I swear the Universe is conspiring to mix me around something fierce in a way that leaves me not knowing which direction is up.
Two days ago I was the hot mess I often complain about being here in this semi-anonymous space. Yesterday was like the exact opposite. I felt great and for no damn good reason. I actually finished writing yesterday knowing in my heart today’s writing was going to start with 10 reasons why Tuesday was awesome (except I just said there was no good reason).
Then last night happened and I’m all like “what the actual hell??!!”
I was stirred awake by one of the cats banging on our bedroom door, which they normally can’t to get to because we close the doors of the room that leads to our bedroom. That was 3:45am and I never was able to go back to sleep.
It’s now 4:30 in the afternoon and I still haven’t slept or napped or anything that would bring me some relief for my utter exhaustion. What have done instead?
Well after trying to go back to sleep for like an hour I said fuck it and pulled out my laptop. I had a poem accepted Tuesday for publication (Reason #1 Tuesday was way better than Monday).
When that happened I promptly realized that I had to withdraw said poem from the 35+ other places it was stull under consideration at. Yowza!
So I used today’s time in the wee hours to do that but you know what that means. I was on the Submittable platform and looking at all my open submissions and it’s a slippery slope with that “discover” button so close to my mouse pointer. I could not help myself. I started looking and then I started submitting. And before I knew it, it was 7am.
I got up to cook breakfast and when that was over and Jim was off to work I took my dog-dodo feeling self and matched back up to the spare bedroom, took off my pants, climbed back into bed, and went right back to it.
On Monday I had had like 3 rejection form letters come in and on Tuesday there were none (Reason # 2). Needless to say my count had dipped and though I said I was going to let it go for the rest of November (maybe the year).. I decided to work my little fingers and get that count back up to 100. Between the withdrawals, acceptance, and rejection, that meant I had to pull the trigger on about 10 submissions.
After withdrawing the same one poem from 36 places, I wasn’t too keen on having that happen again so I opted to send in some nonfiction. All my polished pieces are flash (under 1000 words) and that got me most of the way there. Then I got stuck. This just means that I kinda ran out of places that fit the pieces I have with deadlines coming up.
This forced me to turn my attention to my slush pile for something new. All the stuff in that pile is either unfinished, really rough, or has been abandoned. I scrolled through and I’m sure made some terrible scrunchy faces in the process. So much garbage. And then I opened a file, read it, and decided that was the ticket!
I probably worked for two hours reading and revising. Reading and revising. Reading and revising. You get the gist.
I subsequently sent that to a few places. It’s my first true hybrid piece.. a personal essay with a poem at the end. Hybrid work is all the rage these days so I’m sure it will be snatched in no time.
What a relief to feel that way. I’ve lost so much confidence these past few months with all the rejection that even the pre-release of my book this week didn’t lift me up like it should have. Instead I felt like a fraud. Like an imposter poet that is about to be called out because their book doesn’t pass muster.
Then I read the blurbs on the website, shared the link with a few folks, and had a friend reach out to let me know they’ve already ordered their copy (thanks Vis). This is Reason #3 why my frown turned upside down on Tuesday.
(Dropping the link here for anyone interested in this so-called book: Unsuspecting Cinderella. Don’t wait, order your scintillating copy today!!)
Anyway, I’ve got a ton of shit done today and my count is back up to 100 despite feeling terrible physically today.
I tried to nap, but could not so here I am on the treadmill writing out the play-by-play. Which brings me back to the other 7 reasons…
#4: My son is done with school for a week so there will be no homework fights for 5 glorious days.
#5: I was able to get to my mid-week/pre-turkey day grocery run before the stores got ridiculous. And found the wine my husband has been looking for.
#6: On a whim I made an appointment to donate blood. Walked in, passed the test, and donated in under an hour. Plus I got a free tee-shirt. Score! 🥅
If you know me you know this is extremely rare. I usually fail the hemoglobin check and it was 13.6.. WHHHAAAT??!!!
#7: I maximized my time waiting at the Red Cross to book an appointment for Friday at a Walgreens to get my flu shot and Covid booster. Jim too. Woot!
#8: When I stepped on the scale first thing in the AM, I had lost a pound and a half.
#9: Despite the low energy and no cardio, I still got 12K steps.
And finally #10: I was able to finish the first of a long list of posts for the GLR AND posted to social media. 😱😜 I actually feel on top of all that more than I’ve felt in a long while. Like I’ve finally got my act together. Hopefully it’s not just the Universe playing tricks on me.
Speaking of the Universe, today is as good a day as any to request that the next 4 days are smooth sailing. Thanksgiving with my sometimes dysfunctional family, quality time with my kids on Friday (since they will be with their dad and his family on the actual holiday). I’ve tried to engineer a game day and I hope we can all get along. Saturday and Sunday are pretty open but I have one coffee meet up and then meet with my Co-EIC on Sunday.
We’ll see, we’ll see.
Times up my frosty friends. Check you on the flip side.