I’m checking the calendar again.
How long has it been since my last cortisone shot? How many days until my next period? How many months until my wedding? How many days until my next assignment is due? And at the moment, the biggest elephant in the room.. how many days until next Monday, when I will be another year older.
Time is fatal.
Ohhhh so much drama. It’s like the perfect storm right now, due to the ticking of the clock against all the aforementioned events. I’m so damn grumpy and while I’m left-brained enough to know that it makes sense and is completely within my control, my right brain is stomping its feet in tantrum. It wants to be upset which makes me wonder if it’s just for the sake of something else. Oh, hell, the human brain is so flawed.
You want to know how you know it’s so screwy? Ten minutes before I came down to the treadmill to walk and write, I had some caffeine. Now as i feel it kick in, I’m suddenly feeling better. My mood is improving and it’s not just the venting words that’s doing it. It’s the chemicals mixing in my system affecting my brain. How can one tiny little variable, a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or a steroid shot or a hormone like testosterone make that much of a difference. But they do, the science (of which I know nothing about) is there. It’s real. And it’s all connected.
I’ve historically been concerned about my health, getting enough sleep, eating right, getting exercise and making better choices about what chemicals I put in my system. I had to learn some lessons the hard way, but I’m better now. And now I’m in maintenance mode trying to figure out a good balance, practicing moderation. I’m doing ok, but struggles persist. That’s life.
I’ve moved beyond the diet and exercise and sleep puzzle for the most part (maybe not sleep) and am now facing age and the ticking of that clock and mental challenges I’ve not had before. The fatigue and brain fog are real. The pain in my arm is real. The lack of desire is real.
Yesterday I complained that I didn’t want to just get a shot or take a pill or have hormone pellets inserted into my rear again, but today I’m all like “maybe” if it will help, then why not. And now that I’m caffeinated, I’m sort of convinced that I should make those calls today. Wondering if I can get in yet this week so my tennis elbow will be better by Monday. Perhaps.
See how my tune has changed in just 30 minutes??!!
Anyway, now that I’m feeling better, it’s time to get this Wednesday party started. Time will always be fatal, but that doesn’t mean we should waste it.
Cheery-oh, let’s go!