I’ve thought about writing. I’ve opened a number of google docs, added the date as a temporary title, and then stared blankly at the little black cursor blinking innocently back at me. 

My mind flips through the Rolodex of thoughts that plague me and keep me awake at 3 am. I want to pick something.. anything.. and just begin. But it doesn’t happen. 

The topics are all there but I’m quickly overcome with thoughts about it being a waste of time. What’s the point? Why keep trying? I’ve certainly got plenty of other things to do. I should just quit and move on. Then I put the phone down, defeated, and do just that—give up and turn my attention elsewhere. 

Sure, my TGLR productivity is bomb right now. And maybe that’s what I need, but after working a solid 2 real-life work days on that to-do list, and realizing the list is truly endless, I just feel like garbage. I need balance, but don’t want balance. I want to feel happy and positive and like I’m moving ME in the right direction, not just all the people and projects around me. 

I want to create something for myself. But I’ve given up creating something for myself because I’m sick of rejection. I’m sick of trying for what feels like wasted effort. 

Then, last Wednesday, I went to dinner with my friend M. We talked at our typical rapid-fire pace, catching up on each other’s lives in about 20 minutes and then digging into writing or in my case, not writing, and we also talked about reading. Anyone who is attempting to walk the delicate line of the writer’s life knows, you can’t talk about what you’re writing without talking about what you’re reading. 

Except maybe me. I gave up reading new stuff when the screws of productivity were put to me, who knows when, and have only gobbled up a fiction here and there over the past couple of years. Somehow I felt I didn’t have the time. 

As I write this I realize how hypocritical that sounds. I can’t write from my treadmill anymore and don’t know what else to do with that time so I watch mindless shows or give up and quit, as it has been lately since I have no show I’m currently into. The answer should have been to read, of course. Or Rather, listen to books on audio. 

So that’s my new jam. 

My first book? Big Magic. 

It’s one of the books M and I discussed last Wednesday and I’m 1/4th the way through and loving it. It has already impacted me in a positive way and is making me rethink my writing woes. 

I’m gonna stop here. I know it feels as though this is just the start of something/ It is. This a just a teaser of what’s to come, but I’ve got to cut and run because I’m out of time. 

And good gravy… Thank the Universe that I’ve finally written something. It’s not much and it’s not poetry, but it’s also not nothing. So cheers to that. 

Peace and love from the bottom of my heart, 
~Miss SugarCookie