2021-03-02 In Like a Lamb?!… 🐑🔜🦁

March.. I think the saying is supposed to be “In like a lion and out like a lamb.” 

***

According to the Farmers’ Almanac, the weather folklore stems from ancestral beliefs in balance, meaning if the weather at the start of the month was bad (like a roaring lion), the month should end with good weather (gentle, like a lamb).

***

But what happens when March marches onto the scene like a gentle lamb? It’s Nebraska round here people and let me just tell you, when there’s not a lot going on (and there is often not) we get giddy talking about the weather. The buzz around town right now is about the potential for the temperature to break into the 60s and I’m just as excited as the next person. The 10 day extended forecast looks balls-out amazing and it fills me with joy thinking about the opportunities to get outside. 

But Again I ask, what happens after that? If the old farmers almanac saying is about balance, does that mean we’re in for trouble toward the end of the month? And should we forget so quickly that our beloved (and sometimes hated) furry friend Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on February 2nd securing the prediction of six more weeks of winter? 

Incidentally when I decided to get married on February 2nd. And mark my words… I am the one who decided and didn’t entertain much discussion about it. When I came up with that date, the fact that it was Groundhog Day (or the Super Bowl) didn’t even enter my mind. Now it’s a pretty good joke. I’m still happy with my decision even if that means I have to share my special day with a woodchuck with an over-inflated ego. I digress.

The change in the weather has the distinct ability to change people’s moods. I know I’m not alone in this. The drone of life through winter in the Midwest is long and boring. Endless strings of cold and overcast days can cause even the most positive and energetic human to feel as though hibernation is a good option. Though this might be good for Netflix and Hulu and Sling (Disney Plus, Apple TV, and Amazon.. good grief!).. it is NOT good for the human psyche and soul. 

The bright sunshine and it’s warmth are essential for fulfillment. I mean, obvi a person can survive without it, but it becomes tough to get to a place of positive energy and enlightenment. Seasonal depression is a real thing and there’s a reason Seattle, as hip as it is, is also kind of a depressing. 

I’ve visited Seattle twice and both times felt very “meh” about the town. And that’s after going to some really cool places! It just feels so monotone. Perhaps I was just there on grey days, but I think they have a lot of those.

***

I’m looking forward to today despite another 4:30am wake up. I said to Jim at the breakfast table this morning, “i don’t know what’s different between yesterday and today, but today just feels like it’s going to be good.” Can it really be the weather? 

As of right now everyone else is either at school or work and I have the house to myself. I’m finally catching up with myself in regards to the to-do list and don’t feel too pressed about deadlines. I received more feedback late yesterday from the publisher who will be publishing my debut chapbook. It wasn’t from my assigned editor so I think I must have submitted with the option to request feedback. 

Strange to get feedback after they’ve already accepted it. It was written as if the person wasn’t aware it had been accepted. Maybe this is just a larger publishing company and my manuscript is just being pushed around different channels based on how I submitted it. Who knows what happens behind the scenes?? 🤷‍♀️

I now also have the official contract in my hot little inbox just waiting for me to have the time to really read it thoroughly. I would like to give myself an hour where I will be completely free of distraction. Today would probably be the perfect day for that. It will also help me keep the positive mood going as thinking about this book is starting to really sink in and I’m over my anxiety and getting excited about it.

I still haven’t told too many folks about it. A handful really but I think after the contract goes through and it’s “official” I’ll begin being more public about it. Not that the money matters beans to me but the presale numbers dictate the percentage I’ll collect on the deal. I mean to say, money matters, but I never expected to make anything from “selling” poems or books. 

Thus far in my poetry career I’ve collected exactly $110 and that’s a fraction of what I’ve spent on submissions. If this poetry game we’re offered at a casino, the odds are so bad nobody would play. 😜

When I quit my job I had a few friends comment “now I could give my life to poetry.” How true.

I’m giving poetry my time, money, and effort (measured in brain cycles). Not to mention my heart and soul through the words on the page. When I said “take all of me poetry” it seems as though poetry was listening and decided to take me up on the offer. 

Ok. That’s enough of that. One more comment and then I have to git. 

I’m working with a new set of metrics this week to measure how I’m doing with certain health goals. Sunday I busted my ass to get 30 minutes of cardio in on the bike and apparently my heart rate never reached the “cardio” threshold. I clocked a ton of time in the “fat burn” zone according to FitBit. What the hell??!! Thanks FitBit. 

So now I’m spending cycles figuring out what activities get me into that cardio zone (above 121 bpm). Yesterday it was walking really fast on the treadmill, which is slightly less like hell than jogging. I think Jazzercise would do it, but I’m not doing that yet. I’ve thought about classes at the gym. That would essentially be something I could do without shelling out loads of cash because classes are free with my membership, 

Anyhow. We’ll see how this week goes. 

Cheers to the anti-taco Tuesday,

~Miss SugarCookie

2021-02-25 Trials By Fire 🔥

It’s early and I don’t want to be up. I also don’t want to lay in bed for one more damn minute thinking about all the things and stuff. 

My desire to keep the schedule I’ve set myself for today ends at about 11:30am. I’m not particularly excited about going to CB today. I’m actually not really jazzed about going to the exercise class I have on the books for 8:15 this morning. Which is a good segue for what’s aching this week. 

I’ve met a number of really great people through the MFA program that I graduated from this past January and 2020 was not ideal for cultivating new relationships. 

It was also a serious bummer that I had to give up my addiction to Jazzercise. Now that things have relaxed a bit with the “restrictions” I’ve been given the green light to attend classes again. Just as I was getting ready to look into signing up for classes, a few women from the MFA program approached me about taking classes with them at a “classes only” gym. 

These two women I would consider acquaintances at this point but with the potential for more of a friendship, which is exciting. I mean, I don’t meet new people easily and am often socially awkward and quiet in group settings so the opportunity to chat outside the big MFA groups is great. So I accepted the invitation for attending a week of free classes with them. 

Monday was weight training which was working all the major muscle groups using a bar and free weights. The sets are set to music which of course is great. The classes are quite small compared to Jazzercise (5-8 people) or any class I ever took at my other gym. Monday’s class was good but there wasn’t a lot of intro or consideration given because I was new.

The instructor didn’t provide recommendations for weights or even explain along the way how one might go up in weight for legs or down for biceps and triceps. I was sort of left to watch everyone else and self conscious so I stayed with the same weight the entire time. Probably not smart.

The class was hard and made me super sore. It wasn’t just “next day sore”.. it was “legs and arms of jelly for about 2 hours after” sore and hard to move the day after. But in a way it felt great just to feel that feeling again after so long. For the past year I’ve just been walking every day and not really getting any weight training in.

These women go everyday so Tuesday was not a rest day.. it was cardio instead. We did a step class and I’ve never done step before. If I thought the instruction on Monday was poor, Tuesday was horrific! Zero intro and so fast paced that unless you’ve been doing it for years, you would be completely lost. 

It also made me feel like a fool, to be hopping around the riser trying to keep up and constantly facing the wrong direction, or being on the wrong side of the step. It was close to an hour of fast paced music with the instructor calling out moves and “left-this,” “right-that, “straddle,” “corner,” “indecision.”… 

Indecision?? No indecision on this one.. it was terrible. 

At least with Jazzercise they work slow into the routines and you can catch on. With this, there were so many hops and turns, half the time you aren’t even facing the instructor. I pride myself on being coordinated and also being able to pick up on stuff pretty quickly but this was horrible from the first song to the last. 

Anyway, if you’re paying attention, you’ll recognize that Tuesday was also the angry day from hell and let me tell you this cardio workout only made that worse. 

I dare say I won’t do that again unless they offer a beginners instructional class to teach the moves and practice at half pace or something. Then there was Wednesday.. yesterday, the anti-Tuesday. 

It was another weight training class (mind you I was still really hurting from Monday). This one was called “body pump” and it was a little less intense with more reps. I was actually kind of dreading it given the way my body felt and the two previous experiences, so the bar was really low. 

Turns out the class was fantastic. Everything about it was great. The instructor actually took T and I aside and explained the class and helped us to know what we needed for eq and also why we would want different weights to switch out during the class and what we should start with since this was our first session and was kind of a test of what we could handle. 

She was also really personable during the class and encouraging. It was a huge 180 from the previous two days and I don’t know why it hadn’t dawned on me, but it was the instructor. Makes a big difference. I would definitely go back and do that one again.. if I decide to sign up for realz. 

That was yesterday and today is barre. Another new experience for me. And T has already told me it was the hardest one from the classes she did last week. Good golly. I’m already feeling so, so sore. Can’t imagine it being worse than Monday and Tuesday so I can’t say I’m particularly looking forward to it. Still.. gotta try at least once. 

In the back of my head I’m comparing everything to Jazzercise. I love J so it’s gonna be a hard sell to get me to put my money into this place instead. Doing both would be big $$$ and also a big time commitment. 

Of course one thing going for this class are my two new acquaintances. T invited me over to her house after barre today for tea and that sounds lovely. It will be nice to sit and chat instead of standing around a gym floor. 

After that, as I said, I’m supposed to go to CB for lunch with my dad. Not particularly excited about that. I mean, it’s ok, but I could definitely use that time for something else. I know it’s bad but my brain is working overtime on excuses to get out of it. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. 

Anyway.. my time is almost up and I’ve got to get ready for the morning. 

Peace and love, 

~Miss SugarCookie

2020-10-07 What Will It Become When Too Much Thought is Involved?

I’m dipping my toe into figuring out what my days look like now that I’m not working. I’m excited to have more time and my first order of business has been to increase my step goal. I changed the goal on my Fitbit from 12K steps a day to 15K. And I’m not limited walking in the AM anymore so it should be a snap.

I’m missing Jazzercise more already, which is a great cardio workout and also motivates me to do strength training. I haven’t been to a class since February because of the pandemic. I asked Jim yesterday about the possibility of going to a class or two. The answer was a resounding “hell no.”

He said that by the time the class is over you’ve basically breathed air from every other person there, no matter how small the class is, and it’s too risky. He’s right, but .. how different is that from my son going to public school five days a week? I know, it’s the masks. If I tried to do a workout with a mask on, I’d probably die. 😷

So no Jazzercise for me.. yet.

I’m also holding my breath about winter residency for my MFA. Which is to say that I’m hoping that they have figured out how to host an in person / part virtual experience. Live in person at the Lied lodge in Nebraska City for those who can make it, and virtual for those who can’t travel.

I mean, schools across the globe have had about 6 months now to figure this out. Get some good WiFi, put some computers and screens in the rooms, coordinate some zooms. It’s possible.

Though technology is not a strong suit of the Lodge. Seems like there’s always some difficulties. Even with something like a microphone setup. And I suppose all the extra hardware costs money and the university probably does not have the funds in the budget despite an MFA costing like 45 grand. 🤷‍♀️

So I guess we’ll see. It doesn’t really matter though. Yesterday’s inquiry about my lecture topic leads me to believe that I’ll not get another offer to defer like the last semester. I’d decided that even if they did, I’d still suck it up and just finish out virtually. It’s disappointing, for sure. But that’s life. Even without a pandemic, things often don’t meet our expectations. Or perhaps my expectations are always too high. 😉

In any case, one thing on my set list today is to revisit the notes I took with JP about my lecture topic to see if I can get over my fear of commitment and pick something to talk about.

One of the people whose lecture from summer just knocked it out of the park was Erin. She sent a group of us notes about the formula for a successful lecture (summarized from her convo with the program coordinator). I’m planning to revisit this today too.

One thing I recall is to be the expert and present as such.. so the trouble with that is that I don’t feel like an expert and might not ever. But.. despite the fact I’m already overthinking this.. I’ve technically already graduated so I need to use that to my advantage. Which is to say.. not worry about it so much. Still, how can I not?! Good grief! 🙄

I’m going to cut it there today cuz I need a shower and to get on with my day. Yeah, regular showers are another change I’m looking forward to now that I have more time. How sad is that??!!

Peace and love until next time,
~Miss SugarCookie

2019-02-04 Monday Routine Musings

Welcome to the new morning routine. It’s just hit 8AM and I’ve already been up since about 6:15. So far I’ve finished laundry, gotten my kids to school (new commute is about 25 minutes), and hit the gym.

That’s where I am at now on my favorite elliptical machine. If I hit a descent pace, I can get 10k steps in about an hour and be good with that for the day. I was doing a little time accounting in the car and thinking about how I can arrange my schedule to get the most out of my day.

The new bookends to my “productive” alone time each day are now the tribe to and from the high-school. That’s 8 to about 3. So if I can get my cardio in from 8 to 9, I can be home by 9:30 and working by 10. That will give me 4 to 5 hours to get some work-work done. Then, I can break and drive back for the kids and then spend some QT with them after school before Jim gets home from work.

Of course when the kids are at their dads I’ll have much more flexibility because that cuts out 2 hours of driving each day. Dare I say I may even be able to sleep in once and a while?? Perhaps. Though I’m a very routine oriented type person so I doubt I’ll be able to do that. We’ll see.

In any case, I’m looking forward to this next chapter in my life and we figure out how well a household can be run with two engaged adults at the helm. That’s something neither one of us is used to. Yes, we have four teenagers to manage, but they are mostly independent and need their own “alone” time so I’m hoping we can strike a good balance.

I figure by the end of February I’ll have all the details figured out. That needs to include dedicated time for reading and writing and Jazzercise. That also needs to include making sure I get enough sleep. I’ll be waking up half an hour earlier and I doubt I can manage going to sleep half an hour earlier. This past weekend things were still not back to normal but I was so, so tired both days.

On Saturday I was so wiped out that I fell asleep at 2 and slept for an hour and a half. I felt the same on Sunday but pushed through it. I haven’t been reporting my stats but they are still being collected. Checking on sleep last week, I was right at 7 hours average and then that nap pushed me over the top. Anyway, that’s just going to be another challenge in this new routine.

It’s kind of like an interesting Tetris puzzle where I’m just wanting all the pieces to fit snug. I’m probably being too rigid where flexibility will end up being the ultimate key to success. I’m just overthinking things as usual. Again, we’ll see. 🤷‍♀️

On that note 🎵.. my hour is almost up so I I’ll quit hashing over this routine topic.

Later gaters 🐊,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-07-29 Sunday Status – QAD

I don’t have a ton of time today as the kids and I are preparing to skip town and head to KC for a couple of days. Call it the last hurrah before we turn our attention to school starting in two weeks. KC is the only vacation they will be getting out of me this year. I went way over the top last year and need to even things out a bit this year so I’m keeping it simple. Just like the Sunday Status below.

Exercise.. 91477 steps this week which is about 13k average per day. Not hitting my goal but still not too terrible. I won’t mention how many steps I had while I was away for school, but let’s just say I’ve got serious catching up to do. I still haven’t replaced Jazzercise so the only thing I’m getting right now is cardio. I need to find the time to do yoga or some strength training but, as always, that’s easier said than done.

Eating/Health.. I’m not back to counting calories yet but my thing lately is less restrictions and more portion control. I’m happy to report I’ve now cut my daily caffeine in half and am still mostly headache free. I plan to cut out the caffeine completely in the next couple weeks. Actually, hopefully this week as I pull the trigger on something else health related (more in that coming soon).

Sleep.. 7 hours and 24 minutes average per night. This is what I’d like to call “da Bomb baby!”. It feels great getting this much sleep. I’m falling asleep each night in about 5 minutes and waking early to use the bathroom and then falling back asleep, which has always been a challenge. This sleep thing is the perfect litmus test for my overall state of being. 💙😴💙

Work.. I clocked 33 hours last week and am now on track again for learning new AWS skills. This past week I had my into to cloud formation and QuickStart and all that’s awesome (and not boring at all, by the way 😉). I’m now on 4 projects which is too many and need to talk with my boss about that, but seeing how things go for a while first.

School.. Ramping back up to full time this week. Residency summations are due soon and then 3 short weeks until the first packet of the semester is due. 😱

Relationship Status.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

QAD != Every other day

QAD != Quintessential Art of Destruction

QAD != Quality Assurance Division/Department/Directive

QAD = Quick And Dirty 👍🏻✅

(There should be an emoji for not equal.. just sayn.)

Time to Hit the Road,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-06-03 A Sunday with Significance

But first.. weekly stats! The top areas of focus this week were sleep and work so I’ll start there.

Sleep.. 7 hours and 12 mites average sleep per night. Score! That’s 12 minutes above goal and I only missed hitting that two of 7 nights. Next stop – 7 and a half. It’s all about baby steps though, and not being too unrealistic. This week I’ll be with My sweetheart and that means I’m liable to get less sleep. I should set an overall long term goal to be to average out to 7 hours a night. My Fitbit supports calculating averages for a week, month, three months, and for the year. Interesting that I’m already really close to the 7 hour mark for this year (6 hours and 57 minutes) so maybe I should shoot for 7.5 instead. 🤔

Work.. The last two weeks have been great. This past week I clocked my new minimum of 30 hours. It’s my new minimum because now I have to foot the bill for the kids’ health insurance which got dropped when my ex quit his job in April. It’s an extra 600 bucks a month. Gross! Interesting side note, he’s just this week quit yet another job. Supposedly he has another lined up AND is saying he’s putting the kids on the new company plan. I’ll believe it when I see it cuz i just can’t trust anything really unless there’s proof. I. Short.. I’ve got to maintain at least 30 hours to stay qualified for my company plan. And those extra hours will not yield a higher paycheck because the cost of the insurance will be more than the extra I’m making. 🙄

Now for the best of the rest..

Exercise. Average 11k steps and zero Jazzercise classes. That’s right, a big fat goose egg for the exercise classes. I also happened to do my monthly pulse check on finances yesterday and those classes cost me 60 bucks a month. As a consequence, and figuring the low class participation is a trend that’s going to continue all summer, I went ahead and cancelled my membership. WHAT??! 😮 Words I never dreamed I would write, but I’m realistic and if I’m not getting out of it what I put in 💲💲💲, it’s not worth it. The dollar rules a lot of life decisions, this is no exception. 🤑

I’m going to take a break for at least as long as I need to in order to take advantage of the bonus plan. Which are deals they offer former customers to return like 1 whole year for 399. That would basically cut my cost in half. That’s a sweet deal. In the mean time, I’ll be doing more outside and can pick up some classes at the gym to compensate, when I have time.

In other news, my diet/eating still needs to be reined in. I weigh more now than I have for like 10 years. I know exercise is not my problem… I know it’s food and potentials changes in my metabolism. Getting old sucks. The most ducked up part of all of it is this trend started when I did that insane Whole 30 diet with my sister in January. I didn’t loose any weight those 30 days and have been steady climbing ever since. I’ve gained about 10 lbs, which doesn’t sound like a lot but for me it is.

It’s bothered me so much I’ve considered going back on the Whole Foods diet just to see if it has any affect doing a second round. I’ve also considered going gluten free again. If I do either of these two things, it will be a good test of how JS handles me having food restrictions. Matt never took that well and was not supportive. It always bugged me the way he would roll his eyes about that stuff. Whatever.

Actually part of my weight gain could be a result of being in a new relationship and happy and just enjoying indulging in all the wonderful things in life together. Yeah, we work out together but we also eat together and having someone else cooking and serving me means I haven’t been choosing my own portion size. That’s gonna change this week.

Which brings me to why today is significant. Today is our 3 month Anniversary AND later today we are having a Meetup at his house where our kids will meet for the first time. Yowza! I’m trying not to think about it too much. I mean, they are all teenagers and I’m sure it will be fine. But I can’t help but have some anxiety thinking about it.

It’s going to be a fantastic Sunday! It’s beautiful out, the birds are singing, and everything is going my way. I’m so fortunate and I know it. This June is going to be busy and just balls-out amazing with the trips planned. Cheers to a great start to it all.

Rolling Into Sunday Sumner Fun,

~Miss SugarCookie

PS. If you tuned in to see how last nights cliffhanger turned out, all I have to say about it is that Sleep took over and after I posted I never even got back out of bed. (So lame! 😜)

2018-05-20 Long Lost Sunday Status Update

Let’s see.. its been a few weeks since I did a proper Sunday Status. It’s kind of a broken record thing anyway but here goes…

Exercise: Average 17k steps for the week. I’m hovering right around 14.5 k for the past month and 15k for the past 3 months and 16k so far this year. The count of Jazzercise classes continues to be low.. Only 2 this past week.

Food: Nothing ever changes. I’m still unhappy with things right now but apparently not unhappy enough to stick to any mods in the diet. The story is always the same. Ugh. I’m super pumped every day to make great choices and by the end of the day I’m on a slippery slide down a slope crashing into a pile of junk food at the bottom. My weight has also been a stupid number messing with my head even though my weight is fine, but the truer measure is how I feel when I look in the mirror. Right now I’m an unhappy camper. Clothes that don’t fit the same as they did last year and there’s me asking myself “does my butt look big”. It’s a trick question with no good answer. Damn. It’s time for setting concrete goals until I’m satisfied. As of today I’m about 7 lbs over my target 🎯 and so I’d like to loose 1 pound a week to get to that goal by July. Maybe I’ll try that Keto thing for a week and see how that goes. I dunno.

Sleep: Average of 7 hours and 5 minutes a night in the last week. Better than the previous weeks but I’d really like to hit 7.5 hours. See.. broken record.

Work: Still employed and trying to get those hours in so I can pay for that castle I live in and all my shiny red cars and trips to tropical destinations. 😜

School: Taking a break yo! No more to do until July.

And last but never least.. Relationship Status: Dating and happy and hopeful for the future. This week we both met each other’s kids and all that went perfectly. It’s a wonderful feeling being so doted over and treated like the most important thing in someone’s like. He’s so thoughtful and caring and everything a girl could ask for. At this point we are making plans for the Summer and going on our first vacation together. He wants to travel just as much as I do so that’s the bomb. I could go on and on, but I gotta cut and run.

Today I’m trying to get a good workout in because it’s “release” weekend at work so I’m on the hook for testing and documentation for that. Like I said.. gotta get those hours in when I can to pay for my life of luxury!

Happy Sushi Sunday,

~Miss SugarCookie

2018-02-18 Sunday Status Update – Ugly, Uglier, and Ugliest

Oh how I have missed you, my sweet, beautiful elliptical machine. I know I’ve been gone for a few days but I promise you there were no other machines involved.. just people, work, wine, and a successful visit to the Red Cross (not in that order of course).

The stat at the top of my Sunday lineup is my hemoglobin. 12.9 and over the threshold of the 12.4 required for donating blood. That was yesterday and now I can put that on the back of the shelf along with my iron supplements. At least for about 6 or 7 weeks.

(Ugly – The return of the daily headache)
Noteworthy in the supplement department is the fact that I ran out of Curcumin (a turmeric extract) which I’ve been taking daily for several months now. I’ve been on my soapbox on this topic several times so I won’t repeat myself. However, the supply ran out and as the consulate analyst and experimenter I decided to take the opportunity to see what effect not talking it would have.

I’m not kidding.. a couple days and my daily headaches returned. It could be other variables like hormones, too much or not enough caffeine, not enough sleep, alcohol, stress, but it is too much of a coincidence to dismiss. A few days of that and turning back to Tylenol and ibuprofen had me running my fingeres to that “one click” feature in Amazon to replenish my supply. I’m day 3 back on it and despite drinking too much wine last night, I woke up headache free. Huzzah. I’m a believer.

The quickest jump from that is to take inventory on my other analytics.

Steps are back up this week.. 20K average per day but jazzercise class counts are still down because of other commitments.

(Uglier – The human garbage disposal)
Healthy eating was literally not on the table this week. I over indulged in just about everything I fancy and I’m going to go ahead and blame the deprivation caused by that Whole 30. Cookies, chocolate, fried appetizers, cheeseburger and fries and onion rings dipped in ranch dressing, fried rice, fried potatoes, and bread. All that was in addition to my new found, high calorie, favorite breakfast. Eggs, guacamole, salsa, potatoes, with or without bacon. Oh and did I mention the alcohol? 🍷 🍸 🍹

I’m in need of a serous course correction… on that AND sleep. I had an average of 5 hours and 50 minutes a night. That’s terrible. I guess making bad decisions was a theme for the week. My time in on my studies was shit too.

I should be spending 20 hours a week minimum on writing, revisions, and reading and I bet I only spent 4 at the most. I currently have no way to gather official stats on that. I could record it like I have to for my job I guess. But manual time cards? Ewwww!

I worked 22 hours which is right around that sweet spot and I have no excuses for not reading more for school. I guess I spent too much time texting with my new crush. Can I really have spent that much time texting? Not possible.

Oh yeah.. relationship status. Still single. Surprise, surprise. I cancelled my meet-up with Simon Tuesday and met him Thursday instead and it felt very much like meeting with someone you just have no desire to talk to. I was nice and the conversation was very much one-sided as I expected. I followed up later that day with a book of an email I felt compelled to write so I could say (almost) everthing I’m too chicken shit to say in person.

I didn’t say “hey, I don’t want to be friends”.. but my hope is that a person who is as perceptive as he says he is, could read between the lines. I honestly didn’t care if he responded, but I underestimated his instincts to counter my observations in an attempt to maintain his superiority. Ooops. There I go again saying something not nice.

He wrote back quite a bit and his disappointment in me and what I wrote came through loud and clear. There were a few things I could not let go, so I did reply back standing my ground on two main points. I picked my battles and I will not back down on either of them.

One was about my daughter and just don’t even try to fuck with me about my teenage daughter and our relationship and my parenting. Just don’t. The second was about his inability to define our relationship and not owning up to the fact that he used it to release himself from any responsibility to another persons feelings.. MY feelings. That’s total crap and he needs to know it. I sent that back last night and as of right now have not yet received any response back. Perhaps I will have the last word on it. I really hope so, but we shall see.

(Ugliest – Negative Self Image)
Related to my status on all fronts.. I’m just feeling generally not great about the way I look right now. I’m feeling sort of unwell and tired and bloated and frumpy. I’m definitely in need of some positive reassurance. Valentines day alone doesn’t help. Seeing couples holding hands everywhere doesn’t help. Don’t get me started on the affect of media, social or otherwise. I just want to turn it all off. Add to that the fact that I’ve gained some weight recently and don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. OK, I’m a thin person by nature, but that just means that any fluctuation at all and my clothes start to become too tight and uncomfortable. I suppose the binging on food this week did not help and the fact that I’m still thinking about loading up on ice cream before this day is through is also not going to be good. What is a girl to do? (first world rhetorical question).

I need to put some hours into the schoolwork today and snap out of my funk. I just have to.
Time to Be Like Lee Nails, and Press On,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-28 Sunday Status Update – Totally Phoning This One In

Happy Sunday People! Let’s make this quick so we can get back to the good life…

Sleep.. Average 7 hours 36 minutes a night.

Exercise.. Average 22,372 per day.

Healthy eating.. Day 21 of 30 of the Whole 30. See yesterday’s post for the details.

Employment status.. Full time gig, working part time hours.

Student status.. Full time and starting to panic!

Relationship status.. Actively looking despite my current student status. 😜

That’s it.. I’m Out.
Peace,
~Miss SugarCookie

2018-01-21 Sunday Status Update

Sleep.. Average 8 hours and 14 minutes last week. That’s freaking amazing!!! The consistency is getting better and I think that’s a direct result of my diligence and really establishing a great routine. It’s only January and I’m already hitting my goal! 😴😊✅🎉

Eating.. Still on the Whole 30. Today is Day 14. I’m almost half way there and still love eggs. I’ve perfected my guacamole and have established a planning/cooking routine that works. Evenings (between 7 and bedtime) are the toughest to fight through cravings. I’m probably eating too many fruits and nuts but that’s going to have to be ok.

Exercise.. 18,615 average steps per day. Four Jazzercise classes and back up to 8 pound free weights in class.

Employment status.. I didn’t quite hit 20 hours this week. That’s got to change.

Relationship status.. Single.

Student status.. I’m a full time student trying to get it done on part time hours. This has to change too. I need to ramp things up and put in some serious reading in the next week.

This week I’m looking forward to lunch with Sam today, Amy on Tuesday, and a family Birthday lunch on Wednesday with my mom and sisters. It will really be the first test of eating at restaurants on this Whole 30 plan. I definitely see some salads in my future.

Time to Hit it and Git it!

~Miss SugarCookie