2020-07-11 Convenience Store Blues

This week was crazy busy. Mostly work, but there was also a string of other situations popping out that needed immediate attention.

I went on a walk with a friend I haven’t seen since January on Tuesday and had a flip-flop mishap that ended in a seriously gory scene. The bottom of my big toe got scalped and though I can still walk, it’s a struggle and had left me highly unmotivated about treadmill time.

I’m on the treadmill now and looking at myself in the gym mirror and can’t really remember the last time I showered. How does THAT happen. I look a mess. It matches the way I feel, kinda

I know I have to take the decommission of the benzodiazepines slow, but I’m loosing patience and just kinda just want to be over it. I’ve got this shitty feeling every damn day. I’m on half mg of lorazepam now. It’s a quarter of a full pill and still I’m feeling like crap most nights. I worry I’ll still feel like this even after I’m off it. What then??!

I might be grumpy this AM because I should be at residency with my MFA peeps and I’m not. The stupid pandemic is preventing life from going according to plan and I’m just exhausted by it emotionally.

Workshops, lectures, readings. This was supposed to be my graduating residency and Since it’s all virtual I opted for plan b which was to defer to Winter. Now I feel I’m missing out. Hmmmmph!

There’s so much going on I’m thinking about but my motivation to walk and write is just not there. Hopefully I’ll get some mo-jo back soon.

Peace and Love,
~Miss SugarCookie

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