2019-02-16 The Realm of Control

A person needs to be at peace with the things they can’t change and have the drive to change the things that are within their control and, much Like the AA serenity prayer states, “the wisdom to know the difference”. This is not only true for those suffering deep struggles but also for people like me who are just navigating their way in this world.

My life is good, but not without challenges. The list of things that is burdening me seemed extra troublesome this week and I believe I do have the wisdom to recognize that the intensity of what I am feeling is due to a swell in hormones. That helps me temper my responses to things.

Yes, my ex refuses to give his kids lunch money and argues with our daughter about her attitude when she brings it up. The sad fact is that my ex and the relationships he has with our children is outside of my control. I want to give him a piece of my mind about it but I know that will do no good. My kids are with him 50% of the time and will have to learn, like I did, how to navigate his behaviors and selfish choices. I cannot know what the future will hold but I can predict. Time will tell.

I’ve started my day today off right and the items I choose to spend my time on today are largely within my control. As it often is, those choices come down to being about balance. I have a commitment/responsibility to get a certain amount done for work and recognize that the choices I have made throughout my week this week have put me in a position to have to work on Saturday. So be it. I also intend to cross a few personal items off of my to-do list and thus make myself feel better about progress that is NOT related to work. I probably will not be able to get my exercise quota in today, but it is just as well as it is finally day 1 of my cycle and the cramps make me want to not be very physical anyway.

I can’t control the weather and the cold persists and the sky is threatening with snow again today. It is what it is – better to just appreciate the beauty of it from inside a warm house and be thankful that I don’t have to go anywhere.

I can’t control circumstances that have made Jim and I put off planning vacations but I can communicate with him about it and hope to have some forward progress on that today. I’ve also decided that regardless of those events or discussions, I would still like to get to Austin soon to visit my Texas besties and home away from home.

I didn’t get too bent about the list of stuff that needs “fixing” in my house and am just kind of rolling with the punches on that. I have trust in my realtor who has prepared a response about what will be fixed and that was sent off this morning to the prospective buyers. This little back and forth dance of details was one of those things that really had me yesterday and the day before and today, the gravity of it has already started to wane. It’s either a classic case of my hormones making a bigger deal of something than it really is -or- the fact that it is being handled by someone else and will be fine. Either way, I feel much better about it today.

This morning as Jim was preparing his breakfast I spied the Jewelry store bag on the counter and casually asked when we might go to return the gift. He said tomorrow. That’s good enough for me.

And finally, as far as adjustment to my new living situation is concerned. I think the answer there is also balance. I need to find time to be alone with my thoughts and I also need to recognize that I now live with other people and need to be considerate of their thoughts and feelings as well. This is just natural. I may have other red-flags of angst that are tugging at me that I need to think more about, but for the moment, those items, like so many other things, are outside of my control and so thinking about them will not do much good (at the moment). It will be better if I let this “wave” of emotion subside before spending too much more energy on things outside of my control.

I have made a promise to myself to think about all of that (the red flags) again later. If they still seem real at that time, then more effort may be warranted. Until that time, I just need to get back to doing what I need to do, the things I can do, and letting go of those things that are not within the realm of my control.

Time to Get On with Saturday,
Onward and Upward,
~Miss SugarCookie

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