I never heard back from new guy last night. I tried to keep my mind off of it and I tried to read and write instead. I’m not going to lie, it was tough. I’m not a stalker but I feel like one. That’s not me, is it? I don’t really even know this guy so why do I care? I can’t help it, I guess. As it turns out, having someones location can really mess with your mind.
There are lots of dating applications and sites and platforms out in the wild today. Just take your pick. Some are geared for meeting people and hooking up and some are supposed to be more for finding “the one”, or at least, a long term commitment. Some sites are heavy with profiles and questions and criteria and others are very basic. Here’s a few pictures and a 300 character space with which you can say whatever you want to say.
Most of the mobile apps, I’m guessing, are pretty basic like that. Last year a friend of mine suggested Bumble and I had not tried any online dating in seven years and was in need of “getting back out there” so I decided to give it a shot. A short time later, I was actively chatting with multiple matches and trying to get to the point where I could meet some of these guys in person (which is tougher than it should be considering it is a dating app).
Bumble is very basic bitch. There are minimal fields and settings. You have spots for up to six pictures, your name and age and school and occupation that get pulled off of FB when you first register (everything but age can be changed later however), and a short space to write a ‘bio’.
In the settings you specify your preferences. I am a ‘female’ looking for ‘males’ within this age range and this distance. Ahhh, distance. Now we are getting to it. The app has to know where you are to know who to present you with as potential matches. It uses your criteria to show you profiles of other people which you then have to “swipe” left or right on to dismiss or keep. When you see their profile, you also see where they are. Not where they say they are or where they are from, but their actual location based on the GPS and their phone. Neat.
One advertised bonuses to bumble is that only ladies can make first contact if there is a match. I don’t see this as any great benefit however, because by that time, you have already swiped on each other and ‘matched’. Why wouldn’t you just say ‘hi’? However, I’m more mindful of their location that I was when I first tried it this past summer.
I’ve matched with sales people and pilots who are here overnight or are just passing through for a few days, and I’m not interested in that so I have to be watching for it. I’ve also matched and chatted with a few people who may have been in close proximity to me at some point in time but actually live a fair distance away and I know I’m not going to want that either (I guess unless that person was willing to also put some effort into the travel time too).
The point is, I’ve become used to looking at distance and thinking about it. Unfortunately, it also means I can continue to see where people are, even after the match has turned into text and ultimately going out. This is the case with my new friend, who basically ditched me yesterday without so much as a reply back to what ended up being three texts I sent inquiring about status.
One at 3:30 asking how it was going.
One at 6:30 just saying ‘hi’.
The last one at 11PM asking if he was OK.
Is that out of line. Not in my head.
What might be out of line is my going back to the Bumble app which I have not used in a couple of weeks now and looking at his location. I know it is 8.2 miles from where I am at my place to where he is at his place and since I know where he works which is a short distance from where he lives, that is also 8.2 miles. When I finally went to bed last night, after midnight, I decided to look at it and he was 6 miles away. It means he was not home. Waking up this morning, he’s still 6 miles away so he’s still not home.
There could be an issue with the app or dozen different reasons why a person would not be where you expect them to be but having that at my fingertips has turned me into a stalker. And I swear I am not one. I don’t like it and I don’t like the way I am feeling right now. I think the best things I can do for myself would be to delete the app completely and forget about it.
It’s Monday morning and Presidents day and the kids don’t have school and it’s dreary outside and I’m really tired from not sleeping well. I’ve been a big fan of Mondays lately, but I gotta be honest, again, and say I just don’t want to do today.
I’m Going Back to Bed,