As predicted nothing ever goes as predicted. Chew on that sentence for a hot minute. This is true for what I “thought” might happen on Thursday when I met with my boss. I was as ready as one could be but as fate would have it, he didn’t ask me how things were going. I let it go. It was 3pm and I had a prior commitment coming up and didn’t want to short change myself on taking my time.
It was fortuitous as that gave me just one more day to talk things over with Jim and really be sure about all the possible ways it could go. It also meant, however, that if I was going to have the conversation before the end of the week it would have to be on Friday, March 15th – – “The Ides”!! 😱
Not a great day to tempt fate and go out on a limb. Oh yeah, it’s also “THAT” time of the month I’m typically super emotional and making decisions and letting the feelings drive is not a good idea. So all the stars were aligned for me to hold off and keep quiet until Monday. So what did I do?
I went with my instinct and against what my head might dictate, ha! I just did not want to have the anxiety and uncertainty hanging over me all weekend. I just wanted it to be over so I could relax. What’s the “big deal” again? Oh yeah, I’m ending my contract when it’s up in April (originally written for 6 months) and not taking the extension that everyone probably assumes would happen since the project isn’t over until sometime in December. In simpler terms, I’m requesting to be removed from the project. However, to be clear, my intent was not to quit. I still have another contract I’m working.
In essence I’m saying “I can’t do this one anymore, but I still want that one”. Yeah, I pretty much want to have my cake and eat it too. (Except I don’t like cake. 😜) My ex-husband would say that’s classic. I always want things my way. To that I say “who fucking doesn’t??!!”. He certainly did and in the end he got what he wanted – his freedom. I digress.
Yes, it’s true, I want what I want and you don’t get what you do t ask for and I’m tired of the pressure and stress I’m feeling week in and week out and all the times I was being asked if I could just work more hours. I had to say no eventually and sobehow it still feels shallow or selfish that I say it’s for the sake of my family and school commitment. That’s very curious and I wonder why but wasn’t dwelling on it too much because I didn’t want it to impede my decision to ask to have my hours reduced.
In any case, I was done with the majority of my work for the day Friday and was finally at a good stopping point and decided it was time. Not “now or never”, just “now”. One thing I did predict correctly is that as soon as I opened the door for the conversation it would happen in less than 15 minutes. Meaning, I messaged my bosses and within 15 minutes they would be on a call with me. That’s exactly what happened.
I let them know I was going to be reading a statement. I said “if this sounds prepared, it’s because it is. Please let me get through it and then let’s discuss”. And that’s also exactly what happened.
I tried to be prepared for all outcomes, which ranged from me getting fired to them saying yes to all parts of my “request”. That’s probably the biggest reason my heart was pounding so and my voice was shaking as I made my way through 4 tough paragraphs. The reaction was a supportive one and one that was more positive than I had thought would be. They “understand” and want to work together to do the best thing for everyone. That means we landed somewhere in the middle between the two endpoints.
I’ll roll off the project.. not by the seemingly “arbitrary” date in the contract but in May or Mid-june at the latest. They almost immediately named a replacement for me (doesn’t that sound familiar?) and said that I could still work whatever hours are needed for the other contract as we roll into summer (and the start of school). So.. I didn’t get fired and I still have my cake. What do you think about that??!
Frankly, I’m just relieved the conversation is over and the reality hasn’t sunk in yet. There’s been so many other things going on in the last 48 hours that I’ve barely had a minute to catch my breath. I could do s whole other post about all of that (and I think I might need to), but this one is just all about the day I came nose to nose with The Ides and showed it who was boss.
Now… I’m going to try and relax and enjoy the rest of my weekend. It’s been a long time since I didn’t have my kids or other commitments I had to attend to and for the rest of Saturday and Sunday I’m going to take advantage of it!!