Yeah, there are only four days left in the month and I’m staring at the list of goals I set for myself for this month and the list of to-do items I wrote out for last week and I wonder… where did all that time go?
Why didn’t I get more done? If all these things are truly important, then why do I write them on lists and then promptly forget about them? Do I really have so much going on that I can’t spend two hours on a task that would move me forward in regards to my life goals?
It’s Monday again and I’m typically excited to have another chance to start with a clean slate where my “stats” are concerned. However, since I’ve been failing in that department lately too, I’m not as jazzed about Monday. It feels like like starting over with regard to pressure to get everything done PLUS everything else. The everything else being those items I fancy putting on lists.
It’s sleep and eating healthy and exercise and work and maintaining a good schedule for the kids and cooking and cleaning and chores and qt with my sweetie. All while trying to maintain priority (where everything is always important). That’s just the baseline stuff. The “everything else” is making plans for the future, taking care of tasks that only come around a few times a year and finding time to read and write and revise. Don’t even get me started on the amount of time I spend thinking. It’s a curse. I could sit and think for like half an hour and not even realize that much time has passed.
I try to multitask where I can. I think and write while walking or getting real cardio on the elliptical machine. I would read too but I’ve tried that a few times and have not gotten good results with it. I think about my life two years ago and wonder sometimes how I ever worked a 45 hour work week and navigated being a single parent. I said that to Jim a while back and he said “we do what we have to”. It’s true, we do it because we have no other choice.
I think about the fact that for several years I did not make my relationships or my health a priority and they both suffered. Then I conclude that that is how I did it and I never want to go back to that. I wonder how much different things would have been with Matt if I had not always been too tired to try harder with regards to our relationship. I also wonder how my life might be if I had never left my job at the hospital to take a higher paying/more demanding gig at a software development company. I don’t have to think too long before concluding that some things would be very different and not for the better. Perhaps we go through what we go through to make forward progress in life and every experience teaches us something, about life and about ourselves.
See what I mean about the thinkers curse? I’ve just spent half an hour thinking about “what if” and NOT doing anything to cross something off any of my lists. Sure, I spent 1.5 hours this morning on house chores and I checked my emails to make sure nothing was “on fire”, and now I have logged about 5.5k steps – but that’s not checking any boxes. It’s already almost 11. Good grief. 🙄
No time like the present to go check it before I truly wreck it!