I have two words for people who make assumptions about other people.. Just Don’t. I sometimes repeat myself if I feel really strongly about something.. Just Don’t.
Yesterday I was just finishing watering my potted plants and going through the house from the back to the front door and nearly missed a man putting a flyer in my door. I stepped out the door to greet him and see what was up and he introduced himself and said that he works for a small local roofing company and asked if I knew if I had hail damage (from the recent storm). I said that I didn’t know. He said, “Well you do”.
He proceeded to tell me about my roof and the “Witches Hat”, which I guess is what that part of my roof above my bedroom bay window that is an upside-down cone shape is called. He pointed out a few spots of damage, which I will admit I could not see with my untrained eye, but I nodded anyway.
We walked a little ways toward the driveway and he pointed out a few more things and said that I could potentially get a new roof because of the storm with little or no cost to me. Their company even has a program that helps people with the deductible for insurance. None of that was news to me as this is the second conversation I’ve had with someone like this recently.
He handed me a business card and an envelope sized glossy pamphlet and told me that when my husband gets home, we should definitely talk it over. Again, I just nodded in agreement as I was not really feeling like correcting him in that I was single.
He continued to talk to me about more of the same for about five minutes and said no less than 4 times, “so talk to your husband and give us a call”. In the end, I felt less pressure to commit to any action on my part because, of course, “my husband” would be the one to decide what to do in this situation, so I just kept nodding and saying “ok” until he was on his way.
That was yesterday and I am still thinking about it. Yes, he was an older gentleman who probably has come across many a wife or girlfriend staying at home either to raise the children or just because she has someone to provide for her and does not have to work. He was raised (as I was), in a society where that is supposed to be the norm. Get married, have kids, the man is the primary bread winner, yada-yadda. Still, people should not assume.
I bought this beautiful 4 bedroom house complete with a witches hat all by myself. I have a two car garage with two cars in it that I own outright, one that I straight up paid cash for. I’m a single parent who is responsible for 50% the healthcare of my children as well as food and clothes and activities, and, of course, this wonderful house that holds that roof with that witches hat over their heads at night.
This is actually the second house I have bought us. The first one was during the divorce and I had that one built from scratch within walking distance of the kids’ elementary school. It was in the neighborhood adjacent to the one I was moving out of where my ex-husband would continue to live. When I was married, for a large portion of the time, I was the one who supported us.
I’ve worked since I was out of college when I was 19. I’ve done well for myself in my career all while having babies, getting more school, and basically being the main source of income while my (now-ex) husband was also going through school. I’ve always had good sense when it comes to finances and have never liked to be in debt.
Anyway, I’ve worked and earned what I have and am a little put off by people assuming that I could not possibly live here without another half.
This is not the only thing that people assume about me. When I worked for a hospital and would meet new people and they asked where I worked and I told them, many times they would assume I was a nurse. “Not a nurse”, I would say, “I work in IT”. They assume I’m a nurse because that’s a woman’s profession. A few times I told a perfect stranger that I was a surgeon or a psychiatrist, just because I was put off by the fact that they made an assumption.
People assume because of my name that “I’m Shy”. Well, I might be at first, but those who know me well know that I’m not really at all.
People assumed that when I said I was going to Europe, that I was going with someone and did not believe I was going alone. I went alone anyway.
Hell, my own father once guessed that I would have to have a C-section because I wasn’t tough enough or maybe too small to birth a 7 pound baby naturally. I did it twice (technically they were both just shy of 7 pounds, but that wasn’t because of my name either).
I think there is quite a long history of people making assumptions about me and I have it in my head that this is just the way of the world. People have pre-conceived notions and just continue on that happy path in their own minds until someone tells them otherwise. That does not make it right. I try not to make assumptions about people and I feel like it should be a common courtesy, but it is just not.
There is still so much gender, race, age, and religious descrimination in this world and the dial on that turns so slowly, I may not see much change on it even in my lifetime. I would hope that by the time my daughter is my age, her professional, financial, or relationship status would not be subject to the same societal norms or expectations. It probably will be, but hopefully to a slightly lesser degree.
I generally try not to point a finger at a problem without having some helpful ideas for possible solitons, but in this case I’m coming up empty. Sadly, I can’t even don my REAL witches hat and wave my wand to fix this issue. The best I can do for myself at this time is to put my story and my thoughts out there in an attempt to lesson the weight of it on my mind.
Hopefully, I’ve achieved that and can now continue going about my business, taking a nap or reading a book in my house, in my bedroom, with the bay window, below the roof with the hat and the potential hail damage. I’ll not assume the roofing company rep is pedaling BS, but I may just call a different company for an estimate anyhow.
Peace and Respect,
( and don’t assume I’m sweet either 😉 )