How is it that, despite everything in my life right now being awesome, I still suffer from anxiety? It’s worse this week I think because I’m PMSing and I would love to reason with my brain that its fears are unfounded, but it’s not hearing my logic.
I said, “Brain, we’ve done all sorts of job interviews before and this is really no different. Plus, you have a coaching session beforehand and so that will help you sail right through.” Still, I’m nervous. Almost to the point of feeling sick and it’s not even until tomorrow.
I said, “Brain, I know the furnace is broken and needs replaced but it will get done this week and the temps are not freezing yet outside so it will be fine. Remember 1996 when we were out of power for a week because of a blizzard? This is nothing compared to that.” Yet I worry about the possibility that it can’t get fixed this week and also about how much it’s going to cost. “It’s only money and we have extra in savings for just such emergencies”. But my brain doesn’t care, it keeps me from sleeping anyway.
I said, “For the love of the Universe Brain, the Fall Out Boy concert Friday is supposed to be for fun!! Why the hell are you nervous about going to that?”. It’s in a different city? You’re going with a friend you don’t see often? You’d rather hang out with the kids? Not sure what the problem is!! Sometimes the brain doesn’t make much sense.
In the last 24 hours I’ve had flairs of irritation about work and I recognize my emotions are on high alert. My FitBit tells me that my period is a mere 4 days away and so I’m heading directly into the danger zone this week. I don’t want to do this interview. I don’t want to take on this contract. It will be another blemish on my reputation if I turn it down and I don’t do well with that (or saying no). I have to recognize that last week I was swinging in the direction of being excited about it. Nothing about it has changed, just the time of the month and the fact that I hate job interviews. Why do they have to interview the team anyway. Ick!
It’s the start of a new week and the start of a new month and I want to be excited but I’m kinda just not feeling it. I need to snap out of this. The thought of finishing my workout and going home to work in a cold house is not helping. Brrrrr, gross!!
Can I Get a September Do-Over?
One response to “2018-10-01 High Anxiety Monday”
Oh my GOSH. PMS is unexplainable unless you experience, I swear. I totally feel you. I constantly tell my husband that I feel like another personal all together. A sad, hopeless, exhausted, worried, despairing person… while the logical, normal “me” is sitting in the back of my brain watching some depressed ghost control my body. Hormones are so scary. Can’t make this crap up. And it’s so uncontrollable! I’ve heard people just say “well just control your mood swings.” It’s impossible. If I would, I could. I don’t want to feel as crummy as a do, trust me. Hang in there — you got this! It’ll be over soon!
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