Last night I could barely keep my eyes open past 9PM, I was so tired. I’m truly not sure what I was so tired from, because I barely did anything at all yesterday. I didn’t really work and did mostly running around shopping for my Z and a little writing. Dinner with the kids and my mom and her husband for Z’s bday at Texas roadhouse, and then back home. I tried to read and my eyes were literally blurring the words on the page. I think that is a combination of being tired and just getting older. Nothing is what it used to be, but that is another topic for a different day.
It’s now 2:22 AM and I’ve just gone AMA (my own) and taken half a Xanax because I just can’t deal with a sleepless night right now with so much that needs to get happen tomorrow and the remainder of the week. Funny the way it is, when there is a lull, I can sleep just fine, but as soon as things start getting a little hectic that’s when the insomnia monster rears its ugly head. Of course, it is always when one needs it the most. As a consequence of the medicine, I may not (will hopefully not) be writing long.
The main topic at hand is my Z and her 16th birthday today!! Today is one of those days that’s nice to look back on previous years. Just before I started writing, I read my blog post from last year and sure enough, that day all came rushing back to me. Right now, though, in the middle of the night and all alone, I’m inclined to think further back than that to 16 years ago when I woke around midnight to go to the bathroom and my water broke.
By 1AM we were probably in the hospital all checked in and by this time, around 2:30, I was heavy into having contractions and probably still under the delusion that I was going to give birth “naturally”. That is, without pain meds. Laughable.
By 2ish, I was becoming increasingly aware of just how bad labor pains really could be. You hear stories, but you just never know. Everyones pain threshold is relative too so you really just can’t gauge it until you feel it for yourself. It was bad. So that is where I was at Exactly Sixteen Years Ago, right this very minute.
By 3 I think I caved and asked for something to help and they gave me some sort of oral med to “take the edge off”, which only made me feel super loopy and didn’t even touch my pain. After that, I was a hot mess. Brian’s parents showed up and in my heightened emotional state I started to cry and demand they leave immediately. I had requested they not be there so why they decided to come anyway in the middle of the night was beyond me. I didn’t want my parents there either, but they respected my wishes and waited until after Z was born to grace us with their presence.
Maybe around 4 or 5 I finally got an epidural, I am not quite sure what time it was, but I was in so much pain, I didn’t even feel that giant needle going in. The only thing I remember was that what followed was sweet relief and I was pissed at myself for being so stubborn and waiting so long. The few hours between then and delivery in the 8 o’clock hour were not memorable, thank goodness.
There’s more details I could share, but honestly, “aint nobody got time for that”.
It’s a little tough for me to believe that the very same 6 pound, 6 ounce baby girl they placed into my arms that morning is now 16 and almost an adult. She’s an amazing person and so full of love and life. She’s a talented artist, intelligent, beautiful, sassy, and very, very thoughtful. I could not ask for a better person to call my “princess pudding pie”.
Today will be a pretty routine day for us with going out to dinner again tonight being the only celebratory event (apparently, celebrations always revolve around food). Tomorrow is when her and I really get into putting our party hats on, because we’re both taking the day off to spend time together doing whatever she wants to do. Just the two of us. I look forward to that every year.
Perhaps we will take a walk down memory lane together and go through her baby books and oogle over how incredibly cute she was. We’ll see what kind of mood she is in.. you never know with teenagers. She might want to sleep until noon and then just go shopping for the afternoon. /Shrug
Anyway, I should let the meds take over now and try and sleep. Getting some of these thoughts down in words will hopefully help release my mind so I can get quality sleep for the rest of the night and be refreshed tomorrow to do “all the other things”.
Sleepy in Nebraska,