Yesterday turned out OK despite me feeling like I was vastly over-committed. Strange enough, I’m way over booked today but don’t feel near the pressure as I did yesterday. Maybe that’s because none of it today has anything to do with meeting new people or trying to “put on” for an *almost* complete stranger. It’s one thing to say I am who I am and can only be honest and be myself but somehow I still feel inferior and worried of being judged or not being good enough.
I went on two very different dates yesterday. The first was a second meet-up in which we decided to go on a bike ride and he brought his daughter along who might be a touch too young to stay at home by herself for long. It was OK.. I really enjoyed the ride, but felt very much intimidated by this person who I barely know. Getting along with his daughter was pretty easy, in some ways, way easier than trying to navigate the conversation with him since my brain was trying to micro-manage every word that came out of my mouth. He’s older and seems quite a bit more knowledgeable about the world. He’s smart and fascinating and I would like to get to know him more but not sure what I have to offer and also not a lot of signals that he felt the same. I’d like to have some feedback, but it’s not forthcoming so who knows.
The second date was a meet up for a drink at a bar downtown that has live music. It’s a Jazz and Blues place which isn’t really my thing but the singer was just doing lots of great, well known songs and that was nice to listen too. It was a little bit of an odd choice for a first meeting because if you are talking and trying to get to know a person, it is very difficult to do that with loud music playing in a small venue. We made it work through. He’s also good looking and a very interesting person with an interesting history. Despite being younger, he has a very clear direction on where he wants to go with his life and seems to be driven and decided in his goals. That’s a huge plus. I was also getting lots of feedback about how much he liked me and wanted to get to know me better so that was really great too.
I stated before that I was not going to ask anyone else out on dates and let the men I’ve communicated with sort of drive the conversation if they are interested and so that list of people is definitely dwindling. I would see both these people again if they asked (the second one has already asked), and there are a few others that I have a feeling might ask as well. I guess we will see.
Today I’ve got plans to go walking around Walnut creek, lunch with my Dad and his wife, Jazzercise with Leah (which I have not done consistently for a while now), and plans to have a drink with a former co-worker later this evening. So for sure a full day of things planned. I think I also need to make a plan for taking the kids on a mini road trip this weekend and I have to decide if we are going to KC or to some new place we have never been before.