Apparently one of the side effects of getting old is forgetting ones actual age. I was having a conversation the other day and JS asked how old my siblings were. I know the difference in our ages, so I always calculate this by taking my age and adding/subtracting appropriately (I’m a middle child of 4). My sisters age seemed wrong and discussing a little further, I said something about my age. He said “uh, babe, that’s not tour age. You are a year older than that”. It sucks to lose a whole year just that quick. Snap.. one year closer to.. death.

Oh GAWD. When you’re 25 you don’t think like that (at least I didn’t). Here I am 20 years later scratching my head, wondering WTF I’ve done with my years. No use dwelling on that. The better question is what I’m going to do with the next 20.

Here’s the scoop.. NO ONE really knows what happens when you die. When you breath your last breath and the physical form you were given as a gift ceases to function. It’s all just speculation based on beliefs that were either handed to you as a child (or adult) or some conclusion you came to on your own through life experience or principals of science and logic. Is there a soul? Does it go somewhere? Is it absorbed back into the collective energy of the universe? Is there no soul? Is existence merely physical and when you die it truly is dust to dust? We don’t know.

It’s crazy to think that we rely on this grand unknown and use those beliefs as the basis for so many other things including “how” we choose to live our lives. I’m not a fan of organized religion but it does serve as a moral compass for a vast majority of the population. It’s those beliefs and principals, the very idea you will have to answer to your bad behaviors in some other plane of existence, that keep some people on the right path.

Now I’m not saying that without religion we would all be thieves and murderers running around in a world of chaos. I’ve never participated in religion. I was not raised that way, yet I have an internal instinct that knows the difference between right and wrong and a force that helps me make decisions. Yeah, I’m a Sci-fi nerd, but it’s very much like Star Wars.

Let me digress further for just a hot minute… when they say, “May the force be with you”, isn’t that kind of ambiguous? I mean isn’t the force both light and dark? The collective of energy.

If I was Kylo Ren, and somebody said that to me, I’d be all like “Thanks.. And now you die!” (invoking the dark side of the force, you know? Oh, you get it) .

Anyway, the point is we don’t really know and we have to go forward in life with this. We have to make choices despite not really knowing. So when I realize I’m a year older than I thought I was, I’m immediately confronted with thoughts about what I’m doing with my life.

I’m working because I have to, to support my lifestyle. I’m going to school to support my grander dreams, which are still somewhat undefined. I try to make healthy choices so I can live a long time and set a good example for my children. I’m trying to raise them right because, at the end of the day, that’s the start of my legacy (if there is such a thing), and my biggest contribution to society and the human race.

The force inside me tells me that all of this does matter. I do have internal conflict at times, where some other part of me escapes and argues that nothing really matters. It’s the 1.261 billion foot view looking down 🌏 and trying to grasp your place in the universe.

The higher you go, the less meaning there is. Eventually you can’t see the center of any gravity anymore and when you are there the laws of science and nature are suspended.  Don’t linger too long though. It’s super cold and there’s no air to breath and you’ll die pretty quickly. Zooming back in, each day I have a choice and what I choose defines who I am. In 4.5 months, I really will be a year older and I don’t want to waste any time.

You know what else happens when you get older? Your body starts to malfunction for no reason. My distance vision is starting to go and my metabolism keeps slowing down and there’s nothing I can do to stop these things. That bites.

No time like the present then, to make the most of it before time is up.

Actively seeking delicious cheeseburgers,

~Miss SugarCookie