2019-12-31 MFA Res Day 3 – Holding Ones Breath

First of all, I slept like doggy dodo last night and I would say I’ve only got myself to blame (staying up past midnight, not paying attention during the day to things piling up needing to be done, Etc.) but there are other factors outside of my control. Dare I say a longer list not worthy of writing out.

I can’t provide legit stats on it as my Fitbit won’t sync in the basement. Perhaps later when I’m in range of WiFi I’ll check, but that’s a lofty hope at this point (because there’s a myriad of things building in my brain and I’ll never remember.

Second of all, when I was not sleeping, half sleeping, being awake wondering if I had slept but not wanting to check and expose my eyes to a waking sort of light, I had a song in my head. If you’re following along you know yesterday it was Star-fighter Pilot by Snow Patrol. This time it was Manic Monday by the Bangles. Ironic because all day yesterday it was Monday and I couldn’t wrap my brain around that fact because I’m in a portal somewhere between here and there and the days of the weeks don’t have names. I didn’t have a weekend and the concept of weekdays is like “wut?”.

I contemplated that the song came to me sometime during my morning walk and that I was so engrossed in what I was writing that I didn’t notice it. It’s plausible. So today I’m pausing with each new song (counter to the idea of stream of consciousness) to record the song and the artist.

Thirdly, I have forgotten what I really wanted to write about today which is what happens when you add the first point to the second one above. So I have to settle for whatever thought happens next. It probably has something to do with what actually happened yesterday which was my 3rd full day in Nebraska City. So much remarkable and at the same wholly unremarkable. Like five lectures and workshop and readings and lunch and dinner and some great conversations.

Two highlights would be the lecture by my friend Michelle who is graduating which was really interesting and opens the door to lots more consideration I would like to give to her topic, the shadow self. One thing suggested was something called writing “morning pages” which sounds a lot like my relationship with this blog. 40 minutes was not enough time for the topic. I would love to read more about it and the good news is that I can do that if I want to AND as a bonus plan she’s moving to omaha so there will be opportunities to chat about it again. 💃💃💃

After that it was the big reveal of the mentor pairings and I’ve learned from past experience that submitting comments explaining your preferences is beneficial. Last semester I was extremely spoiled and was the only student who had my mentor and it was an amazing experience. Good rapport and lots of communication. More than I’ve had before by a wide margin. Also we were geographically close so we could meet in person. Again, bonus plan.

This semester I wavered and was unsure what would be the best thing for me. I put all the things I was sure about in my comments and left it to the powers to be do the thing they do the best which is sort it all out and make the best choice (lots of factors in and out of control mind you). There are thresholds, other students’ preferences, the evaluation of where a person is at and what they need that, quite frankly, they might not know they need. Also what might not be a good match based on sheer personality I suppose. That could have played in to this one big time and in hind site I would not disagree.

It took me a little while after the reveal to wrap my brain around the shift in the vision I had for the way the rest of this Residency would go and also the semester as a whole. Just a little while though. I think the not sleeping over night and thinking was enough time and I’m now there. I guess what I am trying to say (clearly lacking a measure of eloquence that I would like to have) is that I feel like I have arrived.

Just now, I look up and see that title I selected and that reminds me of what my original topic was. Ahhh, the saving grace of titles when serious distraction is involved. Sometimes all I get is a title but hopefully, it leads to something else more substantial.

Yesterday I did yoga with a group of folks and was reminded that sometimes we are holding a pose and forget to breathe. There are times that I feel that way about this whole residency thing. That I am at times holding my breath and forgetting to exhale. The nice thing about getting yoga instruction is that the person facilitating does remind people to soften, relax, breathe and so when you forget, you get that reminder. Nobody in this 10 day stretch does that. I have to be responsible for my own exhale and also for giving myself a break. I try to remember. I’m always trying to do better.

Seeee .. now I have wandered around too much. Too much meandering and that last bit wasn’t really how I wanted to say that either because I’ve flat run out of time. Perhaps the point is that I need to take a break. I’m going to do that. I’m going to take a break and inhale and exhale several times.

Peace and Love and Cheers to the End of a Decade!

XOXO,

~Miss SugarCookie

PS Set List for this Session:

Signature Move by Pink

Working Man by Imagine Dragons

The One I Love by REM

Easy to Crash by Cake

Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol

Off He Goes by Pearl Jam

Race Car Ya-Yas by Cake

Building a Religion by Cake

My Religion by Skillet (skipped)

Digital Love by Daft Punk

City Love by John Mayer

Stacked Actors by foo fighters

Mr. Jones by the Counting Crows

Ode to Sleep by Twenty One Pilots (skipped)

Sleeping to Dream by Jason Mraz

Here is no why by smashing pumpkins (skipped)

Things Happen by Dawes

Things we lost in the fire by Bastille

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