Yesterday was my last day on contract. (I promise this post is not about work, again). Today is the first day of my new life.
How Many Moons Does it Take?
It will be many moons before I let go of feeling ultimately responsible for any outcome but I’m done with that life for now.
They may throw me under the bus, silently, without my knowing and I’ll feel it even if it isn’t true.
They will keep on smiling, telling me how great I am and I’ll be confused about the tone of their voices and wondering what their facial expressions or body language is saying that I can’t see. From 1000 or 2000 or 3000 miles away, wherever we are today.
I’ll be home, digging in my dirt and looking forward to picking up my children even when I know they will be moody or silent or falling asleep in the back seat.
I will be reading a page, not able to finish because I’ve had a thought so overwhelmingly important it demands attention and a keyboard and a screen.
I will be debating with myself about getting a coffee (ie. Sugar and cream and caffeine) and then lose, and then win.
I will be walking miles and miles under the sun or overcast skies or moon or whatever the Universe has decided it should be today.
I will be thinking of my love or sinking next to him on the couch to conspire about our future or grabbing his hand to go to a different room because we’re alone in the house that day.
I may be in the park down the street or far from home finding adventure on deserted backroads or crowded streets or in some restaurant that sets cheap red wine on the table like water.
I will stop everything and demand everyone direct their attention to the myriad of colors on the horizon when the sun rises and sets. Even if it’s only me and only blue. Because.. priorities.
The moons will be plenty and full and…
there may not be as many as I thought before I let go.