2019-07-08 What’s a Girl to Do?

It’s been a few days since I’ve had a moment to myself to even think about life, let alone write about it. We had a pretty great holiday weekend.. mostly chill and the main excitement was getting our new little kitty, Doug, acclimated to the house and the other cats. We started that on the morning of the 4th and by Sunday night Doug and Kayla we’re getting along better than expected. Emma, as predicted, has not emerged from the room she hides in and when one of the other cats goes in, she retreats behind curtains and under the bed. Poor thing. We suspect she was abused or potentially wild from the start of her life and will probably never get used to normal house kitty life. But every kitty needs love and a safe home so that’s our main goal with that one now. 🐱💕

My kids came back home yesterday from their dad’s house and we did lunch out and a movie. My daughter is Gaga for everything Marvel so we went to see the new Spider-Man movie. It was good. End Game is a tough act to follow and they did a great job with that. The plot was slow to develop and a little predictable but the characters were good. It was a great choice for a Sunday afternoon.

It always feels much better in the house when the kids are home. If they are gone too long I start to feel like things are “off” and I noticed my mood was much improved when they came home. What in the world am I going to do when they leave for college??!! I’m really kind of hoping Z does choose UNO so she’ll be close to home, but I’ll try my best to support her wherever she decides to go.

I’ve got a few more years with C and I just have to try to make the most of that time. He struggles with school and I worry about what the future holds. He says he wants to go to a 4 year school but he’s not going putting in the work required. I actually don’t think he knows what he wants, beyond playing his video games. People tell me “he’s got time”, but I’ve seen his patterns of behavior over the last 6 years and not much has changed.

This next school year he will be a sophomore and it’s going to be very interesting. Here’s a kid with an IEP who has a B-/C+ average that does well in subjects he is interested in and basically ignores the rest. The word “ignores” translates to reading or sleeping in class which results in poor outcomes. He can get an A in history and did well enough in his Freshman year to get into AP History this year, yet failed Spanish and got a D in Woods. He’s a smart kid with his own agenda. I guess time will tell what that will lead to. I just wish I could help him more.

For now we’re going to try and enjoy the rest of summer, doing the things we love to do together and let go of worrying about the future. They are both great kids and I’m acutely aware of how fast the time goes. If they are healthy and happy and feel loved.. for now that’s all that matters.

We are going on a family vacation at the end of July and that’s going to be a pretty big adventure, but I can’t think too much about that either because most of my focus is shifting to my MFA residency starting in less than a week. Not only is that 10 days away from the kids and Jim, but it’s the start of my 3rd term which I’m trying very hard not to freak out about. I’ve had a lot of time to prepare and I still dont feel ready. I guess I just don’t even know what “ready” would look or feel like.

Today I’m going to work more on my proposed reading list and goals as well as draft a few short paragraphs for potential topics for a craft essay. Perhaps if i get some things down on paper I will feel more prepared. Perhaps.

In any case, whether I’m ready or not it’s happening and it will all turn out just how it’s supposed to. That’s life. 🤷‍♀️

I’ve got a lot of other stuff to get done today too and it’s Time now to get that Monday party started. Peace Out!

~Miss SugarCookie

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