2017-08-30 Welcome to Episode 242

I’ve had such an incredible day. I almost feel as though I’m outside myself and watching this day go by like I’m watching some sort of episode of a show. Yesterday I was all about letting my brain linger on all the questions of why my mood seems so outside of my control and today has gone by so fast I haven’t had time to think about my mood. I think I just need more activity. And a little extra attention doesn’t hurt either.

Today I was nudged outside my comfort zone. Today I biked an “easy” dirt trail and it was the first time I’ve done that. It was clearly something I was not prepared for but I subscribe to the “fake it until you make it” mentality sometimes. “Faking” is the wrong word. I wasn’t really faking anything, I was just trying really hard to absorb all the information I was being given and do well with it. I can really do anything I set my mind to, especially when I’m really pushing for a certain outcome. In this case, I was attempting to impress the person who I was with whose passion is biking.

Not only was I afraid of the speed, because speed is what has caused me grief in the past, but more mortifying than that, I was afraid of looking weak or incompetent. How ridiculous is that? At one point I went the wrong direction on the trail and then was all alone and was speeding toward a little narrow bridge and my hesitation or perhaps lack of confidence caused me to become unsteady and before I knew it, I was on the ground. Not a bad fall but my elbow and top of my hip took the impact. And of course my ego.

I actually didn’t realize I was going the wrong direction until another cyclist came from the other direction. So I turned around and started to go back the way I came until I decided I should just wait for my companion to catch up. Apparently I cut the trail in half by taking that wrong turn but that was ok. He had a first aid pack to fix me up and we only had about half a mile to the trail exit.

Then we went to the Trek store. Then to his house where he cooked us dinner. Then we walked to get peaches and pears and then a little bit of a virtual walk down memory lane via google maps. It seems like lots of endless things to talk about.

At the present moment I’m sitting on the living room floor and doing this while he navigates through a bit of work. There’s promise of a movie ahead. Again, I’m sort of feeling like this is all surreal. What am I doing? Why?

I’m not a complete idiot and I know why. I really like this guy. Why else would I have accepted that invitation to swim a few weeks back? Why else would I invite someone to my house to cook for them and have the kids go on a group bike ride? There’s just something different about him and I’ve got some desire to peel back the layers. To go deeper than just those “pocket exchange” conversations that I learned about at Barcamp on Saturday.

Now that Barcamp 2017 is a few days in the rear view, I should write about that. Sometimes it takes me a little time to process information I’ve consumed. Now is not the time but I should certainly put it on my short list for the near future.

Right now, my focus is directly on today. Today.. right now.. this moment. As it should be. What is in store for tomorrow? Stay tuned for Episode 243 of the SugarCookie Chronicles.

Don’t Touch That Dial,
~Miss SugarCookie

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