No… not another origin story for some superhero or where life on planet Earth started.

This is an “Account” of where my poems originate.

“Account” is the name of one publication I’m interested in submitting work to. Their unique spin in the literary world is that they ask for (and publish) a separate document explaining in more detail about the writer and or their work, like an “account” of how the work came into existence or how it fits into a particular project they’re working on. This is totally my jam. I love to muse about what’s behind the curtain. 

I think it has to be between 150 and 500 words. My biggest problem is how to fit what I want to say and to 500 words good golly I’m going to have to invoke my inner poet to try to make this “account” as concise as possible.

What do I want to muse about? 

I could do a little bit of a dive into the source for the poems I’d like to submit. On a grander scale I’m thinking about how poems come to me in general and how this has evolved over time..

I would say that when I was young, and just beginning to stretch my writerly muscles, I did a lot of journaling – big surprise. In the midst of this writing, I would feel a poem coming on, and then it would just spill out onto the page. They were poems but rudimentary in the sense that I had no formal education about Poetry. What I had learned was from some middle school class where we read Robert Frost (that’s all I recall) and everything rhymed.

Years later, I was still writing poems and they were still coming to me in that spontaneous fashion in the midst of other thoughts and other writing. The poems were better, but still lacking the craft element that you can only get through learning and exposure.

If you’re a disciplined individual, you can seek out the information that you need and learn that way. There are so many resources that are free and on the Internet — podcasts, craft talks, other people’s fabulous writing. You can get a great education just from being present and seeking it out.

I’m not disciplined enough for that. Plus, I need to carve out specific time from my busy life and intentionally make a commitment. This is the precisely the reason I applied for an MFA program.

I stick firmly to the statement that it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. My only regret is that in my graduating semester, there was a global pandemic (of course completely out of my control) that moved the content online, which I am not as good with. I crave in person interaction despite how much anxiety it causes my introverted body and mind.

In my MFA experience, not only did I learn a shit ton about good Poetry, and writing in general, but I also made a lot of great connections and that’s priceless. The MFA also instilled in me a desire to seek a wider audience through publishing my work.

In that time my generative writing style evolved. It moved from a spontaneous generation in the midst of other creative endeavors to an intentional practice. 

There were a lot of exercises in generative writing with prompts and other methods, which I clung to for a hot minute. I also discovered that when I was reading some of the content required for the courses it inspired me to imitate and want to write my own thoughts about whatever the subject was I was reading. This wasn’t just limited to poems I was reading but also happened with craft books. 

I suppose one of the biggest changes in my writing was moving from a style with so much end rhyme to more of a free verse style. And somewhere along the way I embraced slant rhyme and some internal rhyme. Utilizing those felt like a good compromise that satisfied my desire for musicality beyond meter. I still struggle with including too much rhyme at times, but balance is key for a lot of things in life.

Since getting my MFA, I still have a desire to write, but the generative process has become a struggle. I tried to continue to find inspiration in  reading poems, daily, and that worked great during the pandemic. It was one of the things that got me through that time and made me feel like I was being productive with my writing, despite the lack of interaction with other people and commitment and deadlines that I had in the program. 

Eventually, though I hit a wall with this method. And my “generative“ desires morphed again as I found fulfillment in pouring back over the poems, recognizing submitting them and collecting them into different manuscripts — both chapbook length and full book length.

I went through a period of time where I really wasn’t writing anything at all 

And that was concerning. I was no longer getting inspired by the poems I was reading or even doing any spontaneous writing from experiences I was having. I had also completely lost the desire to use a prompt or other method to force the writing. 

It’s been a long journey so far and where I’m at now is in a recovery phase. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the evolution of my writing and how to get back to a place where there is joy in the act. I find that the poems that are generated organically, seemingly out of nowhere are more successful than those I’ve tried to write from prompts or in workshop. (if you define success using publishing as the measure.)

It also feels more satisfying when those poems are published because they feel more authentic. The same is true for utilizing other people’s feedback. 

Sometimes I find that the feedback is very helpful and other times feel as though the recommendations are counter to my intentions and make the work less of what I want to convey. I have a desire to represent and

who I am and stick to my choices, but also stay open learning and growing, and making edits based on opinions I trust. Again, it’s about balance. 

The last poem I wrote is very authentic and came to me out of the blue where I picked up a notebook and started writing with the line in my head. After that, the poem  just tumbled out onto the page, kind of like when I was a teenager. After letting it sit for a few weeks in the notebook (for some emotional distance)  I typed it up and crafted the shit out of it using much of what I’ve learned over time. 

I find the revision process is pretty satisfying too. 

I think I’ve found the right form and I’m super satisfied with the result. If it never gets published, who cares, because it was a joy to create.

I hope this is the start of the next great chapter in my writing journey. And what about the work that I want to send to the Account Journal?

Honestly, I don’t know. I suppose I should pull a few things that are thematically tied together. But if my new phase is about freedom of exploration, I should just pick my five favorite things and send those.

That’s it for today. A brief history of my generative writing journey and a few things I’ve learned along the way. At about 1250 words, it’s definitely not a fit for the submission. Ha! 

Until next time. 

Peace Out, 

~Miss SugarCookie