Journal

2021-04-11 Exhale and Release

Yesterday was a doozie. Hold up. This whole week has been kind of off the rails. I’m trying. I really am. And I’m truly doing the best I can. 

Yesterday the stress of the lit mag going live (and frankly being over a week behind the original release schedule) got to me and by the end of the afternoon, had triggered a migraine. It was terrible timing. 

I had previously committed myself to a social engagement which I did not want to miss. By 4 in the afternoon, after staring at a damn screen all day AND trying and failing to polish my “letter from the editor,” I developed a nasty headache and was worried it would prevent me from making the gathering. 

I hit the headache with all I had, ibuprofen, Tylenol, and sumatriptan. I would have tried to lay down for 15 minutes but there just wasn’t time. There wasn’t even time for me to shower, which was also quite undesirable. I basically only had time to change, put on some mascara and lipgloss and go. 

Normally I would also have a glass wine to calm my social anxiety, but that’s a big-bad idea with a migraine as it would definitely put me down with a quickness. 

The unfortunate set of circumstances put me in the corner at a far table with a group and of folks that I hadn’t met before. I did my best to be social as I suffered from my aching head.  Didn’t even have the spark to get feisty about the game we were playing. Normally the competitive board-gamer in me would override my social awkwardness but last night was not my night. 

The best I could do was make polite small talk, eat a little and drink a little, participate in the game (which was fun) and then say goodbye at the right moment. Like I said, I did the best I could. 

The same goes for the release of the third issue of The Good Life Review. I relied heavily on my friend, M, who is brilliant with web stuff, graphics, and design. I had previously spent hours and hours building the new issue 3 individual pages and the new home page but there’s just something about her special touch that nobody else can match. She’s a gift and I don’t know what I’d do without her. 

I did the best I could, but she really brought it all together. I was going to try to push the release live last night but just couldn’t do it. Instead I woke up this morning before 6am and pulled the trigger. Once I did, I immediately felt a sense of relief wash over me. Not sure what I could do differently with issue 4, but I would like to plan it out so that it’s not as stressful at the end. 

Here’s the result: https://thegoodlifereview.com

Today I would like to gift myself with a little bit of grace before letting my brain get twisted up with ALL the other things that I’ve been procrastinating. 

I don’t want to think about next week. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. Good gravy I don’t even want to think about the vacation I have coming up very soon. How sad is that??!! I just want to sink into the couch and veg. Watch some trash tv and maybe, if I’m feeling up to it, go to a yoga class or something. 

I know there is no rest for the wicked and the week ahead of me is going to kick my ass again, but I’m still gonna try really hard to NOT think about that today. 

Nope. Not today. 

On that not.. it’s time to make a coffee, drag my tired body to the couch, and find some nonsense to get lost in. 

Cheers to exhaling and finally having a lazy Sunday,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-04-07 Dirt Therapy and Other Vaccination Day Musings…

I haven’t written much for a few days. But there’s not much to write about. 🤷‍♀️

Spring is in the air and I’m slowly getting into the groove of garden work. This is going to be my year for enjoying one of my favorite activities. This year I don’t have to balance a job with parenting and household responsibilities. This year I’m done with school and can prioritize myself and my health.

A big part of that is mental health. And one of the activities that has done wonders for my mood and outlook on life is digging in the dirt. Literally.

There’s something extremely satisfying about digging deep and turning the soil in the garden. Something soothing about putting a root-ball into the ground and pressing the dirt around it with my fingers and palms. 

Sure it’s wonderful to watch the plants flower and grow veg, but nothing beats the labor of love it takes to get to that point. I even enjoy pulling weeds (within reason). It is for this reason that Spring is my favorite season. 

I mean, something about the air in Spring even smells better than the rest of the year. The temps start to climb but are not unbearable yet and it’s either just rained or it’s about to. 

This week we bought a new hammock and have already enjoyed laying out two evenings. Last night was a little chilly but it was still wonderful to snuggle together and chat about everything and nothing. 

Today I have quite a bit of non-outside work to do around the house and that will keep me busy as the rain showers come and go. I’ve also got lit mag stuff to do, which is never ending, but I’m gonna try not to stress about that. 

And ohhhh…. I almost forgot!! Big news this week with our country opening vaccines for 16 and older, so today is the day we have appointments for everyone in our household that has not yet been vaccinated. I suppose subconsciously that’s another reason I’m in a pretty good mood today. 

Hopefully I can just keep riding this wave and nothing happens to bring me down.

No.. Universe.. that’s not an invitation. Be good! 👀 

That’s it. Time for me to get my cardio on. 

Cheers to Spring and Beginning Again, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-04-02 What is it they say again about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?….

It’s going to be a beautiful day today and I have every intention of getting out there and enjoying it. I am going to CB and will see my mom but my aim is to spend a little time catching up with my sister. 

But first I’m gonna treat myself to an exercise class called “turbo kick.” The primarily focus of that is cardio but also has elements of core strength and balance. 

April has to be my month. It’s got to be the month I get my act together physically as I keep slipping farther and farther away from my ideal. I try not to get too bent when I gain weight but when my clothes don’t fit, something has to give. 

Jim says I should just buy new. To that I say, no. Nope. No way man. 

Yes, it’s true I could use some new clothes but I do not, not, not want to go up in size. My image of self-worth is damaged enough. I don’t need to add insult to injury by letting my physical self go. 

The reason for the weight gain?.. I’m no idiot and know that it’s not exercise that’s the problem. I think I get enough exercise and have pretty good heart health. All signs point to diet as the source of my problem.

My eating habits are currently very poor and, I may have mentioned a time or two before, but I’m doing my fair share of drinking lately which I believe is a major contributing factor to my weight gain. And I feel like my willpower is non-existent lately. 

I really, really, really have to change something. I really need to work out this healthy eating puzzle or at least find some level of moderation. And it needs to start today. I mean, I was going to start yesterday because it was the start of a new month but I failed miserably last night. 

Evenings are the toughest time. In the mornings I have zero problem sticking to the plan. I don’t even get hungry until 11 or noon and am able to cut out coffee with little more than a shrug. I get my caffeine through a pill and only miss the coffee for the sweet creamy flavor it has. 

It only tastes that way because of the amount of coffee creamer I add. I may as well not include coffee at all and drink the coffee mate right from the bottle! 😜

If I want something hot to drink, I can have an apple cinnamon tea as that doesn’t have caffeine or sugar. But I don’t crave that so I may as well have nothing.

Then I get to 3 or 4 or 5pm and all my resolve goes out the window. I get super hungry and start eating and snack and snack and have dinner and snack some more. And.. if I have a drink with dinner it almost always leads to more drinking.

I dunno. I’ve struggled with this aspect of trying to be healthy for so many years (not the drinking, just the eating healthy), I don’t know if I have it in me to change anything.

So there it is. The rock and the hard place. The place between where I don’t do anything or change anything because it’s just easier to stay the same. But now I’ve gained enough that it’s the heaviest I’ve been in my life (except for when I was pregnant). Something HAS to change.

I don’t have an answer right now. I really wish I did. I suppose like a lot of tough things I just need to take it one day at a time. Today I’m starting again. This time will be different. 

Fingers Crossed, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-04-01 Hello April! 🌷

Thank goodness that’s over! March… what an asshole!! 

And thank the Universe that the month didn’t go out like a lion and that our furry friend, Punxsutawney Phil, is wrong more than he is right. It IS Nebraska and there’s still a chance that Mother Nature will show some wrath, but my intuition doubts it. I think Spring has sprung and it will be smooth sailing right to those 90 degree days of Summer. 😏

I’m doing pretty good with regards to balance this week now that my sister is here and I have to savor the time as she will not be here for long. It will be interesting to see how my mom does after that. I’m certainly not going to drive to CB just to let her dog out to pee. Not when she has other options. 

I’m also not doing to clean her house or fix her meals. I have my own household to take care of and she should be to the point she’s capable of making her own food. This sounds cold, but sitting on the couch all day and napping and being waited on, hand and foot, is not going to speed her recovery. 

Enough of that! I don’t want to think or write about my mom anymore. Ugh!! 

How bout this… it’s April! National Poetry Month! Time to write a poem a day? Yes please!! It’s also time for me to get my booty in gear to put together that workshop that I’ll be facilitating on May 1st. I’ve got one short month to cobble together a hybrid craft / generative session on the topic of poem openings. 

Oh.. and did I mention that the third issue of my lit mag was supposed to be released yesterday but we’re behind schedule by about a week? 

Oh and did I mention that the “materials” for my forthcoming book are due in two short weeks and I really need to get my act together on that? Ugh!!!

Maybe I’m not doing as great as I thought with regards to balance. Either that or the inclination to procrastinate is rearing its ugly head. Typical! 

So March was kind of a Jerk. Let’s hope April is a kinder soul. 

Cheers to Beginning Again, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-30 Woe is the Melancholy Way

Today is the first day in 3 weeks I haven’t had to either go to the ER, the hospital, or my moms house. My sister is driving from Denver as I type this and I feel a weight lifting. 

Last night everyone at my house was otherwise occupied doing their own thing and I took the opportunity to drive out to Flannigan Lake to watch the sunset alone. No talking, walking, music, or writing. Just me and the sounds of nature as the sun slid behind the hill on the opposite side of the lake. 

The sunset was entirely unremarkable, but the moment was still emotional. It could have been a hormone surge or the release after holding my breath for three damn weeks or just a general sadness listening to the prairie birds’ song light up like a signal fire, one after the other, all around me. 

Their coded message traveled from across the lake through the grass field I was sitting criss-cross-applesauce on to the unplowed soybean and corn fields to the north. A trill tale that ended with the start of a response elsewhere. 

I watched one land on a tall reed shooting out of the lake. The reed swayed with the weight of the bird as it gripped the vertical stem. The silhouette of the scene stark with the setting sun behind it. At that moment I thought I should write a poem about it. 

One second later I thought myself out of the idea. Who cares anyway. What’s the point. It’s all just meaningless. That might be what made me want to cry. 

Later that night I had a talk with Jim. I didn’t mention the birds or have the sky looked after the sun had set or the meaningless feelings but I did tell him I felt sad and couldn’t explain why. He just said he understood, and that it made sense to him. 

I’m glad it makes sense to someone. 

I’m not sure where the last 90 minutes have gone. I’ve barely written anything and haven’t yet achieved my daily step goal. But it’s past 10am and I’ve got lots to catch up on so this is gonna be it today. 

Peace and love, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-29 All Time Can Be “Me Time”… 🧘‍♀️

Our days are filled with responsibilities and tasks and it is common to feel that we don’t have enough time for ourselves in our over scheduled lives. We can cultivate “me time” by establishing mindfulness in our bodies through a steady awareness of our breath or our posture. This gives us the super power of making all time “me” time. No matter what we’re doing, if we are able to stay connected to some aspects of our physical experience, we can be present around the clock.

***

I constantly struggle to balance and rebalance my life and all the things I’ve got going on.

One of the goals I set for myself a few months ago was to meditate daily. I’ve tried again and again to reboot this desire and each time I’ve failed. Each time I find myself failing, I’m quick to blame time. It just slips away and I’m unable to prioritize the meditation over whatever else it is in that moment that’s squeaking louder. 

I’ve evaluated this predicament and asked myself why it is I can be so successful with getting my daily steps in but not meditation. The conclusion again points to time. I already have carved out a dedicated time each day to walking and most days, at six or seven or 8 AM, I don’t yet have anything else that is so pressing that it would prevent me from hitting the treadmill. 

I tried setting a time in the afternoon to meditate, but every damn day, when that time arrived, I was right in the middle of something else or rushing somewhere in the car. I know if I was more adept at meditation, I could do it anywhere, even at a stoplight in the car for 30 seconds. But I’m not that good. I kind of need a quiet space and also to be alone. 

I could probably try first thing after Jim leaves for work in the morning. Or… I can try to reframe my attempts at mindful “me time” with the approach described above. 

Several weeks ago I tried a new exercise venue with different group classes and one of those classes was a “body flow” which is a hybrid yoga, Pilates, and tai chi. I absolutely love the instructor and one of the things she said is that at least once a day she pauses in whatever eyes doing just to take a few really deep breaths. 

She has an alarm for 12:15 each day and that’s her reminder. She said that all the rushing and “short” breaths we utilize all day long are invoking the “fight or flight” instinct and taking the deep breaths gets us out of that stressful state of mind. Doing that exercise, just the deep breathing, is enough to feel better and more relaxed. And unlike my issue with meditation, I can do it anywhere. 

I can also focus on my posture, or do a quick stretch anywhere. Both of those make me feel so good so why wouldn’t I want to just fit little moments in all day long?

Then I ask myself, how different is this from meditation anyway? Focusing on the breath and how the body feels are the key tenets I’ve learned about meditation thus far, so the only difference is the amount of time and my preconceived notions about when and where. 

What better time a there than right now to start treating myself to all sorts of “me time” throughout the day?? There’s not. 

It’s Monday again. I’m ready. Let’s go! 

Cheers to Today, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-27 Time to Rebalance… ⚖️

Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, the sudden and drastic health issues my mom has suffered from and will continue to suffer from for an unforeseeable number of months to come. Somehow I need to find balance. I can’t let it take over my life.

The last three weeks were a rolling set of circumstances which required more of my time than the average contract. It was a good reminder how difficult it is to manage work and home and kids and how, too often, the “self” gets neglected. 

I equate the time I’ve spent in the hospital and now at my moms beck and call at her house to a work contract because that’s exactly what it feels like. An obligation to “do” for someone else without a lot of reward or satisfaction. I do it cuz what choice do I have. Just like most jobs.

Last night I got my first mental break. I mean it’s not like I was required to be at the hospital all day but mentally my focus was on my mom and her situation constantly. So it’s sort of like it took over my life. When my sister showed up at the house yesterday, and I got in my car and drove away, I released my mind from thinking about it.

It was easy, actually. I drove home and promptly showered because I needed time for my hair to dry before my double date last night. I checked in with both my kids and made sure they were doing good (they have been wonderfully independent and understanding in all this thus far) and I then scrambled to finish getting ready before our early meet-up time of 5:00. 

What are we like 70? Who meets to go to dinner at 5? Haha! 

Going out was fun. Having drinks and appetizers and a meal at a restaurant seemed like a damn vacation after the isolation of the pandemic and the designated daughter status I’ve endured these last few weeks. 

The double date itself was a test. We were meeting this new girl for the first time and it felt like too much was riding on our opinion to enjoy that part of it. I also didn’t get to spend too many moments talking to her alone to really get a sense of her or the dynamic of this potential relationship. 

Jim’s partner in practice is coming back over to the house today so the three of us can discuss. That’s what happens when you get three left brain analytical nerds on the case. Feels like a post date eval session. That poor girl! 🤣

She’s a physician too so really I’m the odd one out. Part of dinner last night (a large part) was shop talk and I was like 🙄 …. boooooorrrring! At times it felt a little like swinging dicks, if you know what I mean. And I’m done with trying to impress people with my accomplishments. But at least with all that I could just sink into the booth and not worry about what to talk about. 

Poetry never came up. My former career never came up. I brought up my kids at dinner, but that line of conversation lasted about a hot 30 seconds before it switched again back to something else. 

After dinner they came over to our house and we gave her a partial tour and had another drink. We were done pretty early as both Jim and his partner had to work at 8am this morning. I was thankful for the early night because I was quite exhausted. All I really wanted was to lay in my own bed and let sleep take the wheel. And that’s exactly what I did. 

Waking up today, I feel pretty good. I’m not looking forward to going back to my moms and going to put that off for as long as possible. I’ve got a few things to get done this weekend but really want to find that balance and give myself some “me” time too. (Part of that is the walk I’m on right now). 

On that note.. my times up. 

Cheers to the weekend and the Quest for balance, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-26 The Princess and Her Particularity 👑

It’s just past 6AM and I could use a nap. Oh how I want a do-over for my day yesterday or my night last night. What would I do differently? Not sure, but it’s just really rotten that I have to wake up, not in my own house and bed and then be tired on the Friday my hubby has off and not be my best self for the first double date I’ve gotten to go on in years. It just stinks! 

I can feel myself getting more bitchy as time with my mom drags on. Have you ever heard of the story “The Princess and the Pea?” It’s about a prince searching for a proper princess and finds it in an girl who doesn’t look the part but passes the test of being a true princess because she could sense the pea placed under 9 mattresses and could not get a good sleep. What a test!! 

My mom is that princess and let me tell you, if something is just one inch out of place, it needs to be fixed or she can’t rest. Her mind can’t rest. I thought I had a one track mind sometimes but her mind is out of hand. Off the top of my head I could probably name a dozen instances of her insistence and persistence and at the hospital. It was the nurses and techs and PT and OT that had to field most of that. Here, at her house, it’s whoever is taking care of her. Yesterday and last night that was me.

I’m not the one that first brought up that fable. That was the very kind and patient soul from PT that came to help teach my mom how to log roll out of bed and get back in. I think the comment came out when they were getting her back in bed and she was barking orders on how to position her, the bed, and the pillows below her. “More in the middle. I need scootched up. Too far! Too far! The pillow needs to be behind me, but not too far under. That’s too far. OK, I guess that’s ok for now. This bed always deflates and then I feel like I’m laying in a hole. Where’s my call button? It needs to be right here on this side by my head so I can hear the TV. The tray table needs to be on this side too. Put my chapstick closer, and my phone, and the ice chips, and the lotion. I don’t need that, you can put it somewhere else. There’s this trash that needs to be thrown away…”

That’s just a taste. I’m not exaggerating. If that paragraph was hard to read, just think how it is to listen to or be the recipient of all that. The PT person just laughed it off and called her the princess (which I think she liked) and then when he left I explained the story. She doesn’t deny it. She actually admits to all of it and just says that’s the way she is. 

Coming home yesterday wasn’t going to change anything. So far she’s lamented about the bathmat not being straight and against the tub, the counter being full of stuff (which is a bunch of things we brought from the hospital and have not sorted through yet), and the fact that I got ice cubes out of the tray and not out of the bowl in the bottom of the freezer. I had to take the dog out like 5 times. Even last night when I took her out at 9, that wasn’t good enough. I had to take her out again just before bed. And getting her comfortable where she can reach everything is just as painful as it was in the hospital. 

But what can I do? 

I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. When my sister arrives today I’m going to get gone and free myself physically and mentally of the burdens of the past two weeks. I’m going to go home and shower and try to nap if there is time. I’m going to try not to drink too much too fast and be on my best behavior for our houseguests. And I’m going to put off going back to her house as long as I can. 

I don’t know when I will get a walk in today, outside of maybe walking the dog. The dog… she’s very sweet but don’t even get me started on taking care of her or dogs in general for that matter. I’m a cat person. That probably says enough.

Wow… another total rant day. Wonderful.

I briefly scrolled through the last few weeks of posts and this nonsense has really taken over my life. Whatever.

Happy Friday Ya’ll,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-26 The light at the end of the tunnel…

My mom is being discharged from the hospital today. Who gets to deal with getting her home, grocery shopping, fetching a walker, and staying with her at her home to make sure she’s ok and not at risk for falling down or ripping her stitches, ostomy, or drain tubes? 

That would be yours truly. 

She’s been in the hospital for two weeks which means I’ve been to the hospital every day for two weeks. It’s just draining. 

Jim asked me this morning if it felt good to know she’s getting out today. I’m not feeling good. I’m feeling like this is “out of the frying pan and into the fire.” 

Now.. instead of having an entire care team handling her every need and want, it’s up to my siblings and I. And I get the first shift. I pushed for this to happen today because I selfishly need her settled in at home today so that by tomorrow at about 3, I can cut and run away. I’ve had special Friday plans for this Friday night for a while. 

I’m really hoping that by this time tomorrow, we’re getting ready to switch shifts and my sister is embracing the tasks at hand. 

After all, I’ve had two weeks head start seeing moms pain and struggles and a week to get used to the reality of drainage tubes and wound care and an ostomy bag. I’m squeamish for sure but am convinced that anyone can get used to anything if they don’t have other options. 

Of course I still have that nagging voice in the back of my head about all this. The one that’s irritated because the responsibility falls on me (or a few of us). It’s selfish thinking but the Universe be damned, I never got this much care from my mother ever. 

It’s selfish thinking but she wouldn’t do all this for me if the situation were reversed. She said that. She knows it. She talked yesterday about her relationship with her mom and they weren’t close. She was just her mom and nothing more. Oh yeah, that’s familiar. So let’s just blame grandma while we’re at it for all the ways I was neglected. Because my mom was never taught any different. 

I’d buy that more if people were incapable of growing or changing outside of what they were taught at 10 years old. I’m not buying it because I, myself was able to break out of that “arms length” parenting mentality and have great relationships with my kids. We’re open and honest and I make sure all the time they feel loved and supported and like they are my priority. 

The way I feel about my mom is selfish and I know I can still grow and change beyond it, but the past will never change and I’ll always harbor resentment about being the “easiest” kid. I’ll always have that nagging voice that reminds me that my mom will never change so why should I?! 

It would all be easier if I knew there was a light at the end of this tunnel. But the only light at the end of the tunnel is the one that will eventually come for us all, and take us away to alternate plains of existence. The one that will supposedly judge us for our choices or admit us to a better or worse place. I don’t believe in any of that, but the light seems like the best way to describe the force that will greet us when our physical bodies give out. 

My mom has stage 3C ovarian cancer and the prognosis isn’t stellar, to say the least. She’s up against who knows how many rounds of chemo and multiple future surgeries. She wants to fight right now but if this first course of treatment and surgery doesn’t “fix her right up“ then she’ll prolly call it quits.

I don’t have extraordinary knowledge. I don’t have a crystal ball. Sometimes, I don’t even have a desire to know more than I know right now. Today.

And what I know right now, today Is that I have to get on with doing all the things and all the stuff. Or it won’t all get done before duty calls.

With peace and love and hopefully cheeseburgers and vodka lemonade… or

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-03-23 Radom Rant Tuesday 😒

What’s that saying again?..  If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

Yeah. That. 

In my own head I’m bitchy and constantly venting about all irritations, big and small. It’s everything and everyone and I’m not sure what I have to do to get myself out of this mood. Make no mistake, I get that nobody is going to be able to do it but me. I’m responsible, I know, but I’m just not sure what to do.

The problem is that I’m just on the edge and everything is setting me off. Not just other people, but also me, myself, and I. 

Yesterday morning I stepped on the scale and when I saw the number I pointed down at the display and called the scale an asshole. It’s probably the drinking. And eating too of course. I think I’m self medicating with food and alcohol. 

Every morning I resolve to make today different and better, but as the day rolls along all I can think about is what I want to eat for lunch and dinner and how good that glass of wine or vodka lemonade will be. Whatever.

Unfortunately the very nature of this blog being a stream of consciousness, what often comes out is all that negativity. Like the fact that my mom, who never did much for me in my life can’t even say “good morning” or even just “hi” before she reminds me she needs shoes and asks what time I’m going to be at the hospital. 

Her insistence and persistence and lack of gratitude or tact is really starting to get to me. I think about what it would be like if the situation were reversed and know that I would be extremely grateful for any one helping even to the smallest degree. And she has said “thank you” a few times but the lion’s share of the words coming out of her mouth are just so demanding.

Yesterday she was so put off by the fact that they did not bring her lemon for her iced tea on her lunch tray. And that’s all she could think about or talk about for 45 minutes. 

She’s driving me nuts. There I said it. Now can I just move on? 

No. Probably not. I mean.. it’s only going to get worse when she goes home and then we’re up against 6+ months of chemo and more surgery.

Yesterday I didn’t make it to my treadmill and didn’t get my steps and that makes me grumpy too. I’m taking trazodone to help me sleep and can’t seem to get the dose right. It’s either not enough and I still wake up and can’t sleep or it’s too much and I feel super groggy and don’t want to face the day. 

Today I felt groggy. And it’s super overcast and pouring rain so it’s really dark. When I got home from being mom taxi, I just wanted to go back to bed. But i knew if I did that, I wouldn’t have enough time to do all the tasks I didn’t get done yesterday like grocery shopping and dishes and laundry. 

Today I have the added task of putting together my reading for tonight and practicing at least once to make sure I hit the mark for the time limit. It’s a thing I want to do.. reading in public because I need the practice.. but my heart is just not in it. I have some new-ish poems that need more work before they will be ready to share or submit for publication and I have just had no desire to work on revision lately.

So the reading tonight is mostly (all) of what I’ve read before during my MFA program. And also mostly poems that have either been published or will be in my forthcoming book. Perhaps that seems like a good approach since I have confidence in those already. 

Mom indicated she was interested in tuning into the reading. We’ll see. I’ve got the link now and can share with anyone interested in hearing from 6 people giving readings. I’m last on the list. That makes me the “headliner” right??!! 🤣

In other poetry news.. I received the timeline for my book and that process apparently takes a long time. It won’t be ready for pre-sale/pre-release until November. I guess that will give me plenty of time to get my act together for self-promotion. Hell… I still need to get them a clean copy with all the extra stuff they need for production. Like pictures, bios, blurbs, inside and outside art. I should be all over that stuff but my heart’s not in that either.

See, there must be something wrong with me. Good grief. 

All I’m really looking forward to today is eating. I’m thinking about food all the time. Well.. and watching mindless TV sounds kind of appealing too. I kind of want to veg out on the couch with a pizza and watch the bachelorette. But I can’t. I’ve got work to do. 

And I’ve got to get started on all that right about now. 

I Don’t Want to Do Today, 😒

~Miss SugarCookie