2020-12-27 Final Countdown…

There have been nights I’ve tossed and turned in my bed, unable to sleep for the thoughts in my head. Playing and re-playing a scene that was years, months, and weeks in the future. I may sound melodramatic but I’m sure as hell not exaggerating. I’ve been thinking about the lecture I have to give tomorrow from the first moment I found out that was an MFA graduation requirement.

I’ve given my fair share of presentations in my days, but it’s all been work-work. Work like, the thing I was the most expertest person in the room on. Hands down nobody can speak HL7 like I can (or used to, at the height of my career as a healthcare integration specialist). I had confidence on my side too. For this shiz going down tomorrow I have almost no confidence.

My mantra for the next 24 hours… fake it till you make it (through). Fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it…. and on and on.

Maybe I’ve mentioned my love hate relationship with public speaking. It’s the strangest dichotomy to be terrified but also be so exhilarated and satisfied with the experience. What IS that? 

At least I’m giving my lecture early in res so that I can relax and cruise through the rest of the week fairly stress free. 

The virtual MFA res officially starts today with a check-in in just a few hours followed by a lecture by one of the faculty. Then I’ll be back on my laptop with a final run through of my presentation. Then that’s it. Then it’s just me internally freaking out and not sleeping and then rolling through the full day tomorrow. 

What I know for sure is that my content is solid. And that I have too much actually so trying to figure out what I can cut. I also need to write some conclusion. A pretty bow for the final slide. I’ve got ideas brewing but need to be in a completely isolated environment to finish. 

I’m going to try and start now, as I’m walking alone, but then try to finish after that lecture. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. 

On that note, that’s it. It’s go time. Next stop Zoomville. 

Fake it till you make it… all day long!!

~Miss SugarCookie

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