Today I tried to get back to a more normal routine but it was not in the cards. I woke early worrying about the work I have piling up and could not get back to sleep. I eventually caved and went to my new office (at 6AM) and did about an hour’s worth before feeling satisfied with progress on the two really outstanding tasks. Then I went back to bed

Magically, I slept until about 8:30 and then by the time I got up it was too late to try and get the morning cardio in. That, plus the fact that I had a 10:30 meeting I had forgotten about which I was to facilitate, put me in a very anxiety ridden state. I hate facilitating meetings to begin with but also feeling behind the 8 ball on those aforementioned tasks made it double trouble.

Today was supposed to be a relaxed and balanced session of unpacking and working. Instead, I scrambled all day because of feedback we received from the first showings of my house yesterday. Oh yeah, my house officially hit the market and we’ve had three showings already. Some of the feedback was that the house seemed dark and would “show” much better with a little more light. Therefore, we had to “fit” driving there again today to place lamps on timers in strategic locations.

That round trip took about 3.5 hours and we were interrupted part way through as the 1:45 showing today showed up half an hour early. Good grief!! Anyway, instead of today being relaxed, I was stressed to the max. I just need things to slow down and I’m not sure when that will happen.

Today there were two showings of the house and one scheduled for tomorrow already. Then Sunday we are having an open house. I say “we” but really it’s the realtor who handles all that. Aside from the lighting, there’s not a whole lot more for us to do, I guess besides making sure it stays clean. What can we do about the other feedback?? Nothing.

One realtor reported the people didn’t like the laundry room in the basement. Another reported that they didn’t like the color of the wood trim and would want all of it painted. To that I say “whatever”. 🤷‍♀️ It’s not like it’s a new house and it’s also not like those are things we can change.

The house is a great house and it just takes one person to fall in love with it the same way I did to set the wheels in motion. When I found it, by complete chance, in the fall of 2015 I knew I would be moving. It only took one walk through and my mind was made up.

I remember getting excited about it but also being nervous because of the state of my relationship with Matt. At that time, we had been dating for 4 years and were, of course, committed and serious. We had looked for houses together that spring and abandoned that effort because of his uncertainty about buying another house in Omaha. We were in a holding pattern, stuck and not able to talk about our future.

I began rejecting the idea of moving away from Omaha and took that off the table and he just could not decide what he wanted. It was a tough spot. So when this house came up part of me was hopeful he would see it as large enough for all of us (tons of space), and part of me was worried that he would feel like I was forcing the situation.

He came to see the house with me the next morning (on a Saturday) and we sat on the front porch and talked for a long time. Everything was on my side. The house was great, priced right, and interest rates were wonderfully low. The house is literally 3 blocks from the high school my kids were going to and I could handle the purchase on my salary alone so that wasn’t even an issue. He couldn’t argue with any of that and only had a few small concerns to offer.

The biggest push back I got from him was the fact that it didn’t make sense to move to a bigger house and take on a larger mortgage when my current house was “just fine”. He could not understand why I would want to move or the value of being so close to the HS. He was stuck, but I didn’t want to be “stuck” anymore so I went for it.

About 30 days later it was a done deal and on Thanksgiving week I moved. He was supportive, but it was a turning point for us. It was me making a statement about what I wanted and he could choose to see a future in that house or he wouldn’t.

Turns out, he wasn’t moved to think about our future until I broke things off the following year. It wasn’t until after that that he tried to convince me to work on things and at that time I agreed. We were on again and off again three times that year and of course, that was the end of us.

I never once regretted buying that house. I loved it. After we moved in I made a list of like 50 things I loved about the house. Everything was upgraded and nicer than I’ve ever had. It was my dream house. And now I’m selling it. That’s a big deal.

I doesn’t feel like I’ve had a spare minute to process all of that. The last week has all been just a blur of activity of doing one thing and then the next. Now that I AM thinking about it, it’s pretty significant.

I wonder what might have happened if I never found that house or if Matt had been more open to moving in with us or any one of a dozen other scenarios. Would “we” still be stuck? Would we have called it quits anyway? Would we have moved in together and realized quickly that it wasn’t going to work? Would he still propose to me in June and would I have said “yes”? I will never know those alternate endings and from my current viewpoint, I’m so, so grateful for that. Despite going through hell with all of that, I can’t help but feel it was all for a good reason. I was supposed to meet Jim and this Is how my life was intended to go. Does that mean I believe in fate? Perhaps just a little.

When the photographer came to take snaps of the house on Tuesday he said it looked like a very unique house. I said that it was great and he said he could tell how I felt about it. People I know, when hearing I was moving and selling, have remarked “but you love that house”.

“Yes”, I say, “but I love my fiancé more”. After all, it’s just a house and home really is where your heart is. Home is more about people than a place and I’ve finally found my people. It’s Jim and his kids and my kids and our mutual desire to build a life together. It’s being a team and having each other’s backs and putting the other people first. Jim puts me first AND he puts my kids right there with me. That speaks volumes. Wherever we live, I’m confident that it will feel like home.

***

I started this blog entry yesterday and could have predicted with the way things have been going, I would not have enough time to finish. It takes as long as it takes. I trust that things will calm down soon and hopefully I’ll be able to re-establish my morning routine.

So far today has also been atypical too but I’m going to try and be super productive and feel good about things going into the weekend. The house is open on Sunday from 1 to 3.. come by and take a look!! 😜

Let the Bidding Begin!

~Miss SugarCookie