I agreed several months ago to lead a poetry workshop and only the Universe knows why a person with moderate social and even worse performance anxiety would say yes to that. In my head I think I reasoned it would be a good promo opportunity for the lit mag, and for me personally. Then as it got closer, I doubled down and told myself it was a good learning and growing opportunity.
In the end, none of these reasons really came to fruition and frankly, I didn’t even feel the effort I went through to read and prepare and practice was worth it. And now it’s a day later and I haven’t heard “boo” from the folks at Nebraska Poetry Society about it and am wondering if I totally bombed.
As these things go, I have a big build-up in my head and one track mind. I tell myself that when it’s over, I’ll be able to relax but even after it was over, the entire rest of my day yesterday went like shit so I never got that release I was needing. Sometimes I blame myself, but yesterday it was not my fault and I was a victim of circumstance. I found myself watching the clock, counting the minutes till I could just go to bed and close the book on May 1st. A total waste of a Saturday.
But today is a new day and I woke up at 6:30am feeling good and rested. This feeling was corroborated by my FitBit reporting a solid 8 hours of sleep and a sleep score of 93 which I think is the highest I’ve ever received. Fantastic!
Most everyone in the house is still asleep which is also fabulous. We have a full house this weekend and I really just want to be alone.
There’s some other stuff on my mind, but its not going to do me any good to simmer about any of it any longer so I’m going to try and forget that house. I’m going to opt to use the alone time I have right now to get some much needed cardio instead. Perhaps do some planning for the week ahead.