2020-03-19 All Roads Lead to Madness

I’ve been awake since 5 am after sleeping less than 6 hours. I’d like to let my brain wander around for a while on things that are not pandemic related, but it’s a challenge. I have six hours of work meetings today and that’s something I might typically groan about but my outlook on it today is that’s it’s fantastic!

For six solid hours my brain will be occupied with functional requirements, project organization, and diving into the technical architecture that’s going to support a new system my company is developing. Six solid hours I can ignore the world in chaos and do something I’m good at and enjoy and also contribute to a team. So good.

To be fair, I have plenty to do on the school and writing fronts but somehow it’s not the same. The second I pick up a book to read or open my laptop with the intent to work on writing my thesis preface, my mind starts to wander….

What in the world will happen tomorrow? Do we have enough supplies? Should we get cash out of the bank? Do we need to go fill our gas tanks? How bad is it going to get? How do I keep my kids safe? Will we be ok if we get sick? Will there be enough resources and people if that happens? Do I let my kids go back to their dads house?

“Stay home” .. I get it. But it’s tough. People need people. Even us introverts.

Yesterday I went to Whole Foods just because, you know. I don’t know. Like somehow the grocery store seems safe and it’s one of the places that’s stayed operational in other countries cuz they provide basic needs. When I told Jim about it he basically said not to again. Not right now anyway.

Ok, so this is a little rant-y and I know I need to suck it up and put my big girl pants on but I’m just feeling so trapped. He’s still going to work of course which is also being affected but that’s a lot of exposure to the general population. If we get sick, it will likely start with him. And I’m just now thinking through this but it’s terrifying. That we are higher targets because of his profession.

Then all of a sudden the pendulum in my head swings the other way and I’m 100 percent behind eliminating as many other variables as possible. That includes me going to the post office and grocery and vIsit friends and anywhere else I might really really want to go and do.

I have a friend that’s recently moved to town and I really want to go visit with her, but have been told no. My mom is moving this weekend (which was all planned long ago), and we promised we’d help move boxes and stuff to her new place and now we can’t. I’m starting to think about all the people I meet with regularly and I’m bummed.

I also want to make sure everyone is ok so I keep peeking in on social media. Then I find chaos and just can’t. Ugh!

On my agenda today is to call my darling daughters work to see what their plan is for protecting employees. That seems a little intrusive but if daughter is just going to shrug when I ask her, I’m going to take matters into my own hands.

I would think they would have communicated out to employees already (they are a fast food restaurant), but she’s not forthcoming if they have. She’s still in “spring break land”, staying up late and sleeping a lot during the day. Anyway, she often works the drive through which is likely still open.

That means handling money and credit cards from people and it doesn’t matter how careful you are, you can make a mistake. It only takes one. I want her to quit that stupid job. She doesn’t need it right now. She really doesn’t.

As for my son? He’s in the happiest of happy places. He’s also on spring break and remote learning has not started yet. He’s been gaming all day and night on his PC and his friends just started a new online D and D campaign last night. I’m the coolest mom ever because I let him set up an old PC that nobody is using in his room so he can have the game map up on one monitor and his character profile on another monitor (we don’t have the eq for dual monitors for one PC).

He would be happy with this setup in perpetuity. It’s going to be interesting when those online lesson plans start rolling in next week. I’m going to have to spend a whole lot more time monitoring his school work. I’m seriously not looking forward to that.

See?!!!… I’ve just gone off on a whole pandemic rant / tangent when all I want to do is talk about normal stuff. What’s normal though? Even the weather is going to be crazy today. High of 68 degrees and low of 18 with thunderstorms!!!

It’s now 7:15 AM and 50 degrees out and the thunder has started. Perhaps I’ll go back to bed for a bit and listen to the rain. My work meeting marathon starts at 9:30 so I’ve got time.

On that note. My time is up and whatever it is, I’ve got to go something else.

With Love,

~Miss SugarCookie

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