I previously committed to (and wrote about) taking the entire month of September to “meditate” about what might be the next BIG thing for me personally. 

But the truth is that I suck at meditation. Maybe I should have said I would think about it for a slow, undisclosed amount of time instead. Yeah. That’s way more accurate. And exactly the kind of goal I can stick with and achieve because the slow roll is my natural way. 

What I really wanted to do was break a few of my current habits, which were originally good habits and have become bad because I’ve taken them to excess. Primarily I’m referring to the amount of work I’m submitting to potential publishers. They say it’s a numbers game, and if that’s true then I’m killing it for sure. However, anytime the behavior becomes obsessive, then it can turn unhealthy. 

What started as a goal of one or two subs a week turned into one each weekday which has now exploded to almost two every damn day. Some might say “that’s awesome” but because it’s become a crutch and excuse not to work on other things, it’s not awesome. 

For one thing, it takes a lot of time and effort to research and follow through. That’s time better spent writing or reading or tending the garden or something else (pick almost anything). 

For another, it’s not free. Sometimes it is, but often it’s $2 to $4 bucks (I don’t typically do contests which can be way more — sometimes $20 or $25). I do have a spending cap and great ways to find free opportunities (hit me up if you want more info about my methods). 

Not to be dismissed is the constant stream of rejections which feel like a thousand tiny needles poking at my confidence. It makes me second guess the quality of some of my poems, yet doesn’t seem to deter me from pressing on. Plus, if you read my last post, the recent success has only steeled my resolve. 

I originally said that in September I was going to back way off like I did in July, but then I realized that a bunch of academic journals open back up in the fall with the start of a new term and I was like “Awwww shit.” 

One might think that with 180 active submissions and a desire to stick to the more well respected, I would run out of options, but since there are hundreds of reputable lit mags and I’ve got 20+ polished, unpublished poems, the possibilities are endless. 

All of this is another reason why there has not been good follow through with the goal to spend more time thinking about the next big thing, or anything really. It’s like I’m filling up all my time to actively avoid thinking about it. Which will ultimately slow my already incredibly slow roll toward answers. Might even say it’s slowed to a stop. Except for maybe the time I’m spending on this post.

Perhaps the conclusion is that I need to cut myself off, cold Turkey, from all that nonsense. Challenge myself to not do any new submissions the rest of the month and see what happens. If I did that, where would my attention go? What would I naturally gravitate toward to fill that time? How else might I procrastinate thinking about the inevitable? 😂

And can I even do that? 

Starting today it should be pretty easy because I’m on the precipice of a once-every-four-years girls trip (which hasn’t really happened for about five years). Last time was 2018 and we went to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun and I think the last couple years we’ve just been recovering from pandemic life. 

In any case, tomorrow I’m getting on a plane to Arizona and am so excited to get to see my Texas bestie and her plus two. 

Hopefully it will be a well balanced trip and I’ll have plenty of time to read and write and think (and avoid Chill Subs, Submittable, and my master spreadsheet). Perhaps I’ll even write about the trip. Wouldn’t that be a throwback to the good ole days?! 😜

Ok. Times up. Thanks for reading. 💗

Peace and Love, 
~Miss SugarCookie