Last day of the month. And it’s Halloween which used to be a fun time when the kids were little but these days I’m all like, yawn… whatever. The outside of our house is thoroughly decorated no thanks to yours truly. And we’re ready with those full size candy bars, but again, I prolly won’t have any part in the tricking or treating aside from slipping a few twix bars in my private stash of goodies. 

What else ends with the close of October? The nice fall weather apparently. This week the temps took a big dive and just yesterday I pulled out a winter jacket and had to hunt for a matching pair of gloves. Gross. I’m just not excited about 6 months of cold weather and already thinking about planning a trip to Texas in December. 

The autumn issue of The Good Life Review has been out for a few weeks and my “editor’s note” opened with a paragraph about my distaste for fall. Tangentially related is the fact that I don’t like writing those notes either. For winter we’re planning a “best of” anthology to give everyone on the team, including myself, a break from the regular routine. The “best of” will include all pieces voted on by our editorial teams but also several selections from yours truly. I am the boss lady after all. Ha!

One of the items I’ve been working on in the past few months is how to find a better balance between all the work the lit mag is, my own creative endeavors, and everything else in life. Part of that requires identifying what things take up the most time, what things I like to do and what things I cringe about and procrastinate. 

I definitely cringe the editor’s note and also hate posting on social media. But as far as the website goes, I easily get lost for hours working on different aspects of it and would even consider it fun. I guess that’s pretty telling. 

What else do I like about the whole thing? I like hanging out with some of the people on the team. I like getting to know a few of our contributing writers and artists. It’s so lovely to meet good people, and get to play a small part in their journeys as writers. I personally know how rough that path can be and want so very much to make their experience with TGLR a positive one. I can’t do everything I’d like, but I’m pretty sure, again based on my own experience, that I’m doing more than a lot of places. Especially those like us that are independent and new to the scene. 

Speaking of my own experience.. It has been a while since I checked in about where things stand with my own work. 

Regarding new writing. Still close to nada. That’s ok. If I get half a dozen good pieces a year, I think I’ll be satisfied. And if I don’t, I think that’s ok too because I’m trying very hard to disconnect my writing “success” with my own personal purpose and worth in life. 

My worth is as a mom and wife and friend. My purpose is just to get as much out of life as I can. I have to remind myself all the time, especially as those rejections come in, that it means very little in the grand scheme that some other random human out in the universe didn’t think my writing was worth publishing or “not a good fit this time.” So I try to shrug it off. 

I’ve had a few great publications accept my work recently and that’s a wonderful feeling. But I can’t hang my hat on that either. It’s fleeting. Decoupling my “value” as a human being from what I’m able to accomplish with any creative writing is an important step toward a healthier attitude toward life in general. 

A good friend told me once that there’s 8 billion people on the planet and there’s gonna be some subset of them that likes and appreciates my writing. Which also means there’s about 8 billion that don’t. So finding that subset is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Which is the point of the decoupling to minimize the importance of it.

I think some people’s purpose in life is to write and have that writing bring value in entertainment and insight to others. I don’t think it’s mine. Maybe I’ve already served a major part of my purpose with my career and children and even being a publisher. And isn’t that enough? 

Sure as shit it is. 

So if I never write another poem or publishable personal essay, so be it. I’m ok with that. I just have to keep saying it until it’s true in both my head and heart. Yeah… it’s complicated and nothing is ever as easy as all that. 

Tomorrow is a new month and I’m gonna try switching up my approach with regard to all that publishing nonsense. In addition to finding better balance with the lit mag, I’ll also be pulling way back on the submissions. I mean way, way back. I’ve actually already started. I hit my goal for the year in October so gonna sail through to the end of the year with minimal effort toward more subs.

So if I’m not writing and not submitting and not working 4 hours a day on the lit mag, what on Earth will I be doing? 

I guess I don’t know. How nuts is that? To mastermind my withdrawal from all the things and events and people and writing and not have a plan of what to do with the copious amount of free time I will surely have as we speed toward the end of the year. Maybe I’ll really get into Christmas or scrapbooking or jogging outside in the cold. 

Naaaaawwwww! 😜

Ok… I suppose that’s enough musing about my ongoing existential whatever this is. 

Thanks for reading. Peace and love,

~Miss SugarCookie