A few times recently I’ve had a spark of inspiration… something that feels noteworthy for one reason or another, but I just kind of ruminate on it for a minute, and then let it go. It’s like Elizabeth Gilbert talks about in Big Magic. Ideas are floating around the ether, looking for a host that can bring them to life. She’s referring to writing, of course, and so am I. These little wisps of thought just show up in my brain, as if by… well… magic, and I recognize them and sometimes twist and turn them like taffy and stretch them out and squish them back together. I might even have an urge to do something more with them, open a note on my phone, or find my laptop to see if there is something more that will come. But lately, I’ve held onto them only briefly, before letting them go. I send them on their merry way, back from whence they came, so that they may search for a different, probably better, host.

There was a time in my life that this would make me bonkers. If I had an idea, I would have to write it down. I might even drop everything immediately in order to do that, even if it turned out to be absolutely nothing. That’s kind of a hard principle to live by. For a busy person with lots of obligations – kids, demanding career, home ownership, friends, relatives – it’s almost impossible, but in some fantasy life, where time is limitless, that’s what I always imagined I would like to be able to do.

Then about five years ago, I made a deal with myself. A little proposition, kinda like a compromise with the Universe. If I had an idea once, I would release myself from guilt or regret if I simply let it go. But if that same idea swirled into my consciousness a second time, I would recognize it and know, and then, yes, I would drop what I was doing and pay that idea some attention.

This may sound silly, but these ideas do have a way of hanging about and making sure they are not ignored. Maybe I’m driving in my car and go past a sign that makes me think of something I’d like to write about. Maybe I’m lying in bed and conversing with my partner and he says something that conjures a word or a phrase, a notion or thought I want to write down. Like I said, I can forget about it, and I often do. But three days later I’m in the grocery store and overhear a conversation or see an advertisement and the same damn thing pops into my head again. Say it with me mmmmm-magic! It feels kinda like fate. Like that little nugget and I were meant to be together. That out of all the other potential writers in the Universe, it chose me. So I pay it the attention it’s asking for, out of respect I have for the mysterious powers that be. 

All this to say, I’ve had a few good ideas come to me lately and I’ve let them go because I trust this informal contract I’ve devised this “second chance” philosophy. But the things I’m letting go of are not returning. They’ve left easily and not come back. And there is a small piece of me that now wonders if I’ve used up all my second chances and if all the big and small ideas floating out there are hip to my game and have decided not to stick around.

All this to say, I’ve got nothing to say. I have had nothing to say for quite some time. Nothing noteworthy or new anyway. In the past month I’ve had very little motivation to write and quite frankly feel like maybe I’ve hit the ultimate block. A wall of rebar and concrete that spells the end of my creative writing road. 

What does that truly mean? Well, I guess I don’t know yet. It’s definitely something I’ve been doing some deep thinking about. I suppose that’s why I’m here, writing about it, because I want to figure it out. 

Ultimately, I want to stay open to those mysterious wisps of ideas, regardless of whatever else is going on in my life and I just need to figure out how to do that again. That’s probably the key.  

Often, figuring it out requires asking more questions and sometimes there aren’t immediate answers… Maybe that’s the next step. Another post, perhaps? I’d never make that promise because I know too well that if I do, I’ll feel bad when it doesn’t happen. 

Anyway, that’s it for today I guess. Thanks for reading. 

Peace and Love,
~Miss SugarCookie