I’m still sick and just decided that instead of continuing to feel sorry for myself, I’m just going to try and fight through it. I woke from another sub-par night of sleep with my nasal passages completely blocked and a terrible headache. I hit that shit with pain meds and an extra dose of caffeine. I did the mom thing, getting the kids to school and hit the gym to get some kick-ass cardio.
In truth, I’m on the road to recovery. Being upright I’m not as congested and my throat is scratchy and my voice sounds an octive too low but at Lear that doesn’t hurt like it did a few days ago. It’s just the rotten sleep that’s a serious bummer. I had been considering calling today a total sick day and just not doing anything (work related), but the reality is that I can take it easy and just do a little of this and that and not push too hard. I don’t have any crappy meetings today so that helps tremendously.
In the past week I’ve had several conversations with my bosses and I think I’m finally getting through to them with my points about too many projects and being over-allocated on time. I’ve been here before. It’s not my first rodeo with this situation. It may not be a problem this week, but the future looks precarious and we can’t predict the timing of when everything will start to move quickly. It’s not necessarily about the possible avalanche of work that may or may not happen. It’s about living with the perception that it’s about to happen. That “unknown” is just as detrimental to a planner like me than the reality of how things may all work out ok.
The good news is that they have the right attitude about it. Their take was very accommodating, I proposed that these 30 hours that I work should be spent however they need me most, but that they need to determine what that looks like. That was me drawing a serious line in the sand with regards to the number. I’d love to dial back to 25 but I can’t right now with the health insurance requirement that I stay “close” to full time. I mean, I’m already pushing that envelope with all my time off for vacation and school.
They countered my proposal by saying that they know people are most productive doing things they enjoy and asked me to prioritize my current tasks by personal preference. They asked what I WANT to be doing. I was completely open. No holding back. I don’t like the PM stuff. I don’t mind being the person doing the organization and documentation behind the scenes, but I don’t like being the front person, the person doing the talking. That’s my social anxiety rearing it’s ugly head but it’s the truth. They asked and I gotta be true to who I am. I’m so over “pushing” myself to be something so counter to who I am, at least at work. Especially if they are giving me an option.
I know they mean what they say because they have already worked out how and when they can roll me off two projects where I’m the acting PM. That alone makes me feel so much better about the future, but it also shows me they are committed to making their employees happy. That’s tough to find. I mean, I’m filling in where they needed me and now they are growing and have the ability to hire people better suited for specific roles. That’s awesome!! It’s a win-win-win. It doesn’t necessarily solve my time puzzle, but it certainly helps.
I still have to figure out how to spend more time on School AND navigate the year to come moving and getting married and keeping my kids on the right track. I’ve got a few ideas about how to best do all that too and I’m confident It’s all going to work out just fine.
Why is it that whenever I have extra caffeine things always seem so positive? I mean, I’m in a great mood now compared to this time yesterday despite still having the same amount of work and responsibility and deadlines. And despite the rotten sleep and still being sick. I suppose the fact that it’s finally Friday and I get to spend the whole weekend with my Love helps. We have nothing we “have” to do which is great. It’s wide open for whatever we want. 😍
I might even be able to spend a descent amount of time on reading and writing. How novel!! 😜 Time to hit it and git it!