As predicted, time sped up to Superman pace this past weekend and it should be slowing down now, but doesn’t seem to be. Along that same line, I should be able to sleep now, but that’s not happening either. 5 hours last night and a sleep score of 57 (according to my Fitbit) and that’s no bueno. 👎🏻
I woke at 4 am and my mind was frantically replaying fragments of memory from the past few days. Mostly Sunday of course, but some from Saturday night too. It’s like my mind is one of those little flip books you thumb through rapidly trying to reveal the scene. Only it keeps getting stuck on certain pages.
The party at the house and the ceremony and brunch on Sunday went really I think but it went by so fast I think I’m just trying to relive it somehow to commit those memories to long term storage.
I told Jim about my rotten sleep this morning and my brain trouble and he asked if I had journaled about all of it yet. When I said no, he suggested I just start writing it all down and just get it out. I know he’s right. But where do I start? Where does one begin when there’s just so much it’s overwhelming?
Even now I’m thinking about a few conversations I had and I feel like I’m going to cry. That’s not ok. There’s no crying on the treadmill!! I guess that shines a light on where to start. It’s the people.
There was so much love and support surrounding us, it was amazing to be in the middle of that. I mean, I don’t typically like to be the center of attention but I felt so good and so safe and so happy that I just wanted to grab the microphone (which didn’t work for shit, by the way 😬) and talk and talk and just tell everyone how much I love them and why.
That moment keeps going in my head because despite how long I did go on, I had so much more to say. More I wanted to say about my kids and Jim and all my old friends and new ones. Of course there are things I wanted to say but forgot, and a few people I forgot too. But, that’s the nature of not preparing something ahead of time.
I went on and on and I probably could have kept going but didn’t even know how long I’d been talking. I guess I just had/have so much to say that’s been building up for years and years inside of me.
Even now, I feel like I just want to launch in and start over again. I want a do-over. Not just for that moment, but so many other moments. Too many to write about now and I’ve actually been thinking more than writing and my hour is up. I’ve gotta cut here and go get on that Taco Tuesday party train.
Peace and Love,