It’s been a really long tine since I’m had a child that was two and suffered from terrible twos tantrums. For one thing, I sort of recall that three years old was worse and for another thing, my darling daughter is 16 and still suffers from emotional outbursts. Now, however, they are hormonally driven and she can logically understand why even though the instinct is still to feel like “you don’t know why”.
This past weekend was a rough one and my heart goes out to her (at the same time I’m also at my wits end at what to do). Jim asked me last night when she would get over that. Based on my experience as a teenage girl, my answer is.. Never. Haha. I’m still suffering from emotional swings that sometimes don’t feel logical or to be occurring for any reason.
This is part of what I relied on in talking Z off the ledge on Sunday. I talked about my own experience and just hung out with her until she felt better. My main message? “This will pass”. The feelings are only temporary. Always.
Sometimes it flips fast and sometimes it takes time. We all experience great pain and joy in our lives based on things that happen and most of the time, unless there is a serious problem, we are able to balance out. I always think about 2016 and how terrible that year was and look at me now. By the time I talked through all of that with Z, she already felt better.
I think teenagers might suffer bigger highs and lows on a regular basis, but it also passes more quickly. The best thing I can do is be there for her and listen and just try to offer solutions. She’s under a ton of stress from school and coming up on a time she has to make some big decisions about college. That’s wearing on her. I worry that I’m somehow contributing to that by the other changes in our life.. moving, and blending our family with Jim’s. She may not even realize it. I think in her case, it’s probably mostly school though.
One thing that holds true whether a child is two or twenty, there are no solid “universal right answers” as the parent on how to deal with tantrums. There no parent-by-Numbers that will make the picture turn out perfectly. We are all just doing the best we can with what we have.
I think as parents we always worry that what we have done or are doing will be the wrong thing. That we will somehow screw our kids up and they will not be equipped to deal with life. Maybe that’s what makes us good parents, the fact that we do worry.
I’m at Jim’s House this week and my kids are at their dads house and I can’t help but worry and continue to think about her and her brother. It’s on my mind constantly.
I need to get started with my workday now though and try to transition away from trying to solve this unsolvable puzzle. One last thought though.. it seems like now that one stress is lifted off of my life (school) others become larger to fill that space – teenager issues, cats fighting, pending holiday events. Is that just human nature too, not allowing one’s mind to relax and just enjoy a break? 🤔
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps,