterday was like the exact opposite. I felt great and for no damn good reason. I actually finished writing yesterday knowing in my heart today’s writing was going to start with 10 reasons why Tuesday was awesome (except I just said there was no good reason). 

Then last night happened and I’m all like “what the actual hell??!!”

I was stirred awake by one of the cats banging on our bedroom door, which they normally can’t to get to because we close the doors of the room that leads to our bedroom. That was 3:45am and I never was able to go back to sleep. 

It’s now 4:30 in the afternoon and I still haven’t slept or napped or anything that would bring me some relief for my utter exhaustion. What have done instead? 

Well after trying to go back to sleep for like an hour I said fuck it and pulled out my laptop. I had a poem accepted Tuesday for publication (Reason #1 Tuesday was way better than Monday). 

When that happened I promptly realized that I had to withdraw said poem from the 35+ other places it was stull under consideration at. Yowza! 

So I used today’s time in the wee hours to do that but you know what that means. I was on the Submittable platform and looking at all my open submissions and it’s a slippery slope with that “discover” button so close to my mouse pointer. I could not help myself. I started looking and then I started submitting. And before I knew it, it was 7am. 

I got up to cook breakfast and when that was over and Jim was off to work I took my dog-dodo feeling self and matched back up to the spare bedroom, took off my pants, climbed back into bed, and went right back to it. 

On Monday I had had like 3 rejection form letters come in and on Tuesday there were none (Reason # 2). Needless to say my count had dipped and though I said I was going to let it go for the rest of November (maybe the year).. I decided to work my little fingers and get that count back up to 100. Between the withdrawals, acceptance, and rejection, that meant I had to pull the trigger on about 10 submissions. 

After withdrawing the same one poem from 36 places, I wasn’t too keen on having that happen again so I opted to send in some nonfiction. All my polished pieces are flash (under 1000 words) and that got me most of the way there. Then I got stuck. This just means that I kinda ran out of places that fit the pieces I have with deadlines coming up. 

This forced me to turn my attention to my slush pile for something new. All the stuff in that pile is either unfinished, really rough, or has been abandoned. I scrolled through and I’m sure made some terrible scrunchy faces in the process. So much garbage. And then I opened a file, read it, and decided that was the ticket! 

I probably worked for two hours reading and revising. Reading and revising. Reading and revising. You get the gist. 

I subsequently sent that to a few places. It’s my first true hybrid piece.. a personal essay with a poem at the end. Hybrid work is all the rage these days so I’m sure it will be snatched in no time. 

What a relief to feel that way. I’ve lost so much confidence these past few months with all the rejection that even the pre-release of my book this week didn’t lift me up like it should have. Instead I felt like a fraud. Like an imposter poet that is about to be called out because their book doesn’t pass muster. 

Then I read the blurbs on the website, shared the link with a few folks, and had a friend reach out to let me know they’ve already ordered their copy (thanks Vis). This is Reason #3 why my frown turned upside down on Tuesday. 

(Dropping the link here for anyone interested in this so-called book: Unsuspecting Cinderella. Don’t wait, order your scintillating copy today!!)

Anyway, I’ve got a ton of shit done today and my count is back up to 100 despite feeling terrible physically today. 

I tried to nap, but could not so here I am on the treadmill writing out the play-by-play. Which brings me back to the other 7 reasons…

#4: My son is done with school for a week so there will be no homework fights for 5 glorious days. 

#5: I was able to get to my mid-week/pre-turkey day grocery run before the stores got ridiculous. And found the wine my husband has been looking for. 

#6: On a whim I made an appointment to donate blood. Walked in, passed the test, and donated in under an hour. Plus I got a free tee-shirt. Score! 🥅 

If you know me you know this is extremely rare. I usually fail the hemoglobin check and it was 13.6.. WHHHAAAT??!!!

#7: I maximized my time waiting at the Red Cross to book an appointment for Friday at a Walgreens to get my flu shot and Covid booster. Jim too. Woot! 

#8: When I stepped on the scale first thing in the AM, I had lost a pound and a half. 

#9: Despite the low energy and no cardio, I still got 12K steps. 

And finally #10: I was able to finish the first of a long list of posts for the GLR AND posted to social media. 😱😜 I actually feel on top of all that more than I’ve felt in a long while. Like I’ve finally got my act together. Hopefully it’s not just the Universe playing tricks on me. 

Speaking of the Universe, today is as good a day as any to request that the next 4 days are smooth sailing. Thanksgiving with my sometimes dysfunctional family, quality time with my kids on Friday (since they will be with their dad and his family on the actual holiday). I’ve tried to engineer a game day and I hope we can all get along. Saturday and Sunday are pretty open but I have one coffee meet up and then meet with my Co-EIC on Sunday. 

We’ll see, we’ll see. 

Times up my frosty friends. Check you on the flip side. 

The Truest,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-11-11 Doing Something is Better than Doing Nothing

My husband Jim had said several days ago that I should “wait a week” and see how I feel. Ok. 

Two nights ago I talked with him again and he’s come around to my line of thinking. He said that he will support me in my decision to see a counselor/therapist. Honestly, I don’t even know the difference between a counselor and a therapist but it might not matter. Does it matter? I guess the bigger question now is who. 

I mentioned previously that I have friends that see people and have had good experiences with them so that is the most logical place to start. One of those folks lives far away and so her person is probably out as I believe I am in need of some real, face-to-face conversation. Another friend who is local told me about her person and that is definitely a viable option. I found her practice on the internet last night and sent an inquiry via email. We’ll see where that goes. 

This morning I told Jim at breakfast that I was also discontinuing use of the thyroid medication. Yes, it was prescribed by a physician based on lab tests (a slightly low Free Triodothyronine), but my lab level was soooo borderline that he (Jim) had originally discouraged me from taking it. He had said to try just the testosterone for now and see if that has any positive effect first, before adding a second variable into the mix. But I was so desperate to get some relief from my chronic symptoms, I didn’t care. The thyroid med seemed (on paper) to be the perfect pairing and would zero in on some of the lethargy I constantly feel. Plus boost my metabolism which also sounded super enticing because I have also been dealing with weight gain lately. 

So why stop? Well, I didn’t exactly tell Jim “you were right” and he didn’t exactly say back to me “I told you so” but in a roundabout way, that’s it. I have been feeling different and in some ways it is good but in others it is worse and damnit if it is tough to know if it is the testosterone or the thyroid. One clue is likely the changes in my body temperature. That’s something I don’t remember feeling the last time I tried the testosterone so I’m fairly confident the heat I’m feeling is from the thyroid med. 

I’m a little bit in denial that that temperature issue could be a pre-menopause, hot flash thing. I still don’t think I am there yet. In my heart I believe that because I was such a late bloomer as far as puberty is concerned that my body clock is just slow and that all that “change” nonsense will not happen for me for a while. In fact, my lab tests do show that to be the case as my girlie hormones are still right where they would be for a woman who is still technically able to bear children. 

The last lab test I had indicated that now that same lab is high. So maybe I should not discontinue taking it but reduce the dose?? That is something I’m going to continue to think about but one thing I do know for certain is that I’m not going back to that doctor. I really did not like him and the only reason I went there was because there are very few places in town that do testosterone therapy on women. My fall back is to go to my OBGYN who also does it. It has been a while since I’ve gone there anyhow so I’m probably overdue for my annual visit.

Anyway, that’s where things stand for my physical and mental health and no matter what, I think doing “something” and not “nothing” actually also makes me feel better. Like I’m trying to take control of things, even if a lot of it feels very outside of my control.

When Jim originally told me to “wait a week” all I could think about was that a week from then, I was going to be getting on a plane to go to Austin and of course.. OF COURSE.. that would make me feel better. I’m not going to do house chores for 5 days AND I get to hang out with my bestie and walk her property which is peaceful and calming and have a total spa day that she has planned for us at some fancy retreat sort of a place. It will be like taking a girls trip but we are actually just staying at her place. It’s been my home away from home for years and I’ve missed going because of the pandemic and also because of all the other changes in my life the last couple of years. 

Today, after I’m satisfied with this “me” time I’m going to turn my attention to the lit mag. We are getting ready to release our 5th issue and our arts and crafts person has been busy putting together the full issue. I do the pages in wordpress and she has final say on the artwork and then puts all the content together in a stunning PDF. If at all possible, I would like to get it wrapped up and released into the wild world before I leave for Texas next Tuesday. I think it is totally possible as long as we are able to collaborate on the finishing touches and she’s satisfied with the final product. Fingers crossed. 

On that note.. It is time to wrap this up and get to work. 

With sugar and spice and everything nice,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-11-09 Do I Need Help? 🤔

About a month ago, before I went on my vacation to Oregon I finally told my husband Jim I was serious about finding a counselor or therapist. I elaborated on my reasoning and the thought processes that led me to the conclusion that therapy could help me.

I clearly have issues I’m struggling with that I think another person could help me with. Yes, I’ve not had success with the counseling process in the past (long ago during my divorce) but that might have been because I didn’t have the right person sitting across from me.

I have several friends I’ve talked to about it and not only do they say something it is something that helps them, but one friend relies on her person for all kinds of advice and has been guided through a number of really difficult situations successfully. These friends are people I trust whose opinions I value. I told Jim this. 

He disagrees with the idea of me getting a counselor, and his rationale comes from his own poor experiences with counseling. He said that I can talk to him about anything. Which I feel is mostly true. He said we would go deep with it on vacation and that set my mind at ease. I let it go. 

Vacation came and went. We didn’t “go deep.” In fact, we barely touched on things bothering me at all, mostly because of my need to enjoy the moments we had together and not spoil it all by bringing us both down. I wasn’t surprised as this has been my MO in the past, sweeping my problems under a rug for the sake of not making waves. It has not served me well. 

Since returning from vacation I’ve had my ups and downs, but it’s mostly been down. Yesterday was another bad one. 

I’m just getting over my period so it’s not PMS like I know it is sometimes. Usually after that day 1 release, I feel both physically and mentally better. But that was not the case this time. 

If you were my therapist (which by the way you are) I would have to make sure you have all the info to make good assessments and give me advice. 

My chronic fatigue, brain fog, and sleep issues are not a secret. I’ve written about these so many times I’m sick of myself. Mix in low libido, flare-ups of anger and bitchiness and we get closer to a full picture.

Now top it with the cherry and whip cream of weight gain (which is a BIG deal for me), and waning sense of purpose in life and THAT my friends is a recipe for full blown depression. But I’m not here to diagnose myself. No. That is what a therapist is for. 

But wait… there’s more. 

This part of the story I’m telling is new. In the past I’ve tried a lot of things to fix my sleep issues and chronic fatigue and have failed. Sleep aids, meditation, yoga, CBD oil at night before going to bed, and the list goes on. Much of this failed because my core motivation (and willpower) are not what they used to be. Some of it was just plain bad news, like the Benzodiazepines. 

Enter stage left, the newest experiment. Not a new, new experiment as I have tried it before but did not find positive results enough to stick with it. What I’m referring to is testosterone therapy. 

Yes, I’ve historically been against hormone therapy but I’m desperate and have read and heard so much about how it can help. So I’m giving it another go, with a different doctor this time. And I think it’s doing something to me. Not all good and not all bad. 

In running a preliminary panel of lab tests, this new doctor found a slight issue with my thyroid for which I’m now taking a supplement for also. So it is tough to say if the changes I’m experiencing are from the testosterone or from the thyroid med. Again, not going to try and figure that one out myself. At the moment, I want to focus on the question of whether or not to get a therapist. 

I brought it up with Jim again. His stance on it has not changed. He believes that my mood lately is being caused by several factors–continuing to adjust to not having a regular day job, my daughter leaving for college, the thyroid and or testosterone, etc. He did not directly site our relationship but did allude to the fact that there are additional stressors there which we can work on together. He also pointed a finger at my monthly cycle and urged me to wait a week before setting up any initial appointments with a professional. 

I agreed again, just as I had before we went on vacation. I’ll give it a week. In the meantime, I need to do something to feel better about myself. I’m trying to stay productive and give myself lots of me-time too to see if that helps. It certainly didn’t yesterday. 

I went to bed super early last night (like 8PM) and read a book and then drifted off to sleep. Of course I woke up around 2 and did not fall back asleep. Instead, I worked on finishing edits of my full manuscript and also composed a cover letter I felt was sufficient enough of an introduction to my and my book that I could send to prospective publishers. The deadline for several of the places I’ve researched is Nov 30th but I want to be done and over it by the time I leave for Austin to visit my Texas Bestie. That is in exactly one week. 

Today we have painters here at the house and they are working on the gym so I’m avoiding that area. That means no treadmill or elliptical time for me today unless I change up my routine and do that stuff this evening. But since I have been awake since 2, I’ll be dead by 6PM and it probably will not work out. 

So as my current therapist, what do you think? Should I get an actual therapist? Am I normal or am I nutz? Should I just keep waiting for this “funk” to pass or do I need real help? 🤔🤔🤔

Ta-ta-for-now,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-09-18 Just Another Typical Saturday with a Side of Health Updates

Today is Saturday and I’m walking on the treadmill while things are still peaceful here in the castle. It’s going to be a busy day. 

I’ve got a poetry workshop I’m looking forward to attending that starts at 10am and after that my son is having a group of friends over to the house for a game day. Not football or video games but a gathering of magic, or rather Magic the Gathering. I’m no stranger to this as his dad was (and may still be) into that card game. All I really remember about it though, were boxes upon boxes of cards and an insatiable appetite to buy more. He and his crew had to buy new packs every time they played. Whoever invented the game is a genius. What a racket! 

I digress. 

I’m happy he’s having friends over. He hasn’t done that much before and I’m hoping this becomes a regular thing. People need people in real life. Face to face and not just faceless across the wires of the internet.

I’m also going with my husband to visit both my parents today. I saw my dad a few days ago and he’s struggling and needs something that he’s not equipped to figure out. His health is a concern, both mentally and physically, and I really don’t know how to help him either. But we’re going to chat about it some more anyhow. 

My mom and her health issues are next level compared to that though. She’s just finished six months of chemotherapy for her stage 3C ovarian Cancer and on the threshold of another major surgery. That’s actually happening this week and I fully expect it to consume my thoughts and time. I’m sure there will be several blog posts about all of that tumbling out soon, but today’s visit is all about making sure Jim and I understand the status of her affairs and know where all her important papers are. 

I’m her power of attorney for health matters and named executor of her will. It’s not the type of thing I want to think about or talk about but I get that she needs to because she’s facing the reality of her age and circumstance. She’s going to be fine through this, though, I am certain.

With what little time I have to myself this morning, I’m considering my own health. 

It’s no secret I’ve struggled with chronic fatigue, poor sleep, and had issues focusing on anything requiring mental energy late in the day. Yeah, by about 8pm I’m useless and it creeps in  earlier and earlier each day the more time passes. 

Two weeks ago I went to a new doctor who ran a bunch of labs to look for clues. In truth, I picked that doc because he’s one of very few physicians in Omaha that does testosterone therapy for women. That’s really what I was after. I knew going in he would be treating me as any internist would, with comprehensive care and not just what I was asking for. Hence all the labs. 

There were no surprises in the results. I’m pretty healthy for my age. It’s good news, yes, but also just a touch frustrating because there IS nothing obviously wrong with me. Nothing big anyway. 

My hormone levels are ok and I might be entering what is called perimenopause but if I am, it’s super early. My thyroid is ok except for a slightly low T3 value for which I was prescribed a new med. Subclinical hypothyroidism is the official lingo but based on what the internet and my husband says, it’s not typically treated. 

Still, I grasp onto it because it’s something. It’s frustrating to have issues where the cause is elusive and nebulous. Maybe it is not why I’m feeling the way I am but the thought of taking a med that’s going to potentially speed my metabolism and give me more energy sounds like something worth trying. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge fan of taking prescriptions. I’d love to find a more natural, homeopathic solution. I’m just at the end of the sidewalk trying to figure it out. If I wasn’t, there’s no way in hell I’d let someone put extra testosterone in my body. What nonsense, but again, seems worth trying. 

The doc also sold me some vitamins and  supplements. Vitamin A, D, and K and something called methyl factors. My hubby gave me the serious side eye when I told him. All I can say is that they are vitamins and what can it hurt? 

I’m pairing all these new pills I’m putting in my body with a mindset that it WILL have a positive effect and that I’m going to help by eating healthier and cutting down on the ridiculous amount of caffeine I’ve been ingesting lately. 

Only time will tell. 

One things for sure… I’m going to need all the strength and energy I can muster to get through the next few weeks with gratitude and grace. 

With that. My time is up. 

Cheers to the Weekend, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-09-10 What’s New for Little Miss S?

What a doozie?! What’s up? What’s down? What repeats and goes round and round?… 

“Little Miss S in a mini-dress”

What can I say? I’m a hot mess this week. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Monday was a holiday and I was already so done with “taking care” of the household I just wanted to be left alone. So when Tuesday arrived and everyone else had to go back to work and school I felt relief but was already a day behind on my work week and that caused me to be super grumpy. 

Litter boxes, laundry, dishes, cats, cleaning, cooking, groceries, trash. And a few “honey could you please” requests from my darling husband on his way out the door. 

All needing to be done by 2pm so I could make it to yet another doctors appointment. Another new doctor, for yet another professional assessment of what the hell is wrong with me. 

The symptoms? Afternoon fatigue (bordering on sheer exhaustion), brain fog, lack of motivation, low libido, waves of sadness, unexpected spikes of anger. What’s new? None of that but in the past few weeks a new physical symptom has been added to the list. 

My right hand and fingers go numb and tingly for no apparent reason. Or at least it seems like no reason. It happens and then I move about a little bit and shake it out until it goes away. Quite literally thinking of T-Swift’s song “Shake it off” right now. 

I deal with this new development lightly on my own for about a week and then consult the doc. My doc. His quick assessment is that I’ve got compressed discs C6 and C7 is what I think he said. He shows me a diagram about how the nerves in your hand are connected to the spine and when those discs are “pinched” it’s just like cutting off the circulation. 

This makes a lot of sense to me. Sometimes it goes all the way to my pinky finger and I think that’s C8, but mostly it’s my thumb and palm and first two fingers. And also predominantly my right hand.

He’s quick to this assessment because he also has compressed discs which he’s told me for years will eventually require surgery. Surgery of the spine? No thanks!! 

Right now he treats his own issues with traction. It’s an apparatus hanging in the bathroom on the closet door and it’s self administered. He urges me to try it and shows me how.

It operates with a weight and pulley system. The weight is a bag of water you can adjust easily and that’s connected by a wire to some straps you fit around your noggin to pull you head up when you let go of the safety bar. The idea is pulling apart the spine gently thereby releasing the pressure caused by compression. 

Five minutes, once a day and it should help. Unless you are me and you don’t hear the part about five minutes and you start with too much water in the bag. I didn’t feel it right away, but it totally fucked my neck up in one shot. 

That was Monday or Tuesday and so by Wednesday I was in serious pain and could hardly move my head around at all. Especially side to side. Then Wednesday night it got so bad it messed with my sleep and I hardly slept at all. This resulted in Thursday (yesterday) being an absolute shit show.

After scrambling at the beginning of the week trying to get caught up on chores, I had naturally pushed some meet-ups and to-do items down the line and all this culminated in the perfect storm of misery. I literally could not make it to 9am before I started panicking and cancelling and self administered pep-talks about how it was going to be ok. 

The first casualty was my dad who I have been trying to visit on Thursdays on a regular basis. I pushed that to the weekend. Then it was J who I promised to play pickleball with but have been putting off for several weeks now, and then finally… when I realized I needed sleep and would not be able to make it through the evening without a nap, I dipped on my friend M, who I was going to take tomatoes and salsa. 

Now I’m on a steroid for my pain and my hand and, like I said, waiting for my next follow up doctor’s appointment to get the results of the labs taken on Tuesday. Hopefully there’s a clue there. But I honestly doubt it. I’ve had all these labs, thyroid, hormones, cmp, etc done before (about a year ago) and it was all normal. 

I might try to log into the patient portal of that last office to get those labs so I can see how these compare. Modern medicine… good grief! 

I’ve got other stories to tell. Lots more on my mind suddenly but the day is waiting and all the nonsense this week has caused me to be dreadfully far behind. 

Stay Frosty My Friends! 

~Little Miss SugarCookie in a Mini-Dress

PS. I’m not at all like the little Miss S in that New Bohemian’s song. The lyric just works cuz I love mini-dresses. 🤷‍♀️

2021-07-09 All’s Well that Ends Well

I’ve got just a little time today, and at the very least wanted to document for posterity that the day yesterday turned out ok despite the conflicted emotions over cancelled plans and personal insecurities. I went to CB and had a nice time with my friends (after my obligatory weekly visit with my dad, who is also in CB). 

We met at Cellar 19 for a quick drink with my husband and her husband before her and I headed out to our other girlfriend’s house for charcuterie and more wine. It was a nice time with easy conversation and after the initial social anxious feeling subsided, I was fine. 

I don’t think people who don’t have social anxiety understand that even meeting friends—people you live and trust, can be stressful. 

Other than that, I made a good dent in my list yesterday and am continuing on the same path today. The first order of business, though, was to take my daughter to the allergist to be tested. 

She’s been just miserable lately and Allegra isn’t helping much. She’s been popping Benadryl like nobody’s business and that comes with some unsavory side effects. She wanted to get her options and also find out what the biggest causes are. 

They test for 56 different kinds of allergens by putting tiny doses in a grid pattern on your back with little needles. There’s minimal pain associated but a fair level of discomfort while you wait 20 minutes for them to “read” the results and then apply cream to alleviate the severe itch. 

She had at least a mild reaction to 95% of the allergens, and a more moderate reaction to about half, and a severe reaction to about 10 things, including several kinds of grasses, trees, mold, and of course cats and dogs. 

She loves her pets and can’t imagine life without them and is also planning to have both cats and dogs when she has her own place so she’s 100% all in with getting desensitization shots. It’s probably better she starts them now while she’s still under our insurance. It’s 3-5 years of shots and I had no idea that was a thing. 

As a kid I had seasonal allergies quite terribly and just suffered. I can remember every single year I was so excited about the first hard-freeze. Like serious happy dancing seeing frost and snow. It was trees, grass, dust, and who knows what else but it always subsided when winter arrived. 

I’ve pretty much grown out of all that but still take an allergy pill daily, apparently the most mild and reportedly least effective one on the market. After hearing that today, I’m considering quitting it altogether just to see if I can tell a difference. 

The doc said, “yeah, that one is like water… there’s nothing in it.” 😜

I think that’s it today. It’s definitely time to roll into the weekend. Calgon (and Jim)… take me away! 

With Peace and Love and Margaritas, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-07-02 Wait a Day and the Forecast Will Change

In case anyone is playing along, I did not let the snafu with my ex go. I sent a follow up text pointing out that he literally contradicted his own “advice” to our son by ignoring my text message. And of course I couldn’t help but throw in that I don’t agree with him and that we all want what we want. Who doesn’t? 

He replied promptly with a longer text that explained that my text didn’t ask a question and therefore required no reply. Oh there’s a loophole in the “social contract” that excuses his behavior. That makes sense. Then of course he could not help but include a statement about how he doesn’t understand why I “always take things so personally.” 

Hmmmmm. 🤔 Did I do that? After 18 years of marriage and 11 years divorced, how does one not take something personally, especially when it has to do with my son. 

I don’t think I said anything to indicate I had taken it personally actually. Was my follow up inquiry perceived as me taking things personally? Perhaps. But I care. Is that so wrong? 

Anyhow.. all that nonsense led to an actual phone conversation where he admitted he didn’t like to text. And he didn’t see any reason for it this time since we’d already just talked and agreed to a plan of action. 

He agreed. That’s the point. I didn’t agree to anything and specifically said so. What’s up with that? 

But for all our not seeing eye to eye, we do agree our son needs to be more active and more responsible. 

It ended up being an ok conversation. Not worth recounting with the time I have now, but I’m hopeful we can do better helping our son navigate his senior year. 

So that wraps that up. ☑️ ☑️ 

I wasn’t intending to hash through all of that, but if I’m anything at all, it’s a girl who digs having resolution and closure. 

Now, all of that is melting into a blur pretty quickly because there are hotter fish to fry. 

I’m simply livid over an issue with TicketMaster, irritated about something that happened at the hardware store, and most recently upset because my daughter borrowed my Air Pods without asking my permission AND then lost the case. Ugh! 😡 Where do I even begin??!!

*** 

That was how my day ended yesterday. I was so pissed off I couldn’t even have a conversation with myself before I went to sleep. That’s pretty bad man.. when you are so mad at yourself that you go to bed mad. But.. I think I really just needed sleep and to reset. 

Some days are like that. It feels as though nothing goes right and no matter what you do, it just keeps getting worse in your head. 

Jim did his best to talk me down but I wasn’t having that either. 

Waking up this morning I felt better. I still feel better. I guess that’s proof of what I’m talking about. I mean, nothing has changed. I still have ticket master and the missing Air pod case to deal with today, yet it’s a new day and I’m sure it will all turn out fine. 

A few days ago my friend T reached out to ask how I was doing and I told her I was good and she proceeded to tell me how she was depressed and feeling like life was out to get her. My advice was to be kind to herself and wait a few days and see if it subsides. 

The short story is that it did. It does that. I can give advice when asked but don’t always remember to heed that advice myself. Last night I certainly couldn’t. 

But now look. Today is a new day and every little thing’s gonna be all right. 

Cheers to a long weekend, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-05-16 Another Week in the Rearview

It’s been a strange week. 

A few days ago I had a call with my friend HL who lives in Denver, who I haven’t seen since my wedding in February of 2020.. You know, that last month of what I’m now calling “The Great Before.”

Before COVID spread the world and took over the airwaves (literally) and our lives. It’s safe to say that here in America we’re on the downhill slide back to normal, but things will never be the same as before. I’m confident of that. 

Anyhow, catching up with HL and being fresh off a 24 hour bout with the norovirus, my mind was still circling the fact that I’ve known my husband for 3 years and had never seen him sick.

The man had never taken a day off of work since I’ve known him and I had never seen him laid up on the couch with a thermometer hanging out his mouth. Consequently, I’d never had to take care of him or experience how his mood is when he is sick.

I told HL I didn’t know what I was thinking, marrying a man who I had never seen sick. It coulda been bad. He coulda been a big baby or pain in the ass. Thankfully (and predictably) he wasn’t anything like that.

He basically rested for a day, took work off (which is what people should do when they are sick and contagious) and didn’t really need anything from me. Plus I got a break from cooking breakfast for a few days. I’m ok with that. 

We actually tried to limit our own personal contact in an attempt to spare me the same fate, as noro is highly contagious. It didn’t work and 2 days later it hit me too. It was the toughest 24 hours I’ve had in a long while. Since June 2020 I would say. And even after I was over the worst of it—the big purge, I was still exhausted for several more days.

I was feeling much better as of yesterday, but still took the day easy and didn’t push for extra cardio or to get my daily allotment of steps. Rest and recovery was my aim.

On the phone HL and I conspired to plan several get togethers this year. We both agreed that we were so ready to travel on a regular basis again. He left for a getaway in Mexico yesterday. I must admit I’m jealous. I know I’m pretty fresh off my own first vacation away from home so I can’t whine too much, but MEXICO!! I’m so ready to go somewhere like that again. 

I say it’s been a strange week because despite all the sickness, it’s been rather a good week. My mood has been good, for the most part, and I’m feeling like I’m getting to a good place. Not that I haven’t been at a good place, but letting go of committing myself to public speaking appearances and other similar engagements where I’m required to prepare or say something has definitely helped nudge me further toward enjoying each day. 

There’s just something about the black cloud of public speaking looming in the distance, no matter how far, that affects my mood. 

At the moment there is no event I’m committed to or obligation I’m thinking about and dreading and I find myself waking up each day, looking forward to what’s on the agenda. Yes, even the dishes and grocery shopping and laundry. Fascinating right?! 

I will say all that doesn’t change how I feel about picking up after teenagers or cleaning toilets.  I Don’t think anything will ever change the way I feel about that. But imma call this week for maid service, at least for the bathrooms, and that’s just another step in the right direction. 

That’s blog worthy news right? I mean, doesn’t everyone want to read about the saga that is the cleaning of the toilets? 😜

I suppose that’s as good a place to wrap as any. It’s Sunday again, and it’s going to be a rainy one. I did a lot of work in the garden yesterday so I could take advantage of the rain we are going to get this week. 

The rain today just means my attention will be on all the indoor tasks, the first of which is catching up on reading poetry submissions for the GLR contest. I hope there are some gems in the pile… to make the reading more enjoyable. 

Ok now I’m ready to wrap. 

With Peace and Love and Peaches, 🍑 

~Miss SugarCookie