Today I tried to sleep more and of course my body and my mind would not have any of that. I gave up trying quickly because I knew it was a lost cause almost as soon as the lights were out and my white noise machine was on. Instead I turned to the next best thing, caffeine and cardio. I drowned myself at the gym in steps and sweat and my favorite phone game. It’s a solitary game which engages my mind enough to block any other thoughts which means it is pretty much my go-to game when I want to STOP thinking about something that is bothering me or a problem I am trying to solve.
This morning the problem happened to be my relationship situation. It is a thing which I’m thinking about like a problem to be solved, but in reality, I don’t think it is a thing I can solve. I’m going to need some assistance from the universe or fate or something for this one. So I bumped up the resistance on the elliptical and the volume on my music and dug into the most recent “Two Dots” expedition.
I’m an expert at this game. In the actual game itself, I have successfully passed one thousand and forty three levels. I’ve also solved dozens of treasure maps and gone on many expeditions. Yeah, I’m not afraid to admit to my addiction to this game. But I would say it is less of an addiction and more of a mind manipulation tactic, similar to meditation.
Instead of clearing my mind and focusing on one mantra or my breathing, I open the app and start visually looking for the next best move to solve the current puzzle. Every level has a different target objective so the trick is to understand the objective and all the other mechanics of the game enough to reach the objective before the given set of “moves” runs out. It’s a really basic concept, but there are lots of different mechanics and endless possibilities for screen configuration which make each level unique. I think this is why I never tire of the game. It never gets boring and I never give up (failure is not an option).
As with any phone game, there are in-app purchases which would make the levels easier by providing more moves, more lives, or special moves, but I’ve never paid a dime for anything like that so all those levels I’ve passed were on my own merit (or using some special move I’ve earned in some other way). I could go on and on about this but I’m getting a good sense this is probably too much info about my personal brand of mediation already.
I’ve tried traditional mediation and I don’t know if I’m just bad at controlling my mind, or have a low threshold for wandering thoughts, or just no patience, but it never seems to last long. This game, however works.
Later in the afternoon I received a text back from Simon thanking me for the get-together last night. Along with that he sent a link to a video which was a 20 minute monologue about the idea of romance as a part of a relationship with a partner and with that included that he would “like to get my thoughts” on it. The clip was interesting and also humorous and probably even more interesting given the context that I’m confused about how he feels about me and now he’s seeking my opinions on this very “relationship heavy” topic.
I may watch again and then try to gather my thoughts in writing so I’m sure I know what my thoughts are (sounds a bit like taking notes to prepare for a test). After that, I may need a heavy dose of meditation to clear my mine of all of it. Good thing there was a new treasure hunt that just started.