Day 7 was yesterday and day 8 is today. That’s me, trying to catch up with myself and not feel too much like I am still stuck thinking about what happened the day before. I know they build a lot of flexibility into the schedule for folks to go off and think and write, because we are only technically required to attend 11 lectures, 3 special topic workshops, and 6 student centered workshops during our time here (plus a few other mandatory orientation sorts of things). But hey, here’s the deal – I’m paying a lot for this time, and sacrificing a lot too, so I really want to get my money’s worth. I also know that everything that I go to could be the inspiration for my next big idea.
I attended the 3 special topic workshops, 6 student centered workshops and 11 lectures plus.. 8 additional lectures, 4 faculty readings, 2 student readings, 1 alumni reading, a nature field-trip/workshop, and, by the way, countless meals in that stupid dining hall. Now, on the last day of activities, I am completely and utterly spent. I’ve been thinking about the difference between being full and being empty and I’d like to think of myself as a cup not half-full, but completely full and running over instead of a cup that is empty with nothing left to give, which is more how I feel. I want to write about the differences between thinking and feeling but I won’t. At least not right now.
The graduation ceremony for students who have completed the program last term starts in about a half an hour. I’m relieved that I don’t have to play any part in that except show up and sit somewhere and listen. Truthfully, I don’t have to show up at all, it’s not required, but I do find this part motivating. It reminds me what is in my future and gives me fuel to keep going. I like to have goals I guess and seeing this unfold before my eyes is a good way to solidify that in my mind – my thinking mind, which is over-full of thinking and thought at this point. A girl can hope there is room for just a little more.
My feelings about having to get ready now and go are not well represented in the previous sentiment. I can’t escape feeling empty and just having no desire to change (clothes), prepare mentally, and go spend another two hours with anyone. Most are quite great, don’t get me wrong, and I feel in the last 7 or 8 days I have gotten to know a few of them better and have even come to rely on them for safe harbor. I just want to go off alone somewhere and write. I really, really want to write. Well, probably sleep some and THEN write. I think being alone and getting some rest will help me regain the energy that has been zapped.
A few days ago I made a list of things I wanted to catch up to and write about at some point. Perhaps in the weeks to come I will be hitting a few of those topics. I hope when I get there, I can remember enough acute detail to recapture those thoughts and feelings. Though I know it will never be quite the same as it would have been, had I wrote about those events on that exact day. That’s the fluid nature of the energy in writing.
Today I have a new list of things:
– Alumni Readings
– Some plot resolution to conflicts developed in the first act that hasn’t been written yet
– More about Hashimoto and connections back home.
– What happens to a persons body and mind after having no sleep (twice in one week).
– A little piece that was inspired by one of my lectures about objects, and how that can aid in character development. (We had a similar lecture about setting or place which I would also like to explore).
– What I thought and felt about my poems being workshopped (that was today). How that was very different than last time and perhaps why.
I’m sure there is more. That’s it for now though as it is all I have time for.
Exhausted but Hopeful,