And just like that half a week goes by. When they say “if you blink, you’ll miss it,” they weren’t kidding. There’s a lot of things I could gravitate toward writing about with this 30 minute set, but probably the most relevant is closing the loop with regard to my last post. That was 5 days ago and it feels more like 5 minutes.

In it I was attempting to make myself feel better about my perceived shortcomings as a parent by reframing the negatives into positives.

This past weekend we finally.. FINALLY.. pulled off throwing my daughter a grad party. It was small but in the end the size of the attendees list did not matter as much as the effort we put into it. It doesn’t matter if we only had 10 family members over as long as we set up like it was for 50 people.

Of course I, as her mom, have been waiting for this party for a long time. I have been dreaming about it since the first day I dropped her off at kindergarten. I pulled out all of her memory books that I’ve previously spent hours and hours putting together. I captured many moments from when she was a baby and toddler and when she rolled through elementary like a mighty little boss!

Right about second grade is when I stopped doing the scrapbook thing and started just collecting memorabilia into little plastic bins. I have saved every school picture, every certificate of achievement, piece of artwork, report card, and story/assignment I could get my hands on. It’s a LOT of stuff.

Now with my procrastination there was not a lot that I could do with all of that material. Because it just takes so much time to pull it all out and put things together. But I did manage to complete one book that has all of her school pictures from kindergarten through graduation.

We also pulled out all of her larger art projects and went through everything so she could choose what things she wanted out on display. She also had her own project where she had about 92 photos from both long-ago and high school that she had printed and arranged into two larger collages.

Because of the pandemic we planned it so the party would be outside where the tables and chairs and all of the set up could be fairly socially distanced. It was sort of a last-minute scramble with invites but you know you have to pick a time. We picked 6 PM on Sunday.

As it approached we watch the forecast and saw that there was a high likelihood for rain and thunderstorms during that time. We Made a judgment call on Sunday morning and scramble again to set everything up in the garage. This meant actually cleaning out the garage and moving stuff so that there was room for everything. It was a lot of work but It turned out great!

Yes, it is disappointing that we were not able to have a lot of people over. When it was all said and done and people were leaving and we were cleaning up the garage I told her I was sorry. It’s certainly not what I had in my mind on how the event would go. I’ve attended many graduation parties over the years and really thought that we would have a huge bash. I have to let that go.

We did good. I have to focus on that.

And then blink again and shift that focus to the next phase of her life. The college years. Even as we’ve been shopping for the last couple of weeks for dorm room essentials, I remain somewhat in denial that moving day is fast approaching.

In a few short weeks we will be loading up A vehicle with all of her necessities and driving to Lincoln. A few folks have asked me how I think I’ll feel. And I just don’t know. Will it be like that first day of kindergarten when it’s tough to put on a brave face and hold back tears.

Or will it be a joyful celebration with us dancing down the hallway of her new home? At this moment I can’t predict.

At this moment I’m still entrenched in memories and a little overwhelmed with emotions over her growing up so fast. At this moment I’m looking at all the things we DID do and how far she’s come. I’m feeling proud of us and letting go of mistakes.

I really have done a fine job raising her despite many obstacles. Her future is truly bright. And I have no doubt that whatever she chooses to do, she will be successful.

That’s it. That’s my 30 and I’ve got to cut and run.

Peace and Love,
~Miss SugarCookie

I’m gonna go with another 30 minute set today. I’ve not got much new anyhow. How about a re-frame session?

Yesterday I had a great conversation with my friend, T, and one of the new thoughts that came out of it was the approach of taking a negative thought and reframing it into a positive. I mentioned to her that I often feel bad about not getting enough done or guilty for not spending more time with my kids. She told me about “reframing.”

Instead, think about the fact that I’ve got an 18 year old that’s successfully enrolled at a 4 year university, has goals and aspirations, and is very responsible. Think about the fact that I did that. I made that human and helped her grow and succeed.

When she said that I was like “wow.” She’s right. And when you spin it like that it, it softens the harshness of the constant angst I feel about not being able to spend more time or any residual guilt about getting a divorce.

I still remember an incident with my daughter freshman year, her first school dance and something I did which upset her to tears. She’s a shorty and when we went shopping for her dress and shoes, I bought her flats.

The day of the dance I drove her to the point she was meeting the group of friends she would be going with. They all gathered in a line for pictures and every single other girl was wearing heels. She was mortified! You can’t see it in the pictures, but she was seriously working hard to hold back her tears.

In the pictures she was at least a head shorter than any other girl. I mean, how was I to know? She was already overly sensitive about being so small and looking extremely young next to her peers. I should have known. But she was still so beautiful and that’s all a mom sees you know. I tried to minimize it, but that only made it worse.

T said Z would not even remember that. I disagreed. She said, put a note on your calendar 4 years from now to ask Z what she remembers about high school dances. That will be the test. I’m totally going to do that!

Anyhow, I need to try and reframe my current worry about unsent graduation announcements or the lack of planning around a party. The graduation never happened. I mean she’s done and she graduated, there was a virtual graduation ceremony which I sat and watched on Facebook that really only included her picture on the screen for about point five seconds. In-person graduation is set for August 2 but that is still kind of iffy at best.

We are planning a somewhat impromptu gathering of a few family members and friends this weekend. Very small, all outside, and late enough on Sunday we won’t have to do much in the way of providing food. She’ll have a few friends over and I’ll have my mom and sister. Some of Jim’s family was invited, but not sure who will show.

I know in years to come I will think about the fact that it wasn’t enough. Especially given that she had a lot of the senior experience swiped by the pandemic. But that’s no excuse really for not having done more, or at the very least sent out announcements. Yeah, I can see how I should probably try to start reframing that now, before it eats at me too much. We’ll see if I can find a way to do that.

On that note my 30 is up. Time to get to work.

Cheers to Thursday,
~Miss SugarCookie