Last night was the second night I slept in my old bed. Today is the second day I’m restricted from going anywhere in public or near other people. The terrible mood I was in yesterday has slowly faded and Jim and I talked about it last night. He offered that my dream and mood was impacted by pharmacological factors (medication I am taking to help me sleep) and I said “I’ll accept that, but I’m also a woman who is subject to just being human”.
He said “true”.
It was more important for me to just be able to have a conversation about it than the actual surge of sadness. It’s not like it was a test or anything but In a way my brain looks at it like that. Can I still be open and just discuss things that are bothering me instead of bottling them up.
It’s been a problem for me in the past. I push all the bad stuff down and put on a happy face for everyone, including those people closest to me who should be able to help. Or at least just listen.
That’s the thing you know. You don’t always need someone to have solutions for your problems, you just need them to hear you and acknowledge your feelings. That they are real and you are not crazy or overreacting. That’s all I needed.
Yesterday when I asked Alexa why I was sad she suggested I go for a walk or talk to someone. I wrote yesterday that that is good advice, and so that is exactly what I did. I walked on the treadmill for an hour and then, much later after the evening rush slowed down and everyone had retreated to their respective sanctuaries, I talked to Jim.
It did help. It also helped that I had a few text conversations that made me feel connected to other people. It also helped that I did some work and felt appreciated for my efforts. Despite going back to sleep in the spare room, I was in a much better mood.
If Jim is right about the pharmacological impact, I need to kick my habit of using Xanax as a sleep aid. I don’t like being dependent on any meds anyway so perhaps among my other goals for March that one should also be in the mix. Perhaps.
In any case, I’m in a better mood today. At the end of the story, we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. I can choose to just be happy and so things that help that (though some days are way tougher).
I don’t have an 8am meeting today but I do have more work to do. It’s stuff I like to do so that helps. I also need to make progress on my thesis and have a bit of new writing to do for the preface. It will probably require a few long thinking/writing sessions and not sure I’ll be up for that today. We’ll see.
I’m not going to Jazzersize and I’m bummed about that. I’m not going anywhere actually and though I don’t have a real need to go somewhere, the idea that I “can’t” is messing with my head. Can you imagine what it must be like in Italy right now?
I mean. I’m an introvert and like to be alone. I’m not a people person but lots of people are. They thrive on human interaction. Hopefully all those extroverts over there live with someone. And oh, the news stories about long lines at the grocery. Could that be us in a month?
Or will we get ahead of it and just squash it all before it can really get put in the gen pop? We’re only as good as the lowest common denominator, you know.
A man in Missouri knew his daughter was exposed/sick and was asked to self quarantine. He took his other daughter to a dance. That’s a news story I read last night while trolling for info. It could be true (the Washington post and USA Today ran the story). That’s what we are really up against.
People like that and also like my stupid ex whose nonchalant attitude and tendency to lie will be that lowest denominator. The highest officials and persons in leadership roles are taking this extremely seriously and formulating plans but if people don’t comply, it’s all for naught.
I was told not to use the word naught because it’s too archaic, but I don’t care. It’s not going to hurt anyone if I break some language rules. However, if someone says, it would be best if you stay home for a while, I can do that. See what I did there? Put my big girl pants on. And when I’m done walking on this goddamned treadmill, I’m gonna do a session lifting some free weights.
Perhaps I’ll even break out into some dancing. If I can’t go to Jazzercise, I’ll bring the Jazzercise here. There’s not as much accountability here, but I can give it a shot.
Yesterday two local school systems declared they were closing temporarily due to concern directly related to specific individuals and events.
Last night Jim got a message from his son’s school system saying they are getting contacted by irate parents who are furious that they have not shut down yet and other parents outraged that they are considering it. Good gawd what are they supposed to do with that??!!
You obviously can’t make everyone happy and this is so unprecedented. We’re all just figuring it out at the same time.
I say, the good news is that with the state of technology, we can certainly still make learning possible remotely. It’s a grand experiment indeed.
I mean, I already work from home 100% of the time and it has been perfect for me. On that note.. gotta go get my hours in for today. It would be great to finish what I need to do before Jim comes home for lunch.
PS. For today’s featured image we are back in Kauai. Somewhere in Waimea Canyon State Park.