This stream of consciousness is intended to be an unfiltered account of my journey to fight my way to a healthier, happier life. One day at a time, one step at a time, one organically-grown-emotionally-raw blog post at a time…
Day 6. Saturday. The journey home. But first, flowers!
One might recall 6 days ago when I arrived in Phoenix that had time to kill before getting on the road, that I tried to go to the Botanical Gardens, that it was āsold outā, and that I promised myself we would make time for it before going to the airport to go home. Wellā¦ promise kept.
We got tickets in advance and picked as late in the day as we could because the gardens were closing at noon for a special event. Actually, it did not say they were closing for a special even, the website just said closed at noon, but when we arrived, they were already setting up for some sort of shin-dig (my guess wedding and reception) so it was a given that is why.
That morning, we packed and made the drive from Flagstaff to Phoenix and arrived at the gardens at about 11:AM. I thought we would not be able to see the entire thing because we were short on time, but I was wrong.
Something happens to a person when they are walking around outside in the 90 degree heat under a blazing sun. It makes them move really fast so they can see as much as possible as quickly as possible. It makes them take rapid fire pics on the move without even checking the shot. And it makes them skip some of the farther reaching loops so they can make a beeline for the exit and get back in a delightfully air-conditioned car. In light of that, the rest of this blog post is going to mimic that experience.
After that we had lunch, did some sightseeing in Phoenix, went to the airport, and flew home.. The End.)
Much of our vacation to this point had been go-go-go. Lots of activityātours, hiking, navigating, driving, stopping, starting, and exploring. We had nothing planned for Friday and when we got to Friday, there wasnāt anything in particular we wanted to do.
We talked about going to the Grand Canyon again but decided it wouldnāt be worth the drive to see what we have already seen. The same held true for Sedona.
In truth I think we were just over driving more, so the decision to stick around Flagstaff and explore what it had to offer was a good one. Being mindful that this was the direction we were leaning even before we got to Friday, we had made early dinner reservations at a nicer Flagstaff restaurant. Early because by the time we were making the reservation, 5:15 was the only time left for Friday night.
Having all day to cruise around and do a whole lot of nothing was delightful.
We hunted antique shops for signs or Route 66 memorabilia and had a leisurely lunch at Fat Olives (I refused to eat at the same Mexican restaurant a third time in the same trip even though it was the best Mexican food Iāve had in a long time).
In the afternoon we decided to see what we could discover in the forest that surrounds Flagstaff and did some google searches for a good spot. We came up with a few options including a cave. However, navigating to the trailhead that would lead to the cave, we ran into a bit of difficulty. It wasnāt the first time google maps had failed us on the trip.
We ended up on private property in a little rural community and then crossed to the other side of the highway and found a campground. Neither was correct. We then followed some road signs to a different trailhead and gave up on the cave exploration idea.
The trail we ended up on was completely ordinary compared to the one we were on the day before in Sedona. We hiked for about 2 hours and I wasnāt compelled to take any pictures. And thatās saying something since I had taken hundreds of pictures the previous 4 days.
We saw some neat lizards, birds, and ground squirrelsā¦ but nothing as exciting as the coyote, elk, and deer on previous days.
To be fairā¦ I was also sort of tired of hiking. I was thinking the entire time about getting back to home base, getting ready for dinner, and having a lovely relaxing evening with drinks, hot-tubbing, and settling into a movie.
Which is exactly how the rest of the day went as soon as we arrived back at our car.
The highlight of the day was dinner. The restaurant was called Tinderbox and it was a somewhat fancy gourmet place. The atmosphere was a little upscale yet casual and the menu was limited to a single page of about 25 unique appetizers and entrees.
We each selected a small plate to share. I chose salmon with crackers and Jim ordered the foie gras. The salmon was really good and I tried the foie gras and found it disgusting.
For my main course I ordered the beef shoulder and it was quite possibly the most delicious dish Iāve ever eaten. The presentation was pleasing and the sauce and accompaniments were perfect.. enhancing the flavor of the beef without being overpowering.
Normally I would only be able to eat half an entire but I could not stop eating it was so good. I ate the entire plate! Then our server offered us dessert and I simply could not refuse. If the main was that good.. how much better would dessert be??
The answer is pretty freaking great. I ordered the cinnamon donuts served with coffee ice cream, drizzled with chocolate. Again, I ate the entire thing. Well, Jim had a bite or two but I had the rest.
Feeling very satisfied, we made our way back to the car and back to theAirbnb. We made a couple of drinks and cranked up the hot tub. It was a super relaxing night and a good way to spend our last evening on vacation. We both agreed we were ready to go home.
Thursday is what happens when something doesnāt go according to plan. Sometimes, itās all wrong, but sometimes it turns out alright.
My big plan for the day was a hot air balloon ride over Sedona. It was one of the things that Jim and I talked about after the big reveal about the destination for our vacation, which remained a surprise to him until about 1 or 2 days before our departure. Neither one of us had done a balloon ride before and I wanted to, but recalled a conversation we had early in our relationship where he said he would never do it.
My friend Rebecca went on one with her then boyfriend Jeremy when they had their first big vacation together which just happened to be in Arizona. She recommended it and said it was an incredible experience. So I asked Jim about it again. He did a few google searches to see how safe it was and gave me the green light to book it.
The catch with this sort of thing is that there are no guarantees and the best time of day for calm winds and weather is early am. They kick off around sunrise and since it was in Sedona, we had an hour to drive to make it to our pick-up spot. With a 5:20am pick up, we had to wake up at 4am to make it. Somehow with the anticipation of it.. that was not a problem.
The unpredictability of the weather means things can also go awry. We rode out to the launch spot with a bunch of other folks. It looked like about 6 balloons going up based on the trucks and trailers pulling gear. When we arrived we got out and proceeded to stand around with these other folks in 40 degree temps, shivering and waiting for something to happen.
All the dudes working for the company huddled around as well, periodically sending up little black balloons and watching their lift and direction. We could hear them talking and laughing and pointing. After about 25 minutes the guy who drove 6 of us walked over to deliver the bad news. The winds were not favorable and they were scrubbing the launch.
The driver told us it was less about safety and more about quality of experience. He said that because of the winds, we couldnāt get very far before coming back down or be at risk for going way off course and end up hiking half a day back to civilization. Good to know.
Wellā¦ you win some and you lose some but sometimes when you lose, you actually win.
He dropped us back off at about 6:15am and gave us a few recommendations for places to get coffee, breakfast, and find good hiking. We went to the breakfast place he recommended, had a lovely meal, and talked about alternate plans for the day.
After breakfast we drove to a popular trailhead and found the parking lot completely full already. Damn.. these people are serious about their hiking. I then navigated us to an alternate trail close by and found a virtually empty lot. Perfect.
The trail was called the āAirport Trailā which sounds very unappealing. The Sedona airport is situated on top of a large hill and the trail runs along the outside on the side of the hill. But, for 90% of the trail, you canāt even see the fence that surrounds the airport property. And since the trail goes all the way around, you get incredible views of the area the entire 365 degrees.
At the start of the hike we went to the right and headed to a place called āThe Summitā first. It was a short hike to get to an area with steps up to the top of a large rock formation. You know when you see pics of people sitting or laying on top of a giant rock at the top of a mountain? Thatās exactly what it was like. A great way to start.
After climbing back down, we continued on the main trail which was a lot longer than I thought it would be. I thought I read that the hike was a 1.5 mile loop but that just has to be wrong considering how large the airport has to be for planes to take off and land. Still, we were committed to doing the whole loop so as it got long, we pressed on.
The other great thing about the hike is that we were already up on the side of a sizable hill so the trail did not have a lot of elevation change. You could basically walk the trail and not get too winded. Great for those of us who live in the flatlands and are not acclimated to the elevation.
Noteworthy is that when we arrived back at the parking lot, it was practically full and there were tons of people everywhere. I guess thatās the bonus of going super early.
When the hike was over, we were sweaty, kind of jazzed up, and not sure what to do with the rest of our day. I had been dressed in long pants and layers for the balloon ride and quickly peeled everything off to try and cool down. Jim drove as we talked about where to go.
Renting ATVs was an option folks had been talking about at the balloon launch site so we went to one of the places on 89A and did just that.
There was an area just outside of town called Red Rock State Park and I had wanted to visit. What better way to get up close and personal with the rock formations without another long hike?!
The trail we opted for was a pretty tame one as were just beginners. Actually, after riding the terrain for about 5 minutes, I had no desire to drive at all. Riding was stressful enough. And bumpy as hell.
The scenery was amazingā¦ againā¦ and we rode to some cliffside ruins; dwellings constructed by native peoples hundreds of years ago. That was pretty cool. The ATV was a 4 hour rental but we were done after just that one trail. As it turns out, Jim didnāt think it was that fun either.
By the time that little adventure was over, we were exhausted, filthy, hungry, and seriously parched. It was also reaching the time of day when all the spots to eat got super busy in Sedona and we werenāt really in any shape for finding parking, waiting, or sitting down for a nice meal. We decided just to drive back to flagstaff and cook our own late day lunch.
It feels like the day ended there. I suppose, in a way, it did. Thatās the other thing that happens when you wake up at 4amā¦ youāre ready for bed by like 7pm. š
What day am I writing about again? Oh yeahā¦ thirsty Thursday. It was a very thirsty day indeed.
Wednesday I didnāt have anything planned but did think we would end up having a longer visit to the south rim of the Grand Canyon. However, we also wanted to visit the Impact Crater near Winslow Arizona at some point too. And since we were still not adjusted to the time difference and waking up early, we decided to do both.
The Impact Crater is the largest crater in North America. The fact that itās a desert with very little variation in weather, itās very well preserved. Only a small amount of sand debris is swept into the crater by wind each year so it looks just about the same as it did when people began studying it in the late 1800ās.
They actually thought it was a volcano vent for the longest time until Science stepped in and proved otherwise. Now, the site has a visitor center with tours running on the hour 8am-5pm every day. Because charging money to see something like that is the American way.
The winds at the rim are fierce and as our guide told us, the current visitor center is the 3rd building to be constructed on site for tourism. The first two were literally blown away in wind storms. Yikes!!
Aside from fighting the wind, it was a really cool thing to see and hear about and Iām glad we took a half a day to do that.
Returning to Flagstaff, it was lunchtime and we made our second visit to El Tapatio, as the food and margaritas there were some of the best weāve had anywhere.
Once we were full of fajitas, enchiladas, and sillinessā¦ we hit the road again for the South Rim.
This time we had a little more time to walk the paved trail that runs several miles along the south rim. We also picked a different spot to see the sunset which could only be accessed by shuttle bus.
With a half hour to spare, we made our way to Hopi Point and found a nice quiet pair of rocks to sit on and wait. I suppose the fact that itās still pretty early in the season, the crowds were at a minimum, which I very much appreciate.
The sunset itself was hazy and you couldnāt really get a good shot of the canyon, but I know what I saw and it was pretty incredible.
We didnāt stay long after that.
Noteworthy here is that sometime during the Crater Tour, our guide mentioned that before Americans settled in the area, native people migrated through at different times of the year hunting and gathering. One of the main food sources was the pine nut from the Pinion tree which is high in protein and micronutrients.
So,,, walking the south rim trail, I decided to pick a few pinion cones and pluck the nuts out and eat them.
Fast forward to just after sunset, and I began having horrible cramps. This was followed by an extended visit to the restroom at Hopi point. And I continued to have cramps the entire ride home and into the night. Shame on me for doing something so dumb.
Dumber still is that I didnāt even connect the dots until the next day. I had been wrecking my brain trying to think of what I had eaten that Jim had not. We both had a little of each otherās meals at both lunch and dinner. Oh wellā¦ guess I learned my lesson on that one. š
And thatās how my Wednesday endedā¦ with a whimper AND a bang.
On my āGrandā trip itinerary Tuesday was tagged as the day we would explore Sedona. In truth, all I really had planned was a late day (4pm-ish) couples massage followed by dinner at a nice restaurant.
The scenery and slightly warmer temperatures are probably at the top of the list of reasons why the city seems so busy and is also quite a bit more expensive to find a place to stay. I had considered booking a place in Sedona originally and the extra cost and extra drive time to the Grand Canyon are why I opted for Flagstaff.
When I booked the massage, the woman who took my call gave me some suggestions of areas to explore as we made our way from Flagstaff to Sedona down through the canyon on route 89A. The drive was amazingly beautiful, albeit a dizzying one. The switchbacks were some of the more intense Iāve experienced.
We stopped at Slide Rock State Park which is a paid spot. The guy at the gate made sure we knew the main activity there was a āswimmingā one and not hiking. Swimming in quotes because very few people were actually in the water. Why? Because the water is a natural mountain stream flowing down over the rocks and it is COLD.
Itās called slide rock because the rocks are smoothed over boulders and you can actually slide down like a waterslide. I watched some kids doing it, and even an older woman who brought her own inner-tube. Classy. š
The entire park was cool to explore with some great vistas, but we definitely had the most fun walking into the water and taking some fun pics among the rocks.
After we exhausted that bit of excitement, we made our way the rest of the way to Sedona to explore and have some lunch.
The place we ate was called the Hudson and it was a flight or two of stairs up, nestled on the side of a hill. Actually everything in Sedona is situated on a hill and the view in just about every direction is amazing.
We had a drink or two and ate at the bar. Jim had steak and I had a cheeseburger of course. It might have been the euphoria of the moment, but it was one of the best cheeseburgers Iāve had in my life.
It was actually a bison burger with white cheddar, bacon, and some sort of sauce, served with barbeque sauce and fries on the side. When Jim asked, I told him it was a 4.75. High marks indeed. I followed that by making sure he knew nobody gets a perfect 5. If itās out there, I havenāt had it yet.
Finishing lunch, it was time to make our way to the massage parlor across town. The tourist part of town runs all along 89A and is a hot mess of traffic all the time. Despite wonky directions from Google, we were able to find the place and find a place to park.
The massage, as compared to the fun of Slide Rock and deliciousness of Hudsons, paled in comparison. Butā¦. even a mediocre massage is a good massage!
We were supposed to get dinner after that but we were both still full from lunch and a little too relaxed for fighting through traffic and crowds to find a place to eat so we basically got in our car and drove back up through the canyon to Flagstaff.
It was a pretty chill evening after that. A quick dip in the hot tub and we were both ready to call it a night. I think thatās it for Day 2. Another very satisfying day.
Day 1. The question for day 1 isnāt what we did on day 1.
The question for day 1 is what we didnāt do on day 1.
The answer is nothingā¦ there is nothing we didnāt do
which, as double negatives go, is the same as saying
everything.
We did everything.
From the top to the bottom to the top,
and round the outside.
We woke up in Flagstaff, which for the love of all the cheese in the universe I canāt call to the front of my mind when I need to. I keep thinking, Tucson, Tallahassee, Taledega, Toronto. (JK on that last one.. I havenāt once thought I was staying in Canada). But for whatever reason, I keep thinking weāre staying in a place that begins with a āT.ā
Anyway, we woke up relatively early but with the time difference, we were both wide awake at 6AM and not feeling like sleeping more. We therefore had plenty of time to start scheming. Before I knew it, we were committing ourselves to driving to see the sunset at the Grand Canyon. Pretty Grand right?! But hold upā¦ I just said we woke before 6am, so that would mean a monster long day. Add to that the plan to take an 8 hour tour to the bottom of said Canyon during the day (a guided tour, not driving ourselves). But when you go to the Canyon, you go big or you go homeā¦ I guess.
That tour started at Williams Arizona and we traveled by a vehicle that was bigger than a van but smaller than an actual bus along interstate 40 to the old historic Route 66.
Itās the longest stretch of that old highway still operational and much of the pre-recorded tour info we had on that part of the route included details about the highway and history of tourism in the area. It was fun to hear that and also passed the time as it took a little over an hour to get to Peach Springs which is where the descent into the Canyon begins.
Peach Springs as well as all the surrounding land we traveled on from there into and to the bottom is Haulapai land. The two most prevalent tribes that reside on reservations at the Grand Canyon today are the Havasupai and the Hualapai. The canyon is also described as the place of emergence for the Navajo, Hopi, Paiute and Zuni.
From Peach Springs (and arguably the worst maintained porta-potty Iāve ever visited) we began the long dirt/rock road down to the bottom of the Canyon. This is a little known access point apparently because most visitors of the Grand Canyon opt for views at the rim looking down at the majestic cliffs and geologic wonders.
This slow and bumpy ride took just about 2 hours and as we rode, the walls of the canyon consumed us. The terrain and temperature changes are so drastic that different plant life exist at various points along the way.
Ponderosa pine trees give way to pinon trees/bushes. The endless shallow hills of desert brush turn almost instantaneously into steep hills full of different varieties of cactus and low brush. Prickly Pear, Jumping, and other varieties whose actual names I canāt recall.
It was a rough-ish ride but after about 2 hours of historic stories and a brief stop to say hi to some wild donkeys, we arrived at our drop point, one mile from the Colorado River.
We walked the last mile, just the two of us, marveling at the oasis that diamond head creek has created in this otherwise unforgiving terrain. We walked in the cold water and took some pictures and Iāll never admit to peeing there, so donāt bother to ask.
Rejoining our small tour party at the river, we were handed our brown sack lunches and were given a quick overview of the area. This included several suggested ādoāsā and a number of soft ādonāts.ā We took it as a singular list of items that all begged to be done.
This included walking into the river near the rapids instead of from the beach area where the water was smooth as glass. Wellā¦ Jim walked inā¦ Iām too much of a chicken shit when it comes to rapids. Thatās what a near-death experience does to a person. I digress.
The rest of our time there was spent eating our sammiches, walking to different parts of the river, and taking lots of pics. I was a little jelly of the rafters. If I ever do this trip again Iāll have to get over my fear and just do it.
This was the highlight of our day. We both agree. And when our time was up we had to retrace our steps and make the 3 hour journey back to Williams. To best represent how bumpy the ride was, Iāll just say that we likely walked less than 3K steps on the day as a whole yet my FitBit recorded 17k on the day. Thatās bumpy!
Our big plan to catch the sunset hinged in timing. Arriving back to Williams, we needed to get dinner and high tail it back north with a quickness. Trouble was, nothing was happening very quickly.
First.. the restaurant we planned to order takeout from was closed on Mondays. Second, the only fast food option I was ok with was Taco Bell and after 10 minutes in line with little movement we peeled outto hit the gas station instead. Third.. the gas station was packed and the line there was no joke either.
Third was the gas station stop to fuel up and grab a quick bite. For me, that was a gas station hot dog. As I stood at the rollers I tried to think of a time in my life Iāve eaten a gas station hot dog. I could not think of one. So I thought to myself, why not.
Iāll be damned if I didnāt even know where they were hiding the buns. Like the last person on the planet to be let in on a grand secret. Not labeled because even an idiot knows where they keep the buns. Good gravy!
The hot dog was a good decision for about 20 minutes until the last few bites when it became a bad decision. But I finished it anyway.
Part of our navigation challenge came when hunting for a sunset spot. It was not something I had researched at all so we were googling as we drove from Jimās phone (my service is really quite abysmal out here).
We picked #1 on the list and that is where we went but because of our timing, we sort of missed the bit where the sun was lighting up the cliffs on the south and east walls.
We did catch the sun dipping behind the trees on the horizon (no clear shot of the sun from across the canyon at Mather Point and watched the shadows creep up and consume the entire void. Still very cool.
When the sun was completely set, we left that vista behind us and drove back to Taledega (or Tulsa or Texarkana or Tuscaloosa).
As Jim drove, the sky became a shade of dark that only the great wilderness, free from light pollution, can provide. The stars came out and I watched them from my passenger window, eyes scanning for Orienās belt. It took a little over an hour to get back to our AirBnb.
A full day of āeverythingā indeed. Or at least it felt like everything. Little did I know that we were just getting startedā¦
When writing about my travels, I tend to call travel day, āDay 0.ā Then the first full day on the trip is officially āDay 1.ā At the moment, it is early (5:45am) on āDay 2ā so Iām playing rapid catch up to capture everything from the past two days. Let me tell you, itās a lot.
Since we had such an early start in Sunday, day 0 felt like a full day anyhow.
Where I left off last time was landing in Phoenix after a super early rise and feeling a little sick and disoriented because of that. However, the first thing we did after getting our rental car was find a brunch place to have some food. The place we found was called Snoozers and the place was hopping. There was a bit of a wait to get a table, but somehow when the temp is 75 degrees and the sun is shining, it doesnāt seem all that terrible to wait. We sat on the edge of a planter full of annuals and let the sun hit our faces.
The restaurant was a good experience. I had brunch tacos, with a southwest kick and a pom-a-licious mimosa (orange juice, champagne, and pomegranate liquor). All of that was exactly what my body needed. After that we drove around Phoenix for a bit looking for a few trip essentials we did not bring with us and didnāt mind wandering about a little as check in at our Air-Bnb was 4PM and the drive from Phoenix to Flagstaff is only two hours.
We tried to go to the botanical gardens but they were all sold out for the day, so we made a mental note to hit it on the way back and buy tickets in advance. The drive to the gardens was actually good enough for the moment as palm trees and cacti arenāt something g we see a lot of in Nebraska.
When we left there, we didnāt have other things we wanted to see in that area so we headed north on the highway. It was a fairly lackluster drive, and despite the landscape being vastly different that Nebraska, nothing stuck out as particularly noteworthy on the highway. I mean, mountains in the distance but just lots of brown everywhere.
In a few short hours, we had made it to Flagstaff but were still super early for check in.
We weren’t really that hungry yet but we had nothing else to do so we stopped into a cute little Mexican restaurant, El Tapatio, for lunch. I ordered a very small ceviche tostada with a blue margarita and Jim had mixed meat fajitas and a corona light. With the free chips and salsa, it ended up being a LOT of food but it was all delicious. Jimās commented several times since then that he definitely wants to go back there at least once before we leave. This is high praise indeed!
After lunch we around a little bit to get our bearings and also hit the Whole Foods to buy our groceries for the week. Whenever we travel, we try and stay at a place where we can cook our own food if we need to, which saves on planning, dollars, and also ensures we have enough stuff that Jim can have with his dietary restrictions.
Satisfied with our purchases and nearing 4PM check-in, we wound our way back south of town to find our home away from home for the week. A cute little house just out of town, nestled in the hills and pine trees. I would describe it as cozy and friendly. Itās not swanky and definitely the right amount of space for the two of us. Plus it has a hot tub so thatās a bonus (though we have not gotten to enjoy that yet).
We spent quite a bit of time just getting settled in and frankly, after the super early wake up and considering the time difference between Nebraska and Arizona (2 hours), I was ready to go to sleep by 9PM. And that is exactly what I did.
Plus, I knew we had another early morning wake-up the next day because of what I had planned for our first full day in Arizona. More on that coming very soon!
This is Sure to Be the Start of Something Beautiful!
Today is travel day. The start of another adventure and one that I get to share with my love andā¦ have him all to myself for 6 whole days.
We were up super early in order to make our 6:20 flight and the airport was just as I remember, only with all sorts of masked hoodlums milling about. Funny to see so many people but you wouldnāt recognize anyone probably. Not a bad thing I suppose.
Anyhowā¦ I only got like 3 hours sleep because of my travel nerves, so I felt a little sick and wrecked. I couldnāt read or write or sleep on the plane, and basically passed the time messing in the iphone camera app of all things editing a photo I took shortly after takeoff.
Itās pretty cool what you can do to alter an image and it kind of lends itself to the thought that life is all about perspective. I meanā¦ crank the tint, warmth, and vibrance and pow! Thereās a rose colored lense for every scene.
I basically took the same photo and edited like 10 different copies. It was pretty cool (or warm, depicting in which way you turn the dial). So, yeah, I did that for an hour and pretty much called it done as the pilot announced we were beginning our descent into the Phoenix area.
And there it is folksā¦ the big reveal of where we are going. Sort of. I mean, we flew into Sky Harbor but not planning to stay in Phoenix for long.
I was totally in charge of all the planning for this little adventure and my big goal was to take Jim somewhere really awesome that neither of us had been before. That place is the GRAND CANYON!!! šš»šš»šš»šš»šš»šš»šš»
Yupā¦ the next few days weāre going to be driving to see some amazing scenery and have a few āonce in a lifetimeā experiences. No rose colored glasses required.
Thatās all Iāve got today though. Now that weāve landed, secured our rental car, and had a lovely brunch.. we need to get a move on up the road.
Cheers to the Start of Another Fantastc Adventure (Finally),
If I had to pick a theme for my life lately it would be āPracticing the Art of Letting Go.ā So many things have slid off my radar and the biggest thing I feel like Iāve let go of is worrying about all of it. In that sense, itās been quite positive.
Itās definitely not like me. I typically check my steps several time a day and tend to scramble at 8pm if Iām close to my goal and check my sleep first thing when I wake up and check my cardio duration at the end of a workout. But not lately. Lately Iām not checking like I normally would.
I also typically spend a lot of time focusing on my eating and drinking habits and general productivity. Itās just how I move about the world, with the goal of living a healthier life. Itās part of what this blog is aboutāthe daily musings of a girl who is just trying to figure it all out.
But even this blog has been neglected lately. Neglected is such a negative word and thatās the wrong way to frame this post. Iām actually reflecting on the phenomenon of my āletting goā lately and thinking very positively about it.
Itās one thing to check in on ones self to make sure good choices are being made. Itās another altogether to take it to a level akin to obsession. Now Iām not saying Iām necessarily obsessed with my āstatsā but I have been known to run around the house at 9pm to hit my step goal.
Iām not sure what has changed lately to cause me to care a little less about stats and productivity and meeting certain expectations, but whatever it is, itās been a breath of fresh air.
Perhaps itās the arrival of spring or maybe that Iāve been getting better sleep and donāt feel as exhausted all the time. Perhaps itās the choke hold of Covid being loosened or finally accepting my new role as full time household engineer. Perhaps itās pondering my moms new diagnosis (stage 3C ovarian cancer) and realizing that life is too short to worry all damn day about what you are doing or not doing or eating or not eating.
Maybe itās the combination of all of this, but whatever it is, Iāll take it. New Burdens have been placed upon me this year and others have been lifted. Lately Iām just rolling with the punches and not worried about āsuccessā so much. Itās a great feeling.
Iām being kind to myself, and forgiving. And Iām not putting guilt on myself like I normally would when I have not met my own expectations. Itās glorious.
And today?? Today my focus is shifting into vacation mode. Today Iām packing and gathering all the plans Iāve compiled for the coming week into an organized document to share with my love as we skip town.
Tomorrow Iām getting on an airplane for the first time since my honeymoon which was just before Covid lockdowns began in early 2020. Tomorrow Iām taking āletting goā to the next level and that, too, is glorious.
So the next post, if thereās time, will be posted from a yet undisclosed location somewhere in the United States. It could be anywhere folksā¦ and youāll have to check back to find out where. š
On that note, my time is up today and Iāve got to get packing.
Cheers to letting go, loving yourself, and embracing the next adventure one moment at a time,
Iām walking. Iām walking. Iāve got nothing today. A full set list of stuff to get done today while Iām stranded at home. Jeep wonāt start again and is parked at Jimās office. He took my car to work today.
Itās ok because itās the first day of my period (cuz I know you wanted to know that š) and typically the heaviest day and the cramping-est day and probably would veto running errands around town anyhow. Been there done that anyway soā¦. meh.
It just means I have all day to get stuff done around the house. Does that mean I will? Prolly not. š¤·āāļø
I told you I had nothing to say today. Why you still reading?
Guess itās time to check my email and see whatās going on in Paris this morning…
It just happens to be a ride on a train. Fascinating.
***
What I can say is that from down here, among the abandoned strappy black heels and patent leather pumps, Iāll never know for certain who triumphed over whom, which depends strictly on the definition of the word triumph.
At times, for her own amusement, the Universe leads our memories astray but the outcome remains the same. Regardless of city streets riddled with contradictions, the street sign replaced a hundred times still runs parallel to the horizon, where the sun continues to rise in snowflake fashion every single day.
I might have been sitting across from an Afgani woman on the Eurostar that one time too. Based on the year it might have been the same woman. But the advice I had been given was to not make eye contact so Iāll never know for certain.
I just stared down at my shoes, thinking about how my stupid American wardrobe made me stick out like a sore thumb and and a target for all those shifty pick-pockets loitering near the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre and Notre Damme. I couldnāt have heard your conversation over the voices arguing about pairing a red trench coat with black leggings anyhow. Iād made so many mistakes.
Just then they rolled a cart of sweet treats by our train cabin and I was further distracted by chocolate frogs and Bertie Bottās Every Flavour Beans, which hadnāt been invented yet. That was the moment the thread of the story fell to the ground and I went down on my hands and knees to hunt for it.
***
I would say this would make more sense if a person read the triggering poem:
A Celebration
by Iman Mersal
Paris Review Issue no. 197 (Summer 2011)
But I doubt it.. as it doesnāt even help me decipher the message. And Iām the one who wrote it. Near as I can tell is that itās an alternate take on the same subject as is in my poem, Left Brain Poet, with the references to memory and the flaws of our fragile human brains.
The actual details of my ride on the Eurostar are sadly long gone. The only solid memory is how incredibly different the French countryside appeared as we emerged from the Chunnel. Like Iād traveled through a portal of space AND time and ended up on a different planet. It was bright and beautiful and green which was so different than the dark, dreary greys and blues of London.
I suppose the bit about the clothing is accurate too, though not a memory from the train. It actually pestered me enough for several days early on that trip that I spent half a day shopping on Oxford street. By the time my day-trip to Paris arrived, my āAmerican-nessā was thoroughly camouflaged (as long as I didnāt open my mouth).
Still hard to believe I went to England, Ireland, and Paris for two weeks all by myself in 2010. It was shortly after my divorce was final and I think I wanted to prove to everyone that I was finally free and could do whatever the fuck I wanted. That included visiting Stonehenge AND getting robbed in Dublin. Dublin.. donāt get me started on how much I hated Dublin. I mean, by then I was over traveling alone and letās be real, once you see Paris and London, Dublin is a Dump.
I said donāt get me started didnāt I? Why are you still reading??!!
In any case, my grand memories of that trip become even more grand as time passes and the truth of it all may be becoming mired by so many retellings.
Maybe thatās the point and has nothing at all to do with what this morning’s poem from the Paris Review was all about. š¤·āāļø Such is the Way. In any case, Iām grateful for the opportunity to have lived those moments and to reminisce about them now. Thanks for reading.
