Yesterday my primary concern was the argument my children found themselves in after a rotten turn during a board game we were playing. Yes, I said a board game. It was painful and unnecessary but just like a married couple that is stuck together for life, one argument often stirs up years of angst and incidents long past.
So it wasn’t just about the board game, it was about a few of their less than stellar character traits, of which we all have some. It’s human nature and nobody is perfect.
My son brings up my daughter’s need to control every detail of a situation, her attitude when she doesn’t get that, and her entitlement as first born to get her way.
My daughter brings up my sons casual attitude and the way he doesn’t care when he says something that hurts someone’s feelings. She’s upset he doesn’t want to spend time with her when she’s home even though the reasons for that are what I just listed above. And she refuses to recognize her own flaws.
My son recognizes his flaws, but, as I said, doesn’t seem to care.
I tried not to pick sides. I tried to just deescalate the situation and help them both see the others’ side. But, they are both stubborn which makes sense because I am too and so is their dad. The situation did not get resolved and that left me feeling aingsty.
Yesterday came and went and I had a lot to do that did not involve them, but I did have brief moments where I could just “check-in” to gauge how they were feeling. They’re both fine. Probably because this sort of thing is a scene that’s repeated many times in the past and they’re used to sweeping it back under the rug.
My fear is that it will taint any future attempts by me to engineer a family game day. They will remember the end of this one (and not how much fun we had for 6 hours but just the fight at the end) and not want to go through it again. Time will tell.
Today is a new day and another opportunity to talk to both of them. I’ll speak to her before she heads back to UNL and him before he heads back to his dad’s house. As a parent, I have to keep working to make sure they are the best versions of themselves and sometimes that means helping them recognize where they are flawed or wrong.
Easy to say but not always easy to do but unlike married people they are stuck together for life as siblings and they need to be there for each other. At least that’s how I feel about it. I want them to have a good relationship throughout their lifetime. I love them so much and just want good things for them both and their lives.
Of course I have to balance parenting with all the other things I’m committed to today. This includes being a good wife and the promise to go to brunch with Jim. It includes being a good daughter helping my mom a second day in a row setting up her new phone. 🙄 It includes being a good editor and meeting my co-founder to discuss all things Good Life Lit Mag. It means being good to myself and getting exercise today.
It’s tough to have a well balanced life.
I felt pretty good when I woke up today. Physically, I mean. I felt well rested and ready to get up and go but relaxed enough to just lay in bed and think.
At that moment, however, my primary thought was WTF! That’s because I was having a dream right when I woke up and it was unpleasant. I had been sitting across a larger wooden dining table from a few other people, two women and a man engaged in conversation.
The woman was going to lose some financial benefit or advantage because she lost her status in a certain position. Details escape me. But the uncomfortable part for me was recognizing that it was my fault AND .. wait for it… it was because I married Donald Trump. I was mortified. There aren’t enough 😱😱😱😱😱😱 horrified emojis in the Universe to express the feeling.
They talked and in my head I was trying to puzzle out how it could have happened and at the same time justify that he swept me off my feet and I didn’t know who he was. Good gravy!!!
After that I had a solo consultation with the man in the room who was some sort of environmental plant shaman and we looked at several of my potted plants that were in serious trouble. He explained my poor care of them and neglect had caused their suffering, again, I felt terrible, begging him to tell me how to save them.
So yes, I woke up disturbed but also relieved it was only a dream. And then I laid there asking myself where the hell all that came from. I didn’t ponder long before I got up and got dressed for my walk but it’s apparently still on my mind.
The house is still asleep now and I reckon it’s be got about 30 more minutes before that changes so I’m gonna get some serious cardio.
I had both the Covid moderna booster last evening and a flu shot so I want to use this energy I have now before my body could decide to turn this into a day I don’t want to do anything. Having all those plans I mentioned earlier will not go away so I hope I don’t take a dive. That would be rough.
That’s it for now.
(NOT Trump!!! 😱🤬😜)