So far so good this week. Itās the second week of January and Iām doing OK sticking to āthe plan.ā The plan being to NOT take on too much and make micro moves to improve my health and well being. The target is currently getting better/more sleep and trying some things that might help with my daytime fatigue.
I changed āproductivityā on the list of goals Iām tracking each day to āmoodā and added meditation. Iāve committed myself to not becoming over committed so I set the goal for meditation to 15 minutes a day. I can do that. Itās achievable and thatās important. Yesterday was day 3 using the Waking Up app. Iām digging it.
As far as swapping productivity for mood, the way I figure itās all the same in my brain. If Iām productive, Iām usually in a better mood and both categories are subjective. I never really had a solid daily goal. No āif I do X, Y, and Z, then I can check that boxā so This mood thing makes more sense.
Probably one of the biggest challenges with āthe planā for this year is the thoughts that creep in about what else I can do. Like today, Iām doing good. I see my stats are banging and all the boxes are being checked and my brain naturally urges me to add something else.
Brain says āyouāre doing great so why not do better by adding another goal? You want to do better right? Youāre awesome and you can do it!ā
Yes, my brain tells me Iām awesome all the time. Now arenāt you jealous?
I try to be humble most of the time but sometimes it slips out. We all have our weak moments but I donāt think Iāve ever had a problem with self esteem. I mean, not in the pure sense of the concept. Iāve suffered from a lack of being loved properly before and wondered what was wrong with me, but even through that, I still felt good about myself. Iāve suffered also from body image issues, but deep down still know Iām doing ok. That Iām healthy and doing the best I can.
I digress.
So far this week my brain has urged me to do the following:
- Increase my daily step count goal (more than once).
- Set a new goal to increase my submissions to publications.
- Add additional chores into the daily rotation.
- Donate blood.
- Add another New Years resolution to keep my closet clean every day.
- Commit to writing a new poem each week.
- Try to start a new writing workshop with friends.
These thoughts just pop into my head randomly and I acknowledge them. I remember what my friend M says about these busy thoughts. She said just watch them go by like a movie and let go of the need to take action. Iām trying.
They pop, and I watch, and then they subside. Iām learning more about how to be better at this and beginning to practice with the meditation instruction Iām receiving. Like I said, so far so good.
***
Today I have one and only one weekly house chore on my list. Thatās to clean toilets. Iāve put this on my list in past weeks and have never actually made an effort to go around the house and clean all the toilets. I hate cleaning toilets. This is a stupid statement. Who likes cleaning toilets? When I got married last year I almost put in my vows something like āI vow not to let you domesticate me, and I vow never to do your laundry or vacuum.ā Call it the anti-vow.
A few weeks ago Jim and I had our first real argument. Weāve had disagreements before but this was a heated, trite conversation that was triggered by the fact that his teenage son does not separate his recycling from his trash. I was sick and tired of digging through dirty trash bags to separate the recycling and it just came out, and it came out exasperated and angry.
Jim countered this with how upset he was that the toilets are dire. Instead of talking more about it, it was swept away till ālaterā when we were both calm and away from the edge. We never revisited these issues so Iām sure it will rear its ugly head at some point.
However, IF Iāve made an effort to clean, heāll have no choice but to help with my ātrashyā issue right??!!
Today is the day. Toilets, here I come! š½š½š½š½š½š½š½
Iām also driving to CB to visit my dad and having a rare coffee meetup with my friend Josh. The last umpteen times Josh and I have made a plan, Iāve dipped out day-of. We used to hang out a lot when I lived in Papillion. We went to the same gym and we used to walk and talk and sometimes go for coffee too. Of course it was way more than just that but the friendship waned when I met Jim and when I moved it became rare to hang out.
I think I saw him once last year with the pandemic. Maybe twice. I definitely have to be in the right mood for a meetup with the guy. He can be intense. He can also be a broken record. He also sometimes says things with a motive of insighting conflict. A good example is telling me Iām with the wrong person. Even after I got married he still says it. Obviously since I have not seen him, his only opportunity to get digs in is over text. My standard response is ācool story bro.ā What I should say is āat least Iām with someone.ā He hasnāt had a real girlfriend for years. Heās very stuck and broken and canāt face his own issues (or just doesnāt make moves to fix them) but very good at pointing out other peopleās issues. Not my problem.
Wow. It seems like I really donāt like this guy. Itās probably why I havenāt met up with him in a while (besides the Covid). Why then would I meet up with him now? Thatās a good question. I think that would be a good topic for a future blog post. Maybe tomorrow after Iāve met with him.
Anyway, so thatās my day today and perhaps it will all play out like I envision in my head. Perhaps.
Sometimes I think my steps are not being recorded accurately. I mean, I feel as though Iāve been walking and typing for a while now and I still only have 7K steps. How can that be? No matter, Iāve got to get to scrubbing.
š½š½š½š½š½š½š½,
~Miss SugarCookie