I’m in Nebraska City trying to draw up water from the well of color. I’m drawn in too many different directions to see the end of anything. Yet the end draws near anyhow.
It’s December 31st and the last day of the year. Not significant for anything except a smoldering desire to reflect back on the year and think ahead to the New Year. Probably not enough heat in the embers to actually write more about either (or time, lest we not forget about time).
There could be lists of vacations, milestones, accomplishments, areas of progress, sadness, or frustrations. There are any number of directions this could go or forms it could take. But it’s all just smoldering as I listen to an eclectic music mix and try to get some steps on the treadmill in the basement of the Lied Lodge.
Amazingly there are two other people here on the other cardio machines, a bike and elliptical. I think 95% of the time I’ve spent here it’s been alone so this feels a little off.
My time here at Winter Residency is short and will probably forever feel a little off. I belong and I don’t belong. These are my people, yet they are not my people. They are mostly strangers and all the interactions are more about business than writing or personal fulfillment. I’m here representing my lit mag and trying to drum up interest in students to join our team or consider an internship. We also had our annual nonprofit board meeting yesterday so that’s super business-y and official. Not much actual writing involved with any of it.
I went to a generative session yesterday and all I wanted to do was write and keep writing but the time limit was 20 minutes, and then 10. That’s not even enough for me to get started. The facilitator of the workshop had posed three questions up front and then another for that second ten minute session. I barely even got into the answer for the first before our time was up.
Feels similar to now. I haven’t really hit my stride yet I’ve done too much thinking and running, and not writing. There’s a 9am session I want to get to and am also desperate for a shower. I hope to be able to return to this later and actually finish a thought, but it doesn’t seem likely. I suppose that’s a good theme to wrap 2022… lots of unfinished business.
Peace and Love, and have a safe and enjoyable New Years,