2019-08-28 All the Rest

This morning I’m listening to the most curious playlist I created yesterday. I had 20 bucks store credit from iTunes and spent 11.99 on T. Swift’s new album. I suppose nobody buys music anymore but what else am I gonna do with store credit. To be fair, I’d still like to have the physical CD, it’s just like, old habits die hard you know. It’s like some people still have their yahoo and Hotmail mail accounts. I like CDs. I still listen to music on Amazon Music, when I want to look something up and have a listen. Whatev.

Obvi that one album does not make a playlist so the other contribution was a new CD I picked up in July, “Ship of Fool the Musical”. A collab between William Trowbridge and Bob Walkenhorst. It’s Bill’s Ship of Fool Poetry book set to music. It’s brilliant!

That’s it. That’s the new “Bday Jams” playlist I’m on this morning. It’s really my first dance with most of these tracks so it’s hard not to stop writing and just listen. Well, it’s easier to write listening to the Taylor Swift stuff because it’s so shrink-wrap. The poems make me want to stop and think.

Most people (who have ever discussed it with me) know that I don’t care much for social media. I think it’s a contributing factor for our society becoming more disconnected – ironically, and divided of course, and now potentially poisoned by toxic campaigns. What good is there in all that? Not a lot, but alas, Facebook and Twitter and Insta and Snap and LI and whatever is cool this week remain main platforms for sending little notes for everyone to see. So when a birthday comes around, it’s inevitable to get lots of well wishes that way.

I am grateful for everyone in my life and we’re all connected in different ways so when I get this love I want to send it right back. Therefore yesterday I spent about an hour, perhaps slightly more, responding to these messages. I also posted a status update which I rarely do. It was all positive. That’s pretty common.. seeing only the best stuff. Back to school pics from parents, pics from awesome vacations and concerts, perhaps the occasional link out to some cool article or piece of writing.

I suppose that’s better than the alternative, hate posts or political BS or general grumpy-ness. But it doesn’t paint a full picture of a life and it doesn’t include most of the struggle. That’s by choice but I wonder if that half picture also causes damage? I dunno, this is just me thinking too much about it. I wonder if it would be better if I included all the rest, you know, so people know it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.

On my birthday my son got sick at school, nasty stuff, and things took a detour early in the day. I struggled with a stress headache most of the day which turned into a migraine at dinner (I should not have had a glass of wine). Jim was sick too, on the mend from a cold over the weekend, but still sick none the less. I still did dishes, laundry, cleaned cat litter, etc. Still, I was surrounded by people who care so that was a saving grace.

My father forgot it was my birthday until after I posted thank you’s Publicly the day after. I got what I interpreted as a half hearted apology in his text, “Happy Birthday one day late of course it just your dad being your dad😍 love ya”. Better than nothing is the best I can say about it.

He’s not on FB and everything is filtered through his wife who I think lives on FB with her family posting pictures of their children which sometimes include my father, as the beloved ‘papa’. Those kids have more of a relationship with my dad than I ever had and he Is also more of a grandfather to them than my children. I’ve tried to let go of hard feelings, but the social media thing rubs it in my face so often I just can’t seem to.

It’s my problem to deal with, I know, and FB is not to blame. I do like seeing the happy things other people post so I guess that positive.

Yesterday was good and beautiful outside but I didn’t get out to enjoy it. Today is more of the same but I’m tired and grumpy and don’t wanna do anything. I should force myself.

-OR-

I could just sit on my couch all afternoon reading. That’s probably what’s going to happen.

That’s also probably enough rambling for now. Why is it that all the things I wanted to write about yesterday are being so stubborn and not coming back to me? I blame Facebook.

Until Next Time,

~Miss SugarCookie

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