I can’t believe I used to only write in the evenings. I can’t believe that I used to sit in my bed and write on my laptop. Nowadays, it is second nature for me to wake up and hit the gym and start thinking and writing right away. In fact, I started/wrote over half of my last two essays for school from the elliptical machine. Now as I sit here, twenty minutes to midnight, my brain is so dang tired I can’t even focus to write a few coherent sentences (so far so good though). This last few weeks has been a touch on the stressful side and that is part of the reason I am taking a break from school for a semester. Today I finished my 4th and final packet of this term and while that helps a little, I don’t feel as much of a weight being lifted as I expected. That must mean that the stress is being caused by something else.
It could be work or something about the upcoming move or the holidays (probably some combination of all three), but it is resulting in a lack of sleep. I think I mentioned very recently that I am no longer keep as close a watch on my stats as I used to, but believe me, since I have been feeling it, I’ve picked back up on monitoring things again. This week alone has been terrible, with my average so far being below 6.5 hours and it is only that hight because I’ve been taking naps during the day to try and compensate. Last night I got less than 5 hours of sleep and man, did I feel the pain of that today. It’s so true that if you don’t get good sleep everything is affected.
Interestingly enough, I’ve taken some form of sleep aid a few times, but that does not seem to be working. The problem is back to the same old think I used to face which is waking up early and not being able to fall back asleep. I’m actually out of Xanax or I would totally have used that a couple of times now.
I supposed the cause is, as always, not being able to shut off my stupid brain. Why must it be trying to solve problems at 5AM AND need to be awake for that? Why can’t it just solve all of those issues while I am asleep and dreaming like everyone else? I don’t know, but it is now 9 minutes to midnight and I’m needing to call it a night. I’m sure all of this will still be “just so” in the morning and I’ll be in a better spot to continue on – back in my happy place on my elliptical machine.