2018-12-15 The One About Old Dogs and New Tricks

Ok.. I’ve really tried the last couple weeks to keep the ranting to a minimum, but if something is bothering me, I just have to get it out. Perhaps the answer is just to write about it and then throw it away, but somehow that’s not as cathartic. As the title of this post might suggest, it has something to do with my age, and the challenge of taking on something new. I’m this case, I’m talking about work.

You know, I didn’t ask for this. I’m trying very hard to be a team player but the level of micromanagement in the face of my being a newbie with this current project is starting to get to me. When I was hired, it was to be a technical writer. I was going to working behind the scenes on documentation, which is totally in my wheelhouse. I was also hired for my high standards when it comes to repeatable process and continued process improvement, and my experience in the software development process. Everything from one end to the other and starting at the beginning again, over and over.

It’s a cyclical process. Issues are discovered and new requests come in (with an established application anyway). You work to document, collaborate with devs to make those changes, then you test the shit out of it, then deploy. That repeats over and over. I’m very familiar with this within the context of my last job.

It helped that I was a subject matter expert in what the software was supposed to do, and learning the app I was supporting came easy. I digress.

My new contract deals with most of the same data, but that’s where the similarities end. There’s not a defined process and my role is so undefined. I’m a month in and my role is still fuzzy… that’s fucked up. Am I a PM? No, because one of the other people on the team is largely filling that role (though she refuses to acknowledge or adopt the project timeline I was asked to develop). Whatever. 🙄

My role seems to be more of a SQL dev, because that’s how we are extracting the data and formatting it. But I have very limited experience in that and there is also absolutely no process in place though the company has had “teams” do this like 6 times already. All of it is other people’s heads, primarily my boss.

I was told that my role in the contract was defined as project liaison and, like I said, that’s not happening. I’m ok with that – I hate being the “front man” anyway. As I’ve been introduced in meetings I’ve been introduced as the data expert doing the “heavy lifting” of analysis, running scripts, and operationalizing the process for the data conversion. Again, I’m no expert in a process that is contained within someone else’s head, so that feels like a fabrication.

I have all the credentials to log in and access all the tools and resources now and I’m really just getting started with some smaller requests. We’re currently just doing analysis. My SQL knowledge goes like this.. 1. Find the tables and fields 2. Start with a basic select * and inner joins. 3. Add in qualifiers. 4. Limit, sort, group as needed.

These SQLs I was given copies of are hundreds of lines, creating schema and doing tons of formatting and logic/case statements on the data. That is ALL new to me. I’m ok with learning it, as long as they are ok with the fact that the learning curve takes time. On one hand my boss is saying they are totally ok with that, but when we work together he has zero patience (and a very low tolerance for things being done differently than he would do them).

So yesterday, I have a working session with my boss. It’s to go over the server and confirm all the tools and start setting things up. At least that was my intent. We get 3 minutes in and he’s all like “we’re not ready for that yet. We won’t be doing the ETL project setup for a few months”. I’m all like “ohhhh Kay”. So then what? I know, let’s work on transferring some of the canned scripts to the server.

For one, I don’t know what scripts he wants me to start with, so I’m dependent on him for retrieving those. There’s no standard library of scripts and according to him, the best source is the lastest customer because they are always making improvements. Again I’m like “ohhhh Kay”. He logs into the other customer (which I obviously can’t do on my own), and saves them to google drive.

From there, I can pick up the scripts and put them on the local server I’m working on. But no. That’s not right/good enough. I’m told it would be better for me to download the google drive app that lets you navigate the folders and files through a traditional windows window instead of in the browser. So we go down a path to set that up. Mind you, I didn’t even know this was a thing and he assures me I’ll “love it”.

By this time, he’s controlling my desktop and driving the session and doing things so fast, I’m not really learning, just watching. He’s insisting sql mgmt studio access the drive files directly and not store things on the local server. I’m not an idiot.. I know the reason for this is so other people can update the scripts on the drive without access to the server. By now, he knows my skill level and probably has no confidence in my ability to do the job.

He’s even gone so far as to ask the customer for his own login credentials. In my mind that sends a clear message to the customer that I’m not capable. I guess I should be ok with that since I’m not capable. Well, I AM completely capable but right now I’m on a learning curve. The problem with that is that when you hire contractors, you expect to have experts, not people learning in the job.

By the end of the session yesterday, he was driving so fast I could not keep up and had truly gotten frustrated with that. It made me feel like a puppet. I’m the one with the login credentials and just sitting there while he was working away. That makes me the ultimate front man. Ick!

Then I ask myself, “ohhhh Kay, what now?”. Do I just keep doing what I’m doing, which is the best that I can? I guess. What choice do I have? I guess we’ll see how next week goes.

I suppose another factor that I should not gloss over, is that this is my last contract like this and there are other unknowns, like how many of these type of projects are left in the industry. Just by the very specific nature of the beast, there may not be many. So how much effort do you put into defining a repeatable process. That IS something I’m good at, but not a part of my job description in this case. So where’s my value? I don’t like feeling like a puppet or a person who is not adding any value. We all want to feel like we are adding value in our jobs. That’s part of job satisfaction. Again, I guess I’ll just wait and see how things unfold.

I swear, if we have another working session where he completely takes control of my machine and just starts doing the work, I’m gonna lose it. I’m really not an old dog and I’m certainly smart enough to learn new tricks, but what’s my motivation. Maybe it’s less about my motivation and more about this strange dynamic between my boss and I. I dunno. 🤷‍♀️

Wow… that’s quite a rant indeed. I’m not sure if getting all this out now is doing any good. (I should just delete it). I feel like composing an email, but my instincts are telling me to hold off on doing that too. It’s Saturday and I should be focusing on my Christmas shopping and hanging with the kids. I should be relaxing and NOT thinking about work. I’m gonna go try and do that now.

Flame Off,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-11-05 The Missing Cat Was a Lie

Yesterday I experienced high anxiety which I attributed to multiple factors including the fact that my cat was missing. She always paces by the back door to be let out and even stretches up and puts her paw on the door handle and pulls down. Most of my doors don’t have round knobs, They have the lever kind that you pull down on and the pull the door open. If that door wasn’t so heavy, I swear she’d be able to open it. She’s smarter than any dog I’ve ever met. If she wants my attention, she’ll follow me and nip at the back of my heels to let me know. If I turn and let her know she’s got my attention, she’ll start walking in the direction she wants me to go, which is usually either the location of her food pantry or the back door.

Yesterday I let her out mid morning as I was working my way through the house doing a bit of packing and organizing. By late morning I went to let her in and she didn’t come when I called. She normally comes running right away. Sometimes she gets out of the back yard and so I went to the front door and expected her to run up on the porch right away to come in. This time, that didn’t happen. I didn’t think anything about it at first except for how strange that was. I kept working my way through different rooms of my house.

About every half hour I went back to both doors to call her in and each time I was greeted by a burst of cool fall air and no cat. By mid afternoon my mind was wandering and worrying. If you ever had a pet go missing you know that feeling. A sick feeling in the stomach and a vision of the animal being trapped somewhere or worse, run over by a car.

I tried to go to the gym to take my mind off of it but that worked in the opposite direction. My mind was too free to think about everything and my anxiety started to climb higher. When I was writing then, I eluded to the fact that I had a lot of things contributing to that feeling.. the job, school, money, all my stuff. One of the things I had in the back of my mind was this stupid drug test I have to take for my new contract. It’s not stupid, really. If I was an employer I would want my employees to submit to a test, but damn it’s terrible timing.

Today is day 7 after arriving back home from my Co trip. I’ve written about how I don’t like MJ and would never do that again, but when I was in the mountains, I shrugged and figured I’d give it another shot. I was disappointed again and really actually hated the experience and so this drug test coming up now is like icing on a shit cake. Anyway, I had actually forgotten about it for a hot minute with everything else on my mind.

For the record, i have it from several sources that since I’m not a regular user, it should be out of my system, but as of last Friday I was still weeing dirty on some home test I acquired. Thanks Obama. Jim told me not to worry, just wait till Monday and also said the test probably also includes benzodiazepines, whatever that is, but that I should not take any Xanax. Ok no problem.

When he told me that I didn’t think anything about it because I’ve only ever taken it to help me sleep and haven’t had any for over a month, maybe two. I haven’t needed it. Then yesterday hit and I was seriously feeling terrible. My mind was wrecking havoc and I just wanted relief. Like I said, I’ve never taken it for anything but sleep but I figured I would take just a half a pill to see if that would help. In about a half hour I could feel it working and it was like magic.

I made dinner and didn’t get upset when my daughter complained for the gazillionth time that she didn’t like it. I didn’t care. I continued to clean and organize and pack and just felt so much better. I actually sat down in my office and was able to open a book and read and get inspired to write. It was as if all that anxiety just melted away. Yeah, total magic.

It was like that for about an hour and a half until I tipped over the edge feeling sleepy. Yeah, when you’re tired and take a pill that normally is a sleep aid, that’s bound to happen. According to my FitBit, I fell asleep at 7:19 pm. Wow! 😯

And then woke up (actually Z woke me up) at 9:38PM. That was the most amazing 2 hour nap I’ve ever had. I felt great!

Then I remembered the test and was like, oh crap! Now I’m gonna have 2 potential hits on this thing. Cheeses! It’s like the Universe doesn’t want me to take this new job. Honestly I don’t want to take the job, so in this case the Universe and I are in agreement.

At least I have an RX for the Xanax and can bring that with me. I’m going to hold off to tomorrow anyway.

Despite having that 2 hour nap I still slept a full 7 hours and woke up feeling pretty damn good. I think I just needed a little extra recovery sleep. My anxiety is now back to normal, no thanks to my kitten. 🐱

Oh yeah, as it turns out, in all my rushing around the house in the morning I apparently had let her back in the house and didn’t realize it. She was sleeping in the basement the entire time!! Good grief!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Stupid cat (stupid owner). When my son brought it to my attention I felt relieved but also incredibly dumb. I also realized that it did nothing to alleviate my overall worry so I guess I can’t blame that after all.

The missing cat was a lie and that means the truth is that it was caused by something else. The test now is to remove the other sources until I find the one that really matters. How do I do that? Well, one problem at a time I guess. If it’s work, I’m screwed (for now anyway). There are a few other things I’ll be able to eliminate this week though so that’s going to be good.

Yesterday I kept reminding myself that I’m just one human being doing the best she can do with life. It’s a good thing for everyone to keep in mind. As I roll into this week, I’m going to be thankful that my cat is safe and warm inside the house and no matter what happens with this work crap, it’s all going to be just fine. Time now to get the party started.

Ready or Not,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-10-21 The How-Is-It-Sunday-Again-Already Status

Remember a few short months ago when I was all like “I love Monday’s, Monday’s are great! Monday is one of my favorite days of the week!”?! Yeah, I hope you didn’t believe those lies. I guess the more you come to treasure your weekends, the more it seems to go too fast, the more you are totally bummed to spend your Sunday’s thinking about the fact that you’re not ready for Monday. That’s real life I guess. It was nice while it lasted though.

That’s the trick, to enjoy the current moment while it’s here and not think too much about how things will change or dwell needlessly on tomorrow.

My week and weekend is almost over and I’ve only crossed off like two things from my list and have about 10 more to try and tackle today. The procrastination is REAL and I honestly wonder what I’ve actually done. Perhaps today’s status report will reveal the truth? Let’s find out…

Sleep.. 7 hours and 35 minutes average sleep per night. Ok so I slept more. That explains a little. It’s sort of misleading though since I was sick for most of the week. Being heavily medicated will do that to a person, plus I had a few serious naps which is factored in on the FitBit calculation. Last Sunday I collectively slept for 10 hours. Wow.

Exercise/Steps.. 16K steps per day and that’s more than it has been in a while. I spent considerable time in the gym on the treadmill and doing yard work. When I don’t feel well and my brain can’t focus, I can still move my body. It’s really one of the only things I can do to not feel terrible about not accomplishing much else.

Food/Healthy Eating.. Forget about it.

School.. I met with my mentor on Tuesday despite having the longest day in the history of the world and she extended my next deadline to next Wednesday. I’m therefore deep in the weeds of trying to get that done. Seriously contemplating taking a semester off. I’m in it to win it, I just want to take my time. I want to learn.

Work.. I only worked about 25 hours this past week. Whatever. The good news is that I was mostly doing things that I enjoy. This week coming up will also be a short one too. I’ve got two PTO days planned for different reasons and will not be working the weekend at all.

Relationship Status.. Engaged and loving life. Looking forward to an amazing life together.

What else? Oh, a few months ago I included a new status about what show I’m watching. I’ve really not kept up with reporting on that. Jim and I finished watching the Colony series and I highly recommend that for any fellow sci-fi, dystopian fiction nerds. It was awesome.

We’ve just started a new show called “Maniac”. We’re just two episodes in and it’s too early to make a judgement call on it. So far very interesting and weird. Really weird.

I would also share what books I’m reading but it’s all poetry and “ain’t nobody got time for that”.. including me apparently. /sigh

That’s it for this week. Peace, ☮️

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-09-28 Serious Friday Feels

Everything I was worried about yesterday went great. Every thing that got done made me feel lighter and lighter.

I made a space for my morning cardio which I did not think I was going to have time for. ✅

I got my lawn mowed. ✅

I had a difficult conversation with my boss. ✅

I hit up my OBGYN and had another minor procedure to boost my testosterone levels. ✅

I successfully ran another call with an important customer. ✅

I had a visit from the heating company I hired to investigate why my furnace is not coming on. It turns out that’s going to be a very expensive repair, but at least now I know. ✅

Jim and I had dinner together and more great conversation about my job situation and the future. ✅

I was able to log into my school website and access the mid-term form and though I haven’t tried to submit yet, I’m ready to pull the trigger. ✅

It’s all good stuff. I slept great last night and am feeling energized and ready to take on today… FRIDAY!

After I pull the trigger on the mid-term I’ll have the whole rest of the day to get hours into work. I’ve put in a serious minimum of hours this week so far and even if I put in 7 or 8 today, I probably won’t even break 20. 😱 However, it has been a more balanced week and what I originally signed up for. I’ve learned through the experience of the last few months that 30-35 hours is too many to not start sacrificing my family and school. How I ever worked 45+ is a serious mystery to me. But we all know how that turned out eventually so maybe it’s not THAT much of a mystery.

I told my boss yesterday (one of 3 bosses I have) that if I take this next contract the rest of my hours have to be reduced. I let him know that I was getting married and that I’m wanting to focus more of my time on family and school. The truth is, even with that reduction, I’m still considering taking a semester off just to focus on my personal life. I’ve only got this next year to get Z on track for college and we will also be moving which is a significant life change for us. My time in school is slipping away and I realized in the past month or so that I’m not getting out of it what I am paying into it. I want to change that. I don’t think that’s an excuse to put a pause on it but it might be. I’m not sure actually.

All I know is that I want to study more and write more and even take advantage of the alternate track for the program where you can take an actual on-campus class to satisfy some requirements. That appeals to me quite a bit. I dig the idea of having an actual class with assignments and a curriculum of topics to learn about. The MFA program that I’m in is fantastic in the way that it is structured, but the classroom experience feels like an element that is missing. I don’t think I would have time this spring to take advantage of additional classes but next fall I might. Lots to think about.

In any case, I’ll still be navigating my way through this time puzzle for a while. My thoughts still shift daily and I haven’t quite figured out how to make all the pieces fit. It might be an eternal work in progress. 🤷‍♀️ Who knows. All I know is that I feel great and am ready for whatever happens next.

Whose got two thumbs and is ready for Friday?! THIS GIRL!! 😊

Rolling in the Happy,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-09-22 Weekly Wrap-Up

It’s Saturday and I’ve had a heck of a week and a healthy dose of reality check on multiple levels. Weights were lifted and new burdens took center stage in the SugarCookie world. Daily I remind myself that the future will be fantastic no matter what I choose. The best news ever is that now I have a partner in crime and talking through all of it with him is worth its weight in gold (or platinum or silver or diamonds or sapphires or Berkshire stock shares – whatever is worth the most).

I finally had closure with my ex. It was something that didn’t realize needed to happen, but now that it has, my heart feels lighter. I don’t have to think about what to do about future communication because there won’t be any. Despite my caring a little less these days about what people think of me, When it comes to people I care about, it’s etched into the fabric of my being. I received confirmation that his thoughts about me are positive despite regret felt from mistakes we both made. Relationships are complicated and it is the best possible outcome for us to have this closure from our five year love affair. Done.

On the Work front I got tangled in deep contemplation over the possibility of taking on yet another contract. I went back and forth and put weight on all the positives and negatives attached. I also had a long, wonderful conversation about it with my partner and I’ve now come to a conclusion about a decision on that as well.

I will spare you the details on my list of pros and cons but I will say it came down to basically two main factors.

1. The role is a project manager position and that is just not something I want to do anymore. When I was looking for jobs last year I probably would have taken a PM job but it’s not my first choice. I’d rather just be doing heads down Work behind the scenes. I found the perfect job for that, but it didn’t take them long to recognize I had the skills for that role and BAM, just like that I was pulled in. I’m now PM on two projects. As I go through my weeks, I’ve recognized those are the projects I don’t want to work on. That’s pretty telling. I hate being the main speaker/facilitator in meetings. Adding another one of those to the pile is not a good idea, even if it does negate my financial worries.

2. That leads to my second main point and where the conversation with Jim left me sure about my decision without a doubt. Income and financial responsibilities along with security in the number of hours I log always sit high in my mind. For the first time in my adult life I’m hourly and every hour matters. There’s been uncertainty with other projects and the hours that get spent. One week it’s on fire and the next it’s on hold. Two of my projects are now frozen until there’s a revenue stream. Ouch. However, my life is now in a state of transition too and it will be less than a year from now and I will no longer have a house payment. Last night at dinner I did some basic calculations about how many hours my house payment takes each month. The answer is about 50. That’s about one whole two week pay period (factoring in deductions for taxes and healthcare insurance). Short story, soon I won’t need that many hours. I’ll be able to work less and focus more on family and school. That’s brilliant!

Ok, that was more detail than I intended, but going over it one last time is super helpful to me. Thanks for playing along.

Anyway, so that’s out and the other good news from this week is that it looks like my kids’ dad’s new job is going to stick and he’s pulled the trigger on covering them on his work plan. That’s also going to save me about 15 hours of work a week once I can cancel them off my plan. Score!

Sorting all this work stuff out has taken attention away from my schoolwork. I’ll admit getting engaged and being on vacation have also been distractions but now I’m in a tight spot. My second packet was due .. well.. today as a matter of fact. What have I done? Zero. Ouch!

I contacted my mentor for an extension and have a new deadline. This is a very eye opening experience. I’m paying big money for this education and want to do as much as I can to take advantages of the time and resources I have being a part of this MFA program. Ignoring it or procrastinating past the point of reason is not the right thing to do. I have to turn this around. It has to start now. All the more reason to work less. What’s my goal again? Oh yeah, to be a writer. That’s the ticket,

This weekend I have to work on revising my previous poems and write two essays. I need to do a months worth of work in 1 week. My new deadline is one week from now. Not only that but midterm summaries are also due at the same time. Double – Ouch! Time to get rolling I guess.

First things first this morning though. Cardio and then a visit to Children’s hospital with my son for lab draws. We’re making a morning of it, QT with just him and I. That’s rare. After hitting the lab we are going to a coffee shop and taking a game with us. It will be a nice time. After that the afternoon is open. Should be a great Saturday.

Let’s Get the Party Started,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-09-20 Random Rambling

Not sure where this should start and no clue where it might go. I sacrificed my morning cardio to be at Jim’s house to let the maintenance guy in. I worked from his house which was half Work Work and half just checking things off my personal to-do list. Both are never ending.

Now it’s afternoon and I made the command decision to stop working and get some steps in. It’s all about balance .. right?

After much consideration I’ve decided to keep considering the new contract I’ve been offered and see where that goes. It’s not a done deal anyway, just a proposal. My continued interest means I had to update and submit a new resume and I will have to do an interview with the prospective client about my role in the project. What does it say about me that thinking about it makes me both excited and sick in the stomach at the same time. What’s a girl to do?

Yesterday was chaos. I worked my tail off on the new release of the software for my current project and held a delicate balance with respect to parenting in check. I drove my Z around for about 2 hours collecting job applications at “acceptable” locations. She’s being quite picky considering it’s her first job. I elected to grab fast food which was a sacrifice so I could get back to work on several things due yesterday. No wonder many Americans are not healthy. It’s so much easier to do the drive through than it is to plan and cook. The struggle is real.

By the middle of the afternoon the fact that I had sent Matt that farewell email the day before had faded into a distant memory. Was that just yesterday or last week or a year ago? It was just a fuzzy dot that had already been filed away. I guess it goes to show that I had already come to terms with the possibility I might not get a response (or any acknowledgement). That’s a good thing.

When I checked my personal email late in the afternoon and saw that he had responded, it sort of shocked me. Even more shocking was that it wasn’t just a “got it – thanks” acknowledgement. It was a thoughtful response with words that left me in a puddle of tears sitting at my desk. They were kind words, and apologetic words, and admissions of regret. There was even a little poetry. Whoa!

He understands my request and concluded by asking if it was really “forever” or if someday we could talk again. Therein lies the question. I’m no stranger to the fact that absolutes are no good. We are advised against it in writing and as it stands to reason, it’s also a good rule for life.

After I pulled myself out of the puddle, I fashioned a brief response that left the door open for “someday”. I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t predict the future, however, I expect that IF someday ever arrives, it will be years and years from now. That’s fine. The dog is asleep now, let it be.

The whole exchange made me feel happy and satisfied. I feel more ready now than ever for whatever is next. That includes a lot of planning. Hey.. planning.. that’s right in my wheelhouse. Sometimes I like planning and making lists and preparing for things way more than the actual execution. Maybe that’s why the prospect of a new project at work is enticing. I mean yesterday I had myself all talked out of it and today I’m totally re-thinking that. It could also be that yesterday I had a hell of a work day.

Tonight after my last conference call I’ll be rushing off to another Meetup that’s been cancelled and rescheduled several times. I’m meeting up with my friend Amy for a quick catch up session. We both have lots of updates to share. Maybe after that I’ll pop over to my sisters place since I’ll be in her neighborhood. In any case, I need to unplug and unwind a little from the week of chaos I feel I have had so far this week. I’m also glad the weekend will be here soon, but I’m going to need to transition to school. The struggle never ends. 😜

That’s enough random rambling for this day.


~Miss SugarCookie

2018-08-16 I Don’t Miss It

Yesterday turned out to be kind of a terrible day despite how great it started out. I was Swamped with meetings and I ended up having to do a call in my car going to the high school and back because my darling daughter forgot something she needed. From my own house that a 6 minute round trip. From Jim’s it’s like 55. 🙄

I think I got burnt out the day before and didn’t really have my heart in anything. Plus, I had a slight headache which is something I haven’t had to deal with in a long tine. Everytine I looked at my screen I would wince with just a pinch of pain. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

My last call of the day was an internal meeting to talk through some action items due by our customer call (which is today). The person who was supposed to have done the work was out due to a death in the family and the other person was trying to scramble to run sql in the environment to get me the data. The call ended quick and I put my headset down and excused myself from doing more with it. I needed a break.

I’d promised a friend, who I put off last week, that I would meet her for happy hour. She suggested Blue and I figured that was perfect. I thought having a drink would do the trick and catching up with her would take my mind off things.

I was wrong. The drinks made my headache worse and though I didn’t feel like I ate very much, I felt overly full and generally crappy. I got back to Jim’s about 7:15 and felt so shitty all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. I also sort of felt nauseous, I think from just too much, and was fighting an urge to throw up. It’s one of the unpleasant side effects of having a history of doing that to relieve the “too full” in my stomach. I didn’t say anything to Jim about it, we haven’t had “that” conversation yet. Maybe this week.

Due to my physical state, I could not read or think and so doing schoolwork was out of the question. Bummer cuz now I have only like 1 week to catch up. Jesus.. what am I going to do?

That’s rhetorical. Jesus isn’t actually listening or reading this blog. 😜

At this point I’ve failed to find balance and I know it. Now I’m going to have to pivot and focus a majority of time on school and that means Work is going to take a back seat and suffer. That’s why I can’t go to full time, truely. I’m reminded how last semester ended and it was hella stressful. I don’t miss that stress. I don’t want the stress.

Stress, dealing with head pain, and a constant nag in the back of my head about food are all things that I don’t miss. I felt like I was back in 2016 (minus the heartbreak), and i just can’t have that. Something has to change. I just don’t know what.

Hopefully it was just a temporary flash back. I got 8+ hours of sleep and woke up without a headache. Today will be better, I am sure of it. It has to.

Time to Find Out,

~Miss SugarCookie